The Best 69 Testicles Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Testicles jokes. There are some testicles bedsheets jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these testicles eyedeer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Testicles Jokes and Puns

I was going to get a tattoo of a cross on my testicles,

but I thought it would be too sacrilegious.

Talking testicles

What did the right testlcle say to the left?

Look at this guy in the middle trying to act all hard

A little girl lives next to a fire house...

She admires the fire fighters so much she makes her own firetruck. It consists of her wagon, with the team of her cat in front with a string tied to his testicles, and her dog which lacks the testicular string, however has a harness and reins for her to lead him with. The firefighters see it, and have to ask why the string on the cat. She replies "I need a siren too."

Testicles joke, A little girl lives next to a fire house...

A unicorn without testicles

is called a eunuchorn

Tender touching

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles -- something she loved to do.

"That feels so nice" he said. Then turned and asked her, "You seem to love doing that, but why?"

Because, she replied, "I miss mine."

Do penises and testicles have much in common?

Not really. There's a vas deferens between the two.

A Pirate Walks Into the Doctors Office

The pirate walks in and tells the doc he's having an issue down below.
He drops his pants and the doc says, "My god there's your problem! You have a steering wheel attached to your testicles!"

The pirate responds, "ARRR IT'S DRIVIN ME NUTS!"

Testicles joke, A Pirate Walks Into the Doctors Office

One I came up with today.

Did you hear about the new cult that worships testicles?

They are sacreligious.

A police officer pulled over an Amish couple in a buggy

"Sir, I'm going to need you to remove the strap from around that horse's testicles. That's just inhumane."

"WHAT'S HE SAYIN'?", the old man asked his wife.

"I think there might be something wrong with the emergency brake."

What do you call someone who worships testicles?


What do you call a society governed by men with no testicles?

An anorchy...

...I swear, that one KILLED at the urology convention

You can explore testicles penises reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean testicles testicle dad jokes. There are also testicles puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A boy was riding a toy firetruck across the street, behind pulled very slowly by a rope tied to a dog...

Unfortunately for the dog, the rope was tied around the dog's testicles. I thought I'd give him some advice, so I walked on over.
"Now son, your dog would pull you
much faster if the rope was around his neck."
The little boy looked at me, and replied matter-of-factly, "Yes, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"

Chinese Philosophy.

The Great Lao-Tzu said:

"It is only when you see a mosquito
landing on your testicles that you realize

there is always a way to

solve problems without using violence.

Confucius Say

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence.

A 3-year old boy

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'

'Not yet,' she replied.

How do you tell if someone is ticklish?


Testicles joke, How do you tell if someone is ticklish?

There's a sale on deer testicles.

They're under a buck.

What is it called when a spanish man has 10 testicles?

Diez nuts!

Did you hear about the 120 pound man with the 60 pound testicles?

People say he was half-nuts.

What do you a call a peas testicles?


What is the cheapest meat?

Deer testicles.

They're under a Buck.

What does every Tickle Me Elmo receive before it leaves the factory?

Two testicles.

Yesterday one of my patients told me about the time he sat on his testicles...

It was nuts.

America is kind of like testicles

If the right nut can't agree with the left nut. We can't produce.

Why do elephants paint their testicles red?

To hide in cherry trees. Ever seen one? No? It works.

What's the loudest sound in the forest?

Giraffes eating cherries.

Whenever I go bowling....

I enter my name as "3 testicles".

That way, occasionally the monitor says "Congratulations 3 testicles! You got a spare!"

Why do elephants paint their testicles red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
Shows you it works then.

What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys picking cherries.

What do you call a mini-golf club made of wasp testicles that's covered in Reese's Pieces?

A peanut butter bee-nut putter.

A Comparison of the Different Languages

**French**: This chair is feminine. "La Chaise"

**Italian**: This chair is feminine! "La Sedia"

**German**: This chair is masculine. "Der Stuhl"

**English**: This chair is an object, I don't see how it has a gender.

**Japanese**: If you don't pronounce chair exactly right, you'll end up calling your mother a pair of rotten testicles instead.

Doctor doctor, I think I have a problem with my testicles

Is one of them meant to be bigger than the others.

What do you call a rhino with no testicles?

A eunuch horn.

An american and a russian went to a bar

A couple of drinks later, the american flips a coin high in the air and shoots a hole through with a revolver, shouting


A moment later the russian whips out three testicles and shouts:


I think that there's something wrong with my testicles...

