Thinking Question Jokes
110 thinking question jokes and hilarious thinking question puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about thinking question that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Thinking Question Short Jokes
Short thinking question jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The thinking question humour may include short raises question jokes also.
- How many Tenors does it take to screw in a Lightbulb? Trick Question. They only think they can reach that high.
- So many people think drugs and alcohol are the answer. But drugs and alcohol are the question. Yes is the answer.
- An English test question asked us to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence. I wrote, "You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."
- There's a question in the exam that said, "What is the past tense of 'think'?"
So I thought and thought and thought and eventually I picked 'thinked'. - I failed my biology test today. There was a question that asked, "What is commonly found in cells?" I guess my teacher didn't think "black people" was a good answer.
- The more I think about it the more Murphy's law makes sense. The best way to get the right answer on the Internet is indeed not to ask a question but to post the wrong answer.
- The lady who birthed babies started questioning her career choice. I think she was going through a midwife crisis.
... - People told me girls wait their whole lives to hear a man say "I do" Apparently not if the question was "Do you think I put on weight?"
- Before my father kicked the bucket he asked me the most profound question... He said "How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
- I was interviewed by the police yesterday. I just said "No comment" to all their questions. They said they'd let me know but somehow I don't think I am going to get the job.
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Thinking Question One Liners
Which thinking question one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with thinking question? I can suggest the ones about thinking and philosophical question.
- If you're questioning your sexuality... You probably aren't thinking straight.
- Some people don't really question Middle Eastern markets. I think they're bazaar.
- Creationist have often made me question evolution But probably not in the way they think
- Don't ask too many true/false questions. People might think you're harassin' Or boolean.
- Today I was told a question is a great way to start a conversation. What do you think?
- What rhymes with anxiety? Think about that question non stop for no reason whatsoever.
- My dad always told me to think big. Now he's questioning why I'm dating a fat girl.
- I'm questioning my s**... orientation. I can't think straight.
Thinking Question Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about thinking question you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean question jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make thinking question pranks.
A man went to confession.
"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."
"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest
"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."
"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."
"Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?"
"Of course, my son."
"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"
Little Tommy gets asked to stay after class...
so little boy tommy isnt very good at math so his teacher kindly asks him to stay after class so she can help him.He agrees and listens to the teacher as she gives an example.She starts off by saying that if there are 10 birds on a telephone pole and you shoot one off, how many are left? he quickly answers "none". she says "no tommy, there would be 9". he then looks at her and says "thats impossible, obviously if you shoot one off, they would all fly away". she tells him that she likes the way he thinks. he follows up by saying "can i ask you a question miss, if there are 3 ladies holding a lollipop, 1 s**... it, 1 l**... it, and 1 biting it...which one is married? the teacher quickly replies with "the one s**... it". he looks at her and says "no, the one with the ring on her finger, **but** i like the way you think
I never remember silly things
A few old couples used to get together to talk about life and to have a good time.
One day one of the men, Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife.
Really? ,
one of the men said, what's it called? After thinking for a few seconds the Harry said, what are those good smelling flowers called again?
Do you mean a rose? the first man questioned.
Yes that's it, he exclaimed.
Looking over at his wife he said, Rose what's that restaurant we went to the other night?
Four kids walk into an interview...
Four kids walk into an interview. One is American, one is British, one is African, and one is Chinese. The interviewer asks them all the same question: "In your own opinion, what do you think of the scarcity of food in other countries?" The British kid asks "What is scarcity?" The American kid asks "What are other countries?" The African kid asks "What is food?" And the Chinese kid asks "What is my own opinion?"
The two troublemakers
A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.
So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.
The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"
Three nuns
Sisters Anne, Mary, and Teresa are driving across the country when they are in a car c**... and all die tragically.
In heaven, the three of them are standing in front of the pearly gates and St. Peter is standing before them. He says to them, "Sisters, I understand that you are all women of faith, and I would be more than happy to let you into heaven without hesitation, but as it is the rules, I must ask you each one question that you must answer correctly before I can let you enter"
The nuns all agree and Sister Anne steps forward first.
