thanksgiving Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious thanksgiving stories

What are the best thanksgiving puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Thanksgiving? Well here is a complete list of the top thanksgiving jokes:

While picking up a turkey for this Thanksgiving, I overheard this gem.

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

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A woman walks into a tattoo parlor, asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."

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A twist on a Thanksgiving classic . . .

Written by my twelve-year-old brother:

Q: April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring?
A: Separatists and small pox.

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After eating Thanksgiving at my house, my friends are always asking me how I prepare the turkey...

...easy, I tell the bird he is going to die.

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I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving...

Way too close to Syria.

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Thanksgiving in Bulgaria

Obviously Thanksgiving is an American holiday. However, as a former soldier deployed to Southern Europe, I was given a week long pass during the week of Thanksgiving. I decided to go to Bulgaria. You know what the best thing about Thanksgiving in Bulgaria is?

Bulgaria is next to Turkey and Greece.

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If the Indians would have given the Pilgrims

donkey instead of turkey, we'd all be having a piece of ass for Thanksgiving

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The first year I didn't eat Thanksgiving leftovers on the day after.

I quit cold turkey.

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You want to know what's the toughest part about Thanksgiving dinner at my house?

The sexual tensions

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A mother sends her son to the store for a turkey

A mother sends her son to the store with $60 for a turkey for Thanksgiving. He comes back with a turkey and hands her back $60, so she asks him, "Where did you get that turkey, son?" He says, "I won it, Momma. They said the person with the biggest pecker gets a turkey." "So you took your pecker out and showed it, all in front of those people?"

"No, just enough to win."

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Why shouldn't you join Alcoholics Anonymous on Thanksgiving?

Because all they serve is cold turkey.

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What does Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving?

Twerky.

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How was your thanksgiving?

>> Very stuffing.

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Thanksgiving dinner.

So a housewife is preparing thanksgiving dinner when her husband comes in, and she asks, "are you hungry, dear?"

And the turkey answers, "no, I'm stuffed."

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What does Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving?

Twerky

I'll show myself out.

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When is the Jewish Thanksgiving?

When Palestine gets taken over.

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Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey?
A: Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!

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My family always celebrates Thanksgiving with a fast. The faster we eat, the more food we get.

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Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.

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There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey.

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Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

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Q: What is a ghosts favorite snack?
A: Boo berries

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Scientists created a six-legged turkey for families who fight over the drumsticks.

But the turkeys escaped, and no one can catch them.

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Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
They couldn't get the moose in the oven!

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Help! This is my first time cooking for Thanksgiving.

The turkey's been in the oven for two hours, and it's still running around!

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Why did the turkey play drums in his band? Because he already had drumsticks!

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Q: How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?
A: He was very thinkful.

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What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.

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Bomb the babies and....

Thanksgiving political conversation:

Me: well what would you rather spend the money on, giving babies diapers or dropping bombs?
Uncle Morris: we have enough for both. Bomb the babies and give the terrorists diapers.

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What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids? If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!

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Celebrate Thanksgiving the American way: spend money you don't have on Chinese products.

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Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.

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Call your dad now and ask him what the wifi password is so he has time to find the little paper it's written on before Thanksgiving.

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I would count my blessings on Thanksgiving, but my relatives outnumber them.

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Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."

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Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.

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Most turkeys taste better the day after. My mother's tasted better the day before.

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What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.

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You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.

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Two cannibals are enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner and a light conversation about all things family.


"I just can't stand my mother-in-law," sighs one.
"That's quite understandable," nods the other one, "why don't you just have the potatoes with the gravy?"

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Well, it's Thanksgiving, so I think it's fine to start with the Christmas jokes.

Q: What did the floor say to the Christmas tree?
A: Your balls are hanging.

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An Irish Thanksgiving.!

Step 1: Go buy a turkey

Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD

Step 3: Put turkey in the oven

Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey

Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens

Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink

Step 7: Turn oven the on

Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky

Step 9: Turk the bastey

Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get

Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer

Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey

Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours

Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick

Step 17: Turk the carvey

Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch

Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey

Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out!

