Thick Jokes
122 thick jokes and hilarious thick puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about thick that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores some of the funniest jokes about thick glasses, slim thick bodies, Irish thick accents, big thick ankle weights, thick eyebrows, thick necks, and more. Learn about how thick and greasy, thin, and dense can all be funny. Read the article for some of the funniest thick jokes.
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Funniest Thick Short Jokes
Short thick jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The thick humour may include short thinly jokes also.
- What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit? Oranges have thick skin.
Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one! - I was reading a book when my 5yo cousin asked "why is that book so thick?" Then i told him "its a long story"
- why should you never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp? Cause she's probably thick and tired of it
- Why should you never make fun of a fat person with a lisp? Because he's thick and tired of it
- I'm not saying the staff in my local supermarket are thick, but when I asked if they could open Till 2, the manager replied.. "We're already open till 10 most nights. "
- You should never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp. She's probably thick and tired of it!
- Ok, you guys are going to have to stop making fun of that fat girl with a lisp She is thick and tired of it
- My grandma just walked into my room with a young barista wearing thick rimmed glasses. I said, Who is that?
Grandma: That's my hip replacement. - My son was watching me read War and Peace , and asked me, Why is the book so thick? I said, Well, ..it's a long story.
- I stayed in a hotel recently where the towels were so thick... I could hardly close my suitcase.
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Thick One Liners
Which thick one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with thick? I can suggest the ones about chunky and chubby.
- Never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp, she's probably thick and tired of it.
- Don't make fun of fat people with lisps... They're thick and tired of it
- Stop making fun of fat girls with lisps They're thick and tired of it.
- I hate hotel towels....So thick and fluffy. I can't even close my suitcase.
- Why do you never tease a fat girl with lisp? Because she's thick and tired of it.
- Why do you not make fun of a fat girl with a lisp? Because she is thick and tired of it.
- The volume of a pizza with thickness a and radius z is pi * z * z * a
- Why is the book so thick? Long story
- Stop making fun of the fat girl Shes thick and tired of it.
- I saw a graffiti artist spraying a police station in a thick font. Now that is bold.
- Did you know that the Earth is really thick? It's so thiccccccc it has seven sea's
- Fat people with lisps... are thick and tired of your insults.
- Bigamist… What an Italian calls very thick fog
- A little boy asked his dad, "why is the book so thick?" "It's a long story son."
- Why shouldn't you tease a fat girl with a lisp? She's probably thick and tired of it.
Thick Skin Jokes
Here is a list of funny thick skin jokes and even better thick skin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the definition of a politician? A person whose skin is so thick they can stand upright even without a spine
- People are so easily offended these days. That's why I only ever make jokes at the expense of white men, whose thick skins and calmly rational attitudes make them impossible to upset.
- Why can't skeletons take a joke? they're not thick-skinned
- What's the difference between Donald Trump and an orange? The Orange has thick skin and people actually like it.
- I've got quite thick skin I could probably count the number of paper cuts I've ever had on one hand
- People always make fun of me because of my eczema. Good thing I have thick skin.
- What's orange, thick skinned, highly acidic and a total fruit? An orange.
- Calling me fat doesn't hurt my feelings I have thick skin
- I tried to insult a whale... but it had thick skin.
Thick Girl Jokes
Here is a list of funny thick girl jokes and even better thick girl puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You should never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp. She's thick and tired of it.
- Girl are you a broken lithium battery? Because you're looki'n thick
- How do you describe a thick girl who codes Java and Ruby? "baby got back-end"
- Stop making fun of that overweight girl with a lisp She's thick and tired of it
- Girl I must be a speedboat Because your as thick as a manatee
Thick People Jokes
Here is a list of funny thick people jokes and even better thick people puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Whenever I use idioms in the wrong context... ...people look at me as if I'm as thick as thieves!
- Yo mamas glasses so thick when she looks at a map, she can see people wave
- Yo Mama's glasses are so thick she looks at a map and sees people waving.
Thick Glasses Jokes
Here is a list of funny thick glasses jokes and even better thick glasses puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a cow that has a record player, tight pants, and thick brimmed glasses? A hip-steer.
- Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.
- Why did the man with thick glasses fell into the well? He couldn't see that well.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Thick Jokes
What funny jokes about thick you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tall jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make thick pranks.
My wife is really self-conscious about how thick her eyebrows are
I told her she's crazy; most women would kill for *half* her eyebrows
I thought they'd named a loaf of bread after one of
my exes
then I realised it said Thick Cut
What do you call a very nosy spice?
Jalapeño Business
You need to say this in a pretty thick Hispanic accent for it to work. I heard it from some classmates.
An elderly Jewish sage walks into the post office and hands the clerk a thick envelope to mail.
The clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, buy this envelope is too heavy. You'll need to put another stamp on it."
"Vaht, and you think adding another stamp vill make it any lighter?"
Book of Dad Jokes [X-Post with DadJokes]
A father and his son are having drinks at a bar to celebrate the birth of the son's first child.
