Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Thing? Well here is a complete list of the top thing jokes:
He's explaining Facebook to old people.
👍🏼Is Sphere Itself.
👍🏼Is sphere itself.
👍🏼And there's notre dame thing they can do about it.
👍🏼Boss says Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!
Man says Ok I have a serious drinking opportunity.
It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
👍🏼...he is gay. Definitely gay.
👍🏼It's laundry day.
👍🏼On an unrelated note, I suck at darts.
👍🏼What's the last thing each tickle-me-elmo doll gets before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles
"And that includes digging the grave."
"Is that the whole thing?" I asked.
He replied, "Yes, that's the hole thing."
I said "That's the last thing I need"
👍🏼... Though, they do make me look a bit gay.
👍🏼...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
Funny thing is, I don't remember giving her permission to speak.
👍🏼A passerby saw a man laid flat on the sidewalk in front of the local beauty shop and ran to offer assistance. As the man came blinking into consciousness, the passerby asked, What happened?
The man rubbed the back of his head and said, I don't know! Last thing I remember, my wife was coming out of the salon there and I said, Well, at least they tried.
Or you can just take the whole thing.
👍🏼I was in a pub last Saturday night, drank a few, and noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
One of them chirped saying, "It's WALES, you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"
That's pretty much the last thing I remember...
Up
👍🏼One minute I'm at work looking up
random pages, passing the time, the
next minute I'm at home looking for a new job.
It's the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to avoid getting pregnant.
👍🏼What's the worst thing you've ever done to a dead body?
👍🏼...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
afterward, adam's kicked back, dazed.
god asks "son, where's eve?"
to which adam replies "she's down at the stream, washing up."
god groans "now i'll never get that smell outta those fish."
Unless you're at a funeral.
👍🏼I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
👍🏼A good thing ruined by a period.
👍🏼Who knocks on doors at three in the morning? It's so inconsiderate! Good thing I was still up playing my bagpipes.
👍🏼Man, I just can't put this thing down.
👍🏼And the thing is, I didn't do anything and it just disappeared.
Must have ransomware.
And I came across this girl; dirty, disheveled, and curled up by the dumpster out back.
I took her home and bathed her. As I was toweling her down I became aroused.
One thing led to another and before you knew it we were frantically fucking on the bathroom floor.
For one minute she was flailing so hard you would think she was still alive.
All the damn digging.
👍🏼A man walks into a bar,looking all bummed out, and orders a drink. After a few minutes he orders another. About thirty minutes later he orders a few more drinks.
The bartenders asks," Dude you look really depressed. Is everything okay?"
The man explains," My wife and I got into big fight. She says she won't speak to me for 31 days."
The bartender asks," Well isn' t that a good thing."
The man replies," Sadly, tonight's the last night."
Only two more sleeps until christmas.
👍🏼because if you couldn't pay, they'd have to come back and re-possess your house.
👍🏼Nina comes home after school and asks her mother "mommy, why do people go to heaven with their legs up?". Mother responds: "I don't think that's true, Nina. Why do you think so?". "Because I just walked past the neighbours house" Nina says "and the lady was screaming 'Oh God, i'm coming', so it was a good thing daddy was lying on top of her, otherwise she would have really gone too!"
👍🏼The mortician gets a call to come pick up Schultz, who dies unexpectedly. While getting him ready for the funeral, he can't help but notice Schultz has a freakishly huge male member. So he cuts it off, puts it in a bag, and brings it home to show his wife this amazing specimen.
He gets home and says, " Honey come look at the amazing thing I found at work today!" She comes over, takes a look in the bag and shrieks loudly, "Oh my God! Schultz is dead!"
A good thing to hear in church but a terrifying thing to hear in a mexican prison.
👍🏼It takes longer to pick up.
👍🏼...he said it was the most violent thing he ever read.
👍🏼Leave the plunger in the toilet.
👍🏼An Australian gets off the plane after touching down in New Zealand, first thing he sees is a Kiwi absolutely ramming a sheep up the arse.
Disgusted, the Australian tries to offer some advice, "Mate, where I'm from, we shear our sheep."
The kiwi bleats back, "Shear my sheep?! I ain't shearin' my sheep wuth innyone!"
He says, "Lord? May I ask you a question?"
"Sure thing!", God replies.
"Well," the man begins, "Is it true that a million years is just a second to you?"
God replies, "Yes, that is true."
The man then asks, "And is it true that a million dollars is only a penny to you?"
"Yes."
"In that case, can I have a penny?"
"Sure," God answers, "Just give me a second."
A joiner makes sure that what he makes fits with the rest down to the tenth of a millimeter.
A carpenter makes sure it fits down to a millimeter.
A mason makes sure it fits down to the centimeter.
If the painter makes it to the right address, it's a good thing.
A man says to God, "God, how long is a thousand years to you?"
God says, "A thousand years to me is like a second to you."
"Oh. God, how much is a million dollars to you?"
"A million dollars to me is like a penny to you."
"Oh. God, can I have one of your pennies?"
"Sure thing. Just hold on a second."
There are two men playing golf, at the end of the range you can see a funeral procession going by. As the hearse drives by followed by a few cars one man kneels down, takes off his hat and puts it over his heart, and says a prayer.
The man next to him says, "Well that's the nicest thing I've ever seen a golfer do!" The man stands up says "Well it's the least I could do, I was married to her for 35 years..."
-They told me at the blood bank this might happen.
-Phew! I left the top off the white-out. you probably got here just in time.
-I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance
-Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I'd almost figured out the solution to our biggest problem.
-...in Jesus's name, Amen.
But the bird was cool
👍🏼...the heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.
👍🏼A sudden desert storm had made a traveler lost his direction. The only thing he had was an apple. It was so precious, whenever he was thirsty or hungry, he would only look at the apple, then he would walk again full of hope.
Unfortunately, he still died in the desert. It was written on the police report: He would have walked out of the desert if he had had a Samsung or Nokia.
You've red some of the best thing jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about thing. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty thing gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !
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