The Best 46 Thankful Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Thankful jokes. There are some thankful patriot jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these thankful thank god puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Thankful Jokes and Puns

It is Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend

...and I'm just thankful that I'll have ebola turkey soup and not ebola the deadly disease.

Fella rescued a damsel in distress.

Fella was heading home when he saw a lady beside the road with a flat tire. Being kind hearted, Fella stopped to change the tire for her. Lady was so thankful she invited Fella back to her place for a thank you drink. One thing lead to another and soon they were in the sack together. He realized the time and jumped up with a start. Running around getting his clothes on, he said, "What am I going to tell my wife?" "Wait, do you have any baby powder" he asked. "Certainly" she replied. He dusted his hands with the powder and headed home.
Walking in the door, he was greeted by his wife demanding to know where he had been. So he told her the truth, how he had stopped to change a woman's tire then wound up spending the afternoon in bed with her.
His wife looked at him for a moment, then grabbed his hands looking at them. She screamed at him, "You SOB, you spent the day playing pool again, didn't you?"

When I was your age...

When I was your age, before the Internet, there was none of this e-bola. We just had plain bola. And you know what? We were thankful.

Thankful joke, When I was your age...

What else was the man with two penises thankful for?

Being ambidextrous.

What are Germans most thankful for on the internet?

Danke Memes


My friend told me what 'many' meant today

I was really thankful, it meant a lot.

Motivational words from Stevie Wonder.

I have lived life through a lot of troubles and made it through each and every one of them.

Being a musician is hard and making money to support myself was even harder. Being blind didn't make anything easier, but I made due.

One thing I can say I am thankful for is.

At least I'm not black.

Thankful joke, Motivational words from Stevie Wonder.

I was so thankful....

I couldn't thank my friend enough for getting me into fight club.
"Don't mention it!", he said.

Why do Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving earlier than the USA?

To be thankful they're are not part of the USA.

A wise statistician once told me:

Be thankful you have more hands than average.

The cubs should be thankful they played Cleveland and not Toronto

as Aroldis Chapman likes to keep his beatings Domestic.

You can explore thankful reward reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean thankful grandma says thank you dad jokes. There are also thankful puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What made me Thankful this past Holiday

There's no way Obama is going to pardon that Orange-Basted Jive Turkey.

A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes.

Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a urine sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your urine. You're diabetic." She says.

Disappointed, the man manages to reply, "Well, I'm still very thankful for your help today, nurse."

"Sure thing, sweet pee."

Why don't blacks celebrate thanksgiving?

It's hard to be thankful when KFC is closed

Male employee at a kindergarten gets yelled at by little kids

"You're not my father!" Says a little boy.
"And that I'm thankful for..." Anwsers the employee
"...Especially after I saw your mother."

Let's be thankful WebMD never got into Astrology...

Otherwise everybody would just be a Cancer

Thankful joke, Let's be thankful WebMD never got into Astrology...

Somebody told me I should be more thankful for all the rocks I have.

They said I'm taking them for granite.

Once Papa Bear, Mama Bear and Baby Bear had upset stomachs.

They went to the doctor who gave Papa Bear a big dose, Mama Bear a medium dose, and Baby Bear a little dose, and asked them to come again the next day.

The next day, the doctor asked them about the condition of their stomach.

Papa Bear said, "Me very thankful, me did a tankful."

Mama Bear said, "Me very grateful, me did a plateful."

Baby Bear said, "Me broken hearted, me only farted."

What can a half blind racist be thankful for?

One eye is alt-right


Thankfully, someone created an online resource for everyone who suffered retinal damage watching the solar eclipse.

It truly is a site for sore eyes.

Whenever I make breakfast for you...

You should be thankful.
None of this "Who are you and what are you doing in my house?" business.

Do you ever wake up, make love to the person next to you and be thankful you're alive?

I did this morning, I have to stop falling asleep at the morgue.

I'm really thankful that Disney/Pixar brought us Toy Story

It means I can go to Toys R Us and walk out with a Woody without it being awkward.

Teacher: What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?

Teacher: What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?
Student: I'm thankful I'm not a turkey.

Today I'm thankful that...

EA isnt in charge of Thanksgiving.

I couldnt afford the sense of pride and accomplishment it'd take to get to the pecan pie.

Thankfully in divorce court, there is always two winners!

The lawyers.

To the lady at Tesco who had her kid on a leash...

I'm sorry I asked if he was a rescue, and very thankful you didn't sicc him on me.

What did the thankful Japanese man name his half-Jewish half-Mexican cat?

Arigato

(Credit to my brother who just made it up)

A lawyer saw a bunch of homeless people eating grass... He goes over and asks them why are they doing that and they tell him that they are homeless and have nothing to eat. Eager to help them out he escorts them to his mansion.. They are very happy and thankful.. He takes one look at them, smiles

And tells them "this is my yard, eat as much as you want, i won't charge you."

Today I asked out my dream girl

She replied with a thankful yes, but that yes was to the officer asking about filing a restraining order... I can still see Her, just from 400ft away.

Mommy, why am I asian when daddy is black and you are white?

With how that night went just be thankful you are not barking

A stranger told me they hope I die.

I'm thankful I could fill someone's heart with hope.

We should be more thankful for anti-vaxxers.

They're volunteering their kids to help keep the population down!

A son is thankful so naturally...

A mother is angry

This goes out to my psat boys

This Thanksgiving, we are reminded of the one universal thing that we should all be thankful for

Those that sort by new

Family coming for holidays always make me thankful...

....that alcohol is cheap and legal.

If Taylor Swift wrote a song about being "Thankful for her Exes"

It would be as long as a movie soundtrack. Because she has so many exes.

Do you ever wake up kissing the person next to you just thankful to be alive?

Apparently I do and I'm now banned from flying.

What do you call a thankful German piece of internet content?

Danke, meme.

I am a parent of a one year old and I support anti vaxxer parents and super thankful of them.

They help me eliminate future competition that my kid will go against. From fortnite to Harvard.

Husband tells wife he saved his boss from certain death today...

" I pulled him off the street the last moment before a car came by! The boss was very thankful and said he'd do anything I wanted!"

" So... what did you wish for...?" asked the wife.



" I said... please don't tell the lads at the office it was me that saved you!"

Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...

Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.

I just got a job processing transactions for a global multi-billion dollar company!

I'm so thankful to McDonald's for this opportunity.

My neighbor's been working hard during this hot summer day, so I decided to cool him off with my garden hose

I appreciate the thankful little dances his body has been making but I really wish he'd get back to repairing my power line.

Call me racist if you want, but I think everything south of the border is a sea of corruption, idiocy, degradation and violence that I wouldn't touch with a bargepole.

That's why I'm thankful I live in Scotland.

I'm so thankful for the people who deliver pizza

I've always hated liver!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the thankful gracias jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working thankful catalonia piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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