Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Thanksgiving puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!
You'd almost think this country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I had to quit cold turkey
When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.
She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
We're going to invite the neighbors to dinner, murder them, and take their land.
They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.
Twerky.
Compliments of my 6 year old son.
but it's hard to quit cold turkey.
Asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."
I hope Internet Explorer sends this in time.
The tattoo artist asks her what she wants and she points to her legs and says right here I want a great big Christmas Tree and on my left thigh I want a great big turkey.
Curious the tattoo artist asks why she wants these tattoos
The woman's answers. Because my husband always says there isn't anything good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Not this year though, I'm quitting cold turkey.
Give a man some corn, he eats for a day. Teach a man to grow corn, he kills you and steals your land!
Happy Thanksgiving from your friendly, neighborhood Native American!
Beef with turkey
Russia
and other retailers websites for Thanksgiving sale, you may save up to 70%........
But if you don't login, you'll save 100%
Because they don't like Turkey
So I told my girlfriend that my mother is deaf, so she will need to speak slowly and loudly for her to understand you. I then called my mom and told her to be nice, cause my girlfriend is retarded. Boy it's going to be a fun Thanksgiving this year!
Written by my twelve-year-old brother:
Q: April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring?
A: Separatists and small pox.
Shouldn't the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium?
A farmer and his wife have been married many years. The farmer has a talent for farting very loudly. Everytime he does so his wife says "one of these days your gonna fart your guts out." This goes on for years until after one Thanksgiving diner the wife decides to play a trick on her husband. She takes the insides she had cleaned out of the turkey, prior to cooking it, and sneaks upstairs while he is asleep from the big meal. She puts them inside his underwear knowing he's gonna fart right after he wakes up and goes back downstairs to be with the family. After a while the family hears a scream from the bedroom and rushes to see what's going on. The farmer says to the family "well it finally happened; I farted my guts out." The wife trying not to laugh asks "well what did you do?" The farmer puts his fingers together and says "by the grace of God and with these two fingers... I shoved them back up in there."
He couldn't quit cold turkey.
A mother visits her son for Thanksgiving and is suprised to find out he has a female roommate named Jennifer. Despite her suspicions, the two assure the mother that they are just friends. After the mom leaves, the ladle disappears. The young man emails his mother the following:
Dear Mom,
We're not saying you "did" take the ladle, we're not saying you "did not" take the ladle. All we're saying is that it's been missing since you left.
The mom replies:
Dear Son,
I'm not saying you "do" sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying you "do not" sleep with Jennifer. All I'm saying is if Jennifer were sleeping in her own bed, she would've found the ladle.
My girl just got a tattoo of a turkey on one thigh and Santa Claus on the other.
She wants to show that there *is* something good to eat in between
Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Every day he would wake up, release the pressure, and his wife would say in disgust "one of these days, you're going to fart your guts out". So one Thanksgiving, the wife got up early to start fixing the feast for the day. As she was removing the giblets from the turkey, she had an idea. Sneaking back up to the bedroom, she carefully lifted the back of her husbands pajamas and placed the giblets into his pants, then snuck back downstairs and continued her work. After a while, she heard her husbands alarm go off and, just as every morning, the eruptive release of high pressure gasses. She giggled to herself and her small prank, and waited for him to come down stairs. Five minutes went by, and there was no sign of him, but she kept preparing the meal. Ten minutes...Fifteen...and now she was a little worried so she went up to check on him. She noticed the bathroom light was on, so she knocked on the door and asked "honey are you ok?" He came out and sheepishly replied "Well, it finally happened. I farted my guts out. But by the grace of god, and these two fingers, I was able to get them back in."
... So I dressed one up in baggy sweat pants and gave it a bag of skittles and a cop shot it for me
Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.
you need to quit cold turkey.
...easy, I tell the bird he is going to die.
...Thanksgiving was ruined.
But some people say that's irrational...
Way too close to Syria.
How will I ever find another performer of your caliber? (Source: a dad on thanksgiving)
"Sure,* the tattoo artist said. "But if you
don't mind me asking, why did you choose
those two designs?"
The lady smiled. "My husband' she explained. "He says there's never anything to eat
between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"
But sadly, I couldn't quit cold turkey.
He 's already stuffed!
Obviously Thanksgiving is an American holiday. However, as a former soldier deployed to Southern Europe, I was given a week long pass during the week of Thanksgiving. I decided to go to Bulgaria. You know what the best thing about Thanksgiving in Bulgaria is?
Bulgaria is next to Turkey and Greece.
I liked the leftovers before they were cool.
The first man asks the second man "Imagine being in the same room with all of the people you've slept with." The second man responds with "I don't have to imagine, I do that every thanksgiving."
but they refused to have turkey
A six pack and a potato
I quit cold turkey.
The turkey is stuffed with content and you only have to pay for it once.
Fowl play.
The sexual tensions
Pump kin pie.
Happy Canadian Turkeyday, you sick bastards!
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out!
Doctor - "Yeah that is just Thanksgiving Dinner"
I quit cold turkey a long time ago.
(√-1)/8
The day in 1621 when Native Americans shared a meal with undocumented immigrants who never left.
Ra'men.
I had to loosen my Fitbit.
(Credit to my future mother-in-law for this suprise zinger)
They both want to kill turkey this thanksgiving
Twerky
Because all they serve is cold turkey.
He lost track of thyme.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
It's almost as if it were built on an Indian burial ground
Happy Thanksgiving!
"How to cook a turkey"
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Turkey Dinner Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Cup of Beer Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Alcoholic Beverage Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Bottle of Wine Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Turkey Dinner Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out!
A lady goes to a tattoo parlor and gets a tattoo of a turkey on her left thigh. A week later she gets a tattoo of Santa Claus on her right thigh. The artist asked what's the significance. she replies turkey is for Thanksgiving, Santa is for Christmas. My husband complains there is nothing to eat in between Thanksgiving and Christmas, now he can't complain
**Why did the police arrest the turkey?**
> They suspected fowl play.
**What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost?**
> A poultrygeist!
**Why did the turkey cross the road twice?**
> To prove he wasn't a chicken!
**What key won't open any door?**
> A turkey!
**If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one?**
> Goblet.
**Fruit comes from a fruit tree, so where does turkey come from?**
> A poul-tree.
**What happens when you're too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?**
>They turn into blueberries.
**What kind of cars would pilgrims drive today?**
> Plymouth.
I'm quitting this cold turkey.
Remember to set all your scales back 10 pounds tonight.
A happy couple are laying in bed when the husband farts, the wife says to him "Harry, you fart every morning in bed. One day you're going to fart your guts out!" Harry just grunted and ignored her.
4 months later...
It's the morning after thanksgiving and the wife Fiona is looking in the fridge when she notices the insides of the turkey in plastic wrap. She knows what she had to do. She goes upstairs and while Harry is sleeping she slips the insides into his boxers. She goes back downstairs and acts like nothing ever happened.
15 minutes later...
Fiona hears a scream from upstairs, and she sees Harry run down the stairs straight into the bathroom.
10 minutes later...
Fiona hears the door open and Harry walks out of the bathroom. "Are you okay honey? Fiona's says.
"Well, you know how you said I would fart my guys out? Well it happened, but with some pliers and a pair of latex gloves I managed to get most of them back in.
Fast food.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.