The Best 85 The Test Jokes

Following is our collection of The Test jokes which are very funny. There are some the test panda jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these the test bear puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

If I got 50¢ for every math test I've failed

I would have $7.20 by now

I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

"That's not it."

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!"

The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS"

What did the retarded kid get on his IQ test?

Drool


The Polish eye exam.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters

~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

A guy gets a call from his Doctor...

The Doctor says "I have your test results back. I've got bad news and worse news."

The guy says "What's the bad news?"

The Doctor says "You have 24 hours to live."

The guy says "That's terrible! What could be worse than that?"

The Doctor says "I forgot to call you yesterday."

Tom Jones Syndrome

A woman goes to a doctor's office to get results back from a test she took a few weeks ago. The doctor sits her down and tells her "You have TJS, Tom Jones Syndrome." The woman, scared, asks "Is it rare?" and the doctor replies "It's not unusual"

Joke my dad loved

What's the last thing each tickle-me-elmo doll gets before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles

Doctor: I have the results of your test. You're gonna have to stop masturbating.

Me: Oh no! Why doctor?"

Doctor: Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting.

(Nerdy joke) Two chicks walk into a bar...

Two chicks walk into a bar. One says to the other,"Have you ever heard of the Bechdel test?" The other says,"Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day."

Top The Test Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore the test thermodynamics reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean the test positive dad jokes. There are also the test puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I just passed my drug test

My dealer has some serious explaining to do

My girlfriend's sister invited me to have sex with her today...

My girlfriend's sister invited me to have sex with her today while we were waiting for my girlfriend to get home. I didn't say anything and started to walk to my car. As I opened the door, my girlfriend came out from the kitchen and hugged me with tears in her eyes as she told me that it was a test of loyalty and I had passed!

Moral of the story: keep your condoms in your car

My friend text me 'what are you doing now?'

I replied 'Probably failing my driving test'.

President Obama visits the Pentagon...

President Obama visits the Pentagon to test out the latest in military technology.

A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. One is a powered exoskeleton and the other is an invisibility cloak. Which would you like to try first?"

Obama replies, "Uh, let me be clear."

A Blonde Takes a Test

The professor notices a blonde student flipping a coin as she answers the True/False questions. She finishes long before everyone else, and starts flipping the coin again, sometimes changing her answers.

When she brings her test to the front, the professor asks, "Why were you flipping that coin?"

She responds, "I was checking my answers."

A husband sends a text to his wife.

Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the hospital. They have been taking tests and doing x-rays. The blow to my head is very strong, may be serious. Also, I have 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture on my left leg and they may have to amputate the right foot.

Wife's Response:
Who is Tina?

A guy applies for a job with the L.A.P.D.

Inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen, just one more test before you get the job.
Take this gun, go out and shoot six black guys and a rabbit."

Guy replies "Why the rabbit?"

Inspector says "Fantastic attitude, you've got the job!"

A boy goes up to a girl and says "hey baby what's up"...

She says "I have a boyfriend", he says "I have a math test".

The girl says "What's that got to do with anything?", he replies "I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on."


Husband send a text to his wife

Husband's text:
>Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of my right foot is a possibility.
Love you.

Wife's response:
>Who's Paula?

So I was asked the past tense of 'think' in a English test today

I thought and thought and thought and finally wrote 'thunk'.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license

First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

I failed my biology test today.

Apparently, "black guys" isn't the answer to the question "What is found in cells."

Why did the Pepsi executive get fired?

He tested positive for Coke.

wife's insisting to quit job

The wife's insisting I quit my job, because she thinks it's cruel we've started testing our new products on rabbits.
She's got a point, I suppose...

I work in a hammer factory.

My mate just rang me and said "what are you doing at the moment?"

I said, "probably failing my driving test."

I said Hi to a girl and she replied "I have a boyfriend"...

"And I have a math test", I told her. "What?", she replied, "What does that have to do with anything?".

"Oh", I said, "I thought we were both naming things we would cheat on."

A Mathematician is given a psychological test.

The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."

My IQ test results just came in and I'm really relieved.

Thank God it's negative.

I just passed by Canadian citizenship test!

I got an eh +

A man applies for a job with the local police.

The officer says, "This is the best résumé I've ever seen! There's just one more test before you get the job. Take this gun, go out and shoot eight black guys and a cat."

Guy replies "Why the cat?"

Officer says "Great attitude, you're hired!"

Why did Chewbacca fail his driving test?