"Sister Anne, what was the name of the first man?"
She barely misses a beat before announcing happily "Adam!"
*Gong!*
The gates open and she enters.
Sister Mary then steps forward and St. Peter asks her, "Sister Mary, what is the name of the first woman?"
"Eve!"
*Gong!*
The gates open and Sister Mary enters heaven.
St. Peter then addresses Sister Teresa, "Teresa, what is the first thing that Eve said when she saw Adam?"
Sister Teresa thinks for a minute... two minutes... three minutes.. then mutters to herself "That's a hard one..."
*Gong!*
A man goes to church to make a confession...
A man goes to church to make a confession to the priest.
"Look. I have a confession to make. During the war, a young, gorgeous woman came to my door looking for somewhere to stay hidden. And I accepted, on the condition that she would repay me every day with s**... favors."
The priest says, "Don't worry, young fellow. You have sinned. You were young and lustful, and God will forgive you."
"Good," the man said. "But I have another question. Do you think I should tell her the war's over?"
A recently deceased man was being shown around heaven.
St Peter was looking after him by showing him the various facilities that were available. At the end of the tour, St Peter asked the man if he had any questions.
The man could only think of one. He pointed to a long wall running along one side. "Why do you have a wall there?" asked the man.
St Peter sighed and said, "That is for the Catholics. They`re on the other side. They like to think that they are the only ones here."
I need help remembering a joke please.
The "intellectual" joke thread got me thinking about a joke I heard years ago which made me laugh. It requires knowing two languages (Spanish and French I think), but if you get it it's pretty funny. It's something to do with asking a question and the reply meaning two different things in the different languages. I'm sorry that's really vague but it's been years since I heard it!
little Johnny
Was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "'Cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now; If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was l**... her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was s**... the cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
A Dolphin meets the Buddha...
The Buddha says you may ask me any question young dolphin and I shall answer for you.
The Dolphin thinks about what he should ask and after several minutes of soul searching he ask the Buddha "What is my Porpoise in life?"
Finger l**... Good
Little Timmy was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Timmy, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Timmy, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Timmy says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was l**... her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was s**... her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone."
"No," said Little Timmy, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
What color are your p**..., babe?
Boy: What color are your p**..., babe?
Girl: Why do you keep asking me s**... questions, don't you ever think about anything else?
Boy: Ok, do you think the republicans should support the congress with their decision to raise the debt ceiling ?
Girl:You know i am wearing your favourite purple lace p**.....You want a pic?
All anti-semites
Young Isaac knocks on his boss's door.
Boss: "come in!, yes Isaac what can i do for you?"
Isaac: "I can't work here anymore! I quit! Everyone who work here is anti-semite!"
Boss: "What? What are you talking about? I guess there might be one or two, but everyone? come on, it's ridiculous!"
Isaac " I am telling you! They are! I asked all of them one question, and they all gave me the same answer."
Boss: "But... what was that question?"
Isaac: " I asked waht would they think if we exterminate all the jews and all the hairdressers"
Boss: "Hairdressers? Why the hairdressers?"
Isaac: "See? You're all the same"
The Answer Is Four (Teacher Joke)
Little Johnny was in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question…
Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?
None, replied Johnny. The rest would fly away.
Well, the answer is actually four, said the teacher. But I do like the way you're thinking.
Little Johnny quickly replies… Well, I have a question for you… Say you spot three women eating ice cream cones. One is l**... her cone, the second is biting her cone and the third is s**... her cone. Which one of these women is married?
Well, says the teacher nervously, I guess I'd say the one s**... the cone.
No, says Little Johnny. The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married. But I like the way you're thinking.
How do you fit 50 elephants into a subway station?
You take the letter "f" out of the word "way"
(there's no f in way)
*joke works best when the person being asked the question has to think about it for some time and says the phrase themselves without realizing what they said
A little Johnny...
