The Best 45 Texts Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Texts jokes. There are some texts texted jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these texts ternative puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Texts Jokes and Puns

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."


A boy goes on holiday to Mexico and texts his mate saying "Weather out here is just like your mother, 36 and hot"

His mate replies "Weather back here is just like your sister, 16 and wet"

she can't open windows.

On a cold winter morning, while her husband is away on business, a wife has a problem at home and sends a text message to her husband:

Windows frozen, it won't open

Husband texts back:
Pour boiling water over it inside and outside

Five minutes later, wife texts back.

Computer's really screwed up now...

Texts joke, she can't open windows.

An employee texts his boss "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter...?" (Slightly nsfw)

His boss answers "I don't know."

The employee replies "I'm not coming in this morning!"

A wife texts her husband

A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text: "If you are
sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If
you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you
are crying, send me your tears. I love you!"
The husband, typically non-romantic, replied: "I am on the toilet. Please advise."


A new monk arrives at the monastery.....

and is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that instead of copying the original books , they are copying the copies.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books sobbing. He asks what's wrong.

"The word is celebrate. " says the old monk with tears in his eyes.

I'm busy masturbating when my friend texts me "What's up?"

With my free hand I text "Nuttin'"

Texts joke, I'm busy masturbating when my friend texts me "What's up?"

Complaints via email or texts should be called "Read Whine"

A Saudi Arabian prince is going to college in England

He texts his father,
"Dad, I feel weird driving my Lamborghini to school when all my classmates take a train"
His father replies;
"Son, I have transferred 500 million dollars into your account. Go out and buy a train and stop embarrassing this family"

When she texts "I Love You"...

but Auto-correct changes it to "who is this"

A mime that texts LOL is dishonest.

You can explore texts email reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean texts text dad jokes. There are also texts puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The wife texts her mathematician husband to purchase eggs while he is at the grocery store

Husband: How many eggs should i get?

Wife: Please get 6!

Husband: Ok.

*1 hour later*

Husband: I can't fit all 720 eggs in the car. Can you come help me?

You ever wake up with a hangover feeling proud that you didn't send embarrassing drunk texts the night before?

What's it like?

Every 3 months, I'll text my Dad lyrics from Sia songs. He never texts me back...

...we have a distant relationship, and I like to keep it that way.

On a frosty winter's morning

Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning:
"Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back:
"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."
wife writings back 5 minutes after the fact:

"PC is truly spoiled at this point.

Next time someone texts you to say "call me"...

Call them to say "text me". And just hang up.

Texts joke, Next time someone texts you to say "call me"...

Do you ever leave a craigslist ad up after you've sold the item just to get that little rush when someone texts you?

Ya me neither.

The only girl who ever texts me...

Is Amber Alert.

My friend told me he texts me while he's in between patients

He's a gynecologist


What's the difference between ancient religious texts and fake news?

A little over 2000 years

So she texts: Do you want to see something exiting?

Me: Yes, of course!

Anddd she left the chat.

A wife texts her husband on a cold winters morning...

Windows frozen ……

Husband texts back, Pour some luke warm water over it"……

Wife replies, Computer completely stuffed now

A mechanical engineers wife comes out of delivery. She texts him

She texts him : "your new vehicle has been launched".

He replies : " is it with gear stick or automatic?"

Chlorine texts potassium, asking to borrow an electron.

Potassium replies, "K"

I believe in free speech....

Shame calls and texts don't count as free speech...

I've been getting anonymous texts from someone telling me to shower, comb my hair & brush my teeth.

I think they may be trying to groom me.

Algebra walks into a bar...

Orders a drink and sits at the bar alone. The bartender sees him sending multiple texts while constantly looking at the door.

Finally the bartender asks, "looking for someone?"

Algebra responds, "yeah, I'm trying to find my x"

Dad texts his son before his wedding

A father texts his son:
"My Dear Son,
Today is a day you will treasure for all the days of your life.
My best love and good wishes.
Your Father."

His Son texts back:
"Thanks Dad. But the wedding isn't actually until tomorrow!"

His Father replies:
"I know."

Why did the chemist's girlfriend get mad at him?

He kept responding to her texts with "Potassium."

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

John: My friend Charlie has stolen my girlfriend's number from my mobile 2 days ago.

Harry: What happened then?

John: Charlie Has been sending romantic texts to his own sister since last 2 days.

Don't you love it when you get beautiful texts from someone that cares about you?

So eloquently written, it ties your stomach in knots. Writing so succinct and captivating it gets your heart pounding and racing. Using words that convey such great ideas. I got one like that one today. It read

"Ballistic missile threat inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill."

Truly powerful words. They **blew** me away

My phone keeps changing critical words in important texts.

Autocorrect, you've made a powerful enema today.

A programmer accidentally ends all of her texts with a semi-colon...

A programmer accidentally starts ending her texts with semi-colons...

Unfortunately, her jokes also have pretty half-assed endings;

My friend really dislikes predictive texts.

He said they make him look like an aunt.

I love pampering my girl

I love to pamper my girl after she has had a stressful day all day at work..
So when she texts me saying shes on the way home, I get the hot water
running mix in a little soap and swirl around the bubbles and time everything
just perfectly so as soon as she walks through the door...
The dishes are all piled up and ready for her...

When I drink alcohol, people call me alcoholic. But when I drink fanta, no one calls me

or texts me, I'm so lonely, pls help.

If I drink to much alcohol I'm called a alcoholic but if I smoke a lot of weed no one calls me...

Or texts me... or talks to me... I'm very lonely

No one texts me

but as soon as I start masturbating y'all wanna interrupt

My friend told me I don't understand how to use winkey faces properly in texts...

We're not friends, anymore ;)

A priest mistranslated the sacred texts the other day...

They made a clerical error

When I drink alcohol, everyone calls me alcoholic

But when I drink fanta nobody calls me

Or texts me.

Or talks to me.

I am so alone please help.

On a cold winter's morning

Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning:

"Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back:

"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later:

"Computer is really screwed up now.

I'd like to thank.....

Whoever told my Mom that WTF means Wow that's fantastic. Her texts are so much more fun now.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the texts cellphone jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working texts sms piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes