Testicles Jokes

What are some Testicles jokes?

A 3 year old boy examined his testicles in bath

Mom He asked Are these my brains

Not yet She replied

Doctor doctor, I think I have a problem with my testicles

Is one of them meant to be bigger than the others.

What do you call the testicles of a peacock?

His peanuts

What is the cheapest meat?

Deer testicles.

They're under a Buck.

Confucius Say

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence.

Tender touching

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles -- something she loved to do.

"That feels so nice" he said. Then turned and asked her, "You seem to love doing that, but why?"

Because, she replied, "I miss mine."

Is it normal if one of my testicles

Hangs lower than the other two?

Why do elephants paint their testicles red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
Shows you it works then.

What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys picking cherries.

Doctor, I think I have a problem with my testicles.

Should one of them be lower than the other three?

One I came up with today.

Did you hear about the new cult that worships testicles?

They are sacreligious.

Police have warned of a man in craft stores dipping his testicles in glitter.

It's pretty nuts.

Whenever I go bowling....

I enter my name as "3 testicles".

That way, occasionally the monitor says "Congratulations 3 testicles! You got a spare!"

I went to the doctor because my testicles were turning a greenish-brown color

He said I have Hazelnuts.

A 3-year old boy

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'

'Not yet,' she replied.

I think that there's something wrong with my testicles...

One seems to be bigger than the others

What do you call someone who worships testicles?

Sacrilegious.

An old man is lying bed in at the hospital...

An old man is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse, ' he mumbles from behind the mask, are my testicles black?

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.

He struggles to ask again, Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.

She looks very closely and says, There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely: Are – my – test – results – back?

A unicorn without testicles

is called a eunuchorn

Did you hear about the 120 pound man with the 60 pound testicles?

People say he was half-nuts.

Nurse Joke (NSFW)

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"

Adam was lonely

He said "God, all the creatures have their mates but I am alone".
God thought for a minute and said "I will make you a perfect companion. She will be lovely, kind, attentive and will fulfill your every desire. I'll need from you two fingers, a kidney and one of your testicles".
Adam thought for a minute and said "What can I get for a rib?"

Testicles. (Not sure if a repost, found this joke on a fb page)

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:

Are - my - test - results -back?

I used to confuse penises and testicles...

But then I realized there is a vas deferens between them.

A Pirate Walks Into the Doctors Office

The pirate walks in and tells the doc he's having an issue down below.
He drops his pants and the doc says, "My god there's your problem! You have a steering wheel attached to your testicles!"

The pirate responds, "ARRR IT'S DRIVIN ME NUTS!"

Why do elephants paint their testicles red?

To hide in cherry trees. Ever seen one? No? It works.

What's the loudest sound in the forest?

Giraffes eating cherries.

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful.
Now listen very, very closely:

Are - my - test - results - back?"

A man is laying in a hospital bed...

He has just taken a few tests, to find out what is wrong with him. He is feeling pretty awful, so he has an IV, and oxygen mask, etc. So the nurse walks in to see if the man needs anything.

Would you like anything? She says.

The man says, Yes, are my testicles black?

The nurse is very confused.

I don't know, sir. She says.

Please check, He says, if my testicles are black .

The woman is still confused, but she decides to check. She lifts up his hospital gown, sees that everything is in order, and puts it back down.

Well, sir, she says, you are fine. Your testicles are not black .

That's great, now listen closely, the man says, removing the oxygen mask from his face, *are my test results back?*

Job Interview

A chap goes to the Council for a job.
The interviewer asks him - "Have you been in the armed services?"

Yes" he says "I was in the Falklands for three years."

The interviewer says "That will give you extra points toward employment" and then asks "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says "Yes 100%... a land mine blew my testicles off."

The interviewer tells the guy "OK.I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 AM . to 4:00 PM . You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00AM ."

The guy is puzzled and says "If the hours are from 8:00AM to 4:00 PM why do you want me to come in at 10:00 AM? "

"This is a council job" the interviewer replies. "For the first two hours we sit around scratching our balls...no point in you coming in for that........."

Black Testicles

An older man is in the hospital. A nurse walks in and he asks, "Are my testicles black?" The nurse, taken by surprise replies, "I'm sorry?" So he asks again "Are my testicles black?" Nurse shakes her head but decides to check for him, after all she is a nurse. She lifts his robe, takes his testicles in hand, lifts and inspect them. She lowers his robe, raises back up to him and says " Mr. Johnson, you'll be happy to hear your testicles aren't black." He looks at her, removing his oxygen mask and says, "That's great and all but are my test results back?"

