Thomas Jokes
104 thomas jokes and hilarious thomas puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about thomas that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover a world of humor with Thomas! From Thomas the train to Thomas Mueller to Thomas Shelby, these stories and jokes about the Thomas name will keep you in stitches. Whether you're laughing at Doubting Thomas or joining in on Andre FitzJohn Robinson's adventure, these entertaining tales will leave you feeling lighthearted and joyful.
Quick Jump To
- Short Thomas Jokes
- Thomas One Liners
- Thomas More Jokes
- Thomas The Tank Jokes
- Thomas Name Jokes
- Thomas Jefferson Jokes
- More Thomas Jokes
Funniest Thomas Short Jokes
Short thomas jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The thomas humour may include short thomas the tank engine jokes also.
- I told my girlfriend I was named after Thomas Jefferson. She said, "Your name is Brian."
I said, "Right. But I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson." - My wife always tells me that I treat my kid unfair. I don't even know which one she means. Thomas, Carl or the fat and ugly one?
- Some people call their mistakes "happy accidents" But some people get more creative and give them cute little names like Nathan or Thomas, just like my parents did.
- Some people like to call their mistakes "happy accidents." Others get creative and give them cute little names like Nathan, or Thomas, like my parents did.
- It took years for Thomas Edison to perfect the light bulb... But that's because he was working in the dark.
- Tesla, Oscar Wilde, and Sherlock Holmes walk into a bar. The punchline of this joke was patented and then hidden by Thomas Edison.
- Coining Money. George Washington: We should put "We Trust In God" on our money.
Thomas Jefferson: Great idea! Did you get that?
Yoda: Yep - I said to myself, "Thomas, today is the day you start eating healthy and exercising". Thank God my name isn't Thomas!
- What's the difference between "Thomas the Tank Engine" and Princess Diana? Thomas made it through the tunnel
- Question for Thomas Edison... What went off in your head before you invented the lightbulb?
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Thomas One Liners
Which thomas one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with thomas? I can suggest the ones about thomas name and thomas more.
- What do Elon Musk and Thomas Edison have in common? They both got rich off of Tesla.
- What do you call a grateful train? Thomas the Thanks Engine
- People think tom cruise is short for a man It's actually short for "Thomas Cruise"
- How did Thomas the Tank become a faster steam engine? He trained.
- What do you call it when Thomas the Tank Engine beats his wife? Domestic Caboose.
- Happy Birthday to Thomas Jefferson! The founding father of light-skinned black people.
- My family name is Turbait I am going to name my son Thomas
- What has 3 holes and goes down an alley? Thomas and Martha Wayne.
- Why does Thomas Edison hate Ubisoft Montreal Cause he didn't like AC
- How many geniuses does it take to change a light bulb? One. Thomas Edison
- There was a very hungry inventor Thomas Ate His Son
- Of course Thomas was skeptical, why not? The first Easter was on April Fool's Day.
- Why didn't Thomas Jefferson drive a jeep Wrangler? Because he always fought for LIBERTY!
- How do choo choo train go down many mountain? It go "TOOT" then thomas Tank gives tug
- So you ask how I train my pet? I call him Thomas.
Thomas More Jokes
Here is a list of funny thomas more jokes and even better thomas more puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Thomas Edison stole the design for a film-playing box from Tesla. Tesla confronted Edison about it, but instead of apologizing he accused Tesla of trying to steal his idea. Classic case of projection
- I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, But dad, your name is Brian.
I said, I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson. - Thomas Edison was certainly one of history's greatest scientists. If not for his invention, right now we would be using our computers by candlelight.
- I don't know which child you think I don't treat correctly... Jake, Thomas or the fat ugly one?
- Thomas always wanted to change the World... it wasn't until he fell out the 40th story window, however, that he made a real impact.
- When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb he threw a huge party, everyone was invited it was well lit
- July 4th, 1776 British: Just saying it, doesn't make you independent..
Thomas Jefferson: I didn't say it, I declared it. - Thomas the Tank Engine is unsure of his sexuality. He now prefers to be called Trains-gender.
