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Things You Think About When Drunk Jokes

5 things you think about when drunk jokes and hilarious things you think about when drunk puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about things you think about when drunk that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.


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Fun-Filled Things You Think About When Drunk Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What is a good things you think about when drunk joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

All the girls I date are unemployed, drunk, and are on drugs.

I'm starting to think this whole opposites attract thing is b**....

Engineering student show up to his lab partner's house with a new bike...

His partner says, "wow.. that's a pretty nice bike you got there."
Engineering student says, "yeah, I was outside my dorm last night when a co-ed rode up on it. She was really drunk. She threw the bike on the ground and took off all of her clothes and said 'you can have whatever you want.'"
Partner says, "it's a good thing you chose the bike... I don't think the clothes would have fit you."

Three Nuns

Three nuns are walking down a street when they get hit by a drunk driver in a semi truck; dead on impact. Now they are waiting at the gate to be let into heaven. They are told they each have to answer one question correctly to be let in. If they answer wrong, they go straight to h**.... The first nun is asked what was the name or the first woman. She says Eve; bells ring and the gate opens. The second nun is asked what was the name of the first man. She answers Adam, and she is allowed to enter. The final nun was asked the first thing Eve said to Adam. So sits and thinks for twenty minutes or so before finally giving up and saying "That's a hard one." The bells ring and the gate opens.

Why dogs are better than women.

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..

7. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

8. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

9. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
10. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

There once lived a man named Olf...

...and because he was also drunk and red-face, they called him Olf the Red. One day, he looked out the window and saw that it was about to rain, so he said to his wife, "Honey, I think it's about to rain". To which his wife responded, "Are you sure?" Olf looked at the black skies and pouring droplets and said, "Yes, I'm sure." His wife replied, "Oh, you know how you easily mistaken things when you're drunk." And so Olf snapped, "Rude, Olf the Red knows rain, dear."


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