Thor Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Why did Thor lose his lightning powers?

Because his father grounded him.

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

Thor, Iron Man and Hulk walk into IKEA...

Avengers... Assemble

Thor

Thor is riding on the back of his mighty war horse. He shouts "I AM THOR! I AM THOR!" His horse replies: "That's because you forgot your thaddle thilly!"

What if Thor become Gold Thor?

He will become an Author.

Did Thor ever mention he had a brother?

He was very low-key about it.

Why did Thor sit comfortably on a cactus?

He has an Asgard

...I'll see myself out

What does Loki call Thor?

Brothor

Thor

The god of thunder is riding through the sky on his mighty stallion. With lightning crashing all around, he triumphantly screams, "I'M THOR!" His horse looks up and says, "Of courthe you are, you forgot your thaddle thilly!"

What happens if Mike Tyson carries around MjΓΆlnir all day?

He gets thor arms!

Thor: Brother! What are you doing this weekend?

Loki: nothing, just hanging out

Thor: oh sweet! that sounds...

Loki: no

Thor: low key

The god Thor is bored one day and decided to try out having sex with a mortal woman...

He heads down to earth and finds a beautiful young woman. Pouring on the charm, he convinces her to go to bed with him. He goes back to her place and enjoys her in every possible way, absolutely plowing her with all his god-like strength and endurance. 7 hours later, he rolls off. She's laying there, gasping and panting, shaking, and exhausted from the most incredible sex she's ever had in her life. She can't even speak. All she can do is stroke his chest with a trembling hand. He understands her point, though. He was amazing.

"I've got a confession to make," he says. "I'm actually Thor."

"You're thor!? I'm tho thor, I won't be able to thit down for a week!

What does Mike Tyson say after a good workout with the Avengers?

I'm Thor.

Why did Thor file a police report?

Because someone stole his thunder

After a particularly brutal battle with his fellow Avengers, Thor decides to relax at a local watering hole....

He drinks and drinks, barrels of beer and mead. After some time, he hits it off with a cute local girl and takes her back to Avengers Tower to show her his little Mjolnir.

He wakes in the morning, satisfied, and looks at the girl sleeping next to him. The poor thing is battered, with a busted lip and bruises all over her face and body. He gently shakes her awake and asks, "Are you okay?"

"Oh my god," she says groggily. "Hon, you were great, but a little rough.'

"Well, I *am* Thor!" says the God of Thunder.

***"YOU'RE*** Thor!" exclaims the girl, "I'm tho Thor i can barely thpeak!"

Why was Thor unable to get any sleep?

He Was Up All Night to Get Loki

After saving the universe from Thanos, Thor spent the night with a beautiful woman.

The next morning, Thor says, "Fair maiden, I must confess: I am Thor."

She replies, "*You're* Thor? I can hardly walk."

How does Thor blend in to society without being noticed?

He keeps it Loki.

Why didn't Thor invite many people to his brother's surprise party?

He wanted to keep it Loki

Thor gets drunk, blacks out and wakes up next to a man.

Confused, he looks at the man and says, "I AM THOR."

And they guy says, "You think you're thore, my ath is killing me."

I had this great joke about Thor...

but thinking about it now, it's actually really low key.

Thor

Thor goes out for a ride on his mighty war horse.
He rides all morning and afternoon until as the sun sets he is sat on the top of the highest mountain overlooking his entire domain.
He stands up on the horse and shouts "I AM THOR" and as his voice echoes through the valleys his horse replies:
"That's because you forgot your thaddle thilly"

What did Thor have to wear when he broke his tailbone?

An Asgard.

Why did Thor leave the hospital after he lost all his powers?

Because he was discharged

Why is the Norse god of thunder Thor?

Because he forgot hith thaddle

Thor the God of Thunder

So Thor, the God of Thunder, is sitting on his cloud on Asgard when he suddenly wants to visit the humans. He jumps on his magical flying horse and rides down to them. When he gets there he proclaims, "I AM THOR!" to which his horse replies, "Well, that's because you forgot your thaddle thilly."

Thor came down to Earth from Asgard

Thor goes to a singles bar to have a drink, and sees a beautiful girl he'd like to make love to. He goes over to buy her a drink, and she has a slight speech impediment, but Thor doesn't care because she is so beautiful and sexy.

They leave the bar, and go to her apartment, and proceed to have 8 hours of fantastic sex, every which way possible.

In the morning, he feels just a bit guilty, and decides to confess who he is to the woman.

"I have to tell you something, I'm really Thor"

She turns to him and says "YOU'RE THOR? I AM SO THOR I CAN'T EVEN PEE!"

Wednesday and Thursday were named after the Norse Gods Odin and Thor...

And if you really enjoy facts about Norse Gods then today is your Loki-day!

Thor, upon his mighty steed, approaches his enemy, Thanos. Thanos asks "Who might you be?"

"I AM THORRRR!!!"

His horse perks up and says "Well, then wear a thaddle thilly."

The Thunder God astride his horse came riding from the sky.

A majestic sight for all to see, a Marvel for the eye!
He held aloft his hammer great, lightning flashed and thunder boomed!
"I AM THOR!" he cried.
His horse replied, "Well you forgot your thaddle, thilly."

