Theater Jokes
114 theater jokes and hilarious theater puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about theater that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some laughs to get through rehearsal? Look no further than our round up of the best theater jokes! From theater tech to musical theater majors, everyone in the cinema, theater and performance world will appreciate these lighthearted moments. Gather your cast and crew to enjoy these classic and new theater jokes.
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Funniest Theater Short Jokes
Short theater jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The theater humour may include short theatre jokes also.
- Last night a movie theater was robbed of over $1000 dollars. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, two large sodas and a pack of Skittles.
- In a movie theater crowd watches a movie. During funny moments only one person laughs. Confusingly, he turns around and explains: "Sorry, I haven't seen the trailer."
- I asked my son what he wanted to be when he grew up and he said, "Batman." Now my wife and I refuse to take him to the theater.
- How ungrateful people are My grandfather tried to warn everyone that the Titanic was going to sink. Besides not believing in him, they also expelled him from the movie theater!
- My sister is a theater teacher and asked her class, "What would the world be like without theater?" One of her students replied, "Well, Abraham Lincoln would've lived a bit longer."
- Overheard in line for a movie... Theater employee: "That's an R-rated movie. When's your birthday?"
Teenage boy: "October 12th."
Employee: "What year?"
Boy: "Every year." - I helped my Community Theater put on a play about a Bakery. I wouldn't say I was the star... But I did play a roll
- Starting this Thursday, some movie theaters will not allow large bags inside the theater But thank god I have a few twix up my sleeve
- I was invited to a theater to watch a pornographic horror movie... But I was too scared to come.
- Just been arrested by the police after recently being given the part of Romeo in my local theater. The script clearly said 'Enter Juliet from behind'.
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Theater One Liners
Which theater one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with theater? I can suggest the ones about cinema and circus.
- I'd like to go see Black Panther in the theater... But I'd also like to hear it too.
- A thief goes to the theater He stole the show.
- Why are there not many films about Abraham Lincoln? He doesn't do well in theaters.
- What do 85% of movies that don't hit the theaters all have in common? Nicholas Cage
- I heard Lincoln is doing well in theaters Traditionally, this has not been true.
- I'm starring in a new theater production about puns It's a play on words
- Why wasn't the Canadian scared at the movie theater? He knew Nunavut was real.
- I once wrote an entire theater production based on puns. It was a play on words.
- Why was the chicken kicked out of the movie theater? Because he used fowl language.
- A cow recently submitted a two word theater review... "Udderly Mooving."
- What did Lincoln say about his experience at Ford theater? He said it was mind blowing.
- I hate theaters Everything is so staged
- Why did the narcissist buy a movie theater? They were good at projecting
- Can we talk for a minute about stereo types? Home theater, boomboxes, mp3 players, etc?
- What has 4 thumbs and pretends to be an adult at a movie theater? Dis guise!
Movie Theater Jokes
Here is a list of funny movie theater jokes and even better movie theater puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "Lincoln" grossed $275,000,000 in movie theaters Which is ironic since historically Lincoln doesn't do too well in theaters
- Have you seen "Schrodinger's Cat the Movie"? It doesn't have any showing times. You buy a ticket but won't know if it is playing or not until you walk into the theater.
- Did you hear about Peewee Herman's new movie? It's going straight to Netflix because he already released in theaters
- Why is Bear Grylls a good friend to take to the movie theater? He sneaks his own drinks in.
- I went to the movie theater, and they said it was $6 for adults and $4 for children So I said: "Alright, then give me two boys and a girl."
- A wise man once said Life becomes much more peaceful when you realize you are not responsible for the projections of others. …the movie theater manager then proceeded to reconsider his career.
- "The Interview" Joke Kim Jong Un walks past a movie theater and sees a movie poster for "The Interview."
He says "I wouldn't be caught dead in that." - An old couple was found dead in a drive in theater … they came to see the movie "Closed for Winter".
- If you're a movie ticket usher and ....... .... and amputee leaves the theater, but comes back and shows you his ticket, is it wrong to say to him "I'm glad you saved your stub" ?