He made a few Wookiee errors.

I went to take an online ADHD test today...

but gave up quickly because it was stupid and boring.

They say you should test your fire alarm once a month...

But it's costing me a fortune in houses!

My mate phoned me and asked what I was doing.

"Probably failing my driving test," I replied.

My employer has recently started testing their products on animals.

I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't work for a hammer factory.

USPS releases a stamp with Trump's picture

The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. The fact is, people are spitting on the wrong side.

So today is 4/20

4/20 is national weed day, 4/21 is national surprise drug test day and 4/22 is national unemployment day

Humans are being tested against the new AI program

The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because

ROBOTS CANT RECAPTCHA

A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ.

Here's how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.

Why was the Pepsi employee fired?

He tested positive for coke.

Testing products on animals

Guy: We need to stop testing our products on animals

Boss: Why? Shampoo companies do that all the time.

Guy: Ya. But we make hammers.

Chuck Norris once took a lie detector test

The machine confessed everything

A little girl and boy are in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl starts to cry so the little boy asks her "What's wrong?"

The little girl responds "I have to get a blood test so they're going to cut open my finger."

The little boy's jaw drops and he says "Oh no! I'm getting a urine test."

Why are students allowed to have a bible during testing?

It doesn't have any answers.

A mother is helping her son study for a geography test.

She asks him: "What is the capital of Germany?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of France?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of Russia?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"Good job, Adolf, you'll do great on your test tomorrow."

We had random drug testing at work today.

The pcp was my favourite.

I failed a biology test today, they had asked me what was commonly found in cells

Apparently black people was not the answer.

In the original 'Good Will Hunting' script, there is a surprise gay sex scene between the two straight leads. It was purposely put there as a test to see if studios actually read the script. Harvey Weinstein was the only producer who mentioned the scene

Weinstein said that the sex scene usually takes place before he approves a movie

After 10 years, the wife thinks their kid looks kind of strange

She decides to take a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."

Husband: "What's up?"

Wife: "According to the DNA test results, this isn't our kid."

Husband: "Well, you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed our baby had pooped. You said: Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."

I googled "Rorschach Test"

But all that came up were pictures of my parents fighting

My buddy signed up for one of those, "learn to be a plumber in 6 weeks" courses you see on TV and his final exam was at 9am today...

He showed up at 3pm, looked at the test paper and said, "Looks like I'm gonna need a pen for this job. I'll have to pop round to my suppliers for one. Be right back."

Graduated top of his class...

Drugs don't ruin your career

Drug tests do

Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote

Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn't want to look suspicious

Son: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?



Me: I don't know; how many?

Son: Ten tickles.

Me: Yeah, but only the male octopus is ticklish.

Son: Huh?

Me: Yeah, the females are not ticklish at all; just the males. You know how you can tell if an octopus is a male octopus?

Son: No; how?

Me: Test tickles.

Son: ...

Son: ...that's inappropriate.

My daughter has a math test on Roman numerals.

I told her I hope she gets a "C".

My drug test came back negative.

My drug dealer has some explaining to do.

A guy applies for a job with the Chicago Police Department

He has an impressive resume, gives the best answers to the interview questions, and is very enthusiastic about the job.

"Your qualifications are impressive" says the police chief. "Here's the final test. Take this gun, go out, and shoot ten black guys and a clown?"

The man asks, "why the clown?"

The police chief replies, "Fantastic attitude, you're hired!"

They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise

I wanted to test this out and Googled "how to kill President"

Few days later I received a care package containing ammo

A mother and a son walk into a doctor's office

Because the son has been doing very poorly in his classes.
The mother says to the doctor "I think my son has become stupid."
The doctor says in reply "Well how do you suppose that would happen?"
"Well I don't know for sure but he hasn't passed a single test since he was vaccinated last year."
"Ah-ha! That's it!"
"So it was the vaccines then?"
"No, it's genetic."

Did you know they tested the Mars rover against animal attacks?

They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.

A CEO and his board of directors gather for a meeting

CEO: We need to stop testing our products on animals.

BOD: Why? Shampoo companies do it all the time.

CEO: Yeah but we make hammers

Me: "It's not about how many times you fall. What matters is how many times you get back up."

Officer: "That isn't how field sobriety tests work."

If I had $5 for every time I failed a math test

I would have $37

Worms

Four earthworms are placed in four separate test tubes:

1st in beer
2nd in wine
3rd in whiskey
4th in mineral water

The next day, the teacher shows the results:

The 1st worm in beer, dead.

