Texted Jokes
79 texted jokes and hilarious texted puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about texted that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Texted Short Jokes
Short texted jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The texted humour may include short texting jokes also.
- In Britain, when you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. And when you turn 16, you get a text from Prince Andrew.
- When I drink alcohol, people call me alcoholic. But when I drink fanta, no one calls me or texts me, I'm so lonely, pls help.
- My girlfriend just text me, 'thespacebuttonisbrokenonmyphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative' Anybody know what 'ternative' means?
- One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage I accidentally texted my wife I'm having a wonderful time. I wish you were her.
- My girlfriend texted me "helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative" Anybody know what "ternative" means?
- I happily dad joked my fiancé While on her way to work, she texted me saying she only put deodorant on one side.
To which I replied, "At least you won't smell half bad!" - I saw a lady texting and driving today I was furious. I rolled down my window, and threw my beer at her.
- My gf texted me "myspacebuttonisbrokenonmyphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative" Do any of you know what "ternative" means?
- Met a cute guy at the bar, gave him my number and told him to text me when he got home I guess he's homeless.
- I've been talking to a 13 year old girl for about 2 weeks now We've been texting a lot lately and she just told me she's an undercover cop, that's quite impressive for her age.
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Texted One Liners
Which texted one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with texted? I can suggest the ones about text message and dialed.
- My friend text me 'what are you doing now?' I replied 'Probably failing my driving test'.
- Told a girl to text me when she got home. She must be homeless.
- A hot girl texted me "Come over, no one's home" So i went over...
And no one's home - The creator of predictive text died today His funfair is next monkey
- The inventor of predictive text has died. His funfair will be hello on Sundial.
- Drive safe I saw a driver texting and driving.
It made me so mad I threw my beer at him. - The guy who invented predictive text died last night... his funfair is next monkey
- I texted my girlfriend Ruth and told her it was over. I'm Ruthless.
- I always leave my phone on vibrate I like the text massages
- My math text book got recalled We were told it had too many problems
- Who is this Amber person… and why does she keep texting everybody about my cars?
- When she texts "I Love You"... but Auto-correct changes it to "who is this"
- I love girls who text first Mom you're the real MVP
- My DR sent me a text. I read;
"What blod type are you?"
I replied "Typo". - how does a roman laugh when he's texting? lol 490
Hilarious Fun Texted Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about texted you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean responded jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make texted pranks.
My wife texted "I'm leaving you"
And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."
I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."
I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a h**..."
A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."
A true work question
I texted my boss, "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?"
He answered, "I don't know."
I replied, "I'm not coming in this morning."
Dear President Obama, I've got a joke for you...
I texted it to Angela Merkel. Did you... *get it*?
My friend asked me why I haven't texted him in such a long while, I replied, "My phone screen broke and now it's completely unusable...
so I lost touch."
My wife texted me at lunch
"Window's frozen"
"Pour warm water on it, then lightly tap the edges with a hammer and chisel" I replied.
Ten minutes later, she called back.
"We need a new computer now".
My girlfriend just texted me "myspacebarisbrokencanyougivemeanalternative?"
Does anyone know what "ternative" means?
my girlfriend texted me saying she was going to go out shopping for an hour
sent at: 2001-11-06 3:35 PM
Really wanted the day off, so I texted my boss...
"What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?"
I'm not coming in this morning.
(I got some time off now)
A Poem
I dug.
Alice dug.
Vincent dug.
Dad dug.
My sister dug.
I know its not a good poem, but it rhymes and its really deep.
(A friend just texted me this. I thought it was funny.)
I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me when she texted me saying
I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me when she texted me saying "I'm out for dinner with my friend Emma" because Emma was lying beside me in bed
A girl just texted me...
She sent "myspacebarisntworkingcanyougivemeanalternative?"
I don't know what ternatives are.
My girlfriend just texted me this: Babe,myspacebarisbroken.IneedanalternativeASAP!
Anybody know what 'ternative' means?
I texted and drive sometimes
I guess we all do s**... things when we're drunk
So I texted my father asking if he had extra queen bedsheets laying around
His response: "Nope, you're not covered this time"
I'll see myself out
My girlfriend just texted me
My girlfriend just texted me, her dragon name was "Vaerjuam".
I was like " Hey Vaerjuam. I'm dad."
I hate Autocorrect
I texted my dealer asking for some Heroine
So he sent me a list of books with female protagonists.
I texted my mom at 5am telling her trump won, she asked why I was up so early.
I told her "I don't know. Maybe the sound of my health insurance flying away woke me up."
Potassium texted Sodium asking to go for coffee
Sodium just said Na.
Potassium replied K.
Payback
My son is sick and we took him to the doctor. MY dad texted and asked how the visit went.
Dad: What did the doctor say?
Me: They are going to amputate his left arm...so he will be all right!
A girl just texted me "myspacebuttonbrokecananyonegivemeanalternative"
Does anybody know what "ternative" means?
I texted my buddy 'you free this evening?'
He texted back a selfie featuring his red, white and blue cap 'I'm free every evening'
(I know it's not your typical joke but I laughed when I got it). Have a happy and safe Independence Day, USA!
