testicles Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious testicles puns

A man is in an hospital bed wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth.

'Nurse', he mumbles. 'Are my testicles black?' Nurse raise his gown, hold his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other. She take a close look and says 'there nothing wrong with them sir'. Man pulls off the oxygen mask, smile at her and says very slowly, ' Thanks for that, it was lovely but listen very very carefully, ' are-my-tests-re-sults-back?'

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Doctor doctor, I think I have a problem with my testicles

Is one of them meant to be bigger than the others.

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What is the cheapest meat?

Deer testicles.

They're under a Buck.

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Confucius Say

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence.

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Tender touching

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles -- something she loved to do.

"That feels so nice" he said. Then turned and asked her, "You seem to love doing that, but why?"

Because, she replied, "I miss mine."

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A girl saw a guy scratching his testicles in public.

Girl : how can you scratch your private parts in public? I can never dare to do any such thing.

Guy : That's because you don't have the balls to do it.

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A man is in hospital bed wearing oxygen mask over his mouth. (NSFW)

"Nurse", he mumbles. "Are my testicles black?" Nurse raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand & his testicles in the other, ...she takes a close look & says, "There's nothing wrong with them Sir." Man pulls off the oxygen mask, smiles at her & says very slowly. "Thanks for that, it was lovely but listen very very carefully. "Are-my-test-re-sults-back?"

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Is it normal if one of my testicles

Hangs lower than the other two?

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Why do elephants paint their testicles red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
Shows you it works then.

What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys picking cherries.

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A man was lying in bed next to his new girlfriend

After having great sex, she spent the next hour rubbing his testicles. This was something she loved to do.

As he was enjoying it, he turned to ask her "Why do you love doing that?" "Because.." she replied, "I really miss mine."

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Are the penis and the testicles the same?

No! There's a vas deferens between them!

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Doctor, I think I have a problem with my testicles.

Should one of them be lower than the other three?

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Between You and I

John had three testicles, and was very conscious about it.

So he went to consult a doctor.

"Dr. Green, I don't know how else to say this, but between you and I, there are 5 balls in the room."

Noticeably surprised, Dr. Green replies "What!? You got none?"

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One I came up with today.

Did you hear about the new cult that worships testicles?

They are sacreligious.

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Whenever I go bowling....

I enter my name as "3 testicles".

That way, occasionally the monitor says "Congratulations 3 testicles! You got a spare!"

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Is it bad

that one of my testicles is bigger than the other two?

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A man and his girlfriend (NSFW)...

A man and his girlfriend finish having sex for the first time, the girl then proceeds to rub his testicles, to which the man pays no attention and enjoys. After they have sex again, she rubs his testicles, as usual, and the man asks her "why do you rub my balls every time we finish having sex?", to which the woman replies "because I miss my old ones"

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A 3-year old boy

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'

'Not yet,' she replied.

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I think that there's something wrong with my testicles...

One seems to be bigger than the others

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A man goes to the doctor with a very unique problem

: He has 3 testicles. Because it is quite embarrassing, he decides to break this news to the doctor in a slightly different way.
"Hey doc, between you and me in this room, we have a total of 5 testicles"
The doctor looks quite taken aback and replies "Wait, you only have 1 testicle?"

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What do you call someone who worships testicles?

Sacrilegious.

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An old man is lying bed in at the hospital...

An old man is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse, ' he mumbles from behind the mask, are my testicles black?

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.

He struggles to ask again, Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.

She looks very closely and says, There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely: Are – my – test – results – back?

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Guy applies for a job as a Prison Officer

The interviewer says Hello, can I offer you a coffee before we start?"
The guy says "No thanks, I don't drink coffee.
The interviewer asks "Is there anything about you that would hinder your ability to do your job?"
The guy says "I have no testicles, I lost them in Kabul, but this shouldn't stop me performing my duties as a Corrections Officer".
The interviewer is impressed with the remainder of the interview and offers the candidate the position. He says "The hours are 0800 to 1700, but you may as well come in from 1000 til 1700.
The guy asks why and the interviewer says "Well, for the first two hours we all stand around scratching our balls and drinking coffee, and there's no point you coming in for that.

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It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles, that you realise...

...there is always a way to solve problems, without using violence.

