Thin Jokes
146 thin jokes and hilarious thin puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about thin that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to laugh out loud when you read these hilarious "thin" jokes! Have a good laugh over a variety of jokes about being tall, slim, or skinny. Crack up when someone slips on some thin ice or when someone runs out of thin toilet paper. Enjoy a few lighthearted jokes about thin lips, thin hair, and thin eyebrows!
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Funniest Thin Short Jokes
Short thin jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The thin humour may include short short jokes also.
- Guys I just recently bought a 256GB iPhone 7 Plus, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway! The kid is 8 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.
- My Kids Got p**... at Me for Cooking pancake this Morning Seems he was their favorite rabbit
- Doesn't matter if you are tall or short, fat or thin, black or white, at the end of the day... It will be night time.
- 1,000 Men Were Recently Surveyed About Women 10% of the men surveyed liked women with thin legs.
15% of the men surveyed preferred women with muscular legs.
The rest liked something in-between. - I like my women like I like my phones Thin, smart, imported from Japan, and in my pocket all the time.
- What's the difference between a coke dealer and a dealer who sells other drugs? A thin white line.
- Did you hear about the magician who could create things out of thin air? They contacted him to give him a TV show, but once they found out he was a fake, it never materialized.
- Why is it always a surprise when a meteor enters Earth's atmosphere? Because they appear out of thin air.
- Why is it so easy to stay thin in Japan? easy, last time there was a fat man in Japan a whole city disappeared
- Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.... Large, small, circle, square, thin crust, deep dish, extra toppings....
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Thin One Liners
Which thin one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with thin? I can suggest the ones about tight and fine.
- Why are plants so thin? They always eat light.
- How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? It depends on how thinly you slice them.
- My girlfriend is a magician... She creates problems out of thin air
- My mom always makes the pancakes too thin I shouldn't have to put up with this crepe.
- I like my books like I like my women Thin, interesting and good in bed.
- I'm fat but I self identify as thin. I'm trans slender
- How many lawyers does it take to tile a roof? It depends on how thinly you slice them
- I like my women the way I like my paper... white, thin, and able to take a few punches
- What is thin, white, and scary? Homework.
- I just watched a documentary about anorexia. The research was a little thin.
- How many men does it take to wallpaper a room? 50, if you slice them *very* thinly.
- What do you call a slim ruler who's considering something? Thin-king
- THERE IS A THIN LINE BETWEEN 911.. AND 9/11
- How do you call a thin T-Rex? Ano-Rex...
- Cole's Law... Thinly Sliced Cabbage
Thin Slice Jokes
Here is a list of funny thin slice jokes and even better thin slice puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- This happened at the Deli counter today...real life joke Me (at the deli counter): I'd like some salami please, about a pound, sliced thin?
DeliGirl: Genoa salami?
Me: Yeah, I know a couple. - How many politicians does it take to roof a house? Depends on how thin you slice 'em.
- We've all heard of Boyle's Law and Charles's Law, but have you ever heard of Cole's Law? It's thinly sliced cabbage.
- I'm guessing you guys have heard of Murphy's Law, right? It's the cynical principal that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole's Law? It's thinly sliced cabbage.
Thin Ice Jokes
Here is a list of funny thin ice jokes and even better thin ice puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The penguin couple got into another fight They really are on thin ice
- Why was the Eskimo always 15 minutes early to work? he was walking on thin ice
- Did you ever catch an enemy walking on thin ice? It's a breakthrough experience.
- How do you chip thin ice off a window? You bust a rime.
- Why did the old man have trouble distinguishing foggy glass and thin ice? It wasn't clear to him.
- What happens when you drop a whale on thin ice? It breaks the ice...Hi, i'm (insert name)
Spread Thin Jokes
Here is a list of funny spread thin jokes and even better spread thin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I used to really like entropy jokes But now I feel like they're spread too thin.