I went through a grueling and expensive procedure yesterday, having my spine and BOTH testicles removed

Still, the wedding presents were amazing

A man's testicles and his urethra are two very dissimilar things...

It's true that there's a vas deferens between them

What is it called when a spanish man has 10 testicles?

Diez nuts!

The Mayor's meal

In Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the mayor the bull's testicles.

One day after a bullfight, the mayor asks the waiter: Funny, why are they so small today?

The waiter: Today, sir, the bull won.

Are my testicles black?

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and
gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment
and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles
in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says
very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen
very, very closely:

Are - my - test - results - back?"

Children are like testicles.

If anyone hurts mine then I'm bound to cry.

What do the testicles of a priest look like?

Silly question, every child knows that.

The biggest lie told by the church is that God is a Male..

Let's face it, if God is really a male, testicles would be protected by titanium rib-cages..

Are my .....

A male patient is lying in bed at a hospital with an oxygen mask over his face and still heavily sedated from more than four hours of operation. A young female nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

Patient: Nurse (he feebly mumbles from behind the mask) are my testicles black?

Embarrassed young nurse: I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet.

Patient (struggles again to ask): Nurse, Please, Are my testicles black?

Finally, she removes his covers, lifts his gown, takes a close look and says: There is nothing wrong with them!

Patient (slowly after removing his oxygen mask): That was very nice but listen very, closely – ARE…MY…TEST…RESULTS…BACK?

Brains

A 3-year old boy is looking at his testicles in the bathtub and asks his mom, are these my brains? To which his mother reply's not yet sweetie

A police officer pulled over an Amish couple in a buggy

"Sir, I'm going to need you to remove the strap from around that horse's testicles. That's just inhumane."

"WHAT'S HE SAYIN'?", the old man asked his wife.

"I think there might be something wrong with the emergency brake."

What does Zeus call his testicles?

Thunderballs

A cowboy walks into a bar.

He throws a coin up in the air, shoots at it three times, and says "My name is Bill, Buffalo Bill". After the cowboy, a stranger stands up, pulls down his pants, showing three testicles and says "My name is Bill, Cherno Bill".

A fireman is at the station house working outside..

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little boy next door. The little boy is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. He is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog.

The fireman says Hey little boy. What are you doing? The little boy says I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck! The fireman walks over to take a closer look. Little boy that sure is a nice fire truck! the fireman says.

Thanks mister , says the little boy. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little boy has tied the dog to the wagon by its testicles.

Little boy , says the fireman, I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster.

The little boy says, You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!

The Old Amish Lady and the Police Officer

One day an elderly Amish lady is riding her horse and buggy back from the farmers market when a police officer pulls her over for a broken reflector. He gets out of his car and notifies her of it. She replies, "Oh thank you officer! Is there anything else?" So the officer does a routine inspection of the 'vehicle' and notices that one of the reins is wrapped around the horses testicles. He notifies the lady and she thanks him and tells him that her husband will take care of all of it when she gets home. When she gets home, she tells her husband all about the event with the cop and all about the reflector. The husband replies, "That's simple. I can fix that in a jiffy. Was there anything else?" After thinking for a moment, the old woman replies, "I can't quite remember. Something about the emergency brake."

I named both my testicles Co

So now when I finish I actually coconut

A Spanish restaurant

One day a man goes to a Spanish restaurant and orders a meal. While his meal is being prepared, he smells something amazing coming from the table next to him.

He looks over and sees a man eating a meatball dish, so he asks a waiter what that dish is:

"That is a dish made from bull testicles, very exquisite."

"Can I cancel my order and have that instead please?"

"I am sorry sir, but we only get those once a week after the bullfights, you can reserve next weeks if you want?"

"Sure."

So the man waits all week and he can't get that smell out of his head, until finally the meal is in front of him.

It was a little smaller than he remembered, but the taste more than made up for it, savouring every bite. When he was finished the waiter came to him and asked:

"Was everything to your standard, sir?"

"Yes, thank you, I could have sworn they were bigger last week though...?"

"Ahh, yes sir, that is... you see... a problem... sometimes the bull wins"

America is kind of like testicles

If the right nut can't agree with the left nut. We can't produce.

Yesterday one of my patients told me about the time he sat on his testicles...

It was nuts.

A Comparison of the Different Languages

**French**: This chair is feminine. "La Chaise"

**Italian**: This chair is feminine! "La Sedia"

**German**: This chair is masculine. "Der Stuhl"

**English**: This chair is an object, I don't see how it has a gender.

**Japanese**: If you don't pronounce chair exactly right, you'll end up calling your mother a pair of rotten testicles instead.