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A unicorn without testicles

is called a eunuchorn

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A 4 year old boy examined his testicles...

while taking a bath. 'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet', she replied

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Did you hear about the 120 pound man with the 60 pound testicles?

People say he was half-nuts.

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What's the difference between testicles and a penis?

Wow.

I can't believe you don't know this.

There is a Vas Deferens between the two.

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Spanish meatballs

A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner. As he looks around, he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle. When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the meatball dish. The waiter explains that the meatballs are bulls testicles, and when the bull loses the bullfight, the bull is brought to the restaurant, and this beautiful dish is made. The diner tells the waiter that he wants the bull's testicles for dinner, but the waiter tells him that only one bull a day is brought to the restaurant, but he can have it tommorrow. The diner agrees. The next day the diner goes to the restaurant, and orders the testicle dish. When his food is brought out, he notices that the meatballs are extremely small. He mentions this to the waiter, and the waiter replies, 'Well sir you have to understand, sometimes the bull wins'

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A man suffering from persistent headaches for years finally decides to go to the doctor.

After several exams, meetings with consultants and various tests, the doctor tells, "You have an unusual condition in which your testicles are pressed up against the base of your spine, causing your headaches. We don't know how this is caused, but the only long term solution available is to remove them permanently."

After much angst, the man decides to go through with the procedure. The operation is complete, and the man wakes up headache free. Delighted with his new lease on life, he decides to treat himself to a new custom made suit.

Arriving at the best suit-maker in town, the tailor tells the man he's so good that he doesn't need a tape measure to know his sizes.

Intrigued, the man said "prove it."

"Very well. You shirt size is a 42" collar"

The man nods.

"Your jacket is a size 40"

Impressed now, the nods again.

"Your waist size is 36" and your legs 34""

"Right again" said the man. "But I bet you can't guess my underwear size."

"I would say a 32, sir" said the tailor

"Wrong!" said the man. "Worn a size 30 all my life."

"Oh no, sir, you wouldn't want to do that. A size 30 would push your balls up against your spine and give you terrible headaches."

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A man walks into a restaurant for the first time...

And asks the waiter about their staple dish, "The Bull's Balls".
"Oh yes" Says the waiter. "Every day we send out our finest men to fight a bull to the death, and we cut out the dead bull's testicles, cook it, season it, and put it in our best sauce. It's really quite tasty."
Why not, the man thinks, and orders it. Sure enough, it's the best thing he ever had.
The next day, the man walks into the restaurant, eager to have the dish again. When it comes, the balls are much smaller than they were yesterday.
"What the hell!?" He exclaims his waiter. "The balls were so big yesterday! Why the smaller portions!?"
"Ah" Says the waiter. "Well sometimes the bull wins."

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An inspector is taking a tour of a hospital when. NSFW

She walks past a room with a man vigorously masturbating. The lady asks the doctor giving the tour what the hell is going on in there. The doctor explains to the woman that the man has a condition where his semen reproduce rapidly, and that if he does not do this every couple of hours his testicles will rupture. Oh the woman says and they resume the tour. As they pass a few more rooms the woman catches a nurse giving a patient a blow job. She asks the doctor what the hell is happening in there. The doctor explains to her that this patient has the same condition as the first guy. The woman asks so why the hell is the nurse giving him a blow job. Well says the doctor he has a better HMO.

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A midget cowboy goes to the doctor

The testicles of a midget cowboy hurt and ached almost all the time.The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.


The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.


The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the
examining table, and started to examine him.The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the
midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.


"Hmm...."mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the
right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again..


"Aha!" said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors.....


Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side . . . then snip-snip-snip-snip
on the left side.


The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with
amazement that the snipping did not hurt.


The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to
see if his testicles still hurt.


The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and
discovered his testicles were no longer aching.


The doctor said, "How does that feel now?"


The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?"


The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy
boots..."

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Nurse Joke (NSFW)

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"

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Adam was lonely

He said "God, all the creatures have their mates but I am alone".
God thought for a minute and said "I will make you a perfect companion. She will be lovely, kind, attentive and will fulfill your every desire. I'll need from you two fingers, a kidney and one of your testicles".
Adam thought for a minute and said "What can I get for a rib?"

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What are the most funny Testicles jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Testicles? Well, here are the best Testicles dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Testicles pick up lines to share with friends.

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