Thirty Year Old Jokes
13 thirty year old jokes and hilarious thirty year old puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about thirty year old that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Thirty Year Old Short Jokes
Short thirty year old jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The thirty year old humour may include short being thirty jokes also.
- My girlfriend is turning 32 years old...I've told her not to get her hopes up. After all..we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute."
"thirty-second birthday." - Why shouldn't you tell a pirate your secrets? They ain't private ears.
(I don't care if a six year old came to this first thirty years ago, it just came to me.) - I am a deaf thirty year old man who has not been lucky with relationships and s**.... But I found this k**... woman who does crazy things in the bedroom that I have never even heard of before.
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Thirty Year Old One Liners
Which thirty year old one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with thirty year old? I can suggest the ones about thirty birthday and thirty.
- What do you call your thirty-bleven-year-old grandma? NaN
Thirty Year Old Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about thirty year old you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean turning thirty jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make thirty year old pranks.
The Age of a Dinosaur
This old natural museum guide, near retirement, is talking to a group of visitors about a T-Rex skeleton.
"This dinosaur is sixty-five million and thirty-three years, ten months and six days."
"How can the age be so precise?" asks a visitor.
"Well", the old man ponders out loud, "when I started this job, I've been told the T-Rex was 65 million years...'
An old man was telling stories to his grandchildren about his hunting days.
"When I was thirty years old," he said, "I was out hunting in India, when a 13-foot tiger jumped out from behind a tree and roared at me. ROAR! I just soiled myself."
"I don't blame you," said one of the grandchildren. "If such an enormous tiger roared at me like that, I too would have soiled myself."
"Not then," replied the old man. "Just now when I said ROAR!"
A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital.
After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead.
The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it.
"Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.
One morning, Harry wakes up..
...and goes downstairs into the kitchen. It's his birthday. It's the third day of the third month and Harry is thirty three years old. He notices that the kitchen clock has broken and stopped at 3:30am. On the radio, the weather announces that the temperature is 33 degrees. Opening the sporting section of his newspaper, he turns to page three; he sees that a horse called 'Triple Treble' is running in the 3.30. He rings up a bookmaker and puts £333 on it to win.
It comes in third.
Joe goes down to the docks...(long)
... to look for a job. He sees three old sailors sitting on a bench in front of a large ship, having a conversation. As Joe walks past to them, he hears what they're saying.
- Number four! says the first sailor, and the other two starts to laugh.
- Number six! says the second one with a giggle, and the other two starts to laugh.
Joe is a little bit confused, so he walks up to them and asks:
- Hey! I heard what you were talking about, and I have to ask, what's so funny about some numbers?
- Well, says the third sailor, we have been out on the sea for more than thirty years. By this time we all know each other very well, so we decided to put numbers on our jokes instead re-telling them every time.
- That sounds a bit weird, says Joe.
- Maybe, says the second sailor, why don't you try for yourself?
- Okay then, number eightythree, Joe says.
All three sailors start to laugh really hard, one of them even falls of the bench and can hardly breathe.
- What was so funny about it? Joe asks.
Still giggling, the first sailor answers:
- Never heard that one before!
Buying Condoms
A sixty year old man walks into a drug store and walks up to the girl at the checkout counter. He asks her, "Do you sell condoms here?"
"Sure. What size are you?"
"I don't know," he replies.
"Well, just let me check," the cashier says. She unzips his pants, takes a feel, and then says over the intercom, "Extra large condoms to the checkout counter please. Extra large condoms to the checkout counter."
A clerk returns with some condoms. The man pays for them and leaves the store.
Later, a thirty year old man walks into the store and up to the checkout counter. He asks the girl, "Do you sell condoms here?"
The cashier replies, "Sure. What size do you need?"
"Well, I don't know."
"Allow me to check for you," she says as she unzips his pants and takes a couple of tugs. She then says over the intercom, "Large condoms to the checkout counter please. Large condoms to the checkout counter."
A clerk returns with some condoms. The man pays for them and leaves the store.
Some time later, a eighteen year old boy, hoping to get lucky, walks up to the girl at the checkout counter and asks sheepishly, "Um, ah, do you guys sell condoms here?"
"Yep," she says. "What size do you need?"
"I don't know," he says nervously.
"Allow me to check for you," she says. The cashier unzips his pants for a feel, pauses for a moment and then says over the intercom, "Clean up at the checkout counter please. Clean up at the checkout counter."
An 80-year old man buys a Corvette
He gets it out on the open highway and takes it to 80, then 100, then 120 before he knows it.
He looks in his mirror to see flashing red lights so he pulls over.
The highway patrolman walks up and say, "You know how fast you were going and I know how fast you were going. I've heard every excuse in the book but if you give me one I haven't heard, I'll let you go."
The 80-year old looks the trooper up and down and says, "My wife left me thirty year ago for a highway patrolman and Inwas afraid you were bringing her back!"
Trooper closes his book and sends the Corvette driver on his way!
A beautiful woman in her thirties was passing through customs in London, when the customs official asks her what the reason for her trip to London was.
Business or pleasure, he asks?
Sadness and pleasure!
She says to the officer!
Why?
Well, my 75 years old husband has just died and I came to his f**...!
My condolences, says the officer!
It must be a very difficult and painful time you're going through!
Not really, this is my pleasure!
I'm so sad because only now I found out that he was dead broke and did not leave a dime, a penny, not even a will for me!