How do you tell if someone is ticklish?

Testicles.

Tennessee man accused of dipping testicles in customers salsa.

I'm sure Jerry Lee Lewis wrote a song about that.

the Queen of England is visting a hospital...

One of the best doctors is showing her around on his trip past all his patients. he walks into room #1 and there is a guy jerking off. The Queen looks at the doctor, with a disgusted face and asks why the man is doing that. The doctor replies that the man has a disease where his testicles produce too much sperm, and that if he doesn't do this, his testicles will explode. The Queen is a bit shocked but can see why the man is doing this.

They then proceed to the next room where they find a patient who is in the middle of being orally pleased by a nurse. The queen again looks to the doctor with a disgusted face, to which the doctor replies; ''same disease, better insurance.''

Nurse walks in to a patient's room

In a hospital room, a patient is lying in bed with an oxygen mask on.
A pretty, young nurse walks in and says, "I'm here to change your sheets!"

Patient says, "Please, nurse, are my testicles black?"

Nurse blushes and says, "I'm just here to change your sheets!"

Patient says, "Please, nurse, I'm begging -- are my testicles black?"

Nurse lifts up his sheet, pulls up his gown and thoroughly inspects his private parts. "Sir, it all looks fine!"

Patient slowly removes oxygen mask and says, "That was very nice, but ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"

What do you call a mini-golf club made of wasp testicles that's covered in Reese's Pieces?

A peanut butter bee-nut putter.

What do you call a society governed by men with no testicles?

An anorchy...

...I swear, that one KILLED at the urology convention

I was thinking about getting a tattoo... [one liner]

I was going to get a tattoo of a cross on my testicles, but I thought it would be too sacrilegious.

Talking testicles

What did the right testlcle say to the left?

Look at this guy in the middle trying to act all hard

Adam asked God for a partner...

Adam saw that the animals in the Garden of Eden had a companion, and he asked God to make one for Adam, too.

"Ok," God replied, "I can make you a perfect partner. Someone who will stand by you, satisfy you as you satisfy her, build you up as you build up her, and provide the exact compliment to you. But I will need to take one of your eyes, one of your hands, one of your ears, and one of your testicles."

Adam thought about it for a while. Then he asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

A man's at a restaurant in spain and he sees a waiter delivering two huge, round meatballs to the next table.

A man's at a restaurant in spain and he sees a waiter delivering two huge, round meatballs to the next table.
he calls a waiter over and says he wants the same but the waiter says, ah senor, there is only one dish per day, they are the testicles of the bull killed at the bullfight today
the man say, ok can i reserve that for tomorrow then?
next day he's at the restaurant but the waiter brings him over a plate with two tiny objects on it.
what is this, asks the man
ah senor, sometimes ze bull wins

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and
gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment
and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles
gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says
very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen
very, very closely:

Are - my - test - results - back?"

A little girl lives next to a fire house...

She admires the fire fighters so much she makes her own firetruck. It consists of her wagon, with the team of her cat in front with a string tied to his testicles, and her dog which lacks the testicular string, however has a harness and reins for her to lead him with. The firefighters see it, and have to ask why the string on the cat. She replies "I need a siren too."

Doctor! Doctor! My brains look like my testicles!

I'm sorry, son. It's a serious case of cerebral ballsy.

I pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender says...

**Bartender:** Uh (pointing down), you know you have a ship's wheel hanging from your testicles?

**Pirate:** Aye! (nodding his head while removing his pipe), and it's driving me nuts.

Do penises and testicles have much in common?

Not really. There's a vas deferens between the two.

What do you a call a peas testicles?

Peanuts

An american and a russian went to a bar

A couple of drinks later, the american flips a coin high in the air and shoots a hole through with a revolver, shouting

- BILL, BUFFALO BILL

A moment later the russian whips out three testicles and shouts:

- BILL, CHERNOBILL

A boy was riding a toy firetruck across the street, behind pulled very slowly by a rope tied to a dog...

Unfortunately for the dog, the rope was tied around the dog's testicles. I thought I'd give him some advice, so I walked on over.
"Now son, your dog would pull you
much faster if the rope was around his neck."
The little boy looked at me, and replied matter-of-factly, "Yes, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"

Black Testicles?

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse" he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.. Then, she takes a close look and says, "there's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful – but please listen very, very closely to me: 'Are – my – test – results – back?"

How to make Testicles jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Testicles to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Testicles? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Testicles pick up lines to share with friends.

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