The Best 82 Ther Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Ther jokes. There are some ther ful jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these ther bie puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Ther Jokes and Puns
My therapist wanted to tell me about the 5 stages of grief. I said...
But nothing bad has happened! How DARE you imply that it has? I'm only paying half for this session. Thanks for ruining my good mood... Okay, tell me all about it.
My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them...
I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?
My therapist told me that I find it impossible to vocalize my emotions.
Can't say that I'm surprised.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance...
We'll see about that.
Are there any therapists who interject "That's what she said!" during their sessions?
If not, it's a hole that needs to be filled.
A neutron walks into a bar...
He says to the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
Ther bartender replies, "For you, free of charge!"
I need a new therapist.
After a long session with my therapist describing all my various problems, she asked if I'd ever considered suicide. When I said no, she replied "Well, you should."
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
We'll see about that.
I heard this at work and thought it was clever. Enjoy
The therapist told my wife and I not to go to bed angry...
we haven't slept in 36 years.
I went to go see my therapist without my clothes on. I told him I didn't feel very sane.
My therapist said, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
My therapist says I'm paranoid.
He didn't *actually* say that I but I know he was thinking it.
You can explore ther tha reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ther ock dad jokes. There are also ther puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Thermos
A guy walks into a store and sees something. He asks what it is. "Why, it's a thermos." The clerk replies. "What does it do?" The man asks. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The clerk replies. "By golly, that's amazing!" The man replies. So he buys the thermos.
The next day he's walking down the street when he sees his friends. "What's that?" They ask. "Why, it's a thermos." The man replies. "What does it do?" The friends ask. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The man replies. "By golly that's amazing!" The friends exclaim, "what do you have in it?"
"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
My therapist thinks I have a drug problem. My dealer says she's overreacting.
My therapist asked me to stop wanking. I asked how long i should stop for...
He said at least until i left his office
My therapist says I'm narcissistic.
How can someone who's perfect be narcissistic?
Therapist: "So your parents both blame you for the divorce"
Therapist: "So your parents both blame you for the divorce"
John: "Nah, I was just a kid."
Therapist: "That wasn't a question. I see them twice a week."
I went to see a therapist.
I said, "I'm not sure if I'm a man or a woman."
He said, "Right. Just pull your pants down for me."
I said, "No."
He said, "You're a woman."
My therapist asked me what I'd feel if I shot someone.
"Recoil", I calmly answered.
THERAPIST: What's the problem with your marriage? WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me
ME: I don't do it on porpoise
My therapist told me..
My therapist told me that I have a fear of confrontation.
I didn't agree with her but I held my tongue in case it caused an argument.
My therapist told me I have multiple personalities...
Now she charges me a group rate.
My therapist claims I'm a narcissist, but what does he know?
Clearly not as much as me.
Therapist: "I think you have a phobia of marriage. Do you know the symptoms?"
Me: "I can't say I do."
Therapist: "That's one of them."
My therapist gave me a pamphlet on anger management
I lost it.
My therapist just told me I might be a chronic procrastinator and that it will seriously affect my life. I'm not worried though
I'll figure out what procrastination means later
What did the therapist tell Usain Bolt?
You sane, Bolt
My therapist said that I should do whatever I find enjoyable and calming.
Now there is blood everywhere.
My therapist says I have an obsession with revenge.
We'll see about that.
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations.
I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.
My therapist committed suicide today.
Hi suicide note read.
"Do as I say, not as I do."
My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people you hate......"
My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people who you hate and burn them later".
I did that.... But now what should i do with the letters???
My therapist told me that if I have a problem with somebody, I should sever ties with them.
My coworker just asked me what I was doing to his clip-on.
My therapist asked me how many times a day I act immature.
I responded, "sixty-nine."
Why was the therapist wet?
He therapist his pants!
My therapist asked what would be the one thing I'd say to my pa today if he were still alive.
I'd say 'I'm sorry I cremated you Pa, I really thought you were dead.'
At my therapy session today, I suddenly remembered that as a child I was molested by a clown.
I never knew I had IT in me.
My therapist says I'm socially awkward because I misinterpret what people say to me...
I'm pretty sure she wants me
My therapist suggested I write letters to all the people I hate and set fire to them. I tried it and feel a lot better...
But now what do I do with all these letters?
I don't need therapy
What I need is these squirrels to stop singing Pink Floyd.
My therapist says that I have revenge issues.
We'll see about that, won't we?
Therapist: what would you say to your dad if he were alive today?
Me: sorry for cremating you, I honestly thought you were dead.
What is a therapist?
1024 gigapist
What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
"You may have graduated, but I've got hundreds of degrees"
What happens when the thermometer breaks during your rectal examination?
Mercury is in Uranus
Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?
The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!
(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)
My therapist said I could book 10 sessions in advance for £6000
She must think I'm crazy!!
My therapist suggested I write letters to the people I hate and then burn them.
I did, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
My therapist recommended that I write in a diary to help my low self-esteem.
*Dear Diary,*
S*orry to bother you again.*
Therapist: Did you know that you have an inability to verbally express your emotions?
Me: Can't say that I'm surprised.
Therapist: Exactly.
Therapist ask what my greatest fear is
therapist: what's your greatest fear
me: randomly going blind
therapist: i see
me: but for how long??
My therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting social cues.
I think she wants to have sex with me.
My therapist says I have schizophrenia
Jokes on her I don't even have a therapist
My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture.
Wow thanks I'm cured.
My therapist says I should stop talking to the voices in my head.
But my wife says I don't have a therapist.
Theresa May has asked to delay Brexit until June
It makes sense, June comes after the end of May.
What do thermometers wear for underwear?
Kelvin Klein
What does Theresa May think U.K. stands for?
Not much
Theresa May to host new game show!
Neither Deal Nor No Deal
My therapist told me to write letters to everyone that had done me wrong, and then set them on fire.
Well I did that, so now what do I do with the letters?
I went to a therapist to talk about how insecure I was about my looks.
He told me to lie on the couch face down.
Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?
Husband: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
My therapist told me that it's important to spread positivity.
Which has saved me a bunch of money on condoms.
(NSFW) Ther Hunter
Jim and Carl are sitting up their post. Jim looks through his finder for a moment. Then he asks: "Carl, what would you do if your wife cheated on you?"
Carl: "I'd shoot her in the head."
Jim: "what would you do with her lover?"
Carl: "I'd shoot his balls off"
Jim looks at Carl: "If you hurry up you can do it with one bullet"
My therapist told me to write letters to the people who hurt me and burn them.
I did it. Now what should I do with the letters?
My therapist told me, You have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you understand the symptoms?
I said, Can't say that I do.
My therapist said, Yes, that's the main one.
[On the way to the therapist] Me: You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, won't you?
Her: Yes.
Me: I knew it!!
therapist: describe this picture
me: that's my father yelling at me
therapist: and this one
me: you having sex with my wife
therapist: and this one
me: aren't these normally ink blots
Therapist: So what brings the two of you here today?
My wife: It's impossible to live with him. He's too literal.
Me: My truck.
Therapist: So what brings you two in today?
Therapist: I think I have dissociative identity disorder.
Therapist: Don't listen to him, he doesn't know what he's talking about.
Therapist: How have you been coping with everything lately?
Me: With sarcasm mostly.
Therapist: Has that been working?
Me: Yeah it's been super great.
My therapist told me I have narcissistic personality disorder...
I think he's just jealous of me
Me to my therapist: I feel like I'm invisible to people.
Therapist: Who said that?
What did the therapist counsel the jar of jam to do?
"if you'd only open up, people would realize how sweet you were."
Therapist: you need to stop talking to yourself
You're doing it right now
Therapist: I've concluded that you are incapable of describing your feelings.
Patient: I can't say that I am surprised!
How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but the lightbulb really has to want to change.
My therapist says I can get over my fear of buffets.
But first I've got to want to help myself.
My therapist asked me to write hate-letters to all my enemies and burn them
He didn't tell me what to do with those damn letters though.
How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one.
But it's essential that the lightbulb wants to change.
My therapist told me that I'm terrible in picking up social cues.
I think she's hitting on me.
Therapist: [holding ink blot] what do you see?
Me: A sad lonely man wasting his life.
Therapist: [crying a little] I meant on the picture.
What does a therapist feed a cannibal?
Piece of mind
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the ther adjective jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working ther dis piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.