Thought Experiment Jokes
35 thought experiment jokes and hilarious thought experiment puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about thought experiment that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Thought Experiment Short Jokes
Short thought experiment jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The thought experiment humour may include short experiment jokes also.
- Playing 8-person smash was one of the deepest and most thought provoking experiences I've ever had... I spent the whole time trying to find myself
- Light Yagami thought he was going to die on those stairs, but then he woke up the next day... And realized it was just a Near-Death experience.
- My ex-girlfriend saya she experiments with girls, once a week. "She must be bi-weekly."
Just thought of this. Any input is welcomed. - I applied to be a doorman but didn't get the job due to lack of experience!!!! That surprised me, i thought it was an entry level position. :(
- Never thought I'd see a day where technology is so advanced you can watch a movie at home with the same experience, But here VR
- Schrödinger's Russian soldier is a famous physics thought experiment, which presents a paradox in which a Russian in Ukraine is somehow simultaneously both alive and dead.
- I thought my home kitchen nuclear experiments YouTube channel would really take off. But it was just a flash in the pan.
- Scientists planned to verify if Schroedingers thought experiment prevails on Mars but sadly Curiosity killed the cat, rendering the experiment futile.
- I recently opened a combination sandwich shop/mini golf course I thought it was a good idea, but the reviews said the experience was sub-par
- Little Timmy liked to experiment... but little Timmy is no more, because what he thought was H^(2)O was H^(2)SO^(4).
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Thought Experiment Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about thought experiment you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean thinking question jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make thought experiment pranks.
The lesbian couple across the street allowed me to see them have s**... for my birthday.
It's a beautiful and very thoughtful experience, but I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
The vaccine conspiracy
Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him:
"Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?"
"No, autism is a condition that develops during pregnancy"
After getting well, she met her friends and told them about her experience:
"Girls, I have awful news: the conspiracy goes way higher than we've thought"
Donner Party.
Here's a rare treat....an original joke
At work I was talking with a client who brought up the Donner Party and asked if i knew who the were. I replied that yes, I did. They were the group snowbound in the mountains in the 1800s and turned to cannabalism.
I added that they were supposedly humbled by their experience but I always thought they were full of themselves.
Client laughed.
The reason women are responsible for more accidents at intersections....
must be because they don't have as much experience pulling out as men do.
(OC I think? Thought it up when a woman pulled out right in front of me today, and then had a s**... "what did I do wrong" look on her face when I honked at her for it.)
Father Instructs
He sat down very seriously in front of his son, which the son realized meant one of those boring lectures was imminent.
Father produced a brandy snifter, into which he dropped an earthworm. He then took up a bottle of tequila and filled the glass with it.
The worm quickly dissolved.
Now, , what do we learn from this experiment?
Son, thoughtfully.
I guess if you drink tequila you won't have worms.
I once dated a girl with a twin. We all know the immediate fantasy that springs to mind, and so i thought i'd ask.
I asked and they agreed.
It was a wonderful experience and if anything her twin was a really nice guy.
During winter break, I visited Paris...
My mother, a fan of operas, brought me to experience one. The performance was phenomenal. Audience members were crying. I'll admit I shed a tear, but when I left the opera house, I found more people crying too! At first, I thought the music could be heard from outside, but it turns out, it was just the tear gas down the street.
A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai Hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. She saw God and asked, “Is this it?”
God said, “No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live.”
Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction, and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it.
She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation, and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, “I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?”
God replied, “Shirley! I’m sorry but I didn’t recognize you!”
An Isis member claims to have had s**... with a ghost...
When he's asked about his experience the man replies, "Oh... I'm soddy, I thought you said goat!".
Philosophical thought Experiment.
If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it,
does the LGBTQIAPD community still get offended?
"Feed the birds, tuppence a bag", the old woman said to me.
So I fed one. Enjoyable experience, I thought.
Her boyfriend didn't agree.
Not not mine but I thought I'd share
Job interview
- How many years of experience do you have?
