Terrorist Jokes
101 terrorist jokes and hilarious terrorist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about terrorist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Terrorist Short Jokes
Short terrorist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The terrorist humour may include short terrorism jokes also.
- So I heard that the hacker "Anonymous" are waging war on ISIS and al-Qaeda... Quite ironic that 72 virgins will be attacking the terrorists!
- So, Anonymous has declared war on ISIS ... ironic that 72 virgins are now attacking the terrorists
- Terrorists have hijacked a plane filled with politicians... They say they will release one politician per hour if their demands aren't met.
- Why do CSGO terrorists hate the desert? Because they don't want de dust 2 get in their eyes.
- Chuck Norris got ambushed by terrorists with a $5,000,000 ransom If the money wasn't paid within 24 hours, the terrorists would be beheaded
- (My mother's proudest creation) What do you call it when you lobotomize terrorists? Simplifying Radicals.
Yes, she's a math teacher. - When I heard that terrorists were killing farmers by putting C4 in their cattle I was horrified... It's abombinabull!
- Terrorists have taken >500 hostages at the Bar Association annual conference Unless their demands are met, they'll release one lawyer every hour.
- So the Hacker group Anonymous just declared war on ISIS and Al-Queida Quite ironic that terrorists will be killed by 72 virgins.
- I was held captive by some French-Canadian terrorists... They forced me to eat hundreds of meat pies.
It was tourtière.
Share These Terrorist Jokes With Friends
Terrorist One Liners
Which terrorist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with terrorist? I can suggest the ones about extremist and traitor.
- So I finally got Pokémon GO... I still haven't caught any Counter-Terrorists.
- Where do terrorists go when they die? Every where.
- Where do terrorists go for a drink? At the Allahu-ak Bar
- What do terrorists do on vacation? They go waterboarding.
- Where do midget terrorists live? Halfghanistan.
- What do you call playful insults between terrorists? Talibanter
- What kind of coffee do terrorists hate? French press.
(Too soon?) - Terrorists make the worst comedians. They always bomb.
- Where do terrorists go to get a bite to eat? the Allahu snack-bar.
- What do you call a group of terrorists in a pool? A bath bomb!!!
- Why don't terrorists shop at Walmart? They prefer a Target.
- What do you call terrorists born between 1945 and 1964? Ka-boomers
- You know what I hate about terrorists the most? They blow everything out of proportion.
- How do terrorists like their apple pie? Allah mode.
- Hawaiian terrorists be like... Aloha Akbar
Happy Terrorist Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about terrorist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bandit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make terrorist pranks.
A racist man called me a t**... for having long hair, a long beard, and being Middle Eastern.
Later I saw him at church giving a speech about how everyone needs a Middle Eastern guy with long hair and a beard in their lives.
The traffic jam in Russia.
There is a massive traffic jam somewhere in Russia. A driver sits idling in his car.
Suddenly a man approaches and knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Putin and are asking for a 20 million rubel ransom!
Otherwise, they are going to douse him in gasoline and set him on fire!"
The man continues "We are going from car to car taking up a collection."
The driver asks "Okay, how much is everyone else giving?"
The man replies "Oh, about a gallon or so."
Putin is held hostage by a t**....
A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks:
Driver: What's going on?
Policeman: A t**... is holding Putin hostage in a car. He's demanding 10 mill rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. So we're asking drivers for donations.
Driver: Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average.
Policeman: About a gallon.
Don't die a v**....
Seriously, there are terrorists waiting for you.
Whats the difference between a t**... training camp and an orphanage?
I don't know I just fly the drone.
t**... holding dad at gunpoint-
t**...: "Say your last words!"
Dad: "Your last words!"
t**...: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"
Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"
t**...: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"
Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I saw that monster henway."
t**...: "What's a 'henway'"?
Dad: "About a pound and a half."
t**...: "Stop! I'm serious!"
Dad: "Hi Sirius! I'm Dad!"