The dad hands his son a thick, leather bound book and says, "son, this book is a collection of the world's greatest dad jokes. Now that you're a father, it's time that I passed it on to you."
The son gets a little teary and says, "oh, Dad, I'm touched." The father responds, "Nice to meet you Touched, I'm Dad."
Does anyone else love thick sandwiches with three slices of bread and two layers of filling?
We should make a club.
I firmly believe in taking care of one's body...
That's why I protect mine in a thick layer of fat.
An American and an Australian are chatting in a bar.
An American and an Australian are chatting in a bar.
After both ordering their drinks, the Australian asks the American "So what is it that you do for a living?"
"Oh" the American responds. "I help my clients by representing them in court, and also advise them in other legal matters."
In a thick Australian accent, the other man replies "You're a lawyer."
And the American says "No really, it's the truth."
What do you call a smoothie that came out too thick?
A chunky.
Credit to my dad this morning..
Black guys like thick thighs
Cuz they hate apart thighs.
My wife's a terrible cook, she can never get her sauces right!
But I've stuck with her, through thick and thin.
Never make fun of an overweight person with a lisp.
They're probably thick and tired of it.
We wanted to bury our cat Ivy under our ivy
but it was too thick to get through so we renamed it dumpster instead.
I am proud to announce that I have developed a foundation to aid abused women
It's real thick to hide the bruises
Women don't like bass players, apparently...
Whenever I say I like thick G-strings they allways walk away, I don't know why.
Just fyi, if you're girlfriend asks you if she should lose some weight...
"I love you through thick and thin" is not an appropriate response.
For sale: Thick layer of dust
As seen on TV.
I like my women how I like my ice cream...
Rich, thick, and occasionally headache-inducing.
A man wakes up one morning to find that he's grown a thick beard and is wearing a turban....
He, being very concerned and disoriented, calls his boss in order to see if he can get the day off.
Man: "Boss, I just woke up with a turban and a long, thick beard. I think I need a day to figure things out."
Boss: " So what are you saying....?"
Man: "I'm calling in Sikh."
God allows animals to ask him one question...
The giraffe: God why do I have this long neck?
God: to be able to get the finest leaves.
The rihno: why is my skin so heavy and thick?
God: because your skin is your armor and its role is to protect you from your enemies.
The chicken: I don't care, so please don't even try explain! You make the hole bigger or the egg smaller.
Ghandi
Mahatma Gandhi lived a strange life
Because of his odd diet, he was plagued by a constant case of bad breath. This diet also left him rather thin and frail.
Because he didn't wear shoes, and he walked everywhere, he developed an impressively thick set of calluses on the soles of his feet.
All-in-all, he was a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
An Englishman walks into a bar...
He sees three fat ladies ordering drinks at the counter and hears a thick accent.
"Excuse me, are you three ladies from Scotland?"
They all scream back in unison, "WALES, YOU IDIOT!!"
"Oh, sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"
Mahatma Gandhi was a strange person.
He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very smelly breath.
He eventually became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
A foreign man walks into a bar...
He sees a group of hot women, and asks them, "Where are you from?" in a thick accent.
Somewhat annoyed, they reply, "Go away, we're l**...!"
Determined to get one of them, he says, "but I'm from Lesbia too!"
Two fat ladies walk into a bar
They order drinks, in a thick accent.
"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.
Offended, one of them replies "Wales!"
"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"
I like my women like I like my cheese
Thick, white, and rich.
I like my men like I like my backpacks
Thick and will hold my stuff.
(Found this on an Amazon review)
I like my women how I like the borders of my Excel cells
With a thick bottom
My dad who has a really thick Asian accent just asked me..
Did you see the white *super racist* riot in Virginia? He was trying to say **supremacist**. Honestly, he wasn't wrong tho.
Two guys are looking for a christmas tree in the woods...
They've been walking through the thick snow for about an hour and one of the guys says:
"Ah screw it! Lets just take that big one over there. So what if it doesn't have decorations?"
Coffee drinking trio
3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.
1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.
2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.
3rd: yeah? We'll I don't even use a kettle. I chew the coffee beans, drink some water and just go sit on the stove for a while.
Los Angeles usually has a thick smog covering its skyline. But when the smog lifts,
UCLA…
Ghandi never wore shoes...
...so he had thick skin on his feet. He was quite a weak man, though spiritual. And because of his poor diet, he often had bad breath.
You could say he was a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed with halitosis.
I like my women like I like my pizza cheese
Greased up and extra thick.
My girlfriend is blonde and anorexic.
I've stuck with her through thick and thin.
An Irishman and an Englishman find a lamp
Upon rubbing it a genie pops out and says For freeing me, I will grant you each one wish!"
The Englishman says "I love my country, but it's being ruined by foreigners. I wish a wall to be built around it so that no one else can get in."
The genie says, "Done. And you, Irishman?"
The Irishman looks thoughtful for a moment and says, "Tell me more about this wall."
