The Best 66 The Shoe Jokes
Following is our collection of funny The Shoe jokes. There are some the shoe shoes jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these the shoe croc shoe puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest The Shoe Jokes and Puns
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
Let's change things up a bit.
I thought I found a quarter inside one of my shoes. That would have been strange enough on its own, but it turned out to be a nickel, which made even less cents.
Jokes about the handicapped aren't funny
No one knows what it's like to not walk a mile in their shoes.
My girlfriend came home from work last night and immediately said, "Claud, take off my shirt."
So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Now my hose, bra, and panties." I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
I dislike Nike because they use Indonesian children to make their shoes
I hate Indonesian children.
Was walking home the other night and noticed a black guy carrying a TV. Looked just like mine...
So, in fear it had been stolen, I ran home to check. To my relief, mine was still there, polishing my shoes.
So I was walking outside yesterday(potentially offensive)...
when I saw a black guy with a TV. I was shocked, and I rushed back home, thinking it was mine. But luckily, it was still there, shining my shoes.
So I bought a pair of shoes from a drug addict yesterday. ..
... And I dunno what he laced them with but I've been trippin ever since
A man walks into a bank and approaches the counter.
He yells "This is a fuck-up!"
Confused the bank teller asks "Don't you mean stick-up?"
The man scuffs his shoes on the carpet and says "No, I've left my gun at home.
What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?
White Vans.
I'll be here all week.
So my wife said "take off my shirt".
So I did as she said and took off her shirt.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I continued and took off her skirt.
"Take off my shoes." Once again, I did as she said and I took off her shoes.
"Now my hose, bra, and panties." And lastly, I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
You can explore the shoe walks reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean the shoe thermal dad jokes. There are also the shoe puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoes...
Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing.
What kind of shoes does Voldemort wear?
Horcrocs
What kind of shoes do paedophiles wear?
White vans
I'm not racist but
I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine".
But then I realized mine is home, polishing my shoes.
What is a pedophile's favourite pair of shoes?
White vans.
So my drug dealer got me these new shoes..
And I don't know what he laced them with.. But I've been tripping all day
A close call.
Yesterday I was walking on the streets in my hometown Rotterdam, in the Netherlands. I was about to go to the grocery store when I saw a black man running with a TV. I was afraid of it being mine, so I ran home as quick as possible, but luckily mine was still there, polishing my shoes.
A drug dealer sold me his shoes today
I don't know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day
What's a pedophile's favorite type of shoe?
White vans.
Why do elephants wear green shoes?
So they can sneak across pool tables.
Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table?
Works, doesn't it?
The next time you make fun of a ginger, put yourself in their shoes.
You'll know how bad it hurts to not have a sole.
How do you know that an introvert likes you?
He looks at your shoes instead of his.
I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer
I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
It must be tough having the world's best clown as your dad.
You would have such big shoes to fill
As a middle class first world citizen, I still feel I know just as much about working in a sweatshop in China as the children themselves.
After all, I've walked a mile in their shoes.
My drug dealer got me shoes for Christmas
I dont know what they were laced with, but I've been tripping ever since
I saw a black guy running down the street carrying a tv
I thought for a second, "man that looks a lot like mine' so I ran home quick and nope there was mine still shining my shoes.
What's a foot long, made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A shoe.
As I was approaching my driveway, I saw a big black man running away with a TV in his hands and I wondered if it was mine.
Upon entering my house, I was relieved to see that mine was at home polishing my shoes.
I came up with a science joke...
Why are people with diamond shoes so bad for the environment?
They have a big carbon footprint...
Here, have a joke in spanish
sabe inglés?"
"si"
"como se dice 'un zapato' en inglés?"
"a shoe"
"salud"
"gracias
My sister asked me to remove her clothes.
So I took off her shirt.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt."Take off my shoes."
I took off her shoes.
"Now take off my bra and panties."
and so I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and also have their shoes.
"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes."
After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
I just got my new pair of orthopenic shoes.
"Actually, it's *orthopedic*", my doctor said.
"I stand corrected", I replied.
The blacksmith hires an apprentice
He instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.
The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith
What shoes does a rapist wear?
White vans.
A man using Apple maps walks into a bar
Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.