Thor: "I'm going to kill you with my Thor hammer, so prepare to die!"

Antman: "Ha, it's no match for my thorax!"

Why did Thor not go for the head?

Because he was going for the Thor-Axe

Why does Loki buy cough drops?

He doesn't want to get a Thor throat

So Thor threw a really small surprise party for his Adopted Brother's birthday.

It was Loki

Why did the thoroughbred break up with the wild horse?

Because she was looking for a stable relationship.

What STI do women get from sleeping with Thor?

Thunderclap

Why does Pikachu hang out with Thor?

Thor is his Type.

Thor, the god of Thunder, was riding on his filly

"I'm Thor!" he cried.
The horse replied,
"Then uthe a thaddle, thilly!"

Last night I dreamed I was a god.

I woke up this morning feeling Thor.

I don't enjoy winning against The God of Thunder...

He is always a Thor loser.

Thor and Pikachu walk into a bar and get in a fight with the bartender.

They were both overcharged.

I am a super hero...

Every day after work I'm Thor.

What does Thor do to sneak around and avoid being noticed?

He stays Loki.

So a father and his daughter were in the toy aisle.

The daughter put a super hero mask on. The father asked "Are you thor?" The daughter immediately corrected him. "No, I'm five."

What position does Thor like to play as in a game of basketball?

AsGuard.

What did Thor start calling Ironman after he learned the suit was made out of gold titanium alloy?

Ironyman

... To be fair Goldtitaniumalloyman just didn't have the same ring.

The god of thunder rides to the top of the mountain atop his noble steed.

Upon reaching the summit, he gets off his horse, raises his hammer to the sky and yells, "I am Thor!"

The horse turns around and says, "That'th cuth you forgot your thaddle thilly!"

What kind of toothpaste does Thor use?

Arm and Hammer.

Jesus promised the end of wicked people. Thor promised the end of frost giants.

I don't see many frost giants.

Why could Thor never find out where his brother was hiding?

Because his brother was Loki.

An Atheist Walks Into A Bar...

An Atheist walks into a bar with God, Thor, and Zeus.

The bartender looks at him and says

"Drinking alone again, I see..."

What do Asgardians say when they have an intense workout at the gym?

I'm Thor

What do you call a hero that doesn't aim for the head and requires a rematch?

A Thor loser.

What does Thor wear under his pants?

Thunderwear

What did Mike Tyson ask the really tired Norse god?

Are you Thor?

The Thunder God went for a ride.

The Thunder God went for a ride upon his mighty steed.

"I'm Thor!" he Roared

The horse replied "Of course, you forgot the thaddle thilly."

Why does Loki hate talking about his brother?

It's a Thor thubject.

Why didn't Thor like the party?

It was too Loki.

So Thor hears about the other gods coming down to Earth for a good time ...

and decides to try it out for himself.

Meets a girl in bar and they get hot and heavy all night. At the end, he decides to tell her how he's honoured her: "I am Thor!"

And the girl says: "You're thor? I'm tho thor I can't pith."

Why do you never see Thor with his brother at parties?

Cuz that guy is pretty Low-key

Why was Thor disappointed by his birthday party?

Because it was more Loki than he wanted.

Why did Thor throw his axe at Thanos's chest, instead of cutting off the hand with the gauntlet?

Because he was going for the kill shot instead of disarming him.

Why does Thor carry a hammer?

Because he already has a thorax.

Thor Son of Odin

Came down to Earth and met a woman.
They had the best time in bed for a week straight.
Weeks later he was telling his Dad about the fun,
Odin told Thor that he must tell her the truth about him,
as not to let her expect that from mortal men.
Thor went back to the woman and confessed
I AM THOR, SON OF ODIN he said.
You're Thor , she replied. I'm so thor I can't even pith .

I like how avengers infinity war has perfect balance

[Thor gains his vision back but scarlet witch loses hers](#s)

Thor Odinson may not be the coolest God-name ever...

But it's still better than Loki Adoptedson.

/burn

Which one of the Avengers would hurt the most if he shrank down in size like Ant-Man?

Thor. Because he would be a little Thor.

I am Thor.

Tho thor I have a hard time thitting down.

What did Thor say to Sleipnir?

I say thee neigh!

Why didn't Tom Hiddleston invite Chris Hemsworth to his Thor Ragnarok afterparty?

Tom wanted to keep it a loki affair.

Why did Thor not invite many people to his brother's wedding?

Because it was Low key

Mike Tyson : I liked Age of Ultron but the 3D made my eye...

Thor.

I saw thor reading a thor comic...

to be honest, I think it might be a metathor.

Scandanavian Booty Call

What did the Norse goddess say to Thor when he drunk dialed her?

"I aint no Valhalla back girl."

What sort of cereal does Thor eat?

Loki Charms.

What time is Thor on in the cinema?

Thor Thirty

Why does Chris Hemsworth make a point of stretching after every gym session?

Because when you train hard, you get Thor!

Why did Thor decide to sleep in?

He was up all night to Get Loki.

Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?

She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.

Jane Foster was not able to get out of bed the morning after the cloning experiment.

She was two Thor.

What are the funniest thor jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Thor? Well, here are the best Thor puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Thor pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes