Hilarious Testicles Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
I was going to get a tattoo of a cross on my testicles,
but I thought it would be too sacrilegious.
Talking testicles
What did the right testlcle say to the left?
Look at this guy in the middle trying to act all hard
A little girl lives next to a fire house...
She admires the fire fighters so much she makes her own firetruck. It consists of her wagon, with the team of her cat in front with a string tied to his testicles, and her dog which lacks the testicular string, however has a harness and reins for her to lead him with. The firefighters see it, and have to ask why the string on the cat. She replies "I need a siren too."
A unicorn without testicles
is called a eunuchorn
Tender touching
A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles -- something she loved to do.
"That feels so nice" he said. Then turned and asked her, "You seem to love doing that, but why?"
Because, she replied, "I miss mine."
Do penises and testicles have much in common?
Not really. There's a vas deferens between the two.
A Pirate Walks Into the Doctors Office
The pirate walks in and tells the doc he's having an issue down below.
He drops his pants and the doc says, "My god there's your problem! You have a steering wheel attached to your testicles!"
The pirate responds, "ARRR IT'S DRIVIN ME NUTS!"
One I came up with today.
Did you hear about the new cult that worships testicles?
They are sacreligious.
A police officer pulled over an Amish couple in a buggy
"Sir, I'm going to need you to remove the strap from around that horse's testicles. That's just inhumane."
"WHAT'S HE SAYIN'?", the old man asked his wife.
"I think there might be something wrong with the emergency brake."
What do you call someone who worships testicles?
Sacrilegious.
What do you call a society governed by men with no testicles?
An anorchy...
...I swear, that one KILLED at the urology convention
Confucius Say
It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence.
A 3-year old boy
A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet,' she replied.
How do you tell if someone is ticklish?
Testicles.
What is it called when a spanish man has 10 testicles?
Diez nuts!
Did you hear about the 120 pound man with the 60 pound testicles?
People say he was half-nuts.
What do you a call a peas testicles?
Peanuts
What is the cheapest meat?
Deer testicles.
They're under a Buck.
Yesterday one of my patients told me about the time he sat on his testicles...
It was nuts.
America is kind of like testicles
If the right nut can't agree with the left nut. We can't produce.
Why do elephants paint their testicles red?
To hide in cherry trees. Ever seen one? No? It works.
What's the loudest sound in the forest?
Giraffes eating cherries.
Whenever I go bowling....
I enter my name as "3 testicles".
That way, occasionally the monitor says "Congratulations 3 testicles! You got a spare!"
Why do elephants paint their testicles red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.
Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
Shows you it works then.
What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys picking cherries.
What do you call a mini-golf club made of wasp testicles that's covered in Reese's Pieces?
A peanut butter bee-nut putter.
A Comparison of the Different Languages
**French**: This chair is feminine. "La Chaise"
**Italian**: This chair is feminine! "La Sedia"
**German**: This chair is masculine. "Der Stuhl"
**English**: This chair is an object, I don't see how it has a gender.
**Japanese**: If you don't pronounce chair exactly right, you'll end up calling your mother a pair of rotten testicles instead.
Doctor doctor, I think I have a problem with my testicles
Is one of them meant to be bigger than the others.
An american and a russian went to a bar
A couple of drinks later, the american flips a coin high in the air and shoots a hole through with a revolver, shouting
- BILL, BUFFALO BILL
A moment later the russian whips out three testicles and shouts:
- BILL, CHERNOBILL
I think that there's something wrong with my testicles...
One seems to be bigger than the others
Two different testicles
Doctor: You got two different testicles. One is made of wood and the other one is metal.
Man: * **surprised** *
Doctor: Do you have children?
Man: Yes, two - Pinocchio is 3 and Terminator will be 7 soon.
A cowboy walks into a bar.
He throws a coin up in the air, shoots at it three times, and says "My name is Bill, Buffalo Bill". After the cowboy, a stranger stands up, pulls down his pants, showing three testicles and says "My name is Bill, Cherno Bill".
What does Zeus call his testicles?
Thunderballs
Children are like testicles.
If anyone hurts mine then I'm bound to cry.
Is it normal if one of my testicles
Hangs lower than the other two?
I used to confuse penises and testicles...
But then I realized there is a vas deferens between them.
I went through a grueling and expensive procedure yesterday, having my spine and BOTH testicles removed
Still, the wedding presents were amazing
Doctor, I think I have a problem with my testicles.
Should one of them be lower than the other three?
Adam was lonely
He said "God, all the creatures have their mates but I am alone".
God thought for a minute and said "I will make you a perfect companion. She will be lovely, kind, attentive and will fulfill your every desire. I'll need from you two fingers, a kidney and one of your testicles".
Adam thought for a minute and said "What can I get for a rib?"
A man's testicles and his urethra are two very dissimilar things...
It's true that there's a vas deferens between them
The biggest lie told by the church is that God is a Male..
Let's face it, if God is really a male, testicles would be protected by titanium rib-cages..
The Mayor's meal
In Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the mayor the bull's testicles.
One day after a bullfight, the mayor asks the waiter: Funny, why are they so small today?
The waiter: Today, sir, the bull won.
I pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender says...
**Bartender:** Uh (pointing down), you know you have a ship's wheel hanging from your testicles?
**Pirate:** Aye! (nodding his head while removing his pipe), and it's driving me nuts.
What do you call the testicles of a peacock?
His peanuts
Brains
A 3-year old boy is looking at his testicles in the bathtub and asks his mom, are these my brains? To which his mother reply's not yet sweetie
Police have warned of a man in craft stores dipping his testicles in glitter.
It's pretty nuts.
Tennessee man accused of dipping testicles in customers salsa.
I'm sure Jerry Lee Lewis wrote a song about that.
I went to the doctor because my testicles were turning a greenish-brown color
He said I have Hazelnuts.
Doctor! Doctor! My brains look like my testicles!
I'm sorry, son. It's a serious case of cerebral ballsy.
I named both my testicles Co
So now when I finish I actually coconut
A 3 year old boy examined his testicles in bath
Mom He asked Are these my brains
Not yet She replied
Most people think that the testicles and the seminal vesicle are the same thing...
...but there is a vas deferens between them.
What do you get when you stick your testicles onto an electrical socket?
Nuts and volts.
A man goes in for hernia surgery
After the operation, the doctor meets him in the recovery room.
"Sir, the operation was successful but I have bad news. We accidentally removed your testicles during the surgery."
The man was immediately furious.
"You bastards! You dumb idiots! I'll kill you for this!"
The surgeon calmly replies "Now sir, you don't have the balls."
Did you hear about the guy who dipped his testicles in glitter?
Pretty nuts right?
What do the testicles and prostate have in common?
Nothing. There's a vas deferens between the two.
How do you test if you are ticklish?
Testicles!
I used to shave my testicles with a straight razor.
Nowadays I lack the balls to do so
What do you call someone who worships testicles?
I don't know but it sounds sacriligious to me.
A guy goes to the doctor and after a checkup the doctor discovers that he has three testicles.
The patient asks whether that is a problem, but the doctor assures him that it's not and that he'd wish he had three testicles.
Kind of proud the patient leaves the doctor's office and sits on a park bench next to a stranger.
He says to him: "Together we have five testicles.", to which the other replies: "Why? Do you have none?"
Are the testicles and urethra similar?
No, there's a vas deferens between them.
People say the testicles and the ovaries are very similar
But there is a vas deferens between them.
BREAKING: New Study Shows Getting Hit in the Testicles is More Painful than Childbirth
After childbirth 34% of women said Yes they would like to have another child.
After getting hit in the testicles ~0% of men said Yes they'd like to do that again.
Everyone knows the story of Achilles, but no one remembers his twin brother Bophadese.
Their mother Thetis, dunked them both into the River Styx to make them immortal. She held Achilles by the heel and Bophades by the testicles, and while everyone has heard of Achilles Heel, very few are familiar with Bophades Nuts.
What's worse than biting into an apple and discovering a worm?
Having high voltage electrodes attached to your testicles and being flogged senseless with a knotted rope.
I was talking to a British man who told me he bought a tiny car for his testicles
I asked him why he would do that?
He said "it drives me nuts!"
Did you hear about the new religon where they only worship testicles?
Some say it's sacrilegious.
How much do deer testicles cost?
They're under a Buck!
I grew up in a really rural environment and my dad always wanted me to embrace eating wild game. His strongest argument was how much money could be saved by eating deer rather than beef, especially deer testicles.
They're the cheapest meat you can find, boy. You can always find them under a buck.
Why do elephants paint their testicles red?
So they can hide in apple trees.
What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Giraffes eating apples
I think I need to see a doctor about my testicles.
One of them seems to be bigger than the other two.
A piano player at a bar has a monkey as a sidekick . . .
. . . who collects tips in a tin can. While the piano player was playing, the monkey squatted over a man's glass and dipped his testicles in the drink.
Infuriated, the man yells at the piano player "Do you know your monkey dipped his balls in my martini ?!!"
The piano player replies "No man, but hum a few bars and I can probably pick it up."
A man goes to a restaurant and sees a sign by the door
The sign reads: "Order anything you want, if we cannot make it, you get $300."
So, when the waiter comes he orders steamed elephant testicles with fried giraffe tongue on toast. The waiter goes to the kitchen and gives the cook the order. The kitchen staff is frantic and scrambles to find what the man had ordered. After a few minutes the chef walks out to the man, hands him $300 and says: "You had to order toast on the day we ran out of bread, did you...?"
Why do elephants paint their testicles red?
-So they can hide in cherry trees.
What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
-A giraffe eating cherries.
Who is the Greek god of fertility?
Testicles
