He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection
"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.
Mercury is in Uranus
A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says, "well, that's great...some asshole's got my pen."
Mainly, the taste.
So I was at the doctor's office and he decided to prescribe a drug for an illness. But when he reached into his pocket to grab a pen so he could write the prescription, he instead pulled out a thermometer. He looked at it, then turned to me and said "Great, some asshole's got my pen."
"Ugh, some asshole's got my pen!"
"Some asshole's got my pen"
she exclaims, "Some asshole's got my pen!"
and pulls out a thermometer. "Oh great, some asshole's got my pen!"
A doctor walks into a bank to make a deposit. When he goes to sign the check, he realizes he's scribbling with a thermometer.
"Oh, that's great," he says. "Some asshole's got my pen!"
...seeking a prescription, and he can't help but notice that the doctor's writing on his clipboard with a rectal thermometer.
Not wanting to be rude, the man speaks up politely, "Uh, doc', not tryna' be impolite, but you're writing with a rectal thermometer."
The doctor pulls up his glasses, looks at the thermometer and replies, "Ah, some asshole's got my pen."
"Dammit, some asshole's got my pen."
"Doctor," says the nurse, "you've got a rectal thermometer behind your ear."
The doctor pulls the thermometer from behind his ear and looks at it incredulously. "Nurse, do you know what this means? Some asshole's got my pencil!"
A proctologist walked into a bank. Preparing to sign a deposit slip, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to write with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great! Some asshole's got my pen!"
Preparing to endorse a check, he pulls a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tries to 'write' with it.
Realizing his mistake, he looks at the thermometer with annoyance and says, "Well that's great, just great...some asshole's got my pen."
"Some asshole's got my pen"
"You may have graduated, but I've got hundreds of degrees"
A doctor's at work and has to sign some papers. He reaches into his breast pocket to get a pen and, to his surprise, pulls out a rectal thermometer instead. "Some asshole's got my pen!", he exclaims.
*Edited on the suggestion of /u/cunt-hooks*
As she goes to each room she gets plenty of strange looks from each of the patients, but none of them say anything. She finally walks past a doctor in the hall who stops her and asks "what's that you've got behind your ear?" she pulls it out and looks at in surprise, then exclaims "damnit! Some asshole's got my pencil!"
'Oh great, some arsehole's got my pen.'
After a few tests he says
Doc, I'm not feeling too good about my future health
The doctor says
Neither do I. Mercury is in Uranus after all
The man replies
What? I don't believe a doctor believes in that astrology stuff
Oh, not that answers the doctor. My thermometer broke
So I told her to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.
"Oh no, some arsehole has my pen!"
We tried everything, got tested, tried in vitro, etc. Nothing worked. Finally, the doctor said we were putting too much pressure on ourselves. He said to throw away the charts and the thermometer and just enjoy sex again, doing it whenever the mood struck.
On morning at breakfast, I was reading the paper and reached for the salt. My wife reached for it at the same time. Our fingers touched, our eyes met, and I swept everything off the table, picked up my wife and made love to her right there. Nine months later we had a baby.
Of course, we still aren't allowed in our local Burger King, but I think it was worth it.
Kelvin Klein
Some arsehole's got my pen.
When he goes to sign a check, he pulls a rectal thermometer out of his pocket. He looks up at the banker and says "Dang it, some ***hole has my pen!"
"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.
When she realised it wasn't working she exclaimed:
'Dammit, some arsehole has my pen!'
As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection.
"Maybe you should wait outside while I examine your dog," said the vet.
"Dammit, some asshole's got my pen again!"
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out!
She reached to her pocket but only found a rectal thermometer. "Some asshole's got my pen!" She exclaimed.
She says, "Great, some asshole's got my pen."
"Some arsehole's got my pen!"
The taste.
The taste.
I said: "Doctor, you've got a rectal thermometer in your hand!"
He replied: "Dammit! Some asshole's got my pen!"
Deleted and reposting myself due to a typo in the title
I doubt it Mercury is in Uranus right now
I replied I don't do that Astrology stuff
Me neither the Doctor replied my thermometer just broke
Doctor says, "I'm writing a prescription."
Nurse says, "But you're holding your thermometer."
He says, "Jesus Christ, some asshole's got my pen!"
"Great, some asshole's got my pen."
so he could put the thermometer in my mouth
Great, now some A**hole has my pen!
When the check came, he pulled out a rectal thermometer and, annoyed, said "Dammit, some dirty bum's got my pen!"
A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 12-hour shift.
Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and
Tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and
Without missing a beat, she says . . .
''Well, that's great . . . Just great . . . Some asshole's got my pen
HG Wells.
It is having varying degrees of success
Because he had more degrees.
She was here to temp me.
He kept scribbling, frowning, shaking the pen.
I said "Hey, doc! That's not a pen, it's a thermometer!"
He shouted "My God! Do you know what this means?"
"Dear God, what?"
"Some asshole's got my fountain pen!"
...the vet said that it would probably be better if I waited outside while she took my dog's temperature.
By the taste.
It's well red.
Medicine in hand, he asked the thermometer, "How are you feeling?"
The thermometer responded, "0K."
What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
You might have graduated but I have got many degrees.
The patient took it the wrong way
The taste.
I said: "Doctor, you've got a rectal thermometer in your hand!"
He replied: "Dammit! Some asshole's got my pen!"
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