Theo Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Theory vs. Reality

A son asks his father what the difference between theory and reality is.

The father says go ask your mother if she would sleep with the neighbor for 1 million dollars, then go ask your sister the same question and tell me what they say.

The son returns and says, "they both said they would do it!"

The father replies, "ok son, in theory we are sitting on 2 million dollars, in reality we live with a couple of sluts."

I have a theory on scoliosis

It's just a hunch though

Theory vs Reality

Little Billy had a homework assignment to compare theory and reality. The boy asked his father what the difference was between theory and reality. His father told him, 'Go ask your mother if she would have sex with the mailman for a million dollars.' The boy asks his mother and she says she would. Billy tells his father she would have sex with the mailman for million dollars.

The father then tells the boy, 'Now go as your sister if she would have sex with the mailman for a million dollars.' The boy asks his sister and she to says she would have sex with the mailman.

Little Billy goes and tells his father both his mom and his sister would have sex with the mailman and his father says, "Well son, in theory we're multimillionaires, but in reality we live with a couple of whores.

Theory and practice

A family is eating dinner: mom, dad, little Johnny, his sister and his grandpa are all sitting at the table. At some point little Johnny asks his father:
- Dad, what's the difference between theory and practice?
- I'll show you.
He turns to his wife and asks:
- Would you suck a stranger's dick for $10,000?
- Well, the bathroom needs a renovation and we're behind on our mortgage payments and even then there would still be enough left for a nice vacation... I mean it's just one blowjob, right?
Then he asks his daughter the same question
- That's a lot of cash, so yeah, I guess.
- How about you grandpa?
- When I was a lad, I worked 12 hours in a coal mine for a loaf of bread and a place to sleep, what's one blowjob for that kind of money...
The father turns to his son
-See, Johnny, in theory we have $30,000, but in practice, just two whores and a faggot under our roof.

Theory vs reality

A boy comes home with the assignment of learning theory vs reality. So he asks his dad for help. "Ok son, ask your sister if she'd sleep with Justin Bieber for a million bucks." Kid comes back and says "Yeah dad she would."
"Ok now ask your mom if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks." Kid ask his mom. "Mom said she sure would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks."
Dad says "Now in THEORY we have two million dollars, in REALITY..... we live with a couple of whores."

A theologian, a physicist and a mathematician

A theologian, a mathematician and a physicist are standing on top of a burning five-story building. The only way to escape would be to jump into the pool at the back of the house. The theologian shouts: "God will save me", jumps, and hits the ground two meters beside the pool. He is instantly dead. The physicist kneels on the roof, draws some figures and numbers into the dust, jumps and lands exactly in the middle of the pool. The mathematician speaks to himself: "I can do that too", fumbles his notepad out of his pocket, does some calculations, jumps and flies up into the sky. What happened?

Sign error.

Theory vs. Reality

A boy went to his father and asked, "Dad, what's the difference
between theory and reality?" The father answered, "let's put it this way. Go ask your Mom if she'd sleep with our neighbor for a million dollars." The boy returned and said, "She said yes." The father replied, "Go ask your sister the same question." The boy returned and said that his sister also said yes. The father went on to explain, "There you have it son. In theory we are sitting on two million dollars while in reality we are living with a couple of whores."

Theory and Reality

Young Jimmy has an assignment to distinguish the difference between theory and reality. Not sure how to start he asks his dad.

"Dad, I need help with this assignment."

"What is is, son?"

"I need to explain the difference between theory and reality"

"Ahhh, that's easy. Here... go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for one-million dollars.

So Jimmy goes and asks his mom, "Hey mom, would you sleep with Robert Redford for one-million dollars?" After a bit of contemplation, mom responds with a resounding yes. Jimmy goes back and tells his father the result.

"Ah-ha, just as I thought. Now, go ask your sister the same question about Brad Pitt."

Jimmy finds his sister and asks her. Without hesitation she says yes. Jimmy goes back to his father with the answer.

"...and there you have it, Jimmy."

"I don't get it dad." Jimmy responds.

Jimmy's father laughs and straightens up in his chair.

"In theory, we're sittin' on about two-million dollars... but in reality, we're living with a couple of whores."