The 2nd in wine, dead.

The 3rd in whiskey, dead.

The 4th in mineral water, alive and healthy.

The teacher asks the class:

- What do we learn from this experience?

And a child responds:

- Whoever drinks beer, wine and whiskey, does not have worms.

Eminem Coronavirus joke

Apparently, Eminem is rumored to be diagnosed with Coronavirus

In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. He presented with vomit on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti

Boy: Hey wanna see a movie with me tonight?

Girl: I have a boyfriend.

Boy: and i have a math test tomorrow.

Girl: What does that have to do with anything?

Boy: I thought we were listing things we were going to cheat on.

I just scored a 180 on an IQ test answering three simple questions !

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

A man takes his wife to get tested

Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor.

The doctor tells him, Due to an unfortunate mixup with the lab, we are not sure of your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimer'

The man, clearly frustrated, asks, Well what am I supposed to do with that kind of information?

The doctor calmly suggests, I recommend you take her for a very long walk and leave her. If she comes home, don't let her in.

While testing a newly installed computer, an Army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three and promptly received a one-word answer: "Yes."

Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer
barked, "Yes, what?" Instantly the machine
replied, "Yes, sir!"

Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !

Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have sex.

Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the condom broke?

Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.

Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.

Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.

Doctor: Exactly.

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. Well said the director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
Oh, I understand, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. No. said the director, A normal person would pull the plug, Do you want a bed near the window?

A man takes his wife to get tested for Coronavirus.

2 days later he gets a call from the lab.

Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you sir that your wife's test results have been mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.

Man: So what am I supposed to do now?!

Doctor: I'd recommend taking her for a long walk and leaving her, if she finds her way back home, don't open the door.

Four college students get drunk together the night before their final exam.

They get so drunk that they wake up late and miss their exam. The four students go to the professor together and explain this elaborate lie that their car tire went flat when they were on their way to the exam. They beg for a retest, and the professor agrees.

The day of the makeup test, the four boys all arrive on time, completely sober. The professor looks at the boys, looks at his watch, and says you may begin the test.

The boys open the final booklet and to their surprise, they each only have one question.

Which tire was flat?

Dad: What did you get in your tests?

Son: Nearly a 100 for every test.

Dad: What do you mean **nearly** a hundred?

Son: Well, I got the zero's . . .

Trump tests positive for COVID-19.

He finally passed a test without cheating, good for him.

Can't believe trump tested positive for covid-19

when all he had to do was to not get tested.

>!Man. Woman. TV. Coronavirus.!<

Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has pissed Trump Sucks in the fresh snow.

Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says Mr President, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we've done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. That traitor , shouts Trump. I'll have him hanged! Now, what did you say was the bad news? Well , says the SS chief, turns out it's Melania's handwriting .

Why did the graveyard get a COVID test?

Because of all the coffin.

I wish my college professors graded papers like Trump 'wins' elections

\*Professor grading my test\*

Well he got the first couple questions right looks like I can stop grading the rest.

It does not matter how many times you fall down, what matters is how many times you get back up

Unfortunately the officer did not appreciate my grit during the roadside sobriety test.

A group of soldiers on a first-aid course were tested by the instructor. He asked the recruits: 'If the sergeant major sustained a head injury during an exercise what would you do about it ?

One soldier said: 'I'd wrap a tourniquet around his neck and tighten it until the bleeding stopped.'

Two students, James and John were given a grammar test by their teacher. The question was,"is it better to use 'had' or 'had had' in this example sentence?"

The teacher collected the tests and looked over their answers.

James, while John had had 'had',had had 'had had'. 'Had had' had had a better effect on the teacher.

Three men apply for a spy position

Three men apply for a spy position.
Its the final test

Interviewer: "I have your SO in this room. Your mission is to kill them. Here's a gun."

First candidate: " You can't be serious?"

Interviewer: " Then this job is not for you."

Second candidate comes out 5 minutes later: "I can't do this."

Interviewer hears shots fired, screaming and banging in the last room.

Last candidate: "The gun just had blanks. I had to beat her with the chair."

A Woman goes to the Optician

for her annual eye test. The Optician puts a contraption her face and asks her what can she see.
"I see empty airports, I see empty football grounds. I see closed theatres, closed pubs and closed restaurants"

"That's perfect" says the Optician "You've got 2020 vision"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the the test gave jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working the test bad piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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