My boss texted me "Send me a funny joke"
I texted him back "Sorry, boss, I'm working at the moment, I'll send you one later."
He replied back "That was fantastic, send me another!"
I never realised how close "f" and "t" were on the keyboard...
...not until I texted my wife and told her I'd tucked our daughter in, anyway.
My boss just texted me: "Send me one of your funny jokes!"
I texted him back: "I'm busy working. I'll send one later."
"That's hilarious," he said. "Send another one!"
I texted her: "Will you go out with me?"
She: I'm out
Me: Okay call me later
She: No I'm out of your league
My girlfriend and I got in a fight the other day...
After a minute, she said "This is the last straw" and left.
I panicked. I called and texted wondering where she was.
After what felt like an eternity, she comes walking in the front door with groceries. Confused, I said, "I thought you were gone forever? I thought you were done with me."
She said "No honey...I told you...we ran out of straws..."
I texted my friend, "Send me a joke, bro."
He replied: "Sorry, now I'm busy with my girlfriend."
Me: "Nice one! Send me another."
My girlfriend texted me that the relationship cannot continue because I played too much video games.
Looks like it was my Destiny 2 break up with her.
Texted my buddy in Los Angeles to see how things were...he replied
"It's Lit"
Some girl texted me the space button on her phone is broke
She texted "thespacebuttononmyphoneisbrokencanyoupleasegivemeanalternative" Can someone please tell me what ternative means.
Your adorable!
She texted me: Your adorable!
I replied: No. You're adorable!
Now she likes me a lot... All I did was point out her typo.
My mom texted me that she found the i**... photo of my sister and I.
I was freaking out until I realized she meant nicest.
My girlfriend sent me something unexpected.
I was having trouble with a chemistry pop quiz in school. I texted her "Sn?" She sent n**.... I just needed to know what Sn meant.
A woman texted me with the message, "Your adorable."
I texted back, "No. YOU'RE adorable."
Now she's falling for me. I was only correcting her grammar.
Almost got FIRED
I texted one of my ex-bosses once asking for a funny joke.
He texted back "I am very busy now."
I said "That's hilarious. Give me another one"
I texted my wife we'll have to delay our evening run.
I was running a bit late
My ex-wife just texted me, I wish you were here
She does this every time she's in a cemetery.
I texted my irish friend and told him I wanted to speak in an Irish accent
He texted back "Whale Oil Beef Hooked"
I told my dad I was going for an eye test today
He texted me afterwards asking "How did it go?"
Two hours later I replied, "Sorry, I didn't see your message."
Girlfriend just sent me a text, "It's over between us." Oh no!
Oh wait, it's fine, she just texted, "Ohh sorry that wasn't for you!"
He texted me your adorable. I said No, you're adorable.
Now he thinks I like him, when all I did was correct his grammar.
My ex- girlfriend is an accountant and she cheated on me with her boss to get a raise. She regretted her decision and texted me begging me to take her back.
I responded: "oh look, it's the thot that counts."
370HSSV-0773H
Is what my Australian ex girlfriend texted me.
My GF sent me a text a few minutes ago:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams
If you are laughing, send me your smile
If you are eating, send me a bite
If you are drinking, send me a sip
If you are crying, send me your tears
I love you!"
I texted back:
"I'm taking a dump.... What should I do?"
My girlfriend texted me it wasn't working our and we needed to break up
Don't worry, she explained me that it was meant for someone else
A wife sent her husband a romantic text message…
She wrote: If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you. Her husband texted back: I'm on the toilet, please advise.
Colleague from work has just texted saying he's caught Covid from his cat.
Don't ask meow
carnival is offering a single day trip guaranteed to leave all your worries behind.
It's called a Ted Cruz
Full credit to my dad who just texted me this.
My wife texted me on a cold winter morning...
My wife texted me on a cold winter morning, saying "Windows frozen, won't open. "
I texted her back, "gently pour some hot water along the edges, and tap it with a hammer. "
After a few minutes she texted back, "computer is really messed up now. "
My ex texted me, Wish you were here.
She does that every time she walks through a cemetery.
Last night I was thinking to myself "I wonder how much Google really knows about me?"
But then my Android phone texted me the message "not much". So I feel better now.
Advice for final exams
A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Wish me luck, I have end of term exams tomorrow," she tells the bartender. "Good luck," the bartender says. "Are you all prepared?" "I've done everything I can think of to prepare. I even texted my ex last night," she says. "I asked him if he had any good cheating tips."
d**... autocorrect!
My Wife texted me a selfie in a new dress and asked "Does this make my b**... look big?"
I texted back "Noo!"
My phone autocorrected my response to "Moo!"
Please send help!
My friend texted me the hurrcane has passed
He forgot about the i of the storm
My son is studying to become a lawyer, so I texted him, "If you tickle a man to death by accident..."
"Is it manslaughter?!"
My friend in a wheelchair got mad at me.
He texted me "I cant stand you"
I said "Use punctuation, its 'I cant stand, you?' "
Why did the blonde start looking for a new job?
Her boss texted they would be closed for good friday.
Yo mama is so fat
...that when she texted me, my phone ran out of storage space