Oh No! Not ELON!
Man is driving along the freeway when he is stopped by a huge traffic jam.
After sitting there for quite a long time, he sees another man walking from car-to-car.
The second man finally gets up to his car. He rolls down the window....
"Hey man, what's going on up ahead?"
"It's awful! Terrorists have stopped Elon Musk's limo! They are saying if they don't get $10 million dollars, they are going to burn him alive! So, I'm out here collecting donations."
"That's terrible! How much have you collected so far?"
"Ten gallons. But everyone else is still siphoning...."
What do you call a t**...'s girlfriend?
A Guantanamo Bae
Thought of this one earlier and just had to share
Trump, Merkel and Kim Jong-un are in the Middle East being chased by ISIS:
Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.
Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.
Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"
The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.
A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.
The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."
A mathematician is afraid of flying
A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a t**... attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."
What's the difference between Muslim and a t**...?
I don't know, I just sign executive orders.
I'll be here all week.
How did Isis move from 5th wanted t**... group to the most wanted t**... group?
They cut a head
Once i did the "is your dad a t**...?, because you are a bomb.." line to a muslim girl.
Totally blew up in my face
I recently failed out of military school when I was asked what steps I would take to ensure my safety during a t**... attack.
Apparently, 'Fucking large ones' wasn't the right answer.
What's the difference between a t**... cell and a children's hospital?
... Don't ask me man, I just fly the drones.
What Did the Muslim t**... Say?
Who you gota blow to get some virgins around here?
Dark humor is like a t**... attack...
the timing needs to be just right.
I once saw an Arab on a flight....
I was kinda shocked when I saw him and looked on him with suspicion. Then he understood what I was thinking and approaching me, he said, "Not all Muslims are terrorists" and we laughed so hard that his grenades fell out of his pocket.
Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven.
They ask God who did 911. God replies, "It was perpetrated by members of the Islamic t**... group Al Qaeda."
One whispers to the other, "Dude, this goes way higher than I thought."
Why did the t**...'s wife leave him?
She didn't know what j**....
t**...
At New York's Kennedy Airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
A man stucks in a traffic jam in US
He sees a foreign man is coming towards him. Foreign man comes and says:
– Terrorists captured Trump, we are collecting donations. If $10.000.000 hasn't given in 1 hour, they will burn him with gasoline.
– How much people donate usually?
– Around 5 gallons.
What do terrorists and inflatable s**... dolls have in common?
They both get blown up to be greeted by virgins.
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all the politicians , and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.
Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, collecting donations".
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks...
The man replies, "Roughly 2 litres."
Obama walks into a bar.....
Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. God agrees.
Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? How are foreign affairs? Any problems currently being faced?"
"Oh, nothing at all, sir. We're an empire now. We're successful."
"But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Those were t**... hotspots not too long ago?"
"We control it now. We're an empire. Everything is good."
"But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?"
"That too has been taken care of. We are now finally an empire."
Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill:
"65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender.
Two terrorists in a bar
Two terrorists discussing in a bar. The waiter finds their behavior suspicious so he comes to their table and asks: "What are you talking about?"
t**...: "We are planning to kill five hundered people and a goat."
Waiter: "Why a goat?"
The first t**... says to the other: "See? I told you nobody will care about five hundered people."
A mathematician is afraid of flying because of the risk of a t**... b**... it in mid air. So he takes a bomb in his hand baggage
"The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero.
A Pakistani boy took...
.... admission in an American school ...
Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Nadir
Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today.
Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Nadir?
Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny.
Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up.
Next day he was back to school all bruised ...
Teacher : What happened Johnny ?
Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.
Why do t**... use Nokia phones?
so they can reuse the phone after the e**...
A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school .
A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school .
Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Zain.
Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today. Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Zain?
Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny. Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up. Next day he was back to school all bruised .
Teacher : What happened Johnny ?
Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.