One day in math class little Johnny's teacher asked him to look out the window, where three birds were sitting on a fence. She then asks "Johnny, if I shoot one of those birds how many are left?" Johnny replies "None, they would all have flown away when they heard the gun shot." The teacher smiles and says "The correct answer was two, but I like the way you think."
Johnny looks at the teacher and says "I have a question for you." "There are three women in an ice cream shop and they all have an ice cream cone, one is l**... it, one is biting it, and one is s**... it, which one is married?" The teach thinks about it a bit and says "The one s**... it." Johnny looks at her and say "The right answer was the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think."
The man of Latvian walk street when...
...see the police cab is drive backward.
Man make questioning of police, "why drive the backward?" Officer of Policing respond, "Road narrow. We try to turning around!" Man thinking this is fine; keeping of walk.
Much time in future, man see same polices drive backwards, in opposite direction. Askings, "why the driving in opposite way?" Polices: "We turned around!"
A little boy asks his mother some questions about God...
"Mommy, is God a boy or a girl?"
His mother replies, "Both, honey."
"Mommy, is God black or white?"
His mother replies, "Both, honey."
He thinks for a minute.
"Mommy, is God Michael Jackson?"
A man meets a Native American with flawless memory...
When he meets this Native American Chief he notices he is older than most.
He asks the Chief many questions, and the Chief replies flawlessly to each one.
Then he thinks of a random date and asks the Chief, "What did you eat on October 18, 1987?" The Chief replies "Eggs".
He leaves the Chief and goes home. A year later he meets the Chief again. Feeling respectful he approaches the Chief, and says "How" and the Chief says, "Scrambled!"
I agree
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold soda.
The day was really quite beautiful,
and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.
Finally I thought about the age old question:
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful
than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another soda, and some heavy deductive thinking,
I have come up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby;
and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say,
"It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say,
"You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
How do people finish graduating from a Journalist school? They have to answer one last question. That question is "how do you do an excellent article?"
And the graduate answers "well, I think you press ctrl-c."
"Yes, go on," says the teacher.
"Then you press ctrl-v," says the graduate.
Five minutes later it's the graduation ceremony.
"Doctor, I think my wife has a hearing problem. "
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think my wife has a hearing problem. She doesn't seem to hear what ever I tell her."
The doctor replies, "Oh, is that so? Well, let me try to help you. Just try this method when you get home today. Stand around 50 feet from her and ask her something. If she doesn't hear it, reduce the gap by 10 feet and so on till she can hear what you say."
The man satisfied with the reply, hurries home to try this little technique. He stands around 50 feet away from her, and shouts, "Hey honey, what's for dinner today?" He gets no response, so he moves closer and repeats the same question four more times till he's right next to her.
He asks the same question again and she says, "For heaven's sake, this is the fifth time I'm telling you, it's just fruit salad tonight!"
So my sister took her Driver's Ed test today...
She thinks she failed. Part of the reason was because of this fill-in-the-blank question:
*If the ______ is dead, the car won't start.*
She put "driver" as her answer.
Pirate joke
A teacher is giving a history lesson on pirates. He asks the students a question.
"What is a pirates favorite letter".
A student's excitedly shouts " R "!
Teacher replys "You would think it's R but it's the C they love".
I was stood in the Chemist..
And I said to the lady behind the counter, Do you have anything that will clear up Diarrhoea?
We have some Imodium plus, if that's what you mean, she replied.
No, I don't think you understand my question. I just s**... on your floor.
A Trump supporter, a Sanders supporter and a Clinton supporter are being interviewed.
The question asked was 'what do you think of morals in politics'?
The Sanders supporter says: politics? What is politics?
The Clinton supporter says: morals? What is morals?
The Trump supporter says: think? What is think?
A man goes to a lawyer for some advice...
He asks, "How much does your advice cost?"
The lawyer responds, "1,000 for 3 questions."
Completely shocked the man asks "Don't you think that's a bit much?"
