Theater Jokes

114 theater jokes and hilarious theater puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about theater that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for some laughs to get through rehearsal? Look no further than our round up of the best theater jokes! From theater tech to musical theater majors, everyone in the cinema, theater and performance world will appreciate these lighthearted moments. Gather your cast and crew to enjoy these classic and new theater jokes.

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Short Theater Jokes
Theater One Liners
Movie Theater Jokes
Lincoln Theater Jokes
Ford Theater Jokes
Theater Kid Jokes
More Theater Jokes

Funniest Theater Short Jokes

Short theater jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The theater humour may include short theatre jokes also.

Last night a movie theater was robbed of over $1000 dollars. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, two large sodas and a pack of Skittles.
My grandpa warned people the titanic would sink and no one listened. He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.
My grandpa tried to warn everyone The Titanic was gonna sink. When everyone just ignored him, he yelled at them three more times, eventually they got irritated and kicked him out of the theater.
A local theater was just robbed of $286 the other day... ...The thieves stole one large drink, a large popcorn, and a candy bar.
In a movie theater crowd watches a movie. During funny moments only one person laughs. Confusingly, he turns around and explains: "Sorry, I haven't seen the trailer."
I asked my son what he wanted to be when he grew up and he said, "Batman." Now my wife and I refuse to take him to the theater.
A movie theater in my town was recently robbed of over $20,000 of merchandise The thieves apparently stole 5 popcorn/soda combos and 10 boxes of Raisinets.
How ungrateful people are My grandfather tried to warn everyone that the Titanic was going to sink. Besides not believing in him, they also expelled him from the movie theater!
My grandpa knew the Titanic was going to sink. He said it loudly countless times... Then he got kicked out of the theater.
My sister is a theater teacher and asked her class, "What would the world be like without theater?" One of her students replied, "Well, Abraham Lincoln would've lived a bit longer."

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Theater One Liners

Which theater one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with theater? I can suggest the ones about cinema and circus.

I'd like to go see Black Panther in the theater... But I'd also like to hear it too.
A thief goes to the theater He stole the show.
Why are there not many films about Abraham Lincoln? He doesn't do well in theaters.
What do 85% of movies that don't hit the theaters all have in common? Nicholas Cage
I heard Lincoln is doing well in theaters Traditionally, this has not been true.
I'm starring in a new theater production about puns It's a play on words
Aspiring thief breaks into theater... Steals spotlight.
Why wasn't the Canadian scared at the movie theater? He knew Nunavut was real.
I once wrote an entire theater production based on puns. It was a play on words.
Why was the chicken kicked out of the movie theater? Because he used fowl language.
Why did eighteen blonde women go to the movie theater? It said under 17 not permitted.
A cow recently submitted a two word theater review... "Udderly Mooving."
What did Lincoln say about his experience at Ford theater? He said it was mind blowing.
I once did a theater performance about writing puns.... It was a play on words
I hate theaters Everything is so staged

Movie Theater Jokes

Here is a list of funny movie theater jokes and even better movie theater puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Overheard in line for a movie... Theater employee: "That's an R-rated movie. When's your birthday?"
Teenage boy: "October 12th."
Employee: "What year?"
Boy: "Every year."
A movie theater was robbed of $150 worth of candy The thieves took 2 bags of M n' Ms and a small soda
Starting this Thursday, some movie theaters will not allow large bags inside the theater But thank god I have a few twix up my sleeve
I was invited to a theater to watch a pornographic horror movie... But I was too scared to come.
"Lincoln" grossed $275,000,000 in movie theaters Which is ironic since historically Lincoln doesn't do too well in theaters
My local movie theater was robbed of $200 last night. They stole a tub of popcorn, two sodas and a box of Milk Duds.
My great-grandfather knew that Titanic would sink and tried to alert people 3 times The third time, he was expelled from the movie theater.
A woman lost a court case... and was fined for bringing her own popcorn, coke and candy to a movie theater. Overall, she still saved a considerable amount of money.
Have you seen "Schrodinger's Cat the Movie"? It doesn't have any showing times. You buy a ticket but won't know if it is playing or not until you walk into the theater.
Did you hear about Peewee Herman's new movie? It's going straight to Netflix because he already released in theaters

Lincoln Theater Jokes

Here is a list of funny lincoln theater jokes and even better lincoln theater puns that will make you laugh with friends.

