The Best 23 This Could Be Heaven Jokes

Following is our collection of funny This Could Be Heaven jokes. There are some this could be heaven peter jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these this could be heaven donald puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest This Could Be Heaven Jokes and Puns

A young couple dies on their way to their wedding....

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?
What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?'
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
Yes,' he informed the couple, 'You can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' said the couple. 'But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!!!' St. Peter shouted. 'It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?

A golfer and heaven

A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees.
He found his ball and saw an opening between 2 trees he thought he could hit through.

Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"

The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?

A recently deceased man was being shown around heaven.

St Peter was looking after him by showing him the various facilities that were available. At the end of the tour, St Peter asked the man if he had any questions.

The man could only think of one. He pointed to a long wall running along one side. "Why do you have a wall there?" asked the man.

St Peter sighed and said, "That is for the Catholics. They`re on the other side. They like to think that they are the only ones here."

This Could Be Heaven joke, A recently deceased man was being shown around heaven.

A lawyer and the pope die at the same time and go to heaven...

The pope is first and meets St. Peter at the gates to heaven. St. Peter says welcome to heaven and gives him a nice little plot of land with a decent sized house. The lawyer is next and St. Peter directs him to this huge mansion on the shore of a beautiful lake with anything the lawyer could want. The lawyer asks St. Peter "Why do I get this mansion with anything I could ask for and the holiest man on earth gets a small house?"
St. Peter replies by saying "We've got hundreds of popes up here, but you're the only lawyer!"

Potato Patch

An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Fred

At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred


An old man and his wife die...

An old man and his wife die in an accident and go to heaven. There, an angel gives them a beautiful house by the beach and everything they want. All they have to do is stay in the vicinity and enjoy themselves.
The old man turns to his wife and says: "You idiot! We could have come here 10 years ago, but noooo, you wanted to eat healthy"

Three politicians go to heaven.

No, seriously, it could happen.

This Could Be Heaven joke, Three politicians go to heaven.

why would you be a suicide bomber...

And wait for the 72 virgins in heaven... When you could become a catholic preist and have them now!

Source: Jimmy Carr

A man goes up to heaven and is being shown around.

A man goes up to heaven and is being shown around. He is surprised to be living with his wife and an ex from college. An angel explains "In heaven, you spend your time with the people you had sex with the most times".

The man thinks this could cause trouble and asks if there is any way to appeal the decision. The angel tells him he could speak to one of the priests. The man asks where to find a priest. The angel replies "They are easy to find, just look for a crowd of choir boys".

So West Virginia recently legalized medical marijuana...

I guess that you could say it was almost heaven.

So Sir Roger Moore has sadly died.

You could say he is in Double 0 Heaven now

You can explore this could be heaven saint reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean this could be heaven dies dad jokes. There are also this could be heaven puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What did Jesus say to Albert Einstein when Einstein died?

"We could have used a brilliant mind like yours in Heaven. Too bad you are a Jew."

Einstein replied, "That explains why you're here with me."

A Christian, Jew and Muslim get to heaven at the same time.

St Peter welcomes the Christian and says 'good choice Sir, in you come'. Next it's the Jew's turn, who says 'OK, we got it a bit wrong but hey we were close', St Peter says 'come on in you rascal you' and playfully knuckles his head on the way through the pearly gates. Before the Muslim could even open his mouth St Peter hushes him with his hand, turns round and shouts 'Jesus, your taxi's here!'.

A stairway builder was retiring

On his last day the manager held a speech for him in the lunch-room.
"This man has worked here for over 40 years! Just imagine the number of stairs built by you alone! I reckon, on the day you die, you could stack them on top of eachother and reach heaven!"

The retiring builder, a bit red from embaresment, responded quietly:
"Oh, thank you for your kind words, but I have mostly been building basement-stairs..."

The other day I decided to buy a Ouija board, so I could get in touch with deceased celebrities that havent crossed over yet,

The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawkings.

I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and not gone to the after life yet.

Turns out Led Zeppelin was right all along,

there is a stairway to heaven.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

In hopes, after it's family was brutally slaughtered that it could join them in chicken heaven. The suicide attempt failed and the chicken was found hanged.

This Could Be Heaven joke, Why did the chicken cross the road?

I just wish my ex-wife could look down from Heaven and see me now.

But no, she's still alive

Priest, Doctor and Lawyer died

A priest, doctor and lawyer died. They met Saint Peter at the gate, who would only let them into heaven if they could answer one simple question.

Peter asked the priest, "what was the unsinkable ship that struck an iceberg?" The priest replied, "The Titanic". And the gates opened up.

Peter asked the doctor, "how many people died on the Titanic?" Doctor replied, "1,503". And the gates opened up.

"Name them" said Saint Peter to the lawyer.

Satan challenges God to a basketball game, so God puts together a choice team from heaven and goes down to hell.

When they come back to heaven, it's with shocking news: they lost the game 52 to 140!

The Virgin Mary is stunned, "How could you possibly lose the game with a team like yours?! Didn't you have the best saints, the most generous souls, the philanthropists and Jesus himself??"

"Yes," fumes God, "it turns out they're all terrible at receiving."


A very religious man went on a safari

When he was there, he found a huge lion. The man didn't have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. So, he did the only thing he could do. He got on his knees and prayed "Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Will you perform a miracle and give this lion some christian feelings".
That moment, the clouds parted and a beam of light came from above and touched the lion's heart. The lion raised his paws to the heavens and loudly prayed "Thank you Lord for this meal I'm about to receive."

PS: it was a beam of light.

PPS: 12 700 upvotes and 17 awards. Thank you so much. I haven't been this happy since Xmas.

I wish my ex girlfriend could look down from heaven and see me

But no, she's still alive.

The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Pacific Ocean.

They all died and went to heaven together. "Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter. "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready... We can't take you in and we can't send you back..."Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "Lucifer, this is St. Peter. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for 'em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a few of days. What d'ya say?" Reluctantly, the Devil agreed. However, two days later... St. Peter got a call. "Pete, this is Lucifer. Hey, you gotta come get these guys. This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody, the Graham guy is saving everybody, and that Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning.

Oral Roberts dies and goes to heaven.

As he gets to the
pearly gates, St.Peter says, "Next." He replies, "Oral
Roberts." "The Oral Roberts?" "Yes St Peter, the Oral
Roberts." St. Peter says, "Wait here a minute. I know someone
anxious to meet you." He goes away for a few minutes and comes
back with a guy on his arm. "Jesus,this is Oral Roberts." "The
Oral Roberts?" Oral says, "Yes Lord, the Oral Roberts!" Jesus
says, "Boy come with me. I know someone that has been waiting
to see you for years." So Jesus leads him into a small room.
Over in the corner is an old man sitting in a rocking
chair. Jesus says, "Hey dad, this is Oral Roberts." "The Oral
Roberts?" Oral says in a very humble voice, "Yes my Lord. The
Oral Roberts.."
God says, "Boy I've been waiting years to see you. Could
you come over here and take a look at my knee. It's been
bothering me for years......."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the this could be heaven animal jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working this could be heaven miscellaneous piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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