Thanked Jokes
62 thanked jokes and hilarious thanked puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about thanked that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Thanked Short Jokes
Short thanked jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The thanked humour may include short thanking jokes also.
- Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Thank god I live in Canada
- "Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa ?" "Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"
"Thanks dad !"
"No problem Alan" - A father in iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied, "Thanks for the Baghdad"
- The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife... Thank you for everything, Mom.
Happy Mothers' Day! - I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?" I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
- I used to be Christian.... Her: I used to be Christian.
Him: It's all right, I don't really care for those sorts of things.
Her; Thank god! It's so much better now that I'm Christine! - Gay parents are awesome! * "Hey dad, why is my sister named rose?"
* "Because your other dad loves roses"
* "Thanks dad"
* "No problem, Richard" - What is a Pirate's favorite letter? The one from the General Manager telling him he's been traded to the Mets.
Thanks to everyone who awarded this post! You're so kind . - Do you remember when air was free at the gas station, and now it's $1.50? You know why? inflation
Holy smokes this blew up, THANK YOU all for the awards and the silver!! - Interviewer: Can you explain these 4 jobless years in your resume? Applicant: That's when I went to Yale. Interviewer: Impressive! You are hired!
Applicant: Thanks, I really need this yob.
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Thanked One Liners
Which thanked one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with thanked? I can suggest the ones about thanks giving and appreciated.
- To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero... Thanks for nothing.
- "No thanks. I am a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you a baby.
- Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.
- Made love to my wife for an hour and four minutes tonight Thanks, Daylight Savings Time!
- What did the 0 say to the ten? Thanks for reading my joke.
- To the guy who invented zero, Thanks for nothing.
- How do you get a philosophy student off your porch? Thank him for the pizza
- My love life is like Santa Claus. It exists thanks to gullible six year olds
- My IQ test results just came in and I'm really relieved. Thank God it's negative.
- 85%of people in America don't know basic math. Thanks God I'm from the other 25%
- Hey, are you -273.15°C? Yeah, I'm 0K thanks.
- A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a handbag She said thanks for the baghdad
- Just lasted over an hour in bed... Thank you day light savings
- Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college. I am forever in your debt.
- I once thanked a French guy to death It was a merci killing
Cheerful Fun Thanked Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about thanked you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grateful jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make thanked pranks.
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.
He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request.
She said, I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.
Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.
He went up to her and said, Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.
She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, If I told you, you would only laugh.
No, I wouldn't, he said.
She said, I sell tampons.
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, See, I knew you would laugh.
That's not what I'm laughing at, he replied. I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!
birthday
Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great s**..., any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."
The Stranger
A true story.
I was waiting at a bus stop one afternoon when a guy approached me and offered me a ride. I thanked him, but politely refused his offer. Confused, he asked me why I didn't want to go with him. I told him, "Because you're a stranger." With more confusion on his face he replied, "No, I'm Indian!"
I went out for Chinese last night, I told the waiter that the chicken was rubbery...
He thanked me.
Old lady at ATM
Last night I was walking home late at night when I saw an old lady having some trouble at an ATM machine . I approached her and asked could I help her in any way .
She turned around and thanked me before explaining that she simply wanted to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
My girlfriend thanked me for telling her a joke as she hadn't laughed since her mother died
I think it was pretty disrespectful that she'd laughed when her mother died.
Three drunk guys get into a taxi.
The driver knew they were drunk. He turned the engine on and quickly turned it back off. He said "We've arrived."
The 1st drunk pays the driver, the 2nd drunk thanked him, and the 3rd drunk slapped him. He thought the 3rd drunk knew what he did, but he asked anyway "What was that for?"
"CONTROL YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME! You nearly killed us!"
I sat next to a guy from the military at the airport...
We were both looking at our phones, then suddenly the airport wifi went down. I frustratingly said, "my phone only works on wifi!" He said, "don't worry! My phone has tethering!" Relived, I thanked him for his service.
I heard about this one place with red signs that thanked drivers for slowing down...
...but when I drove by, everything was blue.
A client just thanked me profusely for curing his erectile dysfunction.
-shrugs- It wasn't hard.
Today I woke up an optimist...
He thanked me for waking him up
My friend thanked me for inviting him along to Fight Club.
I replied "Don't mention it."
Women reveal 90% of their bodies when they wear bikinis...
And they've never thanked men for courteously only looking at the covered parts.
Kyiv subway. A middle-aged woman enters the train.
Young guy stands up from his seat and lets her sit down.
Woman: Young man, are you from Lviv?
Guy: Why do you think so?
Woman: You are the only one to give me a seat.
Guy: You are right, I'm from Lviv. And you must be from Donetsk.
Woman: Yeah. But how have you guessed it?
Guy: You haven't even thanked me.
As I'm walking in to work this morning my boss told me to "Have a good day"
Who am i to argue? Thanked him and came straight back home
Have a good day
When I greeted my boss in the morning, he told me to have a good day.
Who am I to argue? So I thanked him and went back home.
I thanked Canada after I immigrated.
They said "You're welcome".
"I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday"
Adam was talking to his friend at a bar. He said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck." His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying that she can have 60 minutes of great s**..., anyway she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." So Adam decided to listen to his friend's advice. The next day at the bar, his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," Adam replied. "Did she like it?" "Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and ran out the door, yelling, "I'll be back in an hour!"
My girlfriend was telling me all about the gender wage gap...
It was really informative. I thanked her for her 1.56 cents.
I got my friend an elephant to put in his room.
He thanked me. I said "don't mention it."
Today I decided to donate blood...
After the procedure I asked the nurse what my blood type was out of curiosity. She told me I was type A so I thanked her and left. As I was walking out the door she came sprinting after me and said Wait, I told you the wrong blood type on accident, it was a type O.
A Blonde hear a "thud" on the ground
Too her surprise, it was a wallet. She decided to do the right thing and turn it in to the police.
After arriving at the police station, the Blonde says,'I'm here to turn in someone's lost wallet.' The officer thanked the Blonde for her deeds and the Blonde returns to her home.
The next day, a package arrived in the mailbox with a wallet inside. The Blonde responds with, ' Thank god someone found my wallet, I must've dropped it while walking yesterday.'
What did the mathematician say after the square thanked him for finding its area?
Di-mention it.
Who is the most thanked captain around the world?
I was walking in Little Italy yesterday
when I saw a man patiently standing by his car as he was being written a parking ticket. The officer finished, and the man thanked her and opened his car.
Confused as to why he seemed so unconcerned I approached him. "Sir! You just got a ticket! How are you so calm about this?"
He just shrugged and said, "It's a-fine."
My friend told me he suffered from stage fright.
I told him he should try imagining his audience n**.... He seemed really eager to try that, thanked me and left.
A few minutes later, I realized he ran a puppet show for children.
What did they body say to the soul after it had thanked it?
No worries brotha! I got your back.
My doctor just thanked me for submitting the minimum amount of f**... for my stool sample.
I told him it was the least I could doo.
I took pictures of plants during a nature hike
When I went to get them developed, I thanked the clerk for his Photosynthesis.
A Sargent scolded a soldier for not being in camouflage training
The soldier thanked him
Really drunk people?
3 men entered a taxi. The taxi driver could tell that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off. He then proceeded to tell them that they had reached their destination. The first guy gave him the money and the second guy thanked the taxi driver. The third guy suddenly slapped the driver. The driver was shocked; he was wondering if the third guy could see through his dishonesty. He then asked What was that for? The third guy, with a furious face yelled Control your speed next time you almost killed us!
My Mother informed me today that she now identifies as my father.
I thanked her for being transparent.
A close friend recently died, and at the f**... I asked if I could say a word
The family agreed and as I stood as the podium, I exhaled, "Bargain".
Teary eyed the family thanked me, they knew it meant a great deal.
Have you ever woken up, kissed the person beside you and thanked the Lord you're alive?
I just did and apparently I will not be allowed on this airline again.
During the job interview they told me that the pay wouldn't be great at the beginning
During the job interview they told me that the pay wouldn't be great at the beginning but it would get better later.
I thanked them and told them that I will apply again later.
A man was sitting in the couch when his wife came in
The wife told him their son needs 200 dollars for school donation so he gave it to her.
Later that day his son hugged him and thanked him for the 50 he gave to school.
And few hours later the principal messaged him to thank him for the 10 dollars donation.
President Biden visits a fully vaccinated senior home
After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Her response was simply, "No, but there's a nice woman at the front desk who can tell you!"
In a small town there was a poor Christian old lady. She was always asking the God to bring her groceries. One day her not Christian neighbor went out and secretly bought the lady groceries…
As the lady saw the groceries she rejoiced and thanked the lord. The neighbor was fed up and told the old lady that God did not bring her groceries he did. She yelled thank you Lord for bringing me groceries and making the devil pay for them.
I bought the newlyweds an elephant for their room.
They smiled and thanked me so I said, *"Don't mention it."*
My mother gave me a pendant for my birthday
It was a special gift with a picture of my late grandmother inside.
I thanked her profusely, but I had to ask, this is such a unique gift. What made you decide on this specific piece of jewelry?
She responded well, your grandmother has always been a strong, in-da-pendant type of woman
Three drunk men get in a taxi after leaving the bar.
The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off after ten seconds, saying they had arrived at their destination.
The first man gave him the money and exited the taxi.
The second man thanked him and also left the taxi.
The third man slapped the driver.
The driver was surprised that he noticed and asks him.
To which, the third man says, "Why did you drive so fast?"
A man tells his friend, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday.
She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. I'm stumped."
His buddy says, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great s**..., any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!"
The next day, his buddy asks, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?"
The man sighed. "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours!'"
My wife gave birth today, after she was stable and sleeping I thanked the Doctor, then sheepishly asked 'When we will be able to have s**...?'
He winked at me and said 'I knock off in 10 minutes, meet me in the car park'
A friend told me that there is a place the celebrities go after they fake their deaths. Michael Jackson is there. Elvis. Tupac.
I thanked him for telling me about this
He replied "No Biggie."
I saw a woman drop a can of Pringles in the store. I picked it up for her and she thanked me.
I told her that I like to help out when the chips are down.
One day in a busy restaurant, a man began to choke on something he had eaten.
Without hesitation, another man jumped up, ran over, pulled the choking man's pants down, and started eating his a**.... The choking man was so shocked and disgusted that he started to gag, miraculously expelling the blockage. His life saved, he thanked the other man profusely and asked how he had known that his unexpected actions would be effective.
The other man replied, "I thought everyone knew the hind lick maneuver..."
