Theft Jokes

Funniest Theft Short Jokes

Short theft jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The theft humour may include short shoplifting jokes also.

1. My dad was fired from his job in road work for theft... I didn't believe it at first. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
2. What does Grand Theft Auto and Europe in the 1930s have in common? If you have a star, you're being chased
3. An Apple Store in Minneapolis reported losing $200,000 in inventory to riot-related theft. 'Thankfully the looters took nothing but two iPhones' the store's associate manager said.
4. Growing up my mom told me... I could be anybody I wanted to. Turns out this is called identity theft.
5. I have an amazing ability, I find objects just before people lose them. The police however call it theft.
6. The German bakery near me had to shut down when the owner was arrested for theft We should have known, the cakes were all Stollen.
7. My dad said that I could be anyone I wanted to be. Now I am wanted by the cops for identity theft.
8. The police asked me if I would take a lie detector... I said yes and now I've been charged with conspiracy to commit theft.
9. A series of thefts involving ice cream have been reported. They have been dubbed the Baskin Robbings.
10. I have a problem with taking things literally. My attorney advises me that it's called 'theft'.

Share These Theft Jokes With Friends

Theft One Liners

Which theft one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with theft? I can suggest the ones about stole and burglary.

1. My mate David was a victim of ID theft Now we just call him Dav
2. Why does Karl Marx hate earl grey? Because all proper tea is theft.
3. A well executed theft leaving no fingerprints behind is... ... a stainless steal.
4. My neighbour wrongly accused me of property theft. I didn't take a fence.
5. Why do orphans play Grand Theft Auto So they can be wanted.
6. My friend Sid was a victim of ID theft. Now he is known as S.
7. A man walks into a bar and takes a seat Gets arrested for theft
8. I hear they took Aaron Hernandez out of Madden and put him in Grand Theft Auto V.
9. How do you end a prayer to the noodle God? Ramen.
10. Why do Anarchists only drink herbal tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
11. Hi, my name is Dav I am a victim of id theft.
12. Why do marxists only drink tea made with tea bags? Because proper tea is theft
13. You are what you eat Cannibal defends himself against identity theft charges
14. Why do socialists only drink decaffeinated tea? Because proper tea is theft
15. Someone broke into my car and stole my speakers. It was grand theft audio.

Identity Theft Jokes

Here is a list of funny identity theft jokes and even better identity theft puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• "You can be whoever you want to be!" Instructions unclear. Currently serving time for identity theft.
• Did you hear about the person who had no pronouns? They were a victim of gender identity theft.
• What do you call it when someone hacks your bank account, and performs a transaction that leaves you with exactly as much money as you had before? Identity theft!
  A math joke. Credit goes to Ben.
• So did you hear about the leprechaun that got arrested for identity theft? Police are calling it a misgnomer
• Want to know how to avoid identity theft? Have a 350 credit score
• What's number one crime in China? Identity theft.
• Do you know how easy it is to commit identity theft? Also, congrats on your new mortgage!
• I would try to be honest but... That requires identity theft.
• Identity theft is the most diabolical way someone can compliment you on doing a good job at life.

Grand Theft Auto Jokes

Here is a list of funny grand theft auto jokes and even better grand theft auto puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I got bored the other day so I decided to play a game of grand theft auto The local police did NOT appreciate that
• Grand Theft Auto 6 just announced. Already criticized for displaying "excessive and gratuitous violence towards pedestrians". Apparently your character is just a normal on-duty cop.
• Play a real life version of 'Grand Theft Auto' By spending the day in Manchester.
• PokemonGo became old, I am more excited for... Grand Theft Auto GO.
• Rockstar has pretty much confirmed it's making a new Red Dead ... ... Grand Theft Auto V dlc with new customizable skins inspired by attire in the famous western-themed game.
• What do you call an Argentinian victim of grand theft auto? Carlos
• I have a Yelp Page My restaurant, Grand Theft Auto, is doing well, but I can't seem to get 5 stars
• What do you call it when two big polish guy's push a car? Grand theft Auto
• What do you call a game about The Purge? Grand Theft Auto

Car Theft Jokes

Here is a list of funny car theft jokes and even better car theft puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• If a 12 year old in Africa steals a sports car do they call it a joy ride? Grand theft? Or a midlife crisis?
• So I stopped a car theft the other day Apparently I stole the car and stopped it into a tree.
• What is Captain Kirk's least favorite 20th century car theft movie? Gorn in 60 Seconds

Rib-Tickling Theft Jokes that Bring Friends Together

What funny jokes about theft you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stealing money jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make theft pranks.