After a moment of reflection the lawyer says "now that I think about it... yes it is. Now what is your 3rd question?"
Mom finds a large number of b**... magazines beneath her sons bed.
Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"
God went to a Frenchman
He said 'I've got some commandments, do you want some?'
'What are they like?' The Frenchman replied
'Thou shall not commit adultery' Answered God
'I don't think so...' Slurred the Frenchman, so God went to a German and asked if he wanted any.
'What are they like?' The German questioned
'Thou shall not kill' God replied
'Hmmm, perhaps not' The German sighed, so God went to an Italian, offering him some commandments
'What are they like?' The Italian inquired
'Thou shall not steal' Answered God
'Perhaps not' The Italian replied. So God went to a Jew and offered him some commandments
'How much are they?' The Jew asked
'They're free' God answered
'I'll take ten' Said the Jew
A blonde says to her husband:
"Answer this question truthfully, and with only yes or no"
"Why do you think all blondes are s**...?"
A son gets home from his English quiz...
and sees his mom at house.
"How did you do?" she asked,
"It was easy but question 5 confused me," he said.
"What was it?" said his mom.
"The question wanted the past tense of 'think.' I thought and thought and thought and finally came up with 'thinked.'"
I gave two pints of blood at the hospital.
You would think they'd appreciate it but they just started asking me questions like...
Who's blood is this, and how did you get it?
A man gets a STD test from his doctor...
...and while the doctor is filling out paperwork, he asks the man several questions to determine his risk of infection.
"Alright, last question, you're looking great so far." says the doc "Have you ever paid for s**...?"
The man thinks for a moment, and glancing out at his wife and kids through the examination room window, sighs, and says, "Every time..."
"– Hi, We're doing a brief survey. May I ask you some questions?"
*"– Yes."*
"– What's your name?"
*"-Adam."*
"– And your wife's?"
*"– Eve."*
"– Wow, and the snake lives with you too?"
*"– Yes, my mother-in-law lives with us too"*
^I ^translated ^it ^from ^Spanish ^and ^that's ^the ^better ^punchline ^I ^could ^think ^about.
In school, we had an assembly on bullying
The teacher spoke about a young gay boy, being bullied because of his sexuality. She spoke in length about his life, and the verbal a**... he suffers. She then asked a question, 'How do you think he takes it?' Apparently, 'Up the a**...!' wasn't a suitable answer.
This recent question was presented to a German national:
'What do you think is the biggest problem in Germany? Uncertainty or indifference?' He answered: 'I don't know and I don't care!'
A blind kid named Stevie just changed schools...
And he was thinking about his old friends. Since he was blind, he never got to look at his friend, James, and he randomly thought, "Was James brown?"
After a little while, he realised he left before his friend, Marvin, came out and so he thought "Was Marvin gay?"
Needles to say, these questions really made Stevie wonder.
Little Johnny: Mommy, what's a t**...?
Mom: I think you should ask Aunt Dave that question.
Physics Student Question: A parrot was sitting on an elephant ... So the elephant died. Prove that, how is it possible?
Physics Student's Answer: Think,
The name of the elephant is parrot and parrot
Name 'elephant' [proven]
Son comes home after giving an exam.
Dad: So, how was the exam?
Son: I knew all the answers, but one question got me confused.
Dad: What was the question?
Son: Well, the question was 'What's the past tense of *think*? '. I didn't know the answer, so I thought and thought and finally wrote *thank*.
"Daddy, where did I come from?"
Seven-year-old Rachel asks. It is a moment for which her parents have carefully prepared. They take her into the living room, get out several other books, and explain all they think she should know about s**... attraction, affection, love, and reproduction.
Then they both sit back and smile contentedly. "Does that answer your question?" the mom asks.
"Not really," the little girl says. "Judy said she came from Detroit. I want to know where I came from."
English Exam
Two boys were in a class taking an English exam.
**After Exam**
Boy 1: What took you so long to finish the test?
Boy 2: Well, I got stuck in a question, it was "What is the past tense of think?". So I *thought*, *thought*, and *thought*, but I gave up and wrote thinked.
