Texans Jokes
34 texans jokes and hilarious texans puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about texans that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From Houston natives to Cowboys fans, everyone seems to enjoy Texan jokes. Read through popular hilarious jokes about the Houston Texans football team and their dismal record against the Dallas Cowboys. Get a good laugh and learn a thing or two about Texans football.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Texans Short Jokes
Short texans jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The texans humour may include short redskins jokes also.
- I think it's smart for Texans to remove books from libraries... They're going to need more fuel for the fires after the Power Grid fails again
- The Conservation of the Letter R Everytime a Bostonian "pahks his cah in the yahd", a Texan warshes something
- Why shouldn't you ask if someone's a Texan? Because if they are they'll tell you, and if they aren't you don't want to insult them.
- Why did the Texan chicken cross the road? To prove to the armadillo that it could be done.
- Niagara Falls A guide was showing Niagara-Falls to a man from Texas and said; I'll bet you don't have anything like this in Texas.
The Texan said; nope, but in Texas we have plumbers who can fix it. - A Brit and a Texan are talking. The Texan says "You know, I can get in my car and drive for 3 days and still be on my own land." The Brit replies "I had a car like that once."
- My Texan friends really seem to love German cars. Every time I see them, they smile, wave real friendly-like and say, "Audi!"
- A Texan goes to a car dealership He sees a car he likes and says "Gee that's a byoot!" The Dealer responds "That's not a Buick that's a Honda!"
- If you're from Virginia, you're a Virginian. If you're from New York, you're a New Yorker. If you're from Texas, you're a Texan. And if you're from Massachusetts, you're a Democrat.
- My father's Texas joke A Texan gets pulled over for speeding. The officer says, "You got an ID?" The Texan says, "… about what?"
Share These Texans Jokes With Friends
Texans One Liners
Which texans one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with texans? I can suggest the ones about patriots and rural.
- What did Texans use for heat before the advent of firewood? Electricity
- What do you get when you move 32 Texans into the same room? A full set of teeth
- What kind of instrument do Texans play? Calculators.
- How will Texans be celebrating earth day this weekend? They will be planting a Bush.
- Why do Texans duel at high noon? They distrust clocks.
- Why do Texans say "y'all" instead of "you all?" Because OU isn't welcome here.
- What did the Texan florist say when he was robbed? "What in carnation?!"
- What's a Texan fish's favorite show? King of the Gill
- What did the Scotsman say to the Texan? 'Howdae?'
- Where do the old Texans go to feel nostalgic? El Past-o
- I found this addvertisement along the road in Texas Don't Texan drive.
- How does a Texan mathematician say hi to his friends Hey λ'all
- What's long and hard on Texans? 2nd Grade.
- What's a Texan's favorite dessert? Pie Alamo-de.
- An important rule my driving instructor told me Don't Texan drive.
Unearthly Funniest Texans Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about texans you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean drought jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make texans pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Some y**... had the audacity to say us Texans were dumb for not having Snow Tires. Bless their heart.
We may not have as much experience as y'all Yanks when it comes to snow, but after tinkering with it a couple minutes I think all of us Texans can agree to try and make a tire out of snow is a pretty dumb idea.
We'll keep our tires made of rubber, thanks.
Two Texans are sitting in a small town bar, where one bragged to the other: "You know, I had me every woman in this town, except my mother and my sister."
"Well," his buddy replied, "between you and me we got 'em all."
A New Yorker visits a Texan
The Texan shows the New Yorker around his place. "Howd'ya like it?", he asks.
"It's not bad", answers the New Yorker, "but I'll be honest, I expected you Texans to have larger places. The living room's too small, the master bedroom is small too, there is only one bathroom, and there isn't even a balcony."
"Hold your horses!" says the Texan. "We haven't even gotten outta the elevator yet!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This one's mainly for Mexicans and Texans.
What did Daniel Boone say to Davey Crocket when thousands of Mexicans charged at them at the Alamo?
"Davey.... are we pouring concrete today??"
2 Texans are bragging about how big their ranches are
The first guy says "Well I'll put it to you this way, I can get in my truck before sunrise, drive all day long, and by sundown I still haven't hit the other side of my spread."
The other fella looks down, spits, and says "Yeah, I used to have a truck like that"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Texans does it take to change a light bulb?
Three.
1 to hold the light bulb.
And 2 to turn the ladder!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Venereal diseases are on the rise in the south.
Texans are contracting a lot more than just you-all
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If people from Texas are called Texans and people from New York are called Yankees, What are people from Alabama called?
Inbreds.
(First original joke, how'd I do?)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mexico wants to build a wall
They don't want Texans flooding into their country
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Texans gain so much weight?
Because they always "Remember the à la mode."
