The Best 54 Thirty Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Thirty jokes. There are some thirty twenty jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these thirty sixty puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Thirty Jokes and Puns
It's a five minute walk from my house to the pub.
It's a thirty five minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar
One turns and says to the other, "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks in there."
A Jewish boy approaches his father and asks if he could have $50...
A Jewish boy approaches his father and asks if he could have fifty dollars.
The Jewish father replies, "forty dollars?! What do you need thirty dollars for?"
I went to a party with my girlfriend.
I got quite upset because everyone called me a pedo because I was thirty and she was twenty. So finally,I said "That's it baby, we're leaving. I'm not going to let them ruin our tenth anniversary."
A Jewish boy
asks his father "Can I have thirty dollars?"
His father replies "Twenty dollars? What do you need ten dollars for?"
My wife isn't speaking to me.
A man walks into a bar,looking all bummed out, and orders a drink. After a few minutes he orders another. About thirty minutes later he orders a few more drinks.
The bartenders asks," Dude you look really depressed. Is everything okay?"
The man explains," My wife and I got into big fight. She says she won't speak to me for 31 days."
The bartender asks," Well isn' t that a good thing."
The man replies," Sadly, tonight's the last night."
Jewish kid asks his father for $50 ...
His father replies: "Forty dollars?! What do you need thirty dollars for?!"
Jewish father and son
A Jewish boy went to his dad and asked for fifty dollars.
His father said, "Forty dollars!? What do you need thirty dollars for?!"
LPT: How to pick up girls
Try this:
1. Acquire several dozen limes.
1. Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
1. Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.
1. Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
1. Finally gather up the limes. Try looking a bit sheepish.
1. Look them deeply in the eyes and say, "Sorry, I'm bad at Pickup Limes."
A Jewish kid asks his dad for money...
The kid says to his dad, "Dad, I need to borrow fifty dollars."
His dad replies, "Forty dollars! What do you wanna borrow thirty dollars for?!?!"
A Jewish kid goes up to his dad...
Son: "Hey papa?"
Father: "Yes, ma' boy?"
Son: "I met this beautiful girl at temple today. I want to take her out. Can I borrow fifty bucks?
Father: "Forty bucks? What the heck are you gonna do with thirty bucks? Do I look like I have twenty bucks heres fifteen now take ten and bring me back five."
You can explore thirty seven reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean thirty twelve dad jokes. There are also thirty puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A Jewish boy asked his father to borrow fifty dollars...
"Forty dollars?! What do you need thirty dollars for?!"
Fool me once...
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thirty five thousand six hundred times, shame on the weatherman.
A Jewish son asks his father for fifty dollars..
The father responds, "forty dollars? What do you need thirty dollars for?"
A Jewish kid wants to go to the mall...
and asks his dad for forty dollars.
"Thirty dollars?" he replies. "What do you need twenty dollars for?"
A Jewish boy walks up to his father and says, "Dad, can I have fifty dollars?"
The father looks at him and says, "Forty dollars? What do you need thirty dollars for?"
There are thirty cows and twenty eight chickens. How many didn't?
Ten of them.
I saw my local theatre advertising a night of XXX Roman plays...
I thought "ooo, sounds sexy," so I went along, but was disappointed.
It turned out to just be thirty plays.
What's the difference between a shooting range and an American college?
About thirty thousand dollars a year.
A Frenchman, a Jew and a Polack
A Frenchman, a Jew and a Polack are each sentenced to thirty years in prison. Each man is given one request that will be honored by the jail warden.
A woman, asks the Frenchman.
A telephone, says the Jew.
A cigarette, says the Polack.
Thirty years later the Frenchman walks out with the woman and ten kids.
The Jew strolls out carrying a ten thousand dollar commission he has made during the time.
The Polack walks out and says, Has anyone got a match?
My girlfriend told me I'm her 32nd lover
Turns out what she really meant was I'm her thirty second lover
Son asks Jewish dad for money
Son: Dad, can you give me fifty dollars?
Dad: Fourty dollars? Why do you need thirty dollars? Here, take twenty and split it with your sister.
I gave my girlfriend a birthday celebration that lasted only half a minute
After all, it was her thirty second birthday.
Birthday Party
My friend's college mentor told her this story:
"So, my friend turned 32 last week, and we wanted to do something for his birthday so we put together a really quick party, only about half a minute long, and when the party ended, he was really confused and asked about the length of the party."
It was his thirty second birthday.
Why did the Irish man only eat two hundred and thirty nine beans?
If he ate one more, it would be too farty!
A Jewish kid goes to his dad and says, "Dad, I need to borrow fifty bucks".
The dad says, "Forty bucks? I don't have thirty bucks, what do you need twenty bucks for?"
