The Best 35 The Scary Jokes

Following is our collection of funny The Scary jokes. There are some the scary jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these the scary puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest The Scary Jokes and Puns

My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!

It's not my birthday but a scary looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house

North Korea now has a missle that can reach New York City, and I think that's really scary.

If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story and I think that something scary is about to happen…

I can feel it…

The Scary joke, I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story and I think that something scary is abo

A man rolls thru a STOP sign and a cop pulls him over

"I pulled you over because you failed to stop at that stop sign. You only slowed down."

"Slow down... stop... what's the difference?"

The cop pulls the man out of his car and begins beating him with his nightstick.

"Now you tell me whether you want me to stop... or slow down."

*This joke was told to me by a police officer, which made it kinda scary.

Two cows are standing in a field.

One cow says, Man that mad cow disease sure is scary isn't it?

The other responds, Yea it is, thank god I'm a helicopter.


That CIA surveillance leak sure is scary

I hope my Roomba doesn't start gathering dirt on me

A kid and a clown are walking through the woods.

The kid looks around and says, "man these woods sure are scary"

The clown replies, "you're telling me I have to walk out of here alone."

The Scary joke, A kid and a clown are walking through the woods.

North Korea now has a missile that can hit New York, which is a bit scary…

Because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere…

THAT'S NOT FUNNY, THAT'S SICK!

A clown and a little boy are walking through the woods. The boy says "it sure is dark and scary here". The clown says "how do you think I feel? I'm coming back alone".

This is a frightening statistic

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!
That's scary!
It means 75% are running around untreated!

25% of all adult women are currently on medication for mental illness which is quite scary....

Because that means 75% are running around untreated.

You can explore the scary reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean the scary dad jokes. There are also the scary puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A little boy and a clown are walking through the woods at night...

"Golly!" the boy says, "It sure is scary out here!"

"You think you're scared!" the clown replies. "I'm the one who has to walk home all alone."

A little boy and a clown go walking into the woods.

As they get deeper and deeper into the woods, the little boy starts looking around, apprehensive.

"Boy, it sure is getting scary in here." the little boy says.

"YOU'RE scared?" the clown replies, "I still have to walk back out of here by myself!"

Frightening Statistic

This is probably one of the most worrisome statistics to emerge in recent years.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary.

It means 75% are running around untreated.

Two Mafia hitmen are walking through the forest at night when one of them says

"I have to admit, it's pretty scary out here." The other replies, "You think this is bad? I have to walk back alone."

Two cows are out grazing in a pasture.

One turns to the other and says, "Have you heard about this mad cow disease that's going around? Its pretty scary stuff."

The other cow nods and chews its cud thoughtfully. "I suppose it is pretty scary, but it doesn't affect us ducks."

The Scary joke, Two cows are out grazing in a pasture.

I just read that 25% of women in the United States take medication for mental illness...

That's scary! Why do we let 75% of them run around untreated??

What's comforting and scary at the same time?

A warm toilet seat.

Election Day was the perfect day to go see Doctor Strange...

I got to experience a scary bizarro world were sanity was cast aside and the laws of nature were twisted to the breaking point, and I also went to a movie.


If you ever feel lonely, watch a scary movie

Then you won't feel so lonely anymore.

A homicidal rapist is holding hands with a little girl.

They are walking through a dense and eerie forest at night. Sounds of owls, wolves and other animals echos around. "This place is really scary sir" says the girl. The man looks around. The sound of wolves send chills down he's spine. He looks at the girl and says: "Yeah. Imagine me that I have to return by myself".

Why are white prisoners so scary?

Because you know they did it.

A little boy and a clown are walking through the woods at 3 am...

The little boy says, "Golly! It sure is dark and scary out here!"

"You think you're scared," says the clown. "I'm the one who has to walk home all alone..."

Two old Polish guys were talking about how tough their childhoods were...

"When I was a boy, my father taught me to swim the old fashioned way! He just took me out to the middle of a lake and threw me overboard!"

"Wow! That must have been scary!"

"Well, it was easy enough swimming back to shore, once I got myself out of that burlap sack."

I've been reading so much about the scary trade disputes between the US and Canada, I see headlines when I blink...

...Frankly, I'm tariff-eyed.

Tell someone that you love them today, because life is short...

but scream it at them in German because it's also confusing and scary.

I've been reading a scary book in braille...

Something good is about to happen I can feel it.

Two cows are standing around talking...

"Hey, have you been following the news? All this mad cow disease going around is scary!"

"Yeah! Thank god we're elephants."

What's so scary about a white person in prison

You know he did it

This ain't mine btw I got it from youtube

A recent study shows that 1 in every 10 men are gay.

As a guy I find this really scary, that means that 1 of the last 10 dudes I slept with is gay.

A man and a boy went into the woods at night...

... the boy says to the man, "it's scary out here." The man then replied, "You think you're scared, I gotta walk out of here alone!"

Pedophile and a young boy go for a walk in the woods...

After they had been walking for a few hours, the sun begins to set and the woods are getting dense. The little boy says, "Gee Mister, it's getting pretty scary out here."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared?...I'm the one who has to walk out of here alone."

My uncle's favorite joke.

A man with a wooden eye was always nervous asking girls to dance. He was always scared they would find his wooden eye too scary and say no. But he saw a pretty girl with a harelip across the dance floor and mustered up the courage to ask her to dance. Once he asked, she was ecstatic and couldn't believe someone asked her. She said, "Would I?! Would I?!". The man gets angry and says, "Harelip! Harelip!"

A man and a boy are walking in the woods

And the boy says in his childish voice "gee mister, these woods sure are scary!"
To which the man replies in a humbled tone " your telling me! And I gotta walk out of here alone!"

I always said that I would never ever go walking dark scary tunnels in the earth.

But eventually I caved.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the the scary jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working the scary piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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