- A man walks up to the ticket counter at a movie theater with his family movie... Four tickets for that Star Wars movie.
Solo?
No, I said *four* tickets.
Lincoln Theater Jokes
Here is a list of funny lincoln theater jokes and even better lincoln theater puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I visited ford's theater on vacation Is it wrong that I got a Lincoln shot glass from the gift shop?
- I heard Abe Lincoln was having a fine old time at Ford's Theater... that is until he asked John Wilkes Booth for a headshot.
- Two guys famous for having been shot in theaters . . . . . . Abraham Lincoln, and the guy sitting in front of Peewee Herman
- "The Theater must always be a safe and special place" - Abe Lincoln
Ford Theater Jokes
Here is a list of funny ford theater jokes and even better ford theater puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I heard you just saw a play at Ford Theater, how was it? It was Mind-Blowing
Theater Kid Jokes
Here is a list of funny theater kid jokes and even better theater kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- At the theaters Adults are ten dollars and Children are six dollars. . . But I still prefer renting, because I can always give the kids back when I finish.
Comical Theater Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about theater you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean museum jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make theater pranks.
Philosophy Major: True story
With five minutes left in his class, a philosophy professor decides to talk about his own college experience.
Philosophy is basically a dead-end major. You know where your career is going when you sign up for it. He looks at one student and asks, What would your parents say if you told them you were changing your major to Philosophy.
The student says, They'd be thrilled. See, I am a theater major.
A horse walks into a movie theater...
... he goes to the Box office and asks the clerk for a ticket.
the clerk looks at the horse and gasps, terrified. "you talk!!!!"
the Horse says "Don't worry, I will not talk once the movie starts"
Did you hear about the kleptomaniac who went to the theater the other day?
He stole the show!
I was wondering why a fire truck was in front of a theater close to me last night...
I suppose it was Catching Fire
In a theater
A man is stretched out on his back across four seats in a theater. The usher comes down and says, Mister, you will have to get out of those four seats. You are only entitled to one.
The man only grunts and does not move. The manager comes down and says to the man, Mister, you will have to get up. All you are entitled to is one seat. The man grunts and does not move.
Finally a policeman is called in. He walks down the aisle and says to the man who is still on the four seats, Get out of those seats!
The man grunts, and policeman says, Okay, wise guy, where are you from? The man moans and says, The balcony.
Movie theater madness
A young lad did some work for a farmer and when he was done was given a goose as barter payment. He tucked the goose under his arm and began walking home. As he was passing through town he noticed that a movie that he wanted to see was playing at the theater. Since they didn't allow animals he stuffed the goose down his pants, paid for his ticket and found a seat in the packed theater next to two old ladies as the lights dimmed.
The goose began to struggle and not wanting to be discovered, the young man inconspicuously unzipped his fly so that the goose could breathe. Shortly thereafter, one of the old ladies nudged the other, "Edna, the boy sitting next to me has his fly unzipped and something is sticking out!"
"Martha", her companion replied,"When you've seen one you've seen 'em all."
"Well you've never seen one like this before. It's eating my popcorn!"
How many first-time theater directors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know, what do you guys think?
Never date a Theater person...
... wayyy too much Drama...
Guy goes to a movie theater to see "The Hobbit." A walrus sits down next to him.
"Excuse me, but are you... a walrus?" asks the man.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
Walrus: "Well, I liked the book."
Where ya from Sam?
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.
"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.
And with pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony."
A priest walks into a movie theater
...and finds that most of the seats are taken. He looks around for a while, and finally sees an empty seat. The priest asks the man sitting next to the open seat, "Excuse me, is this seat saved?"
The man looks the priest up and down and replies to him, "No, but it's willing to listen."
I asked my brother why he was taking a dictionary and thesaurus to his theater rehearsal.
He said it was a play on words.
Why was the pigeon theater troupe arrested?
They were staging a coo.
Dating when your 30 is like finding a seat at a theater one minute before the show.