A man asks a librarian a question
"Hi, do you have that book on small p**...?"
"Sorry, I don't think it's in yet." She responds.
"Yeah that's the one"
The Ultimate Question.
A man is granted the answer to any question he could possibly think of by a genie.
The man thinks a bit before finally asking: "Would people get mad if they found out I wasted this opportunity?"
A husband is admitted to the hospital...
He has fallen very ill and his future is unsure. He says to his wife, "honey, if I die, I think you should marry Hank from down the street."
"Hank?" the wife questions, "I thought you hated him?"
With his last breath the husband replies "I do"
A husband calls a men's help line.
Host: "Hello caller, how can I help you."
Hus: "I think my wife is cheating on me, so last night I hid behind my boat and waited for her to come home. Soon a strange car pulled up. As she got out of the passenger side she was buttoning her blouse."
Host: "I see... so what's your question?"
Hus: "When I was behind the boat, I noticed a crack in the outboard bracket...can that be welded?"
Three questions to a lawyer . . .
A man called up a lawyer and asked: How much would you charge to answer three questions?
The lawyer thinks for a moment and said: Two thousand dollars plus tax.
TWO THOUSAND! cries the man. That's a bit expensive, isn't it?
Yes, I suppose it is, said the lawyer. After thinking a moment longer, he added: So what's your third question?
A teacher asked her students a question
"Stand up if you think you're s**...."
The room was quiet for a bit, then one boy stood up.
"Do you think your s**..., James?", asked the teacher.
"No," replied James.
"Why did you stand up then?" asked the teacher.
"I didn't want you to be standing alone."
A student receives a bad grade on his exam
And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.
He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"
The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".
The student comes home, and his mother asks him "so how did the exam go?". He replies: "the teacher thought it was remarkable!'
Quick Thinking
Teacher says, "Whoever can answer my next question, is free to leave class."
One little boy chucks his backpack out the window.
Teacher asks, "Who threw that bag?"
Little boy, "Me! I'll see you tomorrow!"
Question
James and Kumar were having a conversation when James asked Kumar a question.
J: what mouse walks on two legs?
K:(thinking hard).....ummm....I don't know
J: it's Mickey mouse you idiot
K: oh...ok
James then asks another question
J: which duck walks on two legs
K: this one's easy...it's Donald duck
J:all ducks walk on two legs you d**....
K:.....
Who killed Abraham Lincoln?
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions....
Officer: What's 2+2?
Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummmm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a m**... case!"
Fat fashion designer has found a time machine [OC]
Thinking about how many opportunities of discovery await him, he went inside and clicked a button.
He soon found himself in ancient rome. He noticed all the plebs wearing cool ancient clothes so he quickly went to the nearest shopping centre.
Being fat himself, he asked the shopkeeper if they can sell him XL shirts. That question made the shopkeeper curious, thus he asked the designer:
\-Do you really want to purchase that many shirts?
Student 1: "How did your English test go?"
Student 2: "It was easy, but question 8 was confusing."
Student 1: "What was it?"
Student 2: "It asked for the past tense of 'think'. I thought and thought and thought, and I ended up putting down 'thinked.'"
A little girl asks her mom where babies come from.
The mom has been preparing for this so she explains the process using scientifically correct terms but in a way the young girl can understand. Afterwards she asks, "Do you have any questions?"
The little girl thinks for a few seconds and then says, "How does the daddy's s**... get into the mommy? Does she s**... it?"
"Sometimes," says the mom, "If she really wants some new jewelry."
Three nuns die in a car c**..., when they get to heaven, the angel says they have to answer a question to get in
So the angel asks the first nun
Who was the first man?
And the nun replies, Adam
The angel allows her in and turns to the second nun
Who was the first woman?
The second nun answers Eve
Correct, in you go replies the angel
Then turning to the third nun the angel asks
I'm afraid this question is rather difficult. What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?
