Thirst Jokes
42 thirst jokes and hilarious thirst puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about thirst that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make yourself laugh out loud with these hilarious thirst jokes that will help you break the boredom of dehydration, hunger and ghoul. From jokes about thirst traps to silly puns, get ready for some rib-tickling fun.
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Funniest Thirst Short Jokes
Short thirst jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The thirst humour may include short hunger jokes also.
- I heard about this little village in Africa where everybody is dying of thirst... So I sent them a "Get Well Soon" card.
- If you eat too many salted pretzels on Halloween, what happens the next day? November thirst.
- Earlier today I really needed a drink to quench my thirst and apple juice wasn't really doing it for me but OJ did it
- Did you guys see that scientists invented a pill that kills your thirst? You just have to take the pill then have two large glasses of water.
- What's the difference between onlyfans and onlyflans? Onlyflans is for hunger, but onlyfans is for thirst.
- A man walking in a desert was about to starve to death, when he suddenly... Died of thirst.
- Why didn't the Capitol-storming Trump supporters bring anything to quench their thirst? Because before they got there they had already drank the 'Q'-laid.
- Two guys are wandering through the desert and they are about to die from thirst, when suddenly... ...they die from hunger.
- Got my girlfriend a Get Well Soon card Maybe if she had listened she wouldn't have died of thirst
- girl you're like the water in flint, michigan you quench my thirst but i know you'll slowly kill me
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Thirst One Liners
Which thirst one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with thirst? I can suggest the ones about drought and craving.
- Bird Joke A bottle of water can't quench the thirst of a bird but Tou-can
- What do you call a mirage with a lot of Instagram followers? A thirst trap
- It's the thirst thirstiest time of the year!!! Wanna sprite cranberry? Uh Huh!
- What tends to satisfy thirst the most? Waterboarding.
- What tea do you drink when ur t**... is parched? Thirst-tea!
Laughable Thirst Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about thirst you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dehydration jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make thirst pranks.
A very thirsty man was wandering the desert ...
... when suddenly he spotted a well. With the last of his strength, he neared himself, and started pulling the bucket upwards.
*Water! Water!* he shouted in anticipation
When suddenly, from the bottom of the well, a voice exclaimed
*Where?! Where?!*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two explorers are lost in the desert...
...they're dying of thirst, and have been wandering for days. Finally, off in the far distance, they see a camp of beautiful tents. Hoping that it is not a mirage, they crawl desperately towards it. On arriving, they find that it's a market. They stagger up to the first tent they see, and say to the shopkeeper "Water, please! Water, we're dying of thirst!"
The shopkeeper says to them "I am sorry, my friends- I have no water. All I have is this bowl, full of jelly, sponge and custard, topped with cream and s**... chocolate."
Perplexed, but undeterred, the explorers stagger to the next stand, only to be met with the same answer. At all of the dozens of stands in this market, all they are offered are these bowls, not a drop of water to be had.
As they leave the market, one explorer says to the other "Well, that was very strange".
The second explorer replies: "Yes, it was a trifle bazaar".
What did the thirsty weatherman say to his intern?
I need my thermos, stat!
What did the thirsty Spanish pirate say?
I need some arrrrrrrrrrrgua!
A man is very thirsty...
A man is very thirsty. As he is stumbling down the country road he sees a cow grazing in front of a cottage. "I'm saved!", he says to himself as he milks the cow and quenches his thirst.
The man knocks on the door to pay for the milk. "Your cow's milk saved me," he says. The home owner replies, "Cow? I don't own a cow, I just have a bull."
At the international beer brewers conference, an American, German and Mexican meet at the bar after a tiring day of meetings.
The American loudly orders, making sure others around him can hear, "I will have the most favorite beer of my nation, thirst quenching, easy-drinking, transparent like the tear of an infant - BUD LIGHT!! The Mexican then yells, "And I will have the pride of all Mexico, oldest drink of civilized men, flavorful, shiny as amber, amazing CORONA!! Then, the German orders, "I will have a glass of coca-cola." He takes the drink and sips the cold fizzing beverage. Everyone is in shock. The American asks him, "Why didn't you order a Heineken?"
"Solidarity," answers the German. "You guys aren't drinking beer, so I'm not either."
The bacon tree.
Juan and Carlos have been stranded in the desert for 2 days. They are on the verge on dying of thirst when Juan sees something in the distance.
He gets closer to confirm his suspicions - off in the distance is an incredibly juicy bacon tree. "Mira!!" (Look!) "Carlos! Up ahead, it's a bacon tree!! A juicy delicious bacon tree!"
At this point Juan takes off in a sprint towards the bacon tree when out of nowhere he is gunned down!
