Therapy Jokes
108 therapy jokes and hilarious therapy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about therapy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make the most of your therapy sessions with a bit of humor! This article will provide you with a number of entertaining therapy jokes. From jokes about therapy dogs to ones about therapy memes and group sessions, these mental and psychological jokes are sure to bring a lightheartedness to your next evaluation.
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Funniest Therapy Short Jokes
Short therapy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The therapy humour may include short therapist jokes also.
- I had a dream that I was fighting Jason Bourne, Will Hunting and Tom Ripley Thanks to months of therapy, I'm finally battling my Damons.
- There is a trend in psychotherapy called Anger Expression therapy where the patient is to express any anger immediately no matter how small or trivial. Its all the rage.
- Joke by my 6yr old. What do you call a baby that crossed the road? Flat baby
Seeking therapy for her now lol - After 5 years of therapy, my therapist finally said something that brought tears to my eyes. 'No hablo ingles'
- At first I thought my therapy for Stockholm syndrome was useless But now I kind of like it.
- I got kicked out of schizophrenia group therapy yesterday. I was just trying to be polite but I guess it was wrong to say "Don't mind me, guys. Pretend I'm not here."
- Kevin Spacey is undergoing conversion therapy and hope to eventually have a normal marriage. He says, "I want to have kids."
- [Couples Therapy] Her: I am sick of him being literal all the time! Therapist: I see. And how do you feel?
Him: With my hands. - So I was rubbing down this broad at my massage therapy job, and I asked if her husband was paying. She asked if i was a misogynist.
I said "Listen honey, its pronounced masseuse." - How are cancer and pregnancy similar? They can both be fixed with intense radiation therapy.
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Therapy One Liners
Which therapy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with therapy? I can suggest the ones about theory and treatment.
- Why did the winter solstice go to therapy? It had a case of seasonal dis-order.
- Why did the sun go to therapy? It was feeling a bit burned out.
- When is the Speech Therapy Class? It's hard to say.
- What do you call Mark Zuckerberg getting therapy? Tech support
- Why did the electron go to therapy? It couldn't be positive.
- I don't need therapy What I need is these squirrels to stop singing Pink Floyd.
- Why was the cow in therapy? Because of his low moooooood
- What do you call a show where people laugh at you while you get your therapy? Dr.Phil
- A kid with a speech impediment spends his entire childhood in speech therapy. Youthless
- I wasn't surprised when they told me my electro therapy was free I was shocked
- I joined a loneliness therapy group... No one showed up.
- What do you call a quadriplegic in a therapy pool? Vegetable soup
- What's worse than a dragon speaking to you? The money that you have to pay for therapy.
- how do you cheer up a dog that's lost its tail? retail therapy
- 10 unbelievable therapy treatments! Number 5 will shock you.
Therapy Group Jokes
Here is a list of funny therapy group jokes and even better therapy group puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I tried to start a therapy group for people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder They've assured me it's me who needs the group and I'm getting enrolled next week. I'm so grateful for their help
- My friend told me that he was sent to a therapy group for procrastinators. They haven't conducted the first session yet.
- If your friends jumped off a bridge would you Was probably not the best way to break the ice in group therapy
- Group therapy One psychologist asked another psychologist how his agoraphobia group therapy sessions are going.
"Not so good."
"Why?"
"No one ever shows up." - A terrets group therapy session is a lot like nuclear fission They can both result in a chain reaction with catastrophic results
- There is a therapy group at school for kids who are bullied. I'm helping new members join
Couples Therapy Jokes
Here is a list of funny couples therapy jokes and even better couples therapy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Socks are like unhappy couples in therapy always trying to leave each other, only to be brought back together by a third party
- A couple in therapy The wife: "I'm just tired of him getting sayings wrong."
The therapist: "Do you really do that?"
The husband: "Oh, cry me a table!" - A mute couple go to couple therapy. They found out there was just no communication.
- What do you do if your pants split? Send them to couples therapy.
Therapy Session Jokes
Here is a list of funny therapy session jokes and even better therapy session puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A Women Goes for a therapy session...
Speech Therapy Jokes
Here is a list of funny speech therapy jokes and even better speech therapy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Have to take my son to speech therapy.. Easier done than said
Therapy Dog Jokes
Here is a list of funny therapy dog jokes and even better therapy dog puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I brought my therapy dog named stains to the laundromat the other day and he started to run of So i shouted come stains!
- Therapy dogs are like strippers The relationship is over once the rubbing is done
Unearthly Funniest Therapy Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about therapy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean trial jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make therapy pranks.
I saw a doctor's office that does proton therapy.
I never thought that subatomic particles would need therapy, but I guess it's not easy being positive all the time.
OCD
A Stanford Medical research group advertised for participants
in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were
looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this
disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 300 responses
the day after the ad came out.
All from the same person.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ain't therapy great?
He yawns, but doesn't seem bored,
If you think of his bill, you are poor,
If you're feeling blue,
and want to get s**...,
"The r**..." -it's there on his door.
A gambling addict begins his 5th stretch of therapy...
"It failed 4 times in a row, so it's bound to work this time."
When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch,...
... the psychiatrist began his therapy session, "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."
"Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."
What is the recommended psychological treatment for mentally ill statisticians?
Regression therapy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There were seven dwarves in a bath feeling happy
Happy needed years of intensive therapy and counselling before eventually committing s**...
I went to Art Therapy to treat my dyslexia.
I don't know why they put me in a maze, but the cheese was good.
The musical doctor
Man: Doctor Doctor I need a cure for my depression.
Doctor: Music is great therapy, here, I'll loan you my old guitar, it's broken but you should get some use out of it.
Man: Hang on, why would you lend me your guitar just like that? Is there some sort of hidden clause in this?
Doctor: Don't worry, there's no strings attached.
ba dum tss.
I was a megalomaniac, I got therapy, now I'm perfect
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A married couple is in therapy
The therapist asks the husband, "When you are having s**..., what do most wish your wife would do?"
The husband answers, "She can do whatever she likes, so long as she doesn't come home without calling first."
(I just made that up.)
Why is the U.S dollar getting stronger?
Fiscal therapy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 96 year old man goes to an addictions therapy meeting...
He listens as each person explains their addiction and then its his turn.
"Hello, my name is Bob and I have a s**... addiction," he says. "I have s**... at least once a day, sometimes two or three times."
"Hello Bob," says the therapist. "Glad you are here. Never too old to get help."
"Help?" says Bob, "I ain't here to get help. I just came to brag!"
Some people need therapy.
... The rest of us just know how to conceal evidence
I used to have a morbid fear of German sausage.....
Its been hard, Ive been through therapy but now I think I'm over the wurst.
Gene Therapy
The act of watching Gene Wilder films to cope with the loss of Gene Wilder.
This is the place for wordplay, right?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you have r**... cancer and it's treated with radiation therapy...
Is that a Rem job?
Why did Waldo go to therapy?
To find himself.
Patients shocked to hear.....
.....new electro-shock therapy for the deaf.
Have you heard of the new successful therapy for ADHD/ADD patients?
It's called Concentration camp therapy.
(Sorry for untasteful reference)
Finally scheduled a therapy appointment to talk about my procrastination
But I rescheduled it for next week
Love him or hate him at least President Trump is raising awareness of one of the greatest challenges facing America.....
....Mental Health. 'Cause either that dude is crazy or I am and my best guess is before all this is said and done we're all going to need a little therapy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The only difference between group s**... and group therapy...
is that in group therapy you hear about everyone's problems, and in group s**... you see them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents sent me to conversion therapy.
They wanted me to go from "Pascals" to "Jewels".
Coming out as gay was a surprise for everyone,
But I thought the therapy was more shocking.
I don't know where I would be without my wife.
But I do know it wouldn't be in a therapy room.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a sign at the hospital. It said, "Therapy Can Help t**... Victims".
I thought, "It's probably not a good idea then."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I opened up a s**... therapy clinic for deer.
It's called "More Bang for Your Buck"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm halfway through my gay conversion therapy
But I'm barely getting bi.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Took my wife to therapy to fix her Tourette's syndrome
Waste of money that was. Turns out I **am** a c*nt and she **does** want me to f*c**... off..!
I asked my cannibal friend where he gets his veggies.
He replied "the local physical therapy clinic"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Will Smith walks into a group therapy session for depression...
So that's it, huh? We some kinda s**... squad?
What did the stingy schizophrenic finally come to realize after years of therapy?
That Sharon is Karen...
What line convinced the seaweed to receive therapy?
"Stop it, get some kelp"
I used to have multiple personalities...
"And how are you doing after all this time in therapy?"
We are all doing just fine.
I used to have an unhealthy obsession with plumbing parts but,
after years of therapy, I finally got it out my cistern.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I started therapy the other day
My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds, physically and mentally". So I stabbed them. Now we wait.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My brother, my sister, and myself pooled our money together
We treated our dad with this fish therapy where little fish nibble on the dead skin until it is gone.
It was money well spent, because it was much cheaper than a regular f**....
A man wakes up the mental ward
Relax, sir, you've just had ECT.
What's that?
Electrical shock therapy. After a shock to the brain, you have temporary partial memory loss. Patients often forget about the things that cause them stress and tension, allowing to them to relax and get better.
Okay.
Now that you're awake, I'll call your wife in...
My what?
A man thought he was a worm.
A man thought he was a worm. And thus he was afraid of chickens, because, well, chickens eat worms. Obviously.
So he went into therapy. After 6 months the therapist managed to convince him that he no longer was a worm.
And as a final test, he needed to face chickens. Upon seeing the chickens he got scared and hid himself from the chickens.
Upon seeing this his therapist asked "Why are you hiding from the chickens, are you still thinking you are a worm?"
The man replied "No I know I'm not a worm. But do the chickens know?"
After ten years in therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes.
"You know, maybe life isn't for everyone."
I'm going into therapy to deal with my fear of escalators, but it shouldn't take long ...
It's only a one step program.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bee landed on a girl's chest at the s**... addiction therapy course.
Apparently screaming Boo Bee at her chest was wrong...
A couple goes to therapy
A couple goes to therapy to discuss their issues.
The therapist asks. So, why are we here today?
The husband quickly try to explain.
So what happened was, that I was cleaning up in the kitchen, while putting something away I spilled a bunch of dried herbs all over the place. My wife then yells for help with folding the sheets in the bedroom and I simply replied.
"I can't right now, I have too much thyme on my hands"
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar and orders a glass of red wine. The bartender's therapy dog leaps to his feet, races across the room, runs down the stairs to the wine cellar and within moments returns with a lovely bottle of cabernet savignon in his jaws which he drops gently at the bartender's feet. "Wow, that dog is amazing," the guy says. "What kind is it?" "Oh, he's nothing special," the bartender replies. "Just a bordeaux collie."
My husband is best
3 wives are conversing….first says my husband is best: he cooks food and takes care of kids.
Second says my husband is best: he does all the household chores and spoils me with presents every day.
Third one says shut up! I have the best husband-he goes to therapy 6days in a week and all he talks about is me.
Relapse
"Great news, Mr. Oscarson," the psychiatrist reported. "After eighteen months of therapy, I can pronounce you finally and completely cured of your kleptomania. You'll never be trapped by the desire to steal again. "Gee, that's great, Doc," the patient replied."And just to prove it, I want you to stop by Sears on the way home and walk the length of the store.
You'll see - you'll feel no temptation to shoplift whatsoever. "Oh, Doctor, whatever can I do to thank you? "Well," suggested the psychiatrist, "if you DO have a relapse, I could use a new microwave. "