The genie responds, "It is twenty miles tall, a hundred feet thick and made of granite. Nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it with water."
What's the difference between your boyfriend and a c**...?
Condoms have evolved: They're not so thick and insensitive anymore.
What did Denzel say to the thick wire entering his house's circuit breakers box ?
Mah main...!!
That's Milk
Sometimes, I wonder what was going in the mind of the first person, who squeezed a pink, drooping part of a cow's stomach, saw a thick white liquid come out and declared,"I'm gonna drink this."
In the middle of a war...
A group of soldiers are making their way through thick grass when an e**... goes off.
One of the soldiers shouts Be careful it's an armed bush
Little Red Riding Hood walks alone through the dark forest.
Suddenly she hears a rustling behind a thick bush.
She pushes the branches and bushes aside and suddenly the big bad wolf is sitting in front of her.
"Oh, bad wolf. Why do you have such big red eyes?"
"Get out of here. I'm p**...!"
We were talking about cast iron pans and my brain sprang into disfunction
I like my women like my cast iron cookware.
Black, thick and covered in oil.
This is a good joke to play on others. Pretend you're trying to solve a crossword puzzle- and say aloud "Postman -blank-. Any ideas?"
They'll likely say something like "Postman Pat" to which you reply- "no that doesn't fit.".
Then- if they're not completely thick- they should ask "How many letters?" and you tell 'em "A SACKFUL!"
Then they'll leave in disgust.
Two Irish friends leave the pub
One says to other, I can't be bothered to walk all the way home.
I know, me too, but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.
We could steal a bus from the depot, replies his mate.
They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look-out. After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, What are you doing? Have you not found one yet?
I can't find a No. 91.
Oh for goodness sake, ye thick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout!
Two Irish friends leave the pub.
Two Irish friends leave the pub.
One says to other, 'I can't be bothered to walk all the way home'. 'I know, me too but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.
We could steal a bus from the depot' replies his mate.
They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look-out.
After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, 'What are you doing? Have you not found one yet?'
'I can't find a No. 91' 'Oh for goodness sake, ye thick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout.
I like my lawn like Captain Kirk likes his women.
Thick, lush, soft, and green.
Yo momma is so fat…
When she does magic tricks she vanishes into thick air
A woman reports her husband's disappearance to the police...
A woman reports her husband's disappearance to the police. They ask her for a description, and she says, He's six feet, three inches tall, well-built, with thick, curly hair.
Her friend says, What are you talking about? Your husband is five-feet-four, bald, and has a huge belly.
And she says, Who wants that one back?
The Italian Game
Pulled this on my wife on a road trip
Rules: In a thick Italian accent, you say "Imma A" and your target says "Imma not A" after you. You both go through the alphabet that way together
Me: Imma A!
Wife: Imma not A (confused)
Me: Imma B!
Wife: Imma not B
Me: Imma C!
Wife: Imma not C
Me: You're a *WHAT*?!
She groan-screamed and pretended i didnt exist for 10 miles
While cooking breakfast this morning, my dad randomly said this: I like my women like I like my pancakes…
Hot, thick, and stacked!
milk and yogurt are arguing. milk: you're just so thick, gosh
Yogurt: you uncultured bovine
How does a pirate spell "thick"?
thiccccccc
A Christian m**... goes to proselytize in Africa and gets lost
So he goes aimlessly through thick forest and stumbles upon a lion. He gets scared the lion will eat him so he starts praying to God to protect him from the lion. Then, suddenly, he sees the lion praying as well!
He gets relieved and tells the lion: Brother! I didn't know you're a believer as well. I'm so glad, for a moment I thought that you might eat me
The lion responds: Quiet, please! Don't interrupt my mealtime prayer!
Diets are for those who are...
thick and tired of it.
Electrical Hum - True story
Was working on a Generator switchgear with the factory representative who was from Ireland and we had the generators running and the electrical panel open with all the thick bare copper busbars visible. As most may know anything with a ton of electricity flowing through it makes this humming sound. I told the rep that the hum always makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
He said " Do u know why it hums?"
Me, expecting a technical response, " No I dont know. Why does it hum?"
With a totally serious face he replied " Cuz it dont know the fookin words"
An American a Russian and an Indian meet in a Bar.
They start boasting about their countries.
The American said "We dug deep and found thick wires. So we had a telegraph system in the past too!"
The Russian said " That's nothing. We dug deep and found thin wires. That means we already had phones in the past!"
Then the Indian says "We dug deep and found nothing!"
So the other two started laughing and said "what's there to boast about?"
The Indian said "That means we always had wireless!"
An Irishman goes for a labouring job on a building site
The foreman thinks to himself "I'll catch this thick p**... out" and asks the Irishman "what's the difference between a joist and a girder?"
The Irishman thinks for a second and replies "well, you see sir, Joyce wrote Ulysses while Goethe wrote Faust".
\>note, this works best as an o**... joke as u may have gathered.
