thermometer Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious thermometer puns

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"

He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."

I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

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A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket

and says "some asshole has my pen"

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As he inserted the rectal thermometer [nsfw]

As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection

"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.

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A Proctologist is giving an exam...

A Proctologist is giving an exam, and as he is nearing the end of the patient's visit, he goes to write a prescription. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out, to his surprise, a rectal thermometer.
He looks at it and, exclaims, "Damn it! Some asshole has my pen!"

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What happens when the thermometer breaks during your rectal examination?

Mercury is in Uranus

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A nurse walks into a bank...

A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says, "well, that's great...some asshole's got my pen."

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During his routine medical check, the long suffering patient asked the doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?"

"I doubt it", said the doctor, "Mercury is in Uranus right now."

The patient said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."

Neither do I", replied the doctor, "My thermometer just broke in your ass."

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What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

Mainly, the taste.

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A nurse finds a thermometer in her front pocket...

and thinks to herself, some asshole has my pen

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I was at the doctors office the other day...

So I was at the doctor's office and he decided to prescribe a drug for an illness. But when he reached into his pocket to grab a pen so he could write the prescription, he instead pulled out a thermometer. He looked at it, then turned to me and said "Great, some asshole's got my pen."

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During my check-up I asked my doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy live?"

He replied, "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus right now"

I said, "I don't believe in any of that astrology bullshit doc"

"Neither do I. My thermometer just broke"

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A doctor goes to write a prescription...

He reaches into his pocket to take out his pen, but finds a rectal thermometer instead. Annoyed, he complains, "Some asshole stole my pen!"

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A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket and thinks,

Some asshole's got my pen.

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A nurse goes to write something down, reaches into her pocket and takes out a rectal thermometer

"Ugh, some asshole's got my pen!"

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Went to the doctor

So I went to the doctor and he was needed to write me a prescription. He reached into his pocket to pull out a pen..Instead he pulls out a rectal thermometer..

The doctor then yells "Damn, some asshole's got my pen!"

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A nurse reaches into her pocket and finds a rectal thermometer...

"Ugh, some asshole has my pen", she thought.

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Doctor pulls a thermometer out of his top pocket...

"Some asshole's got my pen"

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Upon request of a signature, a nurse reaches into her pocket only to find a thermometer...

she exclaims, "Some asshole's got my pen!"

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A doctor reaches in his jacket for a pen....

and pulls out a thermometer. "Oh great, some asshole's got my pen!"

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A doctor walks into a bank

A doctor walks into a bank to make a deposit. When he goes to sign the check, he realizes he's scribbling with a thermometer.

"Oh, that's great," he says. "Some asshole's got my pen!"

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Pen

A doctor reaches into his smock to get a pen to write a prescription and pulls out a rectal thermometer. "Oh, damn it," he proclaims, "Some asshole has my pen!"

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A nurse takes a rectal thermometer out of her pocket...

She sees it and says, "Oh dammit, some asshole took my pen."

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A doctor wanted to write a prescription

So he reached in his pocket and pulled out a thermometer. "Shit," he said, "some asshole has my pen."

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A Proctologist is walking down the hall...

...when he's stopped by a passing nurse "Doctor, why do you have a rectal thermometer tucked over your ear ?" She asked "Damnit" he said grabbing the thermometer "some asshole has my pen !"

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A patient walks into a doctor's office...

...seeking a prescription, and he can't help but notice that the doctor's writing on his clipboard with a rectal thermometer.

Not wanting to be rude, the man speaks up politely, "Uh, doc', not tryna' be impolite, but you're writing with a rectal thermometer."

The doctor pulls up his glasses, looks at the thermometer and replies, "Ah, some asshole's got my pen."

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A nurse reaches into her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer.

The nurse looks at the thermometer and says some asshole has my pen

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What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?

Damnit, some asshole has my pen!

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The Rectal Thermometer

A nurse is doing her rounds in the hospital and has to do some paperwork.
She fumbles around her pockets looking for a pen and to her dismay she finds a rectal thermometer.

She sighs and proclaims: "Oh, some asshole has got my pen!"

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A doctor goes to the bank to deposit a check...

He walks up to the teller and hands it to her, but she reminds him that it needs to be signed. He reaches into his pocket for a pen, but pulls out a rectal thermometer. He says, "Oh crap.." The teller asks, "Is something wrong?" and the doctor replies, "It's nothing, just that some asshole has my pen."

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Doctor is rummaging through his bag looking for a pen...

He pulls out a rectal thermometer instead, "Ah goddammit some asshole has my pen!"

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A nurse pulls a rectal thermometer out of her shirt pocket and says ...

"Dammit, some asshole's got my pen."

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A nurse notices that a doctor is walking around with a rectal thermometer behind his ear. Embarrassed, she pulls him aside to discreetly inform him...

"Doctor," says the nurse, "you've got a rectal thermometer behind your ear."

The doctor pulls the thermometer from behind his ear and looks at it incredulously. "Nurse, do you know what this means? Some asshole's got my pencil!"

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Proctologist walks into a bank

A proctologist walked into a bank. Preparing to sign a deposit slip, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to write with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great! Some asshole's got my pen!"

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The patient and the Doctor.

Patient: Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life?

Doctor: I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus right now.

Patient: I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense.

Doctor: Neither do I. My thermometer just broke in your ass.

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A doctor is walking down the hall.

A nurse meets him and says, "Doctor, why do you have a thermometer behind your ear?"

He reaches up, looks at the thermometer and says, "Awww dammit, some asshole has my pen!"

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What are the most funny Thermometer jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Thermometer? Well, here are the best Thermometer dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Thermometer pick up lines to share with friends.

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