- 50
- Really? You are 40 years old
- I had lots of overtime
s**... with Ghost
A professor at the University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'
About 90 students raise their hands.
Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'
About 40 students raise their hands.
That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'
About 15 students raise their hand.
Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'
Three students raise their hands.
That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'
Way in the back, a young Arab student raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.
You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'
The Arab student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, dear, tell us what it's like to have s**... with a
ghost?'
The student replied, "Wallah Habibi, from back there I thought you said "Goats."
s**... with ghosts
A spiritualist meeting, and the leader asks the crowd, "Who here believes in ghosts?" Most of the hands go up. "Has anyone here seen a ghost?" Fewer hands go up. "Heard a ghost?" "Smelled a ghost?" "Touched a ghost?" Fewer hands go up each time. Finally, he asks "Has anyone here ever had s**... with a ghost?" One hand goes up down the back. The leader of the meeting goes, "Come up to the stage, we want to hear about your experience." The man comes up to the stage, and is asked, "So, what's it like to have s**... with a ghost?" And he replies, "Sorry, I was down the back so I didn't hear you properly, I thought you said goat."
A young couple finish their first date...
...and are heading back to their hotel room. As the man is about to open the door, the woman halts him and says, "Look, I can tell how you make love just by the way you open that door."
She continued, "For instance, my last date t**... the key into the lock and barged the door open. That showed to me that he was rough when making love, and I don't like that."
She paused for a second to recollect her thoughts and then continued, "and the date before spent ten minutes poking around trying to find the lock, and that showed to me that he had no experience, and I don't like that either."
She then fixed her eyes onto the man and asked, "So how do you open the door?"
"Well," the man replied, "first I *lick the lock*!"
At a conference for the arcane and supernatural...
The speaker is interested in the supernatural experiences that the audience members may have been through. "Raise your hand if you have ever seen a ghost" About 80% of the audience raises their hand. "Great" says the speaker "now keep your hand raised if you have spoken to a ghost" Half of them lower their hands. "Ok this is good, now has anyone here had any actual physical contact with a ghost"? Only about ten people still have their hands raised, the excitement of the speaker is palpable "Now, has anyone here ever made love to a ghost"? All hands go down, except for o**... right up the back of the auditorium. "WOW that is amazing sir, please could you come up on to the stage". The man slowly makes his way to the stage, slightly nervous about the attention he is getting. "Sir could you please tell us what that experience was like, to make love to a ghost"? The man edges closer to the microphone and says "ghost? I'm sorry I thought you said GOAT"!
President's Day jokes
Q. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?
A. Because he couldn't lie.
Q. What do you call George Washington's false teeth?
A. Presidentures!
Q. What would George Washington be if he were alive today?
A. Really, really, really old!
Abraham Lincoln made many humorous quotes and jokes in his lifetime:
It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.
No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
Football in Heaven
Two die-hard football friends ( Jim and Pete ) were sitting after a game one talking abut life.
Jim: do people play football in heaven?
Pete: good question, never thought of it
Jim: Lets make a deal, the first on there check on that and bring the news.
(unfortunately Jim dies and experience his first game in heaven. A week later, he appears in Pete dream.
Jim: Ehh buddy, how is earth ?
Pete: good. Do they play football in heaven?
Jim: Well, i have a good news and a bad news. Good news is , I had my second game yesterday. Bad news, you are selected for the next one.
Officer Discussing "Relations"
A party is going on at the Generals house, and four officers are discussing relations.
The General asks how much of it is Fun and how much is work, stating "I think its about 90% work, and 10% fun."
The Commander reluctantly disagrees saying "Sir I think it's more like 25% fun 75% work"
One of the department heads says "In my experience its about 50% work, 50% fun."
To which the JO (Junior Officer) says "I dunno, I know I'm not married sir, but I always thought it was 80% fun, and 20% work"
Just then the Senior Enlisted Advisor walks by so they ask him.