- I used to hate Vegemite, but I read that you only need to put a thin spread to enjoy it It's been much better. The cat is eating the whole thing now.
Thin Hair Jokes
Here is a list of funny thin hair jokes and even better thin hair puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you get when you cross a magician and a barber? Someone who pulls something out of thin hair!
Fun-Filled Thin Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about thin you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean heavy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make thin pranks.
If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do.
On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
On the other hand, you don't.
The Only Thing Flat-Earthers Fear.....
Is Sphere Itself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What were you thinking?
Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The POPE has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns' was hot,
Liberace NEVER used his on women,
j**... Seinfeld is very very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's
what is it?
There's one thing I can't stand when I'm drunk
Up
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The thing I love most about this fall weather is the UGG boots and yoga pants..
... Though, they do make me look a bit gay.
What's the first thing a Navy wife does when she wakes up in the morning?
She puts her clothes back on and goes home.
If you're thinking about joining Hypochondriacs Anonymous remember...
The first step is admitting you don't have a problem.
I don't like thinking about gravity.
It brings me down.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Everyone thinks..
Everyone thinks Jesus is soooo good, feeding an army with 3 loaves of bread and a fish.
h**...'s not such a bad guy, he made 6 million jews toast.
What is the best thing about liquid soap?
It takes longer to pick up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my (wo)men like I like my coffee...
...hot, black, and strong
^(possibly the original)
...thin, pale, and extra-sweet.
...50% alcohol.
...all over my g**... while I'm trying to drive.
...I don't like coffee.
...imported from micronesia.
...free, fresh and in the breakroom.
...huge and cheap with room for cream.
...cold, bitter, expensive and Italian.
...in a plastic cup.
^(eddie izzard)
...ground up, roasted, and quickly disposed of.
What is the one thing spiderman can't eat?
Uncle Bens rice.
Best read out loud
I was walking past my local athletics track when I saw a man carrying a very long, thin bag. I asked him "are you a pole vaulter?"
He said "Nein, I am German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
What's the best thing about owning a car in Liverpool?
You'll eventually end up with enough bricks to build a free garage.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the best thing about f**... a gypsy on her period?
You get your palm red for free.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One thing that Sean Connery asked his wife only once and never again.
To sit on his face.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The thing about ice skating ...
No matter how good you are, the hardest part is always your n**....
What's the first thing a cannibal does in the morning?
Grab a cup of joe.
"What are those things on mommy's chest?"
A young boy once asked his father: "DAD, what are those things on mommy's chest?" The father replied: "Son, those are mommy's balloons you see, before she dies they get pumped up and she floats to heaven."
A couple days later, the father comes home early from work and sits on the couch. The young boy runs downstairs screaming: "DAD! DAD! MOM'S DYING!" The father get's up quickly and asks: "WHAT'S WRONG!!" The young boy replies: "UNCLE JAKE'S UPSTAIRS BLOWING UP MOMMY'S BALLOONS AND SHE'S YELLING OH GOD I'M COMING!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a thin line distinguishing "Heroes" from "h**..."
First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door
First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door
My plumber has a funny sense of humour
I was thinking about spending $100 to watch the boxing match tonight...
But why would I spend money to see Mayweather when I can just look outside?
What are two things dinosaurs can't have for dinner?
Breakfast and lunch.
I'll show myself out now
What is the best thing about dating a homeless girl?
You can just drop her off anywhere.
What was the first thing Hellen Keller noticed at the beach?
The volleyball net.
"I'm thinking of running a marathon again." I told my friend.
"You've run a marathon before?" she asked, with an air of admiration.
I said, "No, but I've thought about it."
Things I hate: lists, Oxford commas, and irony.
What's the best thing about being born on 9/11/99?
You had the two biggest candles on your second birthday.
What's the best thing about being a cannibal in a coma ward?
Fresh vegetables.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The only thing harder than diamonds
a r**... at his family reunion
What's the best thing to do when someone close to you dies?