What's the Tooth Fairy's favorite time?
Two thirty
My dad sat me down and told me I was adopted...
"Pack your bag", he said. "They'll be here in thirty minutes."
I stopped my car beside a prostitute last night.
As she got in I asked, *"How much for a blow job?"*
She said, *"Thirty dollars."*
I said, *"Can you do twenty?"*
*"Yeah, okay"*, she replied.
I said, *"Great, here's $600 then."*
I was waiting at the bus stop.
A woman said, "How long will the next one be?"
I said, "Probably about thirty feet."
A Jewish kid asks his dad for $50
His dad narrows his eyes and says "Forty dollars? What do you need thirty dollars for?"
I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park.
It's just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .
The time of year has finally arrived when the degrees outside are like shots of whiskey. . .
. . .I need about thirty more to be comfortable.
Did anybody else hear about the psychic midget who killed like, thirty hookers?
Police are looking for a small medium at large
My girlfriend nicknamed me the "Microwave Meal"
Thirty seconds on full power and I'm finished.
After being married for thirty ones years and having three children, I can safely say...
Nothing
Why is three times ten same as two times sixteen?
Because three times ten is thirty,
And two times sixteen is thirty, too.
Why do the Irish only put two hundred and thirty nine beans in their chili?
Because if they added just one more bean, it would be too farty!
I'm turning 32 in a few months and I'm kinda depressed about it. I only get to celebrate my birthday for half a minute....
It's my thirty second birthday...
A man with terminal cancer robbed a bank and was sent to prison.
A fellow inmate asked him, "Why did you commit this crime? You can't take money with you into the afterlife, and now you're going to spend your last days in prison!"
The man replied, "I knew I was going to get caught. That's the point! My doctor gave me six months, but the judge gave me thirty years."
Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.
When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.
They say the camera adds ten pounds
But after meeting a few girls online I'm convinced it takes away at least thirty
A blonde, brunette, and a red-head go to heaven
They meet St. Peter at a staircase with 100 stairs
St. Peter says, "To get to the gates, you need to climb the stairs, but on each stair is a joke or a riddle. If you laugh, you have to start over."
The red-head goes first. She gets to the first step and laughs.
The brunette goes next. She gets to the thirty second step, then laughs.
The blonde goes last. She got to the final step, and laughed.
St. Peter asks, "You were so close. Why did you laugh?"
The blonde replies, "I finally got the joke from the first step."
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art.
Really," answered the neighbour. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
My dad showed me a thirty minute PowerPoint on why one should always wear a condom
It was just pictures of me
What's the difference between a banjo player terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathizers.
Bonus joke:
What's the difference between a banjo and an AK-47?
>!The AK only repeats thirty times.!<
Panda's Day Out
A panda walks into high-end restaurant and sits down at a table. A waiter quickly asks for the order and brings it to him after thirty minutes.
After the delicious meal, the panda asks for the bill. As soon as the waiter brings it, the panda whips out a pistol and shoots him. The waiter dies on the spot and the panda runs away.
The police are called and owner explains the situation. But the police refuse to investigate. When the puzzled owner enquires why, the police just show a dictionary. It says,
"*Panda: A type of bear that eats shoots and leaves*"
A man brings his kid with him to his office for take your kid to work day
The kid is intrigued, looking around at all the cubicles, seemingly looking for something
sfter about thirty minutes the kid begins breaking down and crying and running around, looking all over, the man comes over to comfort his kid, and asks him what's wrong
daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?!?
A gigantic gas explosion in a coal mine in the next town killed thirty workers and hospitalised two hundred. But I refused to give to the support charity.
After all, it was only *miner* injuries.
Two deer walked out of a gay bar
One exclaims to the other
"Man, I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks!"
15+15 is thirty, but 16+16 is...
thirty too!
15+15 is thirty
16+16 is thirty too
Two blondes were passengers on a four-engine plane...
Suddenly, one of the engines quit and the pilot announced that the plane would now be fifteen minutes late.
A short time later, another engine quit. The pilot announced they would be thirty minutes late.
Then the third engine quit and the pilot announced that they would be one hour late.
At this point, the one blonde said to the other, "Boy, if the fourth engine quits we could be up here all day!"
Three men applied to put up telephone poles.
The foreman sent them each out with a truck and 20 poles, telling them to come back after 8 hours.
The first man returns and says "I put up 12 poles."
The second man returns and says "I put up 15 poles."
The third man returns and says "I put up 3 poles."
"Three?" asks the foreman. "These two guys put up nearly thirty between them and you only put up three?"
"Yeah," the third man says, "But you should see how much they left sticking out of the ground!"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the thirty eighteen jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working thirty nine piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.