Carlos runs to Juan's side as he lay there dying. Juan looks at Carlos and, with his final breaths, manages to say "Carlos, mi amigo, it was not a bacon tree. It was a ham bush."
A thirsty sailor runs from his boat to the nearest bar and shouts to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!"
The bartender pours out the shots, and the sailor drinks them as fast as he can.
The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, "Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast."
The sailor replies, "Well, you'd drink that fast too, if you had what I have."
The bartender says, "Oh? What do you have?"
"Fifty cents!"
A thirsty vampire is walking along in a deserted town...
when he sees another vampire with blood all over his mouth and yells:
"Hey! where did you get that blood?!!"
The other vampire replies:
"See that traffic light over there?"
"Yes I do!" he exclaims anxiously
"Well, I didn't" says the other vampire
I'm thirstier than a...
A child in Africa.
Are you thirsty?
"Would you like something to drink?" She opened the fridge.
"We have water, milk, juice, spiders, Dr. Pepper --"
"Spiders?"
"Spiders it is, then."
"No, that wasn't--"
But she was already pouring him a brimming glass of spiders.
A thirsty man from Michigan went to California to find something to drink
Because no water is better than Michigan water.
Winning Blonde !!!
A beautiful blonde walks into a casino and over to a soda machine and arrives there just before a business man who's come to quench his thirst. She opens her purse and puts in 50 cents , studies the machine , presses the Diet Coke selection , and out comes a Diet coke , which she places on a counter by the machine. Then she reaches in her purse again and pulls out a dollar and inserts it in the machine.Studying the machine carefully, she presses the button for coca cola classic and out came a coke classic and 50 cents change.She takes the 50 cents and puts it in the machine , studies for a moment , and presses the sprite button.Out comes a sprite. As she is reaching into her purse again , the business man who has been waiting patiently for several minutes,speaks up"Excuse me miss , but are you done yet?" She looks at him and indignantly replies,"Well, Duh! I'm like , still winning!"
I got thirsty on the ride to the carnival
But the punch line was impossible to find.
An advertiser for coke is dispatched to Israel
When he comes back, his friend asks him how it went. He replies that it did not go well.
"What happened?" his friend asked.
"Well, since I didn't know hebrew, I decided to convey the ad through a comic. The first panel showed a guy in a desert, dying of thirst. The secone panel showed him drinking coke. And the third panel showed him completely rejuvenated."
"That sounds great! Why didn't it work?"
"Nobody told me they read right to left!"
I was thirsty one day and someone said, "Drink Canada Dry."
Man they got alot of water up there..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was at McDonalds earlier today, just chilling when a really hot, girl walked up to me.
She grabbed me and took me to her car. She ripped my clothes off and starts s**... me as if she's dying of thirst. She s**... long and slobbery and I let out a huge load. She looked up with the face of satisfaction.
Then I realised I'm a straw.
Blonde's
An evil genie captured a blonde and her two friends and banished them to the desert for a week. The genie allowed each person to bring one thing.
The first friend brought a canteen so he wouldn't die of thirst.
The second friend brought an umbrella to keep the sun off.
The blonde brought a car door, because if it got too hot she could just roll down the window!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A chemist went to see a doctor
"Doctor, I don't feel thirst and keep finding myself always dehydrated". "Drink 8 glasses of fluid a day as a guideline" adviced the doctor.
"Can I count in fruit juice?" asked the man. "Since they do contain a bit of sugar, don't forget to supplement the fluid intake with H20 too" replied the doctor.
"You sure doc? I have to drink H20 too?" the man queried. "Yes, it is vital to your b**... functions, 8 glasses a day should be enough" the doctor answered. Trusting the doctor, the chemist trusted the doctor and followed the advice.
A few days later, the chemist was found dead in his apartment due to hydrogen peroxide poisoning.
He took the doctor's advice two litrerally.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was Thirsty, I was forced to drink my own u**...
Now I'm hungry...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In my experiance black people have been really nice to me.
When a bunch of black guys were r**... me i said i was thirsty, and they promptly satiated my thirst. What a bunch of gentlemen.
I went thirsty at the comedy club.
The punch lines were terrible!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Irishmen are lost at sea in a life boat
They're gradually dying of thirst, until one day they spot an ancient bottle bobbing past. They grab it out of the water, open it and a genie arises and say's he'll grant them one wish.
Immediately one of them blurts out, "I wish the entire sea were Guinness!" Instantly whole ocean turns black and foamy, pure Guinness.
"Whadda do that for ya feckin' idjit!" Yells his companion, "Now we have to p**... in the boat!"
Why do thirsty people tell jokes?
To get to the punch line