The third nun thinking says Oh, that's a hard one
Yes, you're in. Replies the angel.
Knock knock
Who's there? Voodoo. Voodoo who? Voodoo you think you are, asking all these questions?
A guy gets to Heaven and meets God for the first time...
God says, welcome my child. For living an exemplary life and following in my footsteps, I welcome you to Heaven and will answer one question for you. The answer to any of your life's mysteries that you desire.
The man ponders. He hurriedly thinks back on his life, wondering which answer he wants the most and not wanting to waste God's time, but he can't decide. He stares back at Him, unsure of what to say.
God says, don't worry my child, I am all knowing, so I already know what question you will ask.
The man, visibly relieved, exclaimed oh thank you! What is it?
That one. Enjoy eternity!
Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean
Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.
Einstein: asks a question.
Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.
Einstein says: Okay, it's your turn.
Mr. Bean asks: What's an animal that has four legs, but when it's crossing a street, it has three legs and when it's on the other side of the street, it has only two?
Einstein: Thinks hard for a while.
Einstein says: I give up. *Gives 1000 dollars to Mr. Bean*
Einstein asks: What is it?
Mr. Bean: gives a dollar to Einstein.
A man goes to his church to ask the priest a question.
"How much does it cost to get a church-singing group?" the man asks.
The priest replies, "you mean, a choir?"
"Uh, okay, I didn't think that mattered. How much does it cost to *acquire* a church-singing group?"
Who is the laziest person in class?
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
A young man was about to propose marriage to his girlfriend...
Naturally, he was really nervous and couldn't think of how to pop the question. One day they were sitting on the couch and suddenly he just blurted out, I think we should get married!
Wait, his girlfriend said, taken aback, are you serious?
I think I am, he said.
You're proposing to me here on the couch? she asked.
Yes, I guess I am, he said.
That's not much of a proposal, the girlfriend said. I think you can do better.
I thought so, too, the young man said. But your sister already said no.
Two Australians were sitting around talking over a beer..
After a while the first Australian says to the second, If I was to sneak over to your house and make love to your wife while you was off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"
The second Australian crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes, thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, _*"Well, I don't know about related, but I reckon it'd make us even."
A student got home from school and his mum asked him how the test went.
He said it was easy but one question held him up. The mother asked what the question was.
" They asked what the past tense of think was" the boy answered. "So what did you write?" the mother asked.
"I thought and thought and thought until I finally wrote thinked"! The boy replied.
Permission To Marry Your Daughter
Jimmy asks his girlfriend's father permission to propose.
The father says, "I need to ask you two questions. The first question is, do you love my daughter?"
Jimmy eagerly responds, "Sir, I love her with all my heart."
My second question is, "Do you think you earn enough money to support a family."
Jimmy immediately answers, "Yes sir, I certainly do."
The father says, "Slow down and think carefully Jimmy. There is six of us."
Immigration pulls a Spaniard Over and Questions him
Officer: You aren't American. You shouldn't be here.
Spanish Person: But officer, I'm American.
The officer thinks about it and says, If you are, then use the words green, pink, and yellow in a sentence.
The Spaniard thinks for a moment and says, The phone goes green green, I pink it up and say 'Yellow'.
An overweight criminal takes a lie detector test to prove his innocence.
This is the cops' last chance to prove his guilt.
They hook him up to the detector and tell him, "First we will ask you an obvious question and you must lie. If the machine registers your lie we will ask you about the crime and you will go to jail. If it does not you are free to leave."
"I understand." He says.
"Everyone in this room is fit except you. Do you think you are the lightest?" They ask.
He says, "Sir, I am closer to the lie test than any of you."
A teacher asks little Johnny a question...
-If there are five birds in a powerline and someone shoots one, how many birds are left?
-None because they will get scared away from the gunshot"
-Four but I like the way you think
-I have a question for you then. There's three women eating ice cream, one's s**..., one's l**... and one's biting. Which one is married?
-The one l**....
-No, the one with the wedding ring but I like the way you think.