The Best 60 Terrorists Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Terrorists jokes. There are some terrorists allah jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these terrorists ices puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Terrorists Jokes and Puns
I don't understand how Authorities can tell us that we "Can't Negotiate with terrorists..."
I just got a free can of Coke with my kebab...
What do terrorists do on vacation?
They go waterboarding.
A plane gets hijacked by a couple of terrorists
The head terrorist is in the cockpit with the pilot. He demands that the pilot takes them to a free country or else the entire plane will blow up.
The pilot retorts: " This is an airliner, not a spaceship!"
What's the difference between a Jewish mother and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with terrorists.
3 spies, a french one, a british one, and an italian one, are captured by al-qaeda...
the terrorists tie each of them up and put the brit and the italian in a locked room. they take the frenchman to a room for 6 hours, torturing information out of him. when they finish with him, they take the brit to the room, who lasts 12 hours. they finally take the italian into the room, but as much as they torture him, they cant get any information out of him.
the brit and the frenchman ask him how it goes and he says "i couldnt say anything." they ask him why and he says "my hands were tied!"
Did you hear about the terrorists who hijacked a plane of lawyers?
They threatened to release one every hour til their demands were met.
You know what I hate about terrorists the most?
They blow everything out of proportion.
Terrorists hijack a plane flying into London. They tell everyone to raise their hands over their heads if they are British or American.
They wanted French people too but they already had their hands up.
(My mother's proudest creation) What do you call it when you lobotomize terrorists?
Simplifying Radicals.
Yes, she's a math teacher.
So I heard that the hackers "Anonymous" are waging war on ISIS and al-Qaeda...
Quite ironic that 72 virgins will be attacking the terrorists!
What do you call playful insults between terrorists?
Talibanter
You can explore terrorists jihadi reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean terrorists jihadists dad jokes. There are also terrorists puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What kind of coffee do terrorists hate?
French press.
(Too soon?)
Where do terrorists go to get a bite to eat?
the Allahu snack-bar.
Terrorists have hijacked a plane filled with politicians...
They say they will release one politician per hour if their demands aren't met.
Two terrorists having discussion in a bar...
The waiter asks them what the discussion was about?
Terrorist :- We are planning to kill 14 thousand people and a donkey..
Waiter :- Why a donkey?
Then one terrorist says to the other,
"See I told you nobody will care about the 14 thousand people
Where do terrorists go to have a drink?
Allahuak Bar
So, Anonymous has declared war on ISIS
... ironic that 72 virgins are now attacking the terrorists
What's a terrorists favorite sex toy? [NSFW]
A blow up doll!
How do terrorists like their apple pie?
Allah mode.
I once saw an Arab on a flight....
I was kinda shocked when I saw him and looked on him with suspicion. Then he understood what I was thinking and approaching me, he said, "Not all Muslims are terrorists" and we laughed so hard that his grenades fell out of his pocket.
The NSA created a dating app to identify potential terrorists.
They called it "Jihad me at Hello."
Terrorists make the worst comedians.
They always bomb.
Don't die a virgin.
Seriously, there are terrorists waiting for you.
Why don't terrorists shop at Walmart?
They prefer a Target.
Donald Trump is being held hostage...
Guy 1: "Donald Trump is being held hostage by terrorists and they threaten to shoot him unless the US can come up with $5 billion in cash!"
Guy 2: "Oh my God, that's horrible! How much have people donated?"
Guy 1: "So far, 15 rifles, 20 machine guns, 16 shotguns, 8 revolvers, 76 BB guns, 18 Glocks, 15 magnums, 21 bobcats, and $12 million in bullets.
Two terrorists in a bar
Two terrorists discussing in a bar. The waiter finds their behavior suspicious so he comes to their table and asks: "What are you talking about?"
Terrorist: "We are planning to kill five hundered people and a goat."
Waiter: "Why a goat?"
The first terrorist says to the other: "See? I told you nobody will care about five hundered people."
ISIS takes Congress hostage
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.
Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire."
"We are going from car to car, collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."
