The Best 21 Tesco Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Tesco jokes. There are some tesco checkout jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these tesco supermarket puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Tesco Jokes and Puns

It was so cold this morning I had to use my Tesco discount card to scrape the ice off my windscreen

Didn't work though, I only got 10% off.

Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning, and find that a Tesco had been built right next to his house

It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area

I was checking out at Tesco...

I was checking out at Tesco today when I noticed the man in front of me put one item on the conveyor belt... a box of condoms. Not only did he notice me staring, but decided to make super uncomfortable eye contact. So, to lighten the mood I put my bottle of ketchup on and said, "Looks like we've both bought something to put on our sausages!".

Tesco joke, I was checking out at Tesco...

My good deed for the day.

This morning at the Tesco check out I was behind an old lady in the queue. Her bill came to £56.83 but when she counted out all her change she only had just under £50. I thought she was probably someone's Nan and I'd like to think someone would have helped my Nan out in that situation. She didn't want me to help her but I insisted and in no time at all, we had all her shopping back on the shelves...

A Tesco Burger, produced in Ireland walks into a bar.

A Tesco Burger, produced in Ireland walks into a bar..

He says to the barman 'Can I have a pint please?'

Barman says 'Sorry pal, didn't quite catch that, speak up a bit'

Burger says 'Sorry there, I'm a little bit horse'


Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today

It was buy one get one brie

I was just in the queue at Tesco when Diana Ross tried to push in.

I said You can't hurry love, you'll just have to wait...

Tesco joke, I was just in the queue at Tesco when Diana Ross tried to push in.

I'm not saying that my ex-wife has bad teeth,

but she smiled in Tesco once and the barcode scanner thought she was a set of saucepans.

I walked up to a female member of staff in Tesco today and said, "Do you know where the Weight Watchers meals are?"

"I'm afraid not," she replied, "It's my first day."

"Fair enough," I said, "Let me show you."

What's more annoying than a monkey trying to steal your banana?

Working at a Tesco supermarket in Produce, putting out loose bananas on display, and while trying to do so, customers keep barging their way in to you and remove the lovely bananas you just put there and leave with a remark on the lines of, "Sorry, I'm just going to ruin your display, HA HA".

Just checked the expiration dates on my TESCO burgers...

Aaaaaannnndddd They're OFF!

You can explore tesco safeway reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean tesco grocery dad jokes. There are also tesco puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Britain's got pretty racist since the referendum;

I was behind a Latvian couple in Tesco yesterday and the lady behind the checkout asked if they wanted any help packing...

To the lady at Tesco who had her kid on a leash...

I'm sorry I asked if he was a rescue, and very thankful you didn't sicc him on me.

Why do the Greyjoys always pay £25 at Tesco, regardless of how much they buy?

It's the iron price.

Don't join the Tesco dating agency.

I did and ended up with a bag for life.

They've got a special on down Tesco.

He's working the trolleys.

Tesco joke, They've got a special on down Tesco.

Tesco reported a £6.4bn loss..

I guess that's what you get for betting on horses!

Well, that's definitely the last time I ever go shopping with my wife...

We were on our way home from Tesco this morning and she dropped down dead.

New beer at Tesco

Tesco have announced that they will be adding a new beer to their value real ale range.
Alongside the affordable Simply Golden Ale and the inexpensive Simply Dark, they're adding Simply Red, for when money's too tight to mention.


What is the difference between a football and a three year old?

You don't feel the urge to kick footballs in Tesco.

Why do you spell 'bandana' with a D?

Because to do so without it is 'bananas'



I found this joke on a handwritten note is tesco.

So thank you kind joker.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the tesco woolworths jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working tesco cart piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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