The perfect seats are already taken by someone who arrived much earlier than you and of the seats available, the ones in the back are an unfulfilling experience, the ones in the front overwhelm you with discomfort, and the ones that are decent substitutes are either broken or next to kids.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend who works at the movie theater died yesterday...
f**... services are being held today at 4:25, 5:40, 7:10 and 9:45
A ghost walks into a theater and goes to the concession stand
But he gets turned away because they don't serve spirits
I was waiting outside the movie theater to buy some tickets, when a pregnant woman walked over and hit me in the face.
"Ow!" I yelled. "Why did you do that?!"
"Oh, so sorry." She replied. "I thought this was the punchline."
"Was that supposed to be a joke?!" I asked.
"Yep, guess I need to work on the delivery." And then she went into labor.
You should never yell "Fire!" in a crowded theater
The gunman will shoot when he's ready, it isn't polite to rush him
If there's one thing Trump should have learned from history...
It's that the theater has NEVER been a safe space for presidents.
People are really upset about how the cast of Hamilton treated Mike Pence.
I mean, the last time people were this upset about something an actor did to a Republican in a theater, the Civil War had just ended.
Man sees a kangaroo sitting in a movie theater
"Are you a kangaroo?" asked the man, surprised. "Yes." "What are you doing at the movies?" The kangaroo replied, "Well, I liked the book."
"Hey, you know where there's a theater around here?"
The man responds "Yeah, just around the corner and a block down. You plan on seeing a performance?"
The blonde answers "Yep, a friend told me about a comedic play called 'Puns', apparently is based around words, whatever that means."
"Wait, what exactly did your friend tell you?"
"That he really likes 'Puns': a funny play on words"
"What's that in your bag?"
"A knife, a box of matchsticks, some petrol and a few sticks of dynamite"
"No, that other thing there"
"Oh, just a pack of wafers"
"I'm sorry you can't bring that into the theater"
I went to see Don Quixote at the theater yesterday and there was a short break in the middle of the play.
We didn't know it would happen, no one expected the Spanish intermission.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How unselfaware does someone have to be to not realize how loud their baby is in a movie theater?
I can barely hear the person on the other end of the line!
An usher saw a man sprawled across 3 seats in the theater
"Excuse me, sir, you can't sit across three seats"
The man only faintly mumbled and shifted a bit.
"Excuse me, SIR, you can't sit like this!"
Another faint mumble.
Grabbing his arm, the usher inquired "Sir, where did you come from thinking you can act this way?!"
"The balcony"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In 1991,
Pee Wee Herman was arrested for m**... in a movie theater. What a lot of people do not realize is that he represented himself in court, believing he could get himself off.
A man in a movie theater
Notices a skunk sitting next to him.
"Oh my god, are you a skunk?" Asked the shocked man.
"Yes."
"What are you doing in this theater?"
"Well, I liked the book," the skunk replied.
If my theater troupe and I perform on stage and use the dictionary as our script...
...is it a play on words?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear Louis c**...'s new movie is cancelled?
You still might find him coming soon in a theater near you.
A man goes to the movie theater
He sees a childhood friend of his embracing a woman in the back rows. He goes up to them and asks, "Who's this?"
His friend proudly replies, "It's my lover!"
The man then said, "Not you, I'm asking my wife."
A woman was arrested for bringing her own popcorn, candy, and soda to the movie theater.
She was fined and had to pay court fees, but the good news is she still came out a few bucks ahead from if she would have bought the popcorn at the theater.
Called up the movie theater to find out what the order was for the double feature horror films.
It follows It Follows.
Our grandpa was running away from the operation theater ...
We stopped him and asked what was wrong.
He replied that the nurses in the operation theater were saying "Don't worry, everything will be alright, we are all with you" and that made him uncomfortable.
We said "They were trying to calm you down. This is common. They probably say this to all the patients before the surgery"
Our grandpa took a deep breath, looked deep into my eyes and said "They were telling that to the surgeon"
My new car only plays Rush and Dream Theater.
Apparently it's because my insurance is Progressive
It turns out Fire! isn't the worst thing you can yell out in a crowded movie theater.
It's Bruce Willis is dead!
Did you hear about the movie theater that lost thousands of dollars?
The thief made off with a large popcorn and some candy.
Alex Ovechkin invites Sidney Crosby over to watch a movie
Crosby sits down in the theater room, and waits for Ovechkin. Ovechkin finally walks in, and is drinking a cup a water. Crosby says "Hey can i get something to drink?". Ovechkin responds sorry I only have one cup.
Today, I decided to go and meet my good friend Chris Pine.
We hadn't seen each other in ages, but I decided to go and catch up with him for old time's sake. We went on a stroll down the park, waiting in the ice cream line as it was a hot day. Next, we went to a theater, but the phantom of the opera was showing, and the theater line was full. Exasperated, and famished, we decided to head to grab some food and go home. But there was no lunch, pine.
A theater owner has a smudge on his sign
He climbs the ladder to clean it, but he is afraid of heights and soils himself, causing his underwear to stick to him uncomfortably. He now has two problems:
.
.
.
.
Marquee mark and the funky bunch
I'm so sorry
My Great Grandfather managed to predict the extermination of Jews.
Everyone told him to shut up, but he wouldn't. Eventually, the theater had to kick him out of Schindler's List.
Ukrainian mother persuades her son to marry
M: Look at Marina. She is beautiful, intelligent, loves movies and theater.
S: I do not want her.
M: Look at Olena. She cooks well, her house is always orderly.
S: I do not want her.
M: So who do you want?
S: Mom, I love my neighbor Sergei.
(pause)
M: But he's Russian, after all.
What do you call a girl who's into theater chicks?
A thesbian
2 Redditors went to a movie theater where they don't allow anyone to leave until the first half of the movie is over.
The movie was very boring. So during the interval, they got out flustered.
But eventually thinking about the theater, one of the Redditors said to the other,
" I am not gonna lie, they had us in the first half."
A patriotic theater director for fired by their university after announcing they were writing a new show.
They probably shouldn't have searched for ProState Play ideas on their work computer.
A man sitting in a movie theater notices that there is a bear sitting next to him.
Finally he turns to the bear and says, Aren't you a bear? The bear nods, so the man says, So what are you doing at the movies? The bear says, Well, I liked the book.
A guy is walking on a beach when he finds a genie lamp..
He rubs the lamp and a Genie pops out.
The Genie says, "Thank you for releasing me. I will grant you one wish."
The guy doesn't hesitate.."I want to be world famous! I want my name in lights in every theater around the world!"
"Done!", says the Genie.."Your name is now EXIT."
I just saw a theater performance called "The Woodpecker and the Metal Pole"
The performance was impeccable!
The community theater recently posted auditions for Aladdin and a Christmas play
On audition day, local news reporter Thi Xix Hao spotted someone crying outside the audition room.
What's wrong? he asked.
The dejected man looked up. You look familiar he said.
I am local news reporter, Thi Xix Hao. You also look familiar to me
I am Chad Kroeger, lead singer of Nickelback the man said in between sobs.
Ah said Thi Xix Hao. So what troubles you?
Never made it as a wiseman. Couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing. And, Thi Xix Hao, you remind me…
A crime at the movie theater
A police detective walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Just got done investigating a burglary at the local movie theater," the detective tells the bartender. "They lost almost $10,000." "That's horrible," the bartender says. "Did they get the cash register?" "No," the detective replies. "Just three jumbo tubs of popcorn, two large sodas, three boxes of candy and a hot dog."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a theater major who works hard to portray his drug addict role?
A m**...-head actor
A man is returning to his seat in the movie theater after visiting the toilets.
"Excuse me," he says to the lady sitting beside the aisle, "Did I step on your foot when I went out?"
"Yes you did," says the lady angrily.
"Oh good," says the man, "that means I'm in the right row."
What happened in the theater in Princeton when someone put a banana peel in the aisle in front of the doctor?
The Fall of the Usher of House
