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Theatre Jokes

92 theatre jokes and hilarious theatre puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about theatre that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a good laugh? Check out our collection of theatre jokes. From actors to directors, we've got all the best theatre jokes to keep you entertained.

Funniest Theatre Short Jokes

Short theatre jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The theatre humour may include short theater jokes also.

  1. My grandfather warned people that the titanic would sink No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre
  2. Breaking News: A movie theatre has just been robbed of over two thousand dollars The theives took a large soda and two bags of popcorn
  3. A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.
  4. My father taught me the first rule of theatre "Always leave them wanting more"
    A great man. Terrible anaesthetist.
  5. My dad always used to say "The first rule of theatre is to always leave them wanting more". Good man, terrible anaesthetist.
  6. So I was in the movie theatre... and I was watching an incredibly sad film. So sad that the man behind me started wailing, then he hit me in the head with a harpoon.
  7. Recently I felt Funny and came over Queasy... At which point I was told to leave the local theatre adaption of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
  8. My Uncle Bill used to tell me that the secret to great theatre was 'always leave them wanting more'….. Lovely bloke, terrible anaesthetist.
  9. Got thrown out of the theatre during the Superman movie... ... but I was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses.
  10. People love animals. There's movies where people get blown up and shot. But you kill one puppy... They ask you to leave the theatre!

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Theatre One Liners

Which theatre one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with theatre? I can suggest the ones about cinema and movie theater.

  1. A thief entered a theatre... He stole the spotlight
  2. I wrote a script about the dictionary for my local theatre It's a play on words.
  3. I love using our theatre's trapdoor... ...it's just a stage I'm going through.
  4. Where did the Japanese watch their movies in WWII The Pacific Theatre
  5. What sort of pasta do you use if you want to fix a musical theatre award? Rigatoni
  6. Did hear about the thief that decided to raid the theatre? He sure stole the spotlight.
  7. I'm writing a piece for the theatre. It's called "Dictionary: A Play on Words"
  8. I'm in a 12 step program for musical theatre addicts. I'm on step 5, 6, 7, and!
  9. What do you call Bob Ross spinning around in circles at a theatre play? Aphrodisiac
  10. Did you hear about the thief that went to the theatre? He stole the spotlight
  11. How do you steal the heart of a cute girl? Answer: From the operation theatre!
  12. Where's a procrastinator's favourite place to sit in a theatre? Stalls.
  13. What do you call a Jewish theatre? A cinemagogue. Sorry, I'm not sorry
  14. What did the theatre critic's ghost say? Boo
  15. A failing theatre is giving away free tickets to the homeless. They need bums on seats.

Theatre joke, A failing theatre is giving away free tickets to the homeless.

Fun-Filled Theatre Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about theatre you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean circus jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make theatre pranks.

What did the English major say to the Theatre major?

Now my friend, we play the waiting game!

I remember directing a play and I thought I'd spice it up a bit by adding a lesbian shower scene...

Some say I'm the fresh and bold thing that theatre needs, others that I ruined the nativity.

Can someone please explain this joke to me?

How do you get the elephant out of the theatre?
You can't. It's in his blood.

I was in an operating theatre today...

...and a surgeon asked for a stool to sit on to perform the surgery. I got one, and pushed it towards him saying "stool behind you".
He replied "I'm so sorry, I thought it was only a f**...".

My friend and I are going to see a movie.

As we enter the theatre, we see a sign that says "no food or drink permitted."
Quietly I say, "I have a way to get around this."
To which he says, "How? It's not like we have a purse or huge pockets to hide things in."
I replied, "I've got a couple Twix up my sleeves."

I saw my local theatre advertising a night of x**... Roman plays...

I thought "ooo, sounds s**...," so I went along, but was disappointed.
It turned out to just be thirty plays.

Did you hear that Alexander Graham Bell got fired from the theatre?

He was always phoning it in.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are watching a concert in a crowded theatre...

The performer asks everyone if they can see him.
The four reply: "Yes, oui, si, ja"

[WARNING, spoilers ahead!]

1.) Storing milk at room temperature
2.) Grandparents
3.) Black people in a movie theatre

Why would John Wilkes Booth kill Abraham Lincoln?

You would too if the guy in front of you at the Theatre was wearing a Top Hat!

John Wilkes Booth is one of history's greatest stand-up comedians

I heard he really killed at Ford's Theatre.

What theatre plays Jewish movies?

The Cinegogue.

My local theatre were showing some x**... Roman plays..,

I thought that it sounded pretty hot, turns out it was just 30 Roman plays.

Heard of a theatre company called s**... in Each City'

Apparently they do four plays in all cities they visit.

Did you hear there was another blast?

This time in a movie theatre. The movie playing was You, Me and Debris.

The importance to great s**... is a big build up followed by a crashing finale.

But unfortunately we got kicked out of the theatre

I just saw Les Miserables in the theatre

Personally I think the whole rebellion thing was staged

Why did the fruit theatre company not pick the melon to star in Romeo and Juliette?

Because it cantaloupe

The comedy industry is ridiculously sexist.

Zach Galifinakis can tell a joke to a full theatre and the audience would love it. If Amy Schumer told the same joke a week later in the same theatre to the same audience, she'd be accused of stealing material

Literary joke

My local theatre group are putting on a gritty drama about the shortage of publications in an Essex town's library.
It's called Book Lack in Ongar

What did the worker in the movie theatre say to the cow after it bought a ticket?