- Be the change you wish to see in the world. -Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and Thomas Jefferson
- What do George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Abraham Lincoln have in common? They were the last three white guys with those last names.
Thomas The Tank Jokes
Here is a list of funny thomas the tank jokes and even better thomas the tank puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear they made a Lebanese character in Thomas the tank engine? His name is Hummus the tank engine.
- Who's the most famous rapper in The Thomas the Tank Engine show? Two-Trains
- I went on Youtube to watch Thomas The Tank Engine Now it's just buffering.
- I have more in common with Thomas the train than most think For one thing, we're both stuck on rails!
*Apparently I messed up on Thomas' correct title
Yes Thomas the tank engine. - What does Thomas the Tank Engine use as a raising agent? Bicarbonate of Sodor.
- Which Thomas the Tank Engine character had most literary talent ? Mark Twain
- I find myself oddly attracted to Thomas the Tank Engine... I think I'm trainsexual.
- What does naughty Thomas the Tank Engine get for Christmas? A stocking full of toys.
- How does Thomas the Tank Engine drink beer? He c**... it.
- What was h**...'s favorite TV show as a kid? Thomas the tank engine
Thomas Name Jokes
Here is a list of funny thomas name jokes and even better thomas name puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the name of St Thomas More's daughter? Demi Moore
Thomas Jefferson Jokes
Here is a list of funny thomas jefferson jokes and even better thomas jefferson puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It's a shame American football wasn't around during Thomas Jefferson's youth. He would've made a great Nickelback.
- Why did Thomas Jefferson stop being president? He could make change on his own.
- George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Yoda.
- What did Thomas Jefferson grow? Old.
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Thomas Jokes
What funny jokes about thomas you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean thomas jefferson jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make thomas pranks.
Jesus likes to drink wine.
As we all know, Jesus liked to drink wine. One day, however, he got tired of wine. He said unto John and Thomas, "Go, and fetch me some ingredients so that I may create another kind of drink." And so they went to the market, and John asked Thomas "So, what should we get Him?" Thomas responds, "The rice, for Christ's sake."
"Doctor," the embarrassed man said
"I have a s**... problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "t**... clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an e**... either."
Classroom Joke
For class every student must research a natural disaster. So after everyone gets their topic, the teacher asks them what they chose.
"What did you get, Jimmy?"
"Hurricanes."
"What did you get, Thomas?"
"Earthquakes."
"What did you get, Karl?"
"US Congress."
I said this when I was 6, and everyone laughed
Two twins came to our house one day, and I kept calling them the wrong names (they were their names, but I said Harry to Thomas and vice-versa)
My dad came to me and said 'can't tell them apart, can ya?'
'No dad, I can't tell 'em together!'
(Waits for downvotes)
What do you get when you cross Tesla and Thomas Edison?
A Kick-a**... band
Thomas Case and his son Justin are going to a bank...
"Father, why are you taking a gun with you?"
"Justin Case!"
After the American Revolution, Thomas Paine celebrates by purchasing a new pair of shoes.
He declares that these are the times to try men's soles.
Two guys got lost in the Egyptian desert
Both christians, one named John and the other named Thomas. They were starving and about to collapse when they spotted a Mosque, They rushed there for help. The Imam came out and asked for their names, John came up with 'Abdullah' in a panic and Thomas just said his name. The Imam hastily told the patrons to give Thomas food and water. While John had to wait and finish his fast.
Jesus said to Thomas t**... your hand in my side'.
And Thomas replied 'ew!'
How did the patent office verify Thomas Edison's inventions?
They used phonographic evidence.
I tried to sell my Thomas the Tank Engine train set at an antiques store today.
"You would have got more for it if the fat controller wasn't missing." Said the assistant.
"Yeah, you're probably right." I replied. "She's good at haggling."
A son asks his dad
Son: Is it true that a father will always be more knowledgeable than his son?
Dad: Of course!
Son: Who invented the light bulb?
Dad: Thomas Edison.
