Cheeky Thanksgiving Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving?
Because he's already stuffed!
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
Why did the farmer run a steamroller over his potato field on Thanksgiving Day?
He wanted to raise mashed potatoes.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
The turkey trot.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys for Thanksgiving, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Q: April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring?
A: Separatists and small pox.
After eating Thanksgiving at my house, my friends are always asking me how I prepare the turkey...
...easy, I tell the bird he is going to die.
A woman walks into a tattoo parlor.
Asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."
I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving...
Way too close to Syria.
The first year I didn't eat Thanksgiving leftovers on the day after.
I quit cold turkey.
Thanksgiving in Bulgaria
Obviously Thanksgiving is an American holiday. However, as a former soldier deployed to Southern Europe, I was given a week long pass during the week of Thanksgiving. I decided to go to Bulgaria. You know what the best thing about Thanksgiving in Bulgaria is?
Bulgaria is next to Turkey and Greece.
You can explore thanksgiving holiday reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean thanksgiving festive dad jokes. There are also thanksgiving puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why shouldn't you join Alcoholics Anonymous on Thanksgiving?
Because all they serve is cold turkey.
You want to know what's the toughest part about Thanksgiving dinner at my house?
The s**... tensions
I always heat up my Thanksgiving leftovers.
I quit cold turkey a long time ago.
What do you call a running turkey?
Fast food.
What was the turkey suspected of?
Fowl play.
I couldn't bring myself to shoot my own turkey for thanksgiving
... So I dressed one up in baggy sweat pants and gave it a bag of skittles and a cop shot it for me
Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner?
He lost track of thyme.
Why does Thanksgiving feel like a date with Bill Cosby?
You wake up 3 hours later drowsy and wondering why you feel like you just got stuffed with dark meat
Happy Thanksgiving Guys!
I hope Internet Explorer sends this in time.
A lady goes to a tattoo parlor and gets a tattoo of a turkey on her left thigh.
A week later she gets a tattoo of Santa Claus on her right thigh. The artist asked what's the significance. she replies turkey is for Thanksgiving, Santa is for Christmas. My husband complains there is nothing to eat in between Thanksgiving and Christmas, now he can't complain
What did the r**... do for thanksgiving?
Pump kin pie.
Russia might not celebrate thanksgiving but I'm pretty sure they will be frying a turkey.
What are ISIS militants using to stuff their Thanksgiving goat?
Their d**...!
What are the Russians eating for thanksgiving?
Beef with turkey
What did the hipster say the day after thanksgiving?
I liked the leftovers before they were cool.
So my girlfriend and my mom have never met...
So I told my girlfriend that my mother is deaf, so she will need to speak slowly and loudly for her to understand you. I then called my mom and told her to be nice, cause my girlfriend is r**.... Boy it's going to be a fun Thanksgiving this year!
What do Americans and Putin have in common?
They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving is probably the only day that there are more searches for "stuffing" on Google than on PornHub.
It's Thanksgiving, who doesn't like Turkey?
Russia
What did the circus owner say to the human-cannonball when the he wanted to retire?
How will I ever find another performer of your caliber?
What does Miley Cyrus serve on Thanksgiving?
Twerky.
I think my favorite Thanksgiving food is pie
But some people say that's irrational...
I ate so much at Thanksgiving,
I had to loosen my Fitbit.
Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?
Because they're both roasted
What does a stripper eat for thanksgiving dinner?
Twerky
We're having a traditional Thanksgiving this year.
We're going to invite the neighbors to dinner, m**... them, and take their land.
What do Japanese people say after a Thanksgiving prayer?
Ra'men.
Looking forward to my traditional 7-course Irish Thanksgiving meal
A six pack and a potato
It's almost Thanksgiving day...
Remember to set all your scales back 10 pounds tonight.
After the Thanksgiving dinner, everyone says
(√-1)/8
What song do turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?
God save the kin.
I didn't think housework is a full-time job, so for Thanksgiving my wife served me a raw turkey.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
With all the bad luck that the US has seen this year...
You'd almost think this country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.
Why don't the Bulgarians, Greeks, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?
Because they don't like Turkey.
Thanksgiving.
The day in 1621 when Native Americans shared a meal with undocumented immigrants who never left.
I don't understand why the Lions and Vikings get to play on thanksgiving.
Shouldn't the Patriots play the r**..., and then steal their stadium?
The day after Thanksgiving is often the biggest capitalist/materialistic shopping day every year. I'm protesting it this year, and had to think of the movement's slogan...
Black Fridays Matter.
A Chinese family's dog ran away one night
...Thanksgiving was ruined.
Political opinions are like d**.......
Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.
My family told me to stop eating the leftover Thanksgiving food from the fridge.
But sadly, I couldn't quit cold turkey.
Thanksgiving...
The only holiday where you eat the mascot
What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and an EA game?
The turkey is stuffed with content and you only have to pay for it once.
If you login to Amazon
and other retailers websites for Thanksgiving sale, you may save up to 70%........
But if you don't login, you'll save 100%
I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers
I had to quit cold turkey
What did turkey do on thanksgiving?
Changed its foreign policy on syria.
Give a man some corn, he eats for a day.
Teach a man to grow corn, he kills you and steals your land!
The EU was invited to a thanksgiving dinner
but they refused to have turkey
As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today.
