Things You Think About When Drunk Jokes
5 things you think about when drunk jokes and hilarious things you think about when drunk puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about things you think about when drunk that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Fun-Filled Things You Think About When Drunk Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What is a good things you think about when drunk joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All the girls I date are unemployed, drunk, and are on drugs.
I'm starting to think this whole opposites attract thing is b**....
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Nuns
Three nuns are walking down a street when they get hit by a drunk driver in a semi truck; dead on impact. Now they are waiting at the gate to be let into heaven. They are told they each have to answer one question correctly to be let in. If they answer wrong, they go straight to h**.... The first nun is asked what was the name or the first woman. She says Eve; bells ring and the gate opens. The second nun is asked what was the name of the first man. She answers Adam, and she is allowed to enter. The final nun was asked the first thing Eve said to Adam. So sits and thinks for twenty minutes or so before finally giving up and saying "That's a hard one." The bells ring and the gate opens.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why dogs are better than women.
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..
7. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
8. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
9. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
10. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
There once lived a man named Olf...
...and because he was also drunk and red-face, they called him Olf the Red. One day, he looked out the window and saw that it was about to rain, so he said to his wife, "Honey, I think it's about to rain". To which his wife responded, "Are you sure?" Olf looked at the black skies and pouring droplets and said, "Yes, I'm sure." His wife replied, "Oh, you know how you easily mistaken things when you're drunk." And so Olf snapped, "Rude, Olf the Red knows rain, dear."
Can you give me a push?
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??" "No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" And the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing.
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