One seems to be bigger than the others

Two different testicles

Doctor: You got two different testicles. One is made of wood and the other one is metal.

Man: * **surprised** *

Doctor: Do you have children?

Man: Yes, two - Pinocchio is 3 and Terminator will be 7 soon.

A cowboy walks into a bar.

He throws a coin up in the air, shoots at it three times, and says "My name is Bill, Buffalo Bill". After the cowboy, a stranger stands up, pulls down his pants, showing three testicles and says "My name is Bill, Cherno Bill".

What does Zeus call his testicles?


Children are like testicles.

If anyone hurts mine then I'm bound to cry.

Is it normal if one of my testicles

Hangs lower than the other two?

I used to confuse penises and testicles...

But then I realized there is a vas deferens between them.

I went through a grueling and expensive procedure yesterday, having my spine and BOTH testicles removed

Still, the wedding presents were amazing

Doctor, I think I have a problem with my testicles.

Should one of them be lower than the other three?

Adam was lonely

He said "God, all the creatures have their mates but I am alone".
God thought for a minute and said "I will make you a perfect companion. She will be lovely, kind, attentive and will fulfill your every desire. I'll need from you two fingers, a kidney and one of your testicles".
Adam thought for a minute and said "What can I get for a rib?"

A man's testicles and his urethra are two very dissimilar things...

It's true that there's a vas deferens between them

The biggest lie told by the church is that God is a Male..

Let's face it, if God is really a male, testicles would be protected by titanium rib-cages..

The Mayor's meal

In Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the mayor the bull's testicles.

One day after a bullfight, the mayor asks the waiter: Funny, why are they so small today?

The waiter: Today, sir, the bull won.

I pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender says...

**Bartender:** Uh (pointing down), you know you have a ship's wheel hanging from your testicles?

**Pirate:** Aye! (nodding his head while removing his pipe), and it's driving me nuts.

What do you call the testicles of a peacock?

His peanuts

They found a guy in hobby lobby dipping his testicles in the glitter bins

One eye witness was quoted as saying "It was pretty nuts!"


A 3-year old boy is looking at his testicles in the bathtub and asks his mom, are these my brains? To which his mother reply's not yet sweetie

Police have warned of a man in craft stores dipping his testicles in glitter.

It's pretty nuts.

Tennessee man accused of dipping testicles in customers salsa.

I'm sure Jerry Lee Lewis wrote a song about that.

Hercules had a brother who was way ballsier than he was.


I went to the doctor because my testicles were turning a greenish-brown color

He said I have Hazelnuts.

Doctor! Doctor! My brains look like my testicles!

I'm sorry, son. It's a serious case of cerebral ballsy.

I named both my testicles Co

So now when I finish I actually coconut

A 3 year old boy examined his testicles in bath

Mom He asked Are these my brains

Not yet She replied

Most people think that the testicles and the seminal vesicle are the same thing...

...but there is a vas deferens between them.

A man with three testicles went to the hospital...

He was too shy to speak up, so the doctor suggested: Try using indirect words .

Finally encouraged, the man revealed: Your balls and mine, put together will make five .

The doctor gasped and exclaimed: What? You have FOUR balls?!

What do you get when you stick your testicles onto an electrical socket?

Nuts and volts.

Two Amish women...

Mrs. Miller and Mrs. Yoder are in the garden digging potatoes. Mrs Miller holds a large potato in each hand and says These remind me of my husband Kaleb's testicles .

Mrs Yoder says Oh goodness...they are that big???

Mrs. Miller says No..,they're that dirty.

A man goes in for hernia surgery

After the operation, the doctor meets him in the recovery room.

"Sir, the operation was successful but I have bad news. We accidentally removed your testicles during the surgery."

The man was immediately furious.

"You bastards! You dumb idiots! I'll kill you for this!"

The surgeon calmly replies "Now sir, you don't have the balls."

Why have I named each of my testicles Jones?

Because together they are cojones

Rocky mountain oysters are quite expensive.

A cheap alternative would be deer testicles, which one can easily find under a buck.

Did you hear about the guy who dipped his testicles in glitter?

Pretty nuts right?

What do the testicles and prostate have in common?

Nothing. There's a vas deferens between the two.

How do you test if you are ticklish?


One of my mates found a lump, and then had one of his testicles removed.

That's how serious he is about mashed potato.

I used to shave my testicles with a straight razor.

Nowadays I lack the balls to do so

What do you call someone who worships testicles?

I don't know but it sounds sacriligious to me.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the testicles sperm jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working testicles hernia piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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