Son: If the father know so much more, why didn't he invented the light bulb instead?
Dad: Son, when it was lights out and dark, he was busy inventing Edison!
I believe the theological philosopher Thomas Aquinas was rather overweight......
I guess this makes him an early deep fat friar
A nutritionist throws a party
A few minutes in, the doorbell rings. One guest walks up to the door and says,"It's Thomas from work!"
"Well," replied the nutritionist, "In-vitamin."
Mommy, can you make me a sandwich?
First, you can make you your own freaking sandwich. And second, you don't have to call me 'Mommy' just because I'm sleeping with your father.
But, but ... what should I call you?
Thomas is fine.
An aristocrat Bostonian lady hired a new chauffeur. As they started out on their first drive, she inquired:
"What is your name?"
"Thomas, ma'am," he answered.
"What is your last name," she said. "I never call chauffeurs by their first names."
"Darling, ma'am," he replied.
"Drive on - Thomas," she said.
(Rapp, Albert 1951. On the Origins of Wit and Humor. New York: Dutton. Pages 49-50)
The first light bulb joke
Thomas Edison walks into the lab one morning to find his lastest attempt at making a light bulb smashed on the floor. He glares at all the lab assistants, but nobody will look him in the eye or admit who was at fault. Finally he exclaimed "OK, how many of you geniuses did it take to screw up this light bulb?"
After his rich uncle's death, he was very anxious about his uncle fortune.
"Am I mentioned in the will?" he asked repeatedly.
"Of course you are," replied the solicitor.
Right here in the second page your uncle says:
"To my niece Sally, I bequeath $123,000; to my cousin Thomas, $55,000; and to my nephew Ricky, who was always asking too know if he's mentioned in my will, HELLO RICKY - I didn't forget to mention your name, did I?"
German joke translated, hope you get it: "Yesterday my wife ran off with my best friend..."
"Yesterday my wife ran off with my best friend..."
"With who?"
"Thomas."
"But since when is Thomas your best friend?"
"Since yesterday."
Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench....
When a lecherous f**... walked up to them and opened his trench coat exposing his John Thomas.
The first old lady had a s**......
The second old lady had a s**......
The third old lady couldn't reach.
Mark Zuckerberg's car hit a guy's car
Mark Zuckerberg's car hit a guy's car
Guy (angry) : Do you know who I am?
Mark : Yes, you are Scott Thomas, you have 237 friends out of which 37 are females and your wife doesn't know 12 of them. Last holiday you went to Thailand and there you . . .
Guy : Leave it bro, it was my fault.
Sam Adams decides to pay Thomas Paine a visit ...
He knocks, and Tom comes to answer the door. Sam says, "I notice that you use the New York Times instead of a doormat. "Yes," says Tom. "These are the Times that dry mens' soles."
Everyone knows the story of "doubting Thomas" and his reaction to the death and resurrection of Christ
He was famously known for insisting on seeing the wounds for himself, and while most think it was because he didn't believe the stories he was hearing, I know it was because he wanted to confirm that Jesus was indeed a holey man.
My wife phoned me.
"There are two men standing outside," she whispered in a panic. "I think they are going to break in to our house."
I said, "If they force their way in, don't let them have anything good. Ok?"
"Ok, ok. I'll try my best!" she cried.
I said, "No television, no Xbox, none of my expensive shirts. Ok?"
"Ok, ok!" she shouted. "But--my goodness, Thomas. What if they ask me for s**...?"
I said, "That'll be fine. I said 'anything good'."
Apparently it took Thomas Edison 1000 attempts to make the lightbulb.
d**..., he would have gone through some dark times.
Lady Mary strolled down the path to where the young gardener was pruning the roses
"Hello, Thomas."
"Good morning, Your Ladyship."
"You know, Thomas, ever since you've come to work for us, I've been afraid that you would force me to kiss you," she said, conversationally.
"Oh, Your Ladyship, how could I do that with a pair of secateurs in one hand and a bag of clippings in the other?" he replied.
"Well," she mused, "you could put the secateurs on the bench and rest the clippings against that tree."
