Testament Jokes
30 testament jokes and hilarious testament puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about testament that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out these hilarious jokes about the Old and New Testaments, prophets, and other biblical and scientology topics. Whether you are religious or not, there is sure to be something here to make you chuckle.
Funniest Testament Short Jokes
Short testament jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The testament humour may include short testimony jokes also.
- An English teacher asked their students: "Of all the characters in the Old Testament, who do you think is the most developed?" A student responded, "Noah, because he has the largest story Ark."
- Workshop dad joke. My wife never gets my jokes, so in my last will and testament I left her my arm bone, because I thought it would be humerus.
- Why don't Jews believe in the New Testament? Because they won't buy a book unless it's 50% off.
- My Sunday School teacher is so old... .. when the New Testament came out she said "I don't care for the new curriculum."
- Why do Jews only read the Old Testament? Because they're too cheap to buy the new! *ba-dum-tss*
- Wicked people in the Old Testament didn't drink milk We know this because the wicked were always visited with utter destruction.
- What's the difference between Canadian baseball and an old testament drug dealer? ... One has the Blue Jays in it, the other has the Jews blazin' it.
- How do we know that god is jewish? Well, when his son became a christian he issued a new testament.
- Why do North Korean officials are always seen holding a notebook and a pen when they're near Kim Jong Un? They're writing their last will and testament.
- What do you get if you combine the old testament, the new testament and Swiss cheese? The Holey Bible.
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Testament One Liners
Which testament one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with testament? I can suggest the ones about witness and commandments.
- What do Jews and metalheads have in common? Both like the old Testament.
- Who says sequels don't work? Look at the fanbase of the New Testament!
- Why don't Jews believe in the New Testament? They're not buying it
- someone tore an entire book out of my bible! my old testament is ruthless
- why does the old testament have so many prophets? because jews made it
- What do you call a shiba in the old testament Bethshiba
- What was Jesus's first text message? NEW TESTAMENT WHO DIS?
- Why don't Jews read the New Testament? Because there's no prophet
- what do computers & old testament gods have in common Lots of rules and no mercy
- Old testament god is a bit like h**... But god succeeded in wiping out a population.
Old Testament Jokes
Here is a list of funny old testament jokes and even better old testament puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Recent changes in US laws Recent changes in US laws have finally allowed people to legally follow certain Old Testament laws like, "If a man lies with another man, he shall be s**...."
The Funniest Testament Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about testament you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bible jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make testament pranks.
George Bush swears he sees Moses in the crowd at a rally....
.....and he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to meet such a well-known biblical celebrity.
He yells at him, "Sir, you look a lot like a man from the old testament. Are you Moses?" Looking around, the man slowly shakes his head side to side denying the gesture. Bush is not convinced.. one more time he asks, "Sir, I don't see the need to lie to me; are you Moses?" Once again, a back and forth shaking of his head. Bush tells his security detail to interrogate him.
His lead security agent asks the man in complete confidence, "The beard, the cloak, the staff, the wrinkled skin... you look exactly like Moses." Moses replies, "Because I am."
Confused, the security agent asks, "Why didn't you just tell the president that then? What harm could it have caused?" As a matter of factly, Moses replies, "The last time I talked to a Bush, I was stranded in a desert for 40 years."
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning....
The wife claims, "You should do it, because you get up first and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband says, "You are in charge of cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
The wife replied, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should make the coffee."
The husband replied, "I can't believe that; show me!"
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........
"HEBREWS"
A crying jewish man goes to the synagogue
He stumbles to the floor and just lies there, sobbing and crying.
Suddenly he hears a voice from above: "What's wrong my child?".
"Oh", cries the man, "it is horrible. My son got baptized."
"Happened to me too", says the voice. "In the end I had to write a New Testament".
PS: Translation of a German joke, I hope it still works in English.
Morris had died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Morris' Last Will and Testament.
Morris had died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Morris' Last Will and Testament.
"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 150 acres of land, and 1 million dollars.
To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the new Jaguar.
To my daughter Shirley, I leave my yacht and $250,000.
And to my brother-in-law Aaron, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill."
Since The Simpson's just reached the 600 episode milestone, I'd like to take a moment to remember it's importance to american history ...
Its unwaveringly realistic portrayal of the yellow people's disenfranchisement while pursuing the American Dream is a testament to our nation's tolerant spirit.
"Hey Joe, I heard your mother-in-law died!"
"Well yes, that's true, Bob."
"What'd she have?"
"Just a small amount of money and a lot of old books"
"No, I mean, what was wrong?"
"Well, she hadn't written her will and testament yet."
"Not that! I mean, how'd she die?
"Ooh... Well, we were having dinner at her place, she went to the basement to get some potatoes, she fell down, and she broke her neck."
"Ouch. And what did you do when that happened?"
"We got pizzas."
