The Best 41 Thanked Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Thanked jokes. There are some thanked thank god jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these thanked told puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Thanked Jokes and Puns

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.

He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.

She replied, I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request.

She said, I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.

Once again he thanked her.

He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.

He went up to her and said, Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.

He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.

She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.

She replied, If I told you, you would only laugh.

No, I wouldn't, he said.

She said, I sell tampons.

With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.

She said, See, I knew you would laugh.

That's not what I'm laughing at, he replied. I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!

birthday

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."

The Stranger

A true story.

I was waiting at a bus stop one afternoon when a guy approached me and offered me a ride. I thanked him, but politely refused his offer. Confused, he asked me why I didn't want to go with him. I told him, "Because you're a stranger." With more confusion on his face he replied, "No, I'm Indian!"

Thanked joke, The Stranger

I went out for Chinese last night, I told the waiter that the chicken was rubbery...

He thanked me.

Old lady at ATM

Last night I was walking home late at night when I saw an old lady having some trouble at an ATM machine . I approached her and asked could I help her in any way .

She turned around and thanked me before explaining that she simply wanted to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.


My girlfriend thanked me for telling her a joke as she hadn't laughed since her mother died

I think it was pretty disrespectful that she'd laughed when her mother died.

Three drunk guys get into a taxi.

The driver knew they were drunk. He turned the engine on and quickly turned it back off. He said "We've arrived."

The 1st drunk pays the driver, the 2nd drunk thanked him, and the 3rd drunk slapped him. He thought the 3rd drunk knew what he did, but he asked anyway "What was that for?"

"CONTROL YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME! You nearly killed us!"

Thanked joke, Three drunk guys get into a taxi.

I sat next to a guy from the military at the airport...

We were both looking at our phones, then suddenly the airport wifi went down. I frustratingly said, "my phone only works on wifi!" He said, "don't worry! My phone has tethering!" Relived, I thanked him for his service.

I heard about this one place with red signs that thanked drivers for slowing down...

...but when I drove by, everything was blue.

A client just thanked me profusely for curing his erectile dysfunction.

-shrugs- It wasn't hard.

Today I woke up an optimist...

He thanked me for waking him up

You can explore thanked grandma says thank you reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean thanked appreciation dad jokes. There are also thanked puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My friend thanked me for inviting him along to Fight Club.

I replied "Don't mention it."

Have you thanked your toilet today?

I did, he was so embarrassed his face got all flushed.

Women reveal 90% of their bodies when they wear bikinis...

And they've never thanked men for courteously only looking at the covered parts.

Kyiv subway. A middle-aged woman enters the train.

Young guy stands up from his seat and lets her sit down.

Woman: Young man, are you from Lviv?

Guy: Why do you think so?

Woman: You are the only one to give me a seat.

Guy: You are right, I'm from Lviv. And you must be from Donetsk.

Woman: Yeah. But how have you guessed it?

Guy: You haven't even thanked me.

I thanked my Spanish hitman today

I was hoping for a "Your welcome". Instead he reminded me to keep my mouth shut.

Thanked joke, I thanked my Spanish hitman today

As I'm walking in to work this morning my boss told me to "Have a good day"

Who am i to argue? Thanked him and came straight back home

Have a good day

When I greeted my boss in the morning, he told me to have a good day.

Who am I to argue? So I thanked him and went back home.

I thanked Canada after I immigrated.

They said "You're welcome".


"I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday"

Adam was talking to his friend at a bar. He said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck." His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying that she can have 60 minutes of great sex, anyway she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." So Adam decided to listen to his friend's advice. The next day at the bar, his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," Adam replied. "Did she like it?" "Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and ran out the door, yelling, "I'll be back in an hour!"

My girlfriend was telling me all about the gender wage gap...

It was really informative. I thanked her for her 1.56 cents.

I once thanked a French guy to death

It was a merci killing

I got my friend an elephant to put in his room.

He thanked me. I said "don't mention it."

Today I decided to donate blood...

After the procedure I asked the nurse what my blood type was out of curiosity. She told me I was type A so I thanked her and left. As I was walking out the door she came sprinting after me and said Wait, I told you the wrong blood type on accident, it was a type O.

A Blonde hear a "thud" on the ground

Too her surprise, it was a wallet. She decided to do the right thing and turn it in to the police.

After arriving at the police station, the Blonde says,'I'm here to turn in someone's lost wallet.' The officer thanked the Blonde for her deeds and the Blonde returns to her home.

The next day, a package arrived in the mailbox with a wallet inside. The Blonde responds with, ' Thank god someone found my wallet, I must've dropped it while walking yesterday.'

What did the really big house say when the small house thanked it for always being there?

"Don't mansion it!"

What did the mathematician say after the square thanked him for finding its area?

Di-mention it.

Who is the most thanked captain around the world?

I was walking in Little Italy yesterday

when I saw a man patiently standing by his car as he was being written a parking ticket. The officer finished, and the man thanked her and opened his car.

Confused as to why he seemed so unconcerned I approached him. "Sir! You just got a ticket! How are you so calm about this?"

He just shrugged and said, "It's a-fine."

My friend told me he suffered from stage fright.

I told him he should try imagining his audience naked. He seemed really eager to try that, thanked me and left.

A few minutes later, I realized he ran a puppet show for children.

What did they body say to the soul after it had thanked it?

No worries brotha! I got your back.

Two dudes were masturbating in my living room.

I told them to beat it but they didn't leave! They even thanked me for my approval! I don't approve and I'm appalled and offended.

My doctor just thanked me for submitting the minimum amount of feces for my stool sample.

I told him it was the least I could doo.

I took pictures of plants during a nature hike

When I went to get them developed, I thanked the clerk for his Photosynthesis.

A Sargent scolded a soldier for not being in camouflage training

The soldier thanked him

Really drunk people?

3 men entered a taxi. The taxi driver could tell that they were drunk so he started the engine and turned it off. He then proceeded to tell them that they had reached their destination. The first guy gave him the money and the second guy thanked the taxi driver. The third guy suddenly slapped the driver. The driver was shocked; he was wondering if the third guy could see through his dishonesty. He then asked What was that for? The third guy, with a furious face yelled Control your speed next time you almost killed us!

My Mother informed me today that she now identifies as my father.

I thanked her for being transparent.

A close friend recently died, and at the funeral I asked if I could say a word

The family agreed and as I stood as the podium, I exhaled, "Bargain".

Teary eyed the family thanked me, they knew it meant a great deal.

Have you ever woken up, kissed the person beside you and thanked the Lord you're alive?

I just did and apparently I will not be allowed on this airline again.

During the job interview they told me that the pay wouldn't be great at the beginning

During the job interview they told me that the pay wouldn't be great at the beginning but it would get better later.

I thanked them and told them that I will apply again later.

A man was sitting in the couch when his wife came in

The wife told him their son needs 200 dollars for school donation so he gave it to her.

Later that day his son hugged him and thanked him for the 50 he gave to school.

And few hours later the principal messaged him to thank him for the 10 dollars donation.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the thanked gave jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working thanked merci piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes