The Best 24 Thieve Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Thieve jokes. There are some thieve permission jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these thieve steal puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Thieve Jokes and Puns

Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the naked woman they find in there.

A startled, naked, man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go."

The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that."

The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"

Why do thieves prefer to steal Android phones over iPhones?

Because they like to Hangout and not FaceTime.

Thieves broke into my house last night looking for money...

I quickly got up and started looking with em!

Thieve joke, Thieves broke into my house last night looking for money...

Why do thieves have such a hard time understanding sarcasm?

They take things literally

Two thieves try to steal a calendar.

They each got six months.


There were two thieves who were also being crucified next to Jesus. One of them said, Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.

Jesus looked towards the thief and said, Truly I say to you, today you shall be with me in para...ARE THOSE MY SANDALS!

Why did the thieves get caught after robbing the Louvre?

Cause they didn't have the Monet to get Degas to make the van Gogh.

Thieve joke, Why did the thieves get caught after robbing the Louvre?

Two thieves walk into an amputee clinic.

"Everybody put your hand up!"

Why are thieves bad at getting jokes?

Because they always take things literally.

Thieves stole 30 crates of red bull from our local supermarket

I don't know how they sleep at night

Two thieves were caught with a load of stolen batteries and fireworks...

...one of them was charged, and the other was let off.

You can explore thieve garden reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean thieve hungry dad jokes. There are also thieve puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


If thieves ever broke into my house, searching for money...

...I'd just laugh and search with them.

My friend is selling me some old French guns...

Thieve never been used but they were dropped once.

The thieves who stole my calendar finally got sentenced.

Both got six months.

How do thieves kiss?

They make out like bandits.

Why do thieves and rogues use leather armor?

Because it's made of hide.

Thieve joke, Why do thieves and rogues use leather armor?

Thieves made a fake Blarney Stone in order to steal the real one...

It was replaced with a shamrock.

How do I know thieves are bad kissers?

Because apparently I make out like a bandit.

Thieves, if you ever feel like you need some of my advice...

the door is always open


Why did the thievery presentation have to buy new chairs?

Everyone attending took a seat

Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but the hand soap and half a bottle of shampoo

Those dirty bastards

3 thieves are chased by police

Why are so many thieves bald?

They dread locks.

Two thieves broke into my house looking for money

So I went searching with them.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the thieve burgle jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working thieve day piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes