I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?
He didn't *actually* say that I but I know he was thinking it.
I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.
My Therapist told me "Write letters to the people who you hate and burn them later".
I did that.... But now what should i do with the letters???
I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me
Mercury is in Uranus
I'll figure out what procrastination means later
She must think I'm crazy!!
I'd say 'I'm sorry I cremated you Pa, I really thought you were dead.'
Me: "I can't say I do."
Therapist: "That's one of them."
"Recoil", I calmly answered.
I think she wants to have sex with me.
Wow thanks I'm cured.
Me: sorry for cremating you, I honestly thought you were dead.
I said, "I'm not sure if I'm a man or a woman."
He said, "Right. Just pull your pants down for me."
I said, "No."
He said, "You're a woman."
I lost it.
Wife: My husband uses to many Star Wars puns
Husband: Divorce is strong in this one
We'll see about that.
Hi suicide note read.
"Do as I say, not as I do."
Now there is blood everywhere.
So, I stabbed him. Now we wait.
Did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
Therapist: "So your parents both blame you for the divorce"
John: "Nah, I was just a kid."
Therapist: "That wasn't a question. I see them twice a week."
A guy walks into a store and sees something. He asks what it is. "Why, it's a thermos." The clerk replies. "What does it do?" The man asks. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The clerk replies. "By golly, that's amazing!" The man replies. So he buys the thermos.
The next day he's walking down the street when he sees his friends. "What's that?" They ask. "Why, it's a thermos." The man replies. "What does it do?" The friends ask. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The man replies. "By golly that's amazing!" The friends exclaim, "what do you have in it?"
"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
We'll see about that, won't we?
He said at least until i left his office
We'll see about that.
"You may have graduated, but I've got hundreds of degrees"
Me: Can't say that I'm surprised.
Therapist: Exactly.
How can someone who's perfect be narcissistic?
He says to the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
Ther bartender replies, "For you, free of charge!"
Can't say that I'm surprised.
*Dear Diary,*
S*orry to bother you again.*
We'll see about that.
I heard this at work and thought it was clever. Enjoy
ME: I don't do it on porpoise
Jokes on her I don't even have a therapist
Now she charges me a group rate.
Clearly not as much as me.
The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!
(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)
Kelvin Klein
I did, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
therapist: what's your greatest fear
me: randomly going blind
therapist: i see
me: but for how long??
If not, it's a hole that needs to be filled.
It makes sense, June comes after the end of May.
A guy (MAN A) walks into a diner, sits down, and pulls a thermos from his backpack. Across the room, a man at the counter, (MAN B) noticed the man.
MAN B: "Hey you! What you got there?"
MAN A: "It's called a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot, and cold stuff cold!"
MAN B: "Wow! I gotta get me one of those!!!"
The next day, the same to men, (A and B) walk into the same diner.
MAN B: "Hey look! I picked me up one of those thermos things!"
MAN A: "Great! What did you bring for lunch?"
MAN B: "2 hotdogs and a popsicle for dessert!"
A man is hiring for an accounting position, and is conducting interviews for each of the hopefuls. The first accountant walks in and starts to introduce himself.
Accountant1: I'm here for ther job, I'm great at d-
Boss: what's 2+2?
Accountant1: 4
Boss: get out
Sad, disappointed, and a little confused, the accountant slowly leaves the office. Then a new, fresh accountant comes in.
Accountant2: hey I'm here for the-
Boss: what's 2+2?
Accountant2: 4
Boss: get out.
Just as confused as accountant1, number 2 leaves thinking that if the boss is that stupid he doesn't want to work there anyways. On the way out, a new accountant walks into the office.
Accountant3: hi, I'm here for the ne-
Boss: what's 2+2?
Accountant3: anything you want it to be.
Boss: you're hired.
One turned to the other and said, "You man the guns; I'll drive"
We'll see about that.
I responded, "sixty-nine."
I never knew I had IT in me.
Neither Deal Nor No Deal
I'm pretty sure she wants me
But my wife says I don't have a therapist.
1024 gigapist
So two southern bells grow up in a small town in the south and when they finish high school, one moves up to the north for school and the other stays in the town and marries her high school sweet heart.
Years later, the first one comes back to town to visit her friend who happens to be quite the big shot now. The two meet at the train station and the rich woman says:
"Deeear, do you see that Cadillac?"
"Oh yes I do, it is a nice car."
"My husband bought me that car after the successful birth of our first male-born-son."
"How nice."
The two then go to the town square where they see a big statue.
"Deeear, do you see that statue?"
"Why yes, it looks an awful lot like yourself."
"Yes, my husband bought me that statue after the successful birth of our second male-born-son."
"How nice."
Finally, they arrive at the rich woman's house and see that it is a giant mansion with gardeners and everything.
"Deeear, do you see that mansion?"
"Why yes, it is very extravagant!"
"My husband bought me this mansion after the successful birth of our third male-born-son."
"How nice."
"Well what has your husband bought for you?"
"He put me through finishing school."
"Oh my, finishing school? Well what did you learn there?"
"I learned to say 'how nice' when I really mean '*fuck you*'."
What I need is these squirrels to stop singing Pink Floyd.
But now what do I do with all these letters?
we haven't slept in 36 years.
My therapist said, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
After a long session with my therapist describing all my various problems, she asked if I'd ever considered suicide. When I said no, she replied "Well, you should."
You sane, Bolt
My therapist said that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him. Now we wait.
But nothing bad has happened! How DARE you imply that it has? I'm only paying half for this session. Thanks for ruining my good mood... Okay, tell me all about it.
My therapist told me that I have a fear of confrontation.
I didn't agree with her but I held my tongue in case it caused an argument.
Not much
My coworker just asked me what I was doing to his clip-on.
He therapist his pants!
They both sell arms to Saudis
and he was right. I've made 15 push-ups right now and I feel like I'm 85 years old.
Because he told his patients that everything was going to be all white .
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
Creds to my friend for that one.
His friend replies it may have something to do with putting his profession on the office door in such large font that it had to be broken into two words.
It is having varying degrees of success
But only one of them feels good.
I ended up getting raped.
That's what she said
They should be allowed to wear what they like.
She wears them.
I simply checked the gravestone.
He yawns, but doesn't seem bored,
If you think of his bill, you are poor,
If you're feeling blue,
and want to get screwed,
"The Rapist" -it's there on his door.
..... I'll show him
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