Your mommas so poor
I saw her walking down the street with one shoe. I said "hey you lost a shoe". She said "na I found one"
I can usually tell if I'm going to have sex with someone by what shoes they are wearing.
Pumps and high heels yes, running shoes no- she will probably get away.
How does Hitler tie his shoes?
With little knotsies.
As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this sexy blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...
"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"
"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"
If shoe size really is directly related to the size of a man's package...
Then clowns are way scarier than we all thought.
Satan's first day on the job
Human: "So i get anything I want?"
Satan: "Absolutely."
Human: "You say all you want is my shoe?"
Satan: "Just the bottom part, but yes."
If you don't agree with someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
Not only will you be a mile away from them, you'll also have their shoes.
What are a kidnappers favorite type of shoes?
White Vans.
A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold
The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two sexy 17 year old daughters.
He says, Your father sent me up here to have sex with you.
One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!
The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?
The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!
I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe...
I don't care how big a spider is, no-one steals my shoe...
So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now take off my bra and panties." and so I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
PSA: Don't buy shoes from your drug dealer.
Trust me. I did. I don't know what they were laced with but I was tripping all day.
I saw a 5 legged woman crying and I asked her why
She said she could never get shoes to match. I tried to console her so I said at least your knickers fit like a glove
A nun is walking to church.
As she passes her local store, the shopkeeper says, "Wake up on the wrong side of the bed today, Sister?"
She finds it odd, but keeps walking. On her walk, three more people pass her and say, "Wake up on the wrong side of the bed today, Sister?"
Still baffled as she gets to the church, she walks to another nun at the pulpit and asks, "Why does everyone keep asking me if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today?!"
The other nun looks down and says, "You're wearing the priest's shoes"
I just killed a huge spider running across the floor with my shoe
I don't care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe
My wife dated a clown before she started going out with me.
I had some pretty big shoes to fill.
I just killed a massive spider crawling across the floor with my shoe.
I don't really care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe.
Wife asks her husband will he remarry if she dies.
Husband: No how can I think of remarrying.
Wife: Why not? You would need a partner for your bad times. Please remarry if I die.
Husband: You are so sweet... Even after death, you are worried about me.
Wife: Will you let her use my car?
Husband: Of course not
Wife: Will you give my jewellery to her
Husband: Not at all, I have some of my memories attached to it. I will keep it as your memory.
Wife: Will you give my shoes to her
Husband: No way... Her size is '5' and yours is '7'.
Man buys a talking centipede.
Man buys a talking centipede for $5000 and takes it home in a small box.
When he gets home, he opens the box and says "Would you like to go for a beer?"
The centipede doesn't answer...
Raising his voice he repeats the question, still no reply.
30 mins later and getting angry, thinking he's been ripped off, he shouts the question loudly.
At which the centipede sticks his head out of his box and says "I heard you the 1st time...I'm putting my fucken shoes on!!!"
I bought shoes from a drug dealer once…
I'm not sure what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
I wear same shoe size as my girlfriend
and people say we are not solemates
A lot of people are up in arms about the Olympians caught taking drugs to compete.
Honestly I'm proud of them, and what they can do. Last time I did drugs I could barely tie my shoe.
I always thought orthopedic shoes were stupid
But now I stand corrected
"I stand corrected"
Says the man wearing orthopedic shoes
my 12 year old just got me: what is a kidnappers favorite shoes?
White vans.
My kid's shoe developed a drinking problem
Now it can't get through the day without a little sake in it first.
You've got 10 minutes...
My wife (38F) caught the dreaded virus, so it fell to me (39M) to take all the kids to get tested.
I gave them a 10 minute warning while I got my wife a coffee. After 10 minutes (okay it was probably at least 15), I called out to the kids "if you haven't already, can you please grab your shoes and get ready to head to the car..."
I grabbed my own shoes, finished my own coffee, took it to the kitchen, and as I washed it called out "is anyone not ready yet?"
_(no response)_
(louder) **"Okay, how about this then - who _IS_ ready?"**
_my eldest son (13M):_ "um, no one's ready"
#"what!? I gave you all at least 20 minutes!! What is happening!?"
_my eldest son:_ "Well, I'm David, he's John, she's Chloe"
...
and I don't know if I've been so proud to be a dad before
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the the shoe heat jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working the shoe face piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.