I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!
Why didn't my teddy bear get invited to Thanksgiving?
He 's already stuffed!
"Doctor, I have heard lots of voices that are making me want to kill my family"
Doctor - "Yeah that is just Thanksgiving Dinner"
Two men from Texas are having a conversation...
The first man asks the second man "Imagine being in the same room with all of the people you've slept with." The second man responds with "I don't have to imagine, I do that every thanksgiving."
I dropped the thanksgiving dinner and caused a geopolitical incident.
The fall of Turkey. The splattering of Greece. And the breaking up of China.
A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh.
When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.
She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
A lady walked into a tattoo parlor and said, "Can you do a tattoo of a turkey on my right inner thigh and one of a Christmas tree on my left inner thigh?"
"Sure,* the tattoo artist said. "But if you
don't mind me asking, why did you choose
those two designs?"
The lady smiled. "My husband' she explained. "He says there's never anything to eat
between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn't a chicken
Why was O.J. allowed out of jail for thanksgiving?
He was the only one in his family who knows how to carve up white meat.
This year, I'm going to save money on Christmas gifts
by bringing up politics during Thanksgiving dinner.
Knock Knock. Who's there? Arthur.
Arthur who? Arthur any leftovers?
What kind of key can't open doors?
A tur-key.
Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive?
It had 24 carrots.
What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?
Quack, quack!
What's the best song to sing when preparing your turkey?
All About That Baste.
What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner?
The casse-role.
Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare.
They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not coincidence.
What does Thanksgiving have in common with Halloween?
Gobble-ins!
Knock Knock. Who's there? Norma Lee.
Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I don't eat this much!
Why did the turkey play the drums in his band?
Because he already had drum sticks!
If your great-grandmother saw you making boxed mashed potatoes ...
... she would turn over in her gravy.
What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Peach gobbler!
Knock Knock. Who's there? Tamara.
Tamara who? Tamara we'll have turkey leftovers!
A new survey found that 80% of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner.
Which makes sense, when you hear they consider saying 'that smells good' to be helping.
Why should you never set the turkey next to the dessert?
Because he will gobble, gobble it up!
Thanksgiving will be extra special this year
Because people will be spreading diseases to each other, just like in the original.
How will Joe and Jill Biden spend thanksgiving with proper social distancing?
Biden selves.
How do you win an argument with your family this Thanksgiving?
Click the 'End Meeting' button
Our daughter wants us to set a place at our Thanksgiving dinner table, for her teddy bear, Theodore. She promises he won't eat very much.
She said he has been eating a lot lately, and is already stuffed
What's the difference between retail workers and turkeys?
We let the turkey rest on Thanksgiving.
Would you like some Thanksgiving leftovers?
I'm trying to quit cold turkey.
Nation dialogue
You know, I was very Hungary one day, so I went to go Czech the fridge. I managed to find some Turkey that was leftover from Thanksgiving, but it was all covered in Greece. So I closed the fridge and Czech'd the pantry. I saw a Canada beans, so I grabbed them and microwaved them, but it exploded. My mom says that Iran out of diversity with food, and that I needed to expand on that. She also mentioned we need to get groceries. I said "Denmark my words, I shall go to the grocery store!".
Not looking forward to Thanksgiving. There's always yelling, crying and plate throwing.
Also, it's hard always being alone on Thanksgiving.
If anyone has no family and will be alone on thanksgiving please let me know
I really need to borrow some chairs from you.
Happy Thanksgiving!
If the natives had given the pilgrams donkeys instead of turkeys, we would all be eating a**... for Thanksgiving!
Finally time for my thanksgiving joke!!
Why did the turkey get kicked out of the football stadium?
Because he tryptophan
I'm not going to eat Thanksgiving leftovers anymore.
This year, I'm quitting cold turkey.
A woman got a pet parrot, but she was horrified to discover that all it did was say mean things and insult her.
Nothing she did could stop it.
She was especially worried because her whole family was coming over for Thanksgiving.
But when Thanksgiving dinner finally came, the parrot didn't say a word the entire time. After the meal, the Parrot turned to its owner and said, "Please forgive my behavior from before. I was entirely out of line."
"Wow," the woman said, "glad to hear it."
"If I may ask," said the Parrot, "what on Earth
did that turkey say to you?"
Did you hear about the guy who got addicted to eating thanksgiving leftovers out of the fridge?
He had to quit cold turkey.
Jesus invited prostitutes to dine with him, and he's the light of the world,
I do it, and it ruins Thanksgiving.
How do you stop a baby from turning blue?
Take it out of the plastic bag.
(no joke, told by my 12 year old daughter at Thanksgiving dinner)
Why do turkeys love thanksgiving?
Because they don't have to worry about buying Christmas presents
What's the worst part of thanksgiving dinner in Alabama?
Having to sit around a table with all the people you've slept with.
A traditional Thanksgiving joke
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How did Thanksgiving go at your place?" the bartender asks. "Oh, it went fine. Had a lot of family over and the wife prepared the meal. I helped out, though. She got a little stressed out and told me she needed some peace and quiet in the kitchen so she could finish cooking," the guy says. "So I removed all the batteries from the smoke detectors."
Ever year after Thanksgiving, I give up all my bad habits.
I can do it, because I have lots of cold turkey.