Sign at a Brothel
A sign post at a brothel reads
'DON'T DIE A VIRGIN, THERE ARE TERRORISTS WAITING FOR YOU UP THERE'.
Terrorists now have a brand new state of the art weapon that can be hidden in plain sight
The Galaxy Note 7
Hawaiian terrorists be like...
Aloha Akbar
Where do midget terrorists live?
Halfghanistan.
How many terrorists does it take to paint a house?
It depends on the force of the explosives.
Where do terrorists go when they die?
Every where.
What do terrorists, and a filming of The Hunchback of Notre Dame have in common?
They were both shot on location.
A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.
The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."
Why do CSGO terrorists hate the desert?
Because they don't want de dust 2 get in their eyes.
A busload of lawyers was hijacked by terrorists...
... They're threatening to release one per hour until their demands are met.
Teacher, I can't work with radicals!
I don't negotiate with terrorists.
Where do terrorists go for a drink?
At the Allahu-ak Bar
Terrorists have taken >500 hostages at the Bar Association annual conference
Unless their demands are met, they'll release one lawyer every hour.
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all the politicians , and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.
Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, collecting donations".
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks...
The man replies, "Roughly 2 litres."
Terrorists have an Off-Switch.
It's in the back of their heads. Use a baseball bat to activate.
Trump, Merkel and Kim Jong-un are in the Middle East being chased by ISIS:
Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.
Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.
Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"
The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.
What do you call a small group of terrorists pretending to be janitors?
A sweeper cell.
A man stucks in a traffic jam in US
He sees a foreign man is coming towards him. Foreign man comes and says:
– Terrorists captured Trump, we are collecting donations. If $10.000.000 hasn't given in 1 hour, they will burn him with gasoline.
– How much people donate usually?
– Around 5 gallons.
What do terrorists and inflatable sex dolls have in common?
They both get blown up to be greeted by virgins.
My son threatened to hold his breath until he got ice cream
He passed out on the floor.
I don't negotiate with terrorists.
Two terrorists were installing a bomb
One says to another what will happen if this one explodes while we are installing it?
The other responds:
Don't worry I'm carrying a spare
Two terrorists are in a car, driving to bomb some place.
One had a bomb on his lap, the other was driving. The car went over a speed bumper too fast.
"Hey, watch it, Joe! You are gonna set this bomb off!"
"Relax, dude, we have a spare one in the trunk."
A man is walking on the interstate
He stops a car and says to the driver,
"Hi, terrorists have kidnapped our beloved president Mr. Trump. They're demanding we pay them 50 million dollars, or else they'll pour gasoline on him and burn him alive. Can you please give something."
The driver thinks for a while and anwsers,
"I can spare 5... no, 6 gallons."
Islamic terrorists makes no sense . Commit suicide and might get 72 virgins ?
Become a Catholic priest and get them now
Meanwhile at an ISIS training camp
A bunch of prospective terrorists gathered for their final training lesson before going into the field.
Their instructor said, Now, watch closely, children. I can only show you how to do this once.
What do you call terrorists born between 1945 and 1964?
Ka-boomers
So the Hacker group Anonymous just declared war on ISIS and Al-Queida
Quite ironic that terrorists will be killed by 72 virgins.
Apparently calling people terrorists if offensive now.
Ive been told the correct term is government contractors.
What do terrorists and masturbating in an airplane have in common?
Hijacking
How do terrorists greet each other?
Hi Jack
Do you want to hear a joke about the Israeli army?
A general asks a young soldier, what will you do if you see 20 soldiers coming to attack you? The soldier says that I would take an Uzi and shoot them.
The general asks him what if a tank is coming to kill you? I would take a rocket launcher and defend myself replied the young soldier.
The general asks him what if you see tanks, terrorists and planes together?
The soldier says, general, am I the only one in the army?
What do cowardly terrorists and my Reddit posts have in common?
None of them blew up yet
What do you get when a few thousand terrorists take over the Capitol?
Excuse me, they are called protesters.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the terrorists helicopters jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working terrorists passengers piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.