Theory Vs. Reality

So a boy comes home from school and his dad asks him "Hey son, how was school?" the boy replies "Pretty good dad, but my last subject was about theory and reality... and to be honest, I didn't get it at all". The dad takes a seat and says "Son, let me teach you. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she would have sex with ANY man in the world, aside from me, for 1 million dollars." So the boy goes upstairs and asks his mother "Mom, would you have sex with any guy aside from dad for a million dollars?" to which the mother replies "Well, your sister is going off to college and we just took a second mortgage on the house... yeah, I'd do it." So the boy goes downstairs to his dad and says "dad, she said she would do it for a million dollars!" So the father goes "Alright son, now go upstairs and ask your sister if she would have sex with any guy but her boyfriend for a million dollars." the boy runs upstairs and asks his sister if she would have sex with any guy but her boyfriend for a million dollars... she instantly says yes. the boy runs downstairs again and says "dad dad, she didn't even hesitate, she would do it!"

So the dad says "You see son? In theory, we're sitting on two million dollars. but in reality, we're living with a couple of whores"

A lot of people believe Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen in the basement of CalArts.

# I personally love this conspiracy theory because it's a wonderful example of suspended animation.

Credit to the greatest animation professor of all time, Mr. Theo Artz of Drexel University.

I have a theory that consuming little bits of peanut butter encased in colored candy shells provokes silly rhymes.

I call it my Reeces Pieces Thesis.

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I'll see myself out.

Is Theology the study of people named Theo?

That's actually the whole thing sorry.

Dad joke but it's mine.

I have a new theory on inertia

But it is not gaining any momentum.

Why are theoretical physicists bad at sex?

Because when they find the right position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

A theoretical physicist walks into a bar...

A theoretic physicists walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey Buddy, looks like you've had one shitty day." The theoretical physicist replies "Its Feynman".

40 Theoretical physicists walk into a bar

Or did they?

Theoretically a goat can get impregnated by a moth.

Scientists have never attempted the experiment however, as they don't want to create more goth kids.

You know how there's a theory that no two people see colour the exact same way, does that mean colour is like...

... a pigment of your imagination?

There's a theory that people don't see the exact same colors

Does that mean
*color is a pigment of you imagination*

huehuehuehue

What would Theodore Roosevelt be called if he was a professional bodybuilder?

Teddy Swolevelt.








Yes, I know it's awful, Just had to get it out of my head.

In Theory...

In theory, theory and practice are the same.
In practice, they never are.

There's two theories to arguing with a woman..

Neither one works.

Theoretically and practically

"Dad, dad - what's the difference between theoretically and practically?"

"Son, go ask your mother and your sister whether they'd sleep with our neighbor for 1 million dollars."

A few minutes later.

"So, what did they say?"

"Both said they'd sleep with him for 1 million dollars!"

"See, son - theoretically we could have 2 million dollars, practically we're living with two whores."

What do you say to a theologian graduate with a good GPA?

"Oh, high marks! How's your sects life?"

Theory vs practice

Theory is when you think you know something but it doesn't work.Β 
Practice is when something works but you don't know why.Β 
Usually we combine theory and practice: nothing works and we don't know why.

In theory, theory is the same as practice.

But in practice it isn't.

The theoretical physicist had trouble getting a job...

... They could apply their knowledge.

Theory of Jumping Fleas

A lunatic asylum inmate amused himself by placing the pet flea on his left hand and on the command "Jump, Freddie, jump", the insect would leap to his right hand.

This game helped the poor man to pass away the mindless hours but one day he produced a tiny pair of scissors and proceeded to cut off Freddie the Flea's legs. He then placed his truncated pet on his hand and gave the familiar command but to no avail.

And then raising his voice he shouted "Jump, Freddie, jump!" but still the flea remained in his left hand.

'There you are,' cried the man triumphantly. 'That proves my theory, you cut off their legs they go deaf.'

Why did Theon Greyjoy become Reek as Ramsay Bolton's hostage?

He was suffering from Starkhome syndrome

There's a theory that Princess Diana had dandruff.

They found her head and shoulders in the dashboard.

I believe the theological philosopher Thomas Aquinas was rather overweight......

I guess this makes him an early deep fat friar

Theodore Roosevelt had sage words for men needing dating advice.

Speak softly and have a big dick.

There's a theory going around that some words don't contain consonants.

It's a myth.

During a routine checkup a patient asks their doctor if diarrhea is hereditary.

Theo doctor responds, absolutely, sometimes it runs in the jeans!

There's a theory going around that some words don't contain vowels...

I think it's a myth.

Why should Theodore not hang out with Lamar Odom

Because heΒ΄s a dick, ted.

I have a new theory about the most effective way to sabotage condoms...

... but you'll probably just poke holes.

There's a theory going around that every word contains a vowel.

Pfft!

What are the funniest theo jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Theo? Well, here are the best Theo puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Theo pick up lines to share with friends.

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