I visited ford's theater on vacation Is it wrong that I got a Lincoln shot glass from the gift shop?
I heard Abe Lincoln was having a fine old time at Ford's Theater... that is until he asked John Wilkes Booth for a headshot.
Two guys famous for having been shot in theaters . . . . . . Abraham Lincoln, and the guy sitting in front of Peewee Herman
"The Theater must always be a safe and special place" - Abe Lincoln

Theater joke, "The Theater must always be a safe and special place"

Ford Theater Jokes

Here is a list of funny ford theater jokes and even better ford theater puns that will make you laugh with friends.

So I heard you just saw a play at Ford Theater, how was it? It was Mind-Blowing

Theater Kid Jokes

Here is a list of funny theater kid jokes and even better theater kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.

At the theaters Adults are ten dollars and Children are six dollars. . . But I still prefer renting, because I can always give the kids back when I finish.

Theater joke, At the theaters Adults are ten dollars and Children are six dollars. . .

Comical Theater Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter

What funny jokes about theater you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean museum jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make theater pranks.

Philosophy Major: True story

With five minutes left in his class, a philosophy professor decides to talk about his own college experience.
Philosophy is basically a dead-end major. You know where your career is going when you sign up for it. He looks at one student and asks, What would your parents say if you told them you were changing your major to Philosophy.
The student says, They'd be thrilled. See, I am a theater major.

Did you hear about the kleptomaniac who went to the theater the other day?

He stole the show!

In a theater

A man is stretched out on his back across four seats in a theater. The usher comes down and says, Mister, you will have to get out of those four seats. You are only entitled to one.
The man only grunts and does not move. The manager comes down and says to the man, Mister, you will have to get up. All you are entitled to is one seat. The man grunts and does not move.
Finally a policeman is called in. He walks down the aisle and says to the man who is still on the four seats, Get out of those seats!
The man grunts, and policeman says, Okay, wise guy, where are you from? The man moans and says, The balcony.

Movie theater madness

A young lad did some work for a farmer and when he was done was given a goose as barter payment. He tucked the goose under his arm and began walking home. As he was passing through town he noticed that a movie that he wanted to see was playing at the theater. Since they didn't allow animals he stuffed the goose down his pants, paid for his ticket and found a seat in the packed theater next to two old ladies as the lights dimmed.
The goose began to struggle and not wanting to be discovered, the young man inconspicuously unzipped his fly so that the goose could breathe. Shortly thereafter, one of the old ladies nudged the other, "Edna, the boy sitting next to me has his fly unzipped and something is sticking out!"
"Martha", her companion replied,"When you've seen one you've seen 'em all."
"Well you've never seen one like this before. It's eating my popcorn!"

How many first-time theater directors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, what do you guys think?

"The Interview" Joke

Kim Jong Un walks past a movie theater and sees a movie poster for "The Interview."
He says "I wouldn't be caught dead in that."

Where ya from Sam?

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.
"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.
And with pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony."

A priest walks into a movie theater

...and finds that most of the seats are taken. He looks around for a while, and finally sees an empty seat. The priest asks the man sitting next to the open seat, "Excuse me, is this seat saved?"
The man looks the priest up and down and replies to him, "No, but it's willing to listen."

I asked my brother why he was taking a dictionary and thesaurus to his theater rehearsal.

He said it was a play on words.

Did you hear about the blonde who froze to death at the drive in theater?

She went to see Closed for the winter.

Dating when your 30 is like finding a seat at a theater one minute before the show.

The perfect seats are already taken by someone who arrived much earlier than you and of the seats available, the ones in the back are an unfulfilling experience, the ones in the front overwhelm you with discomfort, and the ones that are decent substitutes are either broken or next to kids.