Move seats.
What is the one thing that Democrats and Republicans can agree on?
They should allow guns at the Republican convention
I'm thinking of opening a pre-owned clock store...
I'm gonna call it 'Second Hand'.
I'm thinking of going on a cleanse
just not sure which race to start with
The only thing that Trump and I can agree on...
...is that I would also date Ivanka if she wasn't his daughter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The last thing my father said to me before he kicked the bucket
Hey, son. Check out how far I can kick this bucket
The one thing that all women find attractive
...a man who doesn't fall for clickbait
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was the first thing h**... bought from the beauty shop?
Polish remover
If there's one thing I'm better at than everyone else...
It's humility.
Only three things are infinite
The universe, human stupidity, and the winrar trial period.
I'm thinking of starting a youth foundation...
I mean I've already got like 30 kids buried in my basement.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Anyone who thinks Jesus wasn't a white man has never been to communion
The body of Christ is a c**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm thinking of opening a s**... bank and calling it...
"Get a load of this guy"
I like to do the same thing to my girlfriend that I do with my drum set
Pretend that I have one
What's the best thing about an Oprah Winfrey joke?
You get the joke! You get the joke! You all get the joke!
I was thinking the other day ...
So I shouted, "Thomeone help! I can't thwim!"
What are two things in the Air that can make a Girl pregnant
Her legs...
I was thinking about buying a blindfold, but decided not to
I just couldn't see myself wearing it
Things that will get you kicked off an United Airlines flight:
1)Wearing leggings
2)Having an United Airlines ticket
-Dan Regan
There is one thing that United got right: their food is just great.
I hear they even serve a Chinese take-out now.
What's the best thing for a hangover?
Drinking heavily the night before.
Three things that never lie.....
Little kids, drunk people, and yoga pants
I'm seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife…
But I'm pretty sure she'll figure out I'm just after my money.
Mahatma Gandhi was a strange person.
He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very smelly breath.
He eventually became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
If there was one thing I had learned from Tetris,
Is that my mistakes pile up until the point I cant do anything about them anymore
What's the best thing about going to Auschwitz?
Plenty of seats on the train ride home.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Many things used to be i**... in North Korea.
Now they're unlegal.
What is the one thing that everyone can agree on?
Terms and Conditions
If there's one thing that makes me throw up
It's a dart board on a ceiling
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm thinking about starting a dating app for low IQ people.
I'm calling it OK s**....
What's the best thing about a roll of duct tape?
It turns "no no no!" into "Mmm, mmm, mmmm"
What would be the first thing communists do if they ruled the solar system?
Rename Uranus to Ouranus
There's three things I've never been able to get straight
My sexuality, and counting
Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass.
Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd
I'm thinking about starting a business that recycles discarded chewing gum...
I just need help getting it off the ground.
The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene.
It's that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.
During the annual cavemen conference ...
Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .
Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours is a worthy contender
Greg " that's not it ,chief "
And then places a piece of bread on the stone and takes the knife in his hand
" What I'm about to do will blow your mind " .
What's one thing that women hate more than being stared at?
When you stare at the woman standing next to them.
That's my original for the year!
What's the best thing about dating 26 year olds?
Honestly I'm looking for a persuasive answer, I need to tell my wife something convincing or she's going to straight up kill me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The only thing round earthers have to fear...
...is nuclear war. That'll flatten things pretty quickly.
Where Are O.K. Things Made?
The Satisfactory
What's one thing you dont want to have while putting out a fire?
Verizon Wireless.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There is only one thing that is more r**... than my sister...
Our children
Who else thinks it's time we called Sesame Street out for what it really is?
Show of hands
I'm thinking of donating my body to science
It's taking up too much space in the freezer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you know what the last thing my grandfather said to me was before he kicked the bucket?
Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.
One thing my dad told me, "Son never explain yourself to anyone."
He never did tell me why.
