Thank God For Jokes
34 thank god for jokes and hilarious thank god for puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about thank god for that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Thank God For Short Jokes
Short thank god for jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The thank god for humour may include short thank god jokes also.
- Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Thank god I live in Canada
- I used to be Christian.... Her: I used to be Christian.
Him: It's all right, I don't really care for those sorts of things.
Her; Thank god! It's so much better now that I'm Christine! - God: *creates worm* Hey there little buddy! worm: Thanks for the worm welcome
God: *creates birds* - When I was in high school, my dad f*cked my teacher repeatedly for better grades in my math class. Thank god im homeschooled or that could have been wierd
- Dear God, If you want us to impeach Trump, just give us a sign. Like blot out the sun. Anytime in the next week.
Thanks,
America. - I read an article saying that you might be an alcoholic if you drink everyday Thank god I only drink every night
- I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy. Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.
- Thank God we don't need to hunt for food anymore I mean, I have no idea where pizzas live in the wild
- Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says, Man that mad cow disease sure is scary isn't it?
The other responds, Yea it is, thank god I'm a helicopter. - I can't believe my neighbors came to my house at 5:00 AM... ...thank god I was already up playing the bagpipes.
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Thank God For One Liners
Which thank god for one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with thank god for? I can suggest the ones about thankfully and grateful.
- My IQ test results just came in and I'm really relieved. Thank God it's negative.
- 85%of people in America don't know basic math. Thanks God I'm from the other 25%
- I just took an IQ test and I am SO happy... Thank God it came back negative!
- Thank God lent is over.... not using condoms was definitely getting nerve-wracking.
- Thank god I'm an atheist Wait...
- Doctor: You have Alzheimer's and cancer. Patient: Thank God it's not Alzheimer's.
- Me: Is it normal talking to myself? Me: Yes it is.
Me: Oh, thank God. - Dated a Greek god, now I have cold sores Thanks a lot, Herpules
- Every day I say to myself, John you have to quit drinking. Thank god my name isn't John.
- I was so bad at math my bank refused to give me a loan Thank god I had someone to cosine
- Men should thank God for His grammatical errors when creating us He forgot a period.
( - My son would've turned 3 today Thank god i pulled out
- Heard someone say this and it made me smile 'Thank God I'm an atheist'
- I dropped my phone from a sky scraper Thank god airplane mod was on.
- Did you hear my new joke about pee? 'No'
'Thank God no one leaked it
Comical Thank God For Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about thank god for you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean god bless jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make thank god for pranks.
My girlfriend has always been a bit on the heavy side
One morning, while standing in front of the mirror together she asked me if she should change anything in her life. I said, go workout and lose 20-30 pounds, it would change you for the better. At that moment, the sheer passion I saw in her eyes I will never forget.
After the first day, I didn't see anything. To be expected of course, these things take time. Three days later, nothing. A week later, nothing. Two weeks later, and I finally started to see something. Thank god for that, I thought she knocked the light out of my eyes for good.
Thank god for dollar shave club
Now I can afford to put razors in all the Halloween candy.
I was playing grand theft auto 5 when all of a sudden it crashes and an error message pops up
It read unfortunately the game is corrupted and the data will be deleted feeling sad and annoying with my 100s of hours lost I looked up online as to why it happened. I found a guide that said if you restart the game on the same console and go to the nearest garage and talk to the guy who's working on the car it can fix it. I did just that and it restored my old saves!
Thank god for that game mechanic
Thank God
Sam was driving down the road and was pulled over by a policeman. Walking up to Sam's car, the policeman said, "Your wife fell out the car five miles back." Sam replied,
"Thank God for that. I'd thought I'd gone deaf!"
A doctor is reading out tests results to an elderly patient.
- Sir, the two test results are in and I'm afraid I have bad news. First of all, you have phase 8 terminal metastasized cancer.
- Oh no.. d**..., this is not good.. what else?
- You also have quite a severe case of Alzheimer.
- oh thank god for that! I thought you were going to tell me I had cancer.
Account hacked
My account was hacked the other day. The poster was so polite that he sent me a message to ask me if he could post through my account.
Thank God for the Canadians..
You think your day was bad? Imagine being miles and miles away from home, hot and sweaty from the 50 pound uniform you're wearing , people don't accept you. They think you're a monster. Thank god there's other people like me or I wouldn't be able to handle being here .
Thank god for the furry convention.
When I hear how many troubles religion can cause
I thank God for being an atheist
The Ocean' Sea Level should actually be a lot higher.
Thank God for them sponges.
Every day I thank God for giving me the power to keep being an atheist!
Two snakes are slithering through the desert....
One named Fred, and one named Henry.
Henry turns to Fred and says: Fred, are we the kind of sssssnakes that kill by consssstriction or we the kind of sssssnake that kill with a deadly venomousssss bite?
Fred thinks about it for a second and reply's Henry, we are the kind of sssssnakes that kill by consssstriction.
Henry say oh thank God for that, I just bit my lip.
On the 11th of March I had the longest s**... of my life, 1 hour and 30 seconds.
Thank god for Daylight Saving Time
Policeman stops a tandem.
Excuse me sir. I think you've lost your wife back down the road.
Thank god for that. I thought I'd gone deaf.
The dating scene is pretty rough as an amputee
Thank god for StubHub
Wife: "I've made the chicken soup"
"Thank god for that. I thought we had to eat it!"
My ex keeps missing me...
...thank God for Parkinson's!
It was so hard getting out of bed this morning
Thank god for elastic boxer shorts
So there are three prisoners
who have all been sentenced to twenty years behind bars. They are all allowed to have a few items in their cell. The first prisoner asks for a pile of law books, the second for his wife, and the third for three thousand cigarettes. When they are released the first prisoner walks out happy and says, "Thank god for those books. I can now finally fulfill my dream of being a lawyer. The second walks out and says, "Thank god for my wife. I now have four children and I am now going to settle down and have a nice family life. Then the third walks out and says, "Anyone got a match?"