My friend who works at the movie theater died yesterday...

f**... services are being held today at 4:25, 5:40, 7:10 and 9:45

I was waiting outside the movie theater to buy some tickets, when a pregnant woman walked over and hit me in the face.

"Ow!" I yelled. "Why did you do that?!"
"Oh, so sorry." She replied. "I thought this was the punchline."
"Was that supposed to be a joke?!" I asked.
"Yep, guess I need to work on the delivery." And then she went into labor.

Why is Bear Grylls a good friend to take to the movie theater?

He sneaks his own drinks in.

You should never yell "Fire!" in a crowded theater

The gunman will shoot when he's ready, it isn't polite to rush him

People are really upset about how the cast of Hamilton treated Mike Pence.

I mean, the last time people were this upset about something an actor did to a Republican in a theater, the Civil War had just ended.

"Hey, you know where there's a theater around here?"

The man responds "Yeah, just around the corner and a block down. You plan on seeing a performance?"
The blonde answers "Yep, a friend told me about a comedic play called 'Puns', apparently is based around words, whatever that means."
"Wait, what exactly did your friend tell you?"
"That he really likes 'Puns': a funny play on words"

Why did the overweight actor fall through the theater floor?

It was just a stage he was going through

"What's that in your bag?"

"A knife, a box of matchsticks, some petrol and a few sticks of dynamite"
"No, that other thing there"
"Oh, just a pack of wafers"
"I'm sorry you can't bring that into the theater"

I went to see Don Quixote at the theater yesterday and there was a short break in the middle of the play.

We didn't know it would happen, no one expected the Spanish intermission.

An usher saw a man sprawled across 3 seats in the theater

"Excuse me, sir, you can't sit across three seats"
The man only faintly mumbled and shifted a bit.
"Excuse me, SIR, you can't sit like this!"
Another faint mumble.
Grabbing his arm, the usher inquired "Sir, where did you come from thinking you can act this way?!"
"The balcony"

In 1991,

Pee Wee Herman was arrested for m**... in a movie theater. What a lot of people do not realize is that he represented himself in court, believing he could get himself off.

A man in a movie theater

Notices a skunk sitting next to him.
"Oh my god, are you a skunk?" Asked the shocked man.
"Yes."
"What are you doing in this theater?"
"Well, I liked the book," the skunk replied.

Did you hear Louis c**...'s new movie is cancelled?

You still might find him coming soon in a theater near you.

A man goes to the movie theater

He sees a childhood friend of his embracing a woman in the back rows. He goes up to them and asks, "Who's this?"
His friend proudly replies, "It's my lover!"
The man then said, "Not you, I'm asking my wife."

A woman was arrested for bringing her own popcorn, candy, and soda to the movie theater.

She was fined and had to pay court fees, but the good news is she still came out a few bucks ahead from if she would have bought the popcorn at the theater.

My grandfather was an old nautical engineer who tried to warn everyone on the Titanic that they were doomed

First he yelled at the passengers while they boarded...he was ignored
Then he yelled at the Captain and the First Mate...he was ignored
Then as he continued to yell his warnings; people began to tell him to be quiet and that he was crazy
Eventually, after all his yelling; Security came and escorted him out of the movie theater

Our grandpa was running away from the operation theater ...

We stopped him and asked what was wrong.
He replied that the nurses in the operation theater were saying "Don't worry, everything will be alright, we are all with you" and that made him uncomfortable.
We said "They were trying to calm you down. This is common. They probably say this to all the patients before the surgery"
Our grandpa took a deep breath, looked deep into my eyes and said "They were telling that to the surgeon"

There was a thief that went to a theater to steal an expensive prop...

But what he really stole was the spotlight.

Aspiring thief enters theater

Steals spotlight

I went to the movie theater, and they said it was $6 for adults and $4 for children

So I said: "Alright, then give me two boys and a girl."

Ukrainian mother persuades her son to marry

M: Look at Marina. She is beautiful, intelligent, loves movies and theater.
S: I do not want her.
M: Look at Olena. She cooks well, her house is always orderly.
S: I do not want her.
M: So who do you want?
S: Mom, I love my neighbor Sergei.
(pause)
M: But he's Russian, after all.

My grandfather knew before the titanic sank that it was going to happen.

He kept yelling and telling peope over and over but no one listened. They then threw him out of the theater, he's not allowed back.

My grandfather warned everyone that the Titanic would sink, nobody wanted to listen.

They promptly kicked him out of the theater.

Just been arrested by the police after recently being given the part of Romeo in my local theater.

The script clearly said 'Enter Juliet from behind'.

Two blondes froze to death at the drive-in theater.

They were there to see "Closed for Winter."

A man sitting in a movie theater notices that there is a bear sitting next to him.

Finally he turns to the bear and says, Aren't you a bear? The bear nods, so the man says, So what are you doing at the movies? The bear says, Well, I liked the book.

A guy is walking on a beach when he finds a genie lamp..

He rubs the lamp and a Genie pops out.
The Genie says, "Thank you for releasing me. I will grant you one wish."
The guy doesn't hesitate.."I want to be world famous! I want my name in lights in every theater around the world!"
"Done!", says the Genie.."Your name is now EXIT."

My grandpop always used to say "The first rule of theater is to always leave them wanting more"...

...great man. Terrible anesthesiologist.

My Grandfather saw the Titanic. He shouted loudly to all within earshot "that ship is going to sink!". He was ignored. But he kept it up "Mark my words. That ship will sink on her maiden voyage!"

Eventually the ushers threw him out of the theater.

I just saw a theater performance called "The Woodpecker and the Metal Pole"

The performance was impeccable!

Mr. Johnson walked into a movie theater and sat down next to a dog who was at the theater with his owner.

Much to Mr. Johnson's astonishment, the dog laughed at the funny parts, cried at the sad parts, booed at the villain's wicked deeds, and cheered at the hero's heroics.
When they left the theater, Mr. Johnson told the dog owner, "Your dog's reactions to that movie were amazing!"
"I thought so too!" replied the dog owner. "He hated the book."

Magic Show

During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled, "How'd you do that?" "I could tell you, sir," the magician answered, "But then I'd have to kill you."
After a short pause, the man yelled back, "Ok, then, just tell my wife!"

An Englishman, a Frenchman, A Spaniard and a German go to the theater to watch a mime show.

The men have bad eyesight so they are squinting through the whole performance.
The mime sees their problem and stops the show and moves them to the front row. He then ask, "Can you see me now?"
The men Respond:
YES
OUI
SI
JA

A wise man once said Life becomes much more peaceful when you realize you are not responsible for the projections of others.

…the movie theater manager then proceeded to reconsider his career.

my grandfather knew the Titanic was going to sink and kept yelling for everyone to get off

he got kicked out of the theater that day

A crime at the movie theater

A police detective walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Just got done investigating a burglary at the local movie theater," the detective tells the bartender. "They lost almost $10,000." "That's horrible," the bartender says. "Did they get the cash register?" "No," the detective replies. "Just three jumbo tubs of popcorn, two large sodas, three boxes of candy and a hot dog."

What do you call a theater major who works hard to portray his drug addict role?

A m**...-head actor

I was walking past a movie theater showing "The Black Phone" and some guy standing out front was saying, "Stephen King is my dad and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!" I said to him...

"Surely you must be Joe."

I went to the movies and there was a man who brought his dog into the theater with him.

After the movie, I went up to the man and I said "Hey this might sound weird, but it seemed like your dog was really enjoying the movie." The man said "Yeah, I'm suprised too, because he *hated* the book!"

A man is returning to his seat in the movie theater after visiting the toilets.

"Excuse me," he says to the lady sitting beside the aisle, "Did I step on your foot when I went out?"
"Yes you did," says the lady angrily.
"Oh good," says the man, "that means I'm in the right row."

Why did the narcissist buy a movie theater?

They were good at projecting

I helped my Community Theater put on a play about a Bakery. I wouldn't say I was the star...

But I did play a roll