Thinking for a moment he responds "It must be 100% fun, because if any work was involved you four would have enlisted guys over at your house doing it for you."
Intimate With A Ghost
A professor at the University is giving a seminar on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks them, "How many folk here believe in ghosts?"
About 80 students raise their hands.
"That's a good start," says the professor, "For those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good," continues the professor, "I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
15 students raise their hands.
"That's a great response," remarks the impressed professor, "has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
3 students raise their hands.
"Brilliant. But let me ask you one question further...
Have any of you ever been intimate with a ghost?"
One of his students from a r**... state raises his hand.
The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed that.
You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The r**... student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor asks, "Well, tell us what it's like to have made love to a ghost."
The student replies, "Ghost?!? Dang it... I thought you said 'goats.'
The best kind watermelon... Disclaimer:This joke was told by my grandmother
A fruit salesman was having a normal day in his fruit shop.
A customer came along and asked for his best watermelon, and the
owner gave him a watermelon.
The customer asked
"Are you sure this is the best watermelon you have?"
"Yes sir" replied the owner, " the finest watermelon I have."
The customer was about to leave with his new, ripe watermelon
when suddenly, a truck went off course from the road and was mere
inches away from the customer and the fruit shop owner. The fright
caused the customer to drop his watermelon, which opened and
revealed that it was actually a p**... white color, not the ruby red
color a regular ripe watermelon has! The customer asked "Hey, I thought
you said that this watermelon was the ripest one you had!"
The fruit shop owner replied "Well yes, it was, until the truck came along.
You can't blame the watermelon for being white after having a near-
death experience!
Invitation to a Scientists' ball
Some of the replies from the scientists invited:
Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Volta was electrified and Archimedes, buoyant at the thought.
Ampere was worried he wasn't up to current research.
Ohm resisted the idea at first.
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.
Dr Jekyll declined -- he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now must dash."
Heisenberg was uncertain if he could make it.
Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
Henry begged off due to a low capacity for alcohol.
Audobon said he'd have to wing it.
Hawking said he'd try to string enough time together to make a space in his schedule.
Darwin said he'd have to see what evolved.
Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.
Descartes said he'd think about it.
Newton was moved to attend.
Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.
JP Clark & Siegfried the Deerslayer Wanna-Be
A young man is getting married...
...and is very nervous about consummating his marriage. He was raised in a very conservative and religious setting, like his bride-to-be, and is a v**... (as is the bride). He decides to ask a friend of his who has more experience for advice on what he should do.
The friend gives him details on how to do the deed, wishes him luck, and sends the groom off to his wedding.
The next day, the friend calls the groom and asked how everything went.
"I guess it went ok, but to be honest I didn't really enjoy it all that much. It didn't feel nearly as good as I thought it would."
"Huh..." answer his friend. "Well how about your bride? Did she enjoy it?"
"I think so... but again I'm not really sure. She didn't really say anything during the act, but I did notice that her toes would curl up every time I would t**...."
"Ummmm... you did remember to take off her pantyhose first, right?"
An old joke, I hadn't thought of in years.
A group of scientists wanted to do some experiments on how brains function.
They got a volunteer and taught him the row-row-your-boat song, and had him practice until he knew the whole song perfectly. They asked him to sing it and he did so without a problem.
They put him under and removed 1/4 of his brain. Once he woke up, they asked him to sing the song and he sang it but left out every 4th word.
This is amazing, they thought. So they put him under and removed another 1/4 of his brain. When he woke up, he managed to sing the song but only with 1/2 the words.
They decided to try again and removed another 1/4 of his brain. To their amazement, he managed to sing the song but only one in four words.
They decided to go all of the way and remove the last part of his brain. When he woke up, they excitedly prodded him to sing the song. He stared at them and then slowly....
began
......
to
......
sing
.......
"Be all that you can be! In the ARRRMYY!"
.
.
Joke was told to me by a US Marine.
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets.
First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.
"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"
After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."
They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.
Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.
Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead.
She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."
The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"
The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"