Enjoy your moo-vie.

The actress who played the lead role in the local theatre production of Anne Frank's Diary was so bad

That the scene where the n**... entered the stage and said "where is she" the audience shouted "she's in the attic".

What's Long and Hard and full of s**...?

The Pacific theatre of WW2!

If you're happy and you know it

Can you please get along to the theatre where Snow White and the other six dwarves are waiting for you?

My grandfather predicted that the Titanic would sink.

He tried to warn everyone that it was going to sink, but the fools wouldn't listen. Being the good man that he was, he kept on urging people to heed his warning, right up until he was escorted out of the movie theatre by security.

10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...

authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.

A man walks into a Movie Theater with a bag

-"What's that in the bag"
--"An AK-47"
-"No, the thing next to it"
--"A bag of Cheetos"
-"Sorry, you can't take that to the Theatre"

My great grandfather got to see the Titanic

He told everyone it would sink, no one believed him. He said it again, they shut him up. For the last time, he warned everyone that it would sink. They have had enough and he got kicked out of the movie theatre.

Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.

He was Tolkien all the way through.

Will and Tom go to the theatre, but Will gets up to leave after the curtain closes for the first interval.

'Where are you going?' asks Tom. 'It's not worth the wait,' says Will. 'Look in the programme. Act two - one month later.'

There's a double feature at the theatre tonight. The first film is about a s**... transmitted d**.... The second is about an evil clown.

It follows It Follows.

My Granddad kept trying to tell them that the Titanic would sink.

He kept on telling them, but noone listened. They all got sick of him and eventually kicked him out of the theatre.

John Wilkes Booth

John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theatre."
Fiancee: "Break a leg!"

Nobody ever sits in the front row of chairs in the theatre.

Theatres should just start with the second row instead.

Friend: Did you hear about the robbery at the movie theatre the other day?

Me: No, what?
Friend: Yeah, apparently they stole more than $1000 worth of stuff
Me: Oh my god, what stuff?
Friend: 5 cokes and 10 popcorns

Mosquito

A couple went 2 see a film at a theatre...
A mosquito enters the girl's skirt..
Guess where it bites?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Dirty Mind...
Always thinking bad and naughty......
.
.
It bites the BOY'S HAND...!

Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey

Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?
Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...
Brutus: I ate 2 slices.
Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?

Another movie reboot

Pam and Doug were walking past a movie theatre when Doug pointed and said hey look they're remaking that old PG-13 classic, but it looks like this time they're giving it an R!
Pam looked over and, sure enough, there was a big poster for Planet Of The Rapes

My Great Uncle always used to say "The first rule of theatre is to always leave them wanting more".

Great bloke...
Terrible anaesthetist...

Years ago I won a tony for my work in the theatre, but year after year went by and my dull attempts to win another were in vain. Then, one day I wrote a play about how I changed my routine and began to lead an exciting life. For this I won another award.

You could say I've broken out of monotony

A man takes his place in the theatre, but his seat is too far from the stage.

He whispers to the usher "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat and I'll give you a handsome tip". The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. The usher looks at the quarter in his hand, leans over and whispers "The wife did it".

My grandfather warned the people that the Titanic would sink.......

No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre.

Why did the dyslexic employee at the concession stand at the movie theatre get arrested?

For bootlegging copporn !!!

An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.

As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.
Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.
"Uncanny!" He thought. "I've arrived at a strange stage of my life".

John the archaeologist is digging under a theatre and discovers 5 pots of gold coins...

Ecstatic, he tells his lead archaeologist
"Graham, I've found 3 pots of gold coins!"
"What's that John? You've found 2 pots of gold coins?"
"That's what I said, a whole p**... of gold coins!"

Can't come in

A theatre manager was worried that his headlining act hadn't turned up yet. His assistant came up to him.
"Sir, you just received this letter from the headlining act"
The manager took the letter and read it.
"Dear sir, I am afraid I cannot come in for the show tonight as I have..."
The manager stopped reading and kept staring at the letter.
"I can't read his writing, is that an I or an O?"
The assistant looked at the letter.
"It's an I"
"Thank goodness, I thought he'd shot himself"

A thief walked into a theatre

He stole the spotlight
(I saw this joke on plague inc and wanted to share it with you guys)

TIL after his show on Netflix was cancelled, Jon Bernthal was forced to take a job as a doorman in a theatre who would occasionally warm up the audience with dad jokes

He became widely known as the pun usher.

I'm writing a book to help surgeons to use Eastern meditation to overcome anxiety in the operating theatre...

I'm going to call it *The Calmer Suture.*

I went to the theatre today, the stage was covered in random phrases...

I guess it was a 'play on words'

Did you guys hear about the thief that broke into the theatre?

Apparently he stole the spotlight

My date stood me up at the movie theatre

I had to sit back down after getting yelled at by the family behind me.

A man walks into a movie theatre and sees a pig

Disgusted by the wild boar , the man asks : why is there a pig in this movie theatre?
The pig turns around- I liked the book

Mitzi told her friend that she's now working in theatre.

She said, Yes, I'm responsible for handing out the roles .
Her friend asked, Isn't that a difficult job?
Mitzi replied, No, every toilet has one.

Theatre joke,

jokes about theatre