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One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard".
Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".
The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick".
Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".
On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.
Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuck" she said.
Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.
Then the door bell rang.
The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

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My Go To when all else fails. Has never flopped.

A farmer and his wife have been married many years. The farmer has a talent for farting very loudly. Everytime he does so his wife says "one of these days your gonna fart your guts out." This goes on for years until after one Thanksgiving diner the wife decides to play a trick on her husband. She takes the insides she had cleaned out of the turkey, prior to cooking it, and sneaks upstairs while he is asleep from the big meal. She puts them inside his underwear knowing he's gonna fart right after he wakes up and goes back downstairs to be with the family. After a while the family hears a scream from the bedroom and rushes to see what's going on. The farmer says to the family "well it finally happened; I farted my guts out." The wife trying not to laugh asks "well what did you do?" The farmer puts his fingers together and says "by the grace of God and with these two fingers... I shoved them back up in there."

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A lady was waiting at home.

A lady was waiting at home, and thought it would be funny to suck off her husband as soon as he got home. Sure enough, a couple of hours later, he opens the door and says "Honey! I'm ho-" She begins to zip down his pants and says "Ssshhh, don't talk." She goes in to suck when the husband says, "Honey! Stop! I was about to say, these are my parents, they're staying over for thanksgiving."

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A close call.

A man sits down in his chair then rips a huge fart. His wife says "one of these days you're going to shit your guts out". It becomes a habit that every time he passes gas she says "one day you will shit you're guts out"
One day on Thanksgiving morning she decides she's had enough. She takes all the guts from the Turkey and sneeks them under the covers while her husband sleeps,then goes back to the kitchen to wait. After an hour or so she hears her husband scream then silence. Her plan has worked. After a while he comes into the kitchen and says "well you were right, last night I shit my guts out". "Oh no" she says, "do we need to go to the hospital?" "No" he says. "Thanks to the grace of God and these two fingers I got everything back in place".

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You should be happy we're having turkey, rather than the turkey have us.

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A Football team was on the field during practice, when to their surprise, a big turkey suddenly walked up to the coach and demanded a tryout. "Are you crazy," hollered the coach, "we don’t give tryouts to turkeys."
Before he knew it the turkey started dashing towards the football and made a fantastic catch.
"That was amazing," exclaimed the coach.
"I have never seen anything like that! How much do you want for a year?"
"Don’t worry about money," said the turkey, "let me just ask you something, does the season go past thanksgiving?"

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Thanksgiving Dinner

Thanksgiving dinner and all of the family is around.

A little boy wonders upstairs and stumbles upon his dad shaving. His dad slips shaving and cuts himself and exclaims "Shit!"

The little asks "Daddy what does that mean?"
The father replies " Oh, it is just means the shaving cream, that's all. No run along"

He wonders downstairs and stumbles upon his Mom and his Grandpa playing cards. The grandpa loses and yells "You Bitch!"
The little boy inquires "Grandpa what does that mean?" Grandpa replies "It is just a term used for playing cards, now run along."

He wonders into the kitchen and sees his grandma carving the turkey and she slips and cuts her self and shouts "Fuck!" The little boy inquires "Grandma what does that mean?" She replies " It is just an expression for cutting the turkey"

The door bell rings and the little boys answers it and it is his aunt and uncle.

He answers the door and proceeds to tell them what everyone is doing.

"Hi, my dad is upstairs putting shit on his face, my mom is downstairs bitching to my grandpa, and grandma is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"

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Turkey Joke

A woman stops into her local grocery store to purchase a turkey for her upcoming Thanksgiving dinner. She browses the selection of turkey, but does not see one that will feed the amount of guests she invited for Thanksgiving.

She walks over to the deli and asks to speak with the butcher. The butcher steps out, wiping his hands on his apron, and asks "How may I help you today?"

The woman replies, "I'm having a large gathering on Thanksgiving and I need to know if these turkeys get bigger".

Without missing a beat the butcher replies, "No, Miss. These turkeys are dead."

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best thanksgiving jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about thanksgiving. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty thanksgiving gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these thanksgiving jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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