3 spies, a french one, a british one, and an italian one, are captured by al-qaeda...
the terrorists tie each of them up and put the brit and the italian in a locked room. they take the frenchman to a room for 6 hours, torturing information out of him. when they finish with him, they take the brit to the room, who lasts 12 hours. they finally take the italian into the room, but as much as they t**... him, they cant get any information out of him.
the brit and the frenchman ask him how it goes and he says "i couldnt say anything." they ask him why and he says "my hands were tied!"
ISIS takes Congress hostage
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.
Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire."
"We are going from car to car, collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."
What's the difference between a lead guitarist and a t**...?
You can actually negotiate with a t**....
What's the difference between a t**... and a civilian?
I don't know man, I just fly the drones.
What's the difference between a t**... and a five year old?
I don't know, I just pilot the drone
What makes t**... jokes funny?
The execution.
What's the difference between a school and a t**... base?
I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.
How do you tell the difference between a t**... and a tenured professor?
You can negotiate with a t**....
Best explanation of Star Wars
The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a t**... attack which kills 300'000 people.
A t**... had two cases at home...
he stuffed one of them with explosives and headed to the metro. Once inside a wagon he waited until the doors were closed and shouted "Infidels!! now you will die!". Fortunately, that was not the case.
Q: What is the difference between a teenager and a t**...?
A: You can negotiate with a t**....
A plane gets hijacked by a couple of terrorists
The head t**... is in the cockpit with the pilot. He demands that the pilot takes them to a free country or else the entire plane will blow up.
The pilot retorts: " This is an airliner, not a spaceship!"
What do you call a t**... with eight legs?
An Iraqnid.
Two terrorists having discussion in a bar...
The waiter asks them what the discussion was about?
t**... :- We are planning to kill 14 thousand people and a donkey..
Waiter :- Why a donkey?
Then one t**... says to the other,
"See I told you nobody will care about the 14 thousand people
What do you call a monkey t**...?
A Baboom!
Islamic terrorists makes no sense . Commit s**... and might get 72 virgins ?
Become a Catholic priest and get them now
What's the difference between a muslim wedding and a t**... training camp?
I don't know either, I'm just the drone pilot.
The Red Cross must be a t**... group, everywhere they go there's a disaster.
Donald Trump is being held hostage...
Guy 1: "Donald Trump is being held hostage by terrorists and they threaten to shoot him unless the US can come up with $5 billion in cash!"
Guy 2: "Oh my God, that's horrible! How much have people donated?"
Guy 1: "So far, 15 rifles, 20 machine guns, 16 shotguns, 8 revolvers, 76 BB guns, 18 Glocks, 15 magnums, 21 bobcats, and $12 million in bullets.
What's the difference between a Jewish mother and a t**...?
You can negotiate with terrorists.
I fell in love with a female t**...
That's my Guantanamo Bae.
Did you hear the one about the Islamic t**...?
Oh well, guess j**... to be there
What do you get when you cross a t**... and a Hawaiian food truck?
Aloha snack bar!
I'm sorry
What’s the difference between an accordionist and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What do you call a french t**...?
Napoleon Blown apart
What do you call a t**... in the North Pole?
An ISISicle!
I was arrested on my way to school today on suspicion of being a t**...
Turns out I bombed the test
A pakistani cabbie called me a racist
I didn't say a word and left the cab. Because you don't negotiate with terrorists
There is a new t**... religion that hates addition
The Tally Ban
A statistician gets on a plane.
A Statistician gets on a plane. Guy next to him says "I'm scared of flying." The statistician says "I used to be. I used to be worried about terrorists." The guy asks "How'd you stop being scared?" The statistician says "I bought a bomb on the plane." Panicked, the guy yells "What!?"
Statistician goes "Calm down, you see, I'm not gonna blow myself up, and what are the odds there are two bombs on one plane?"
What do you get when a few thousand terrorists take over the Capitol?
Excuse me, they are called protesters.
What's the most important part of a t**... joke?
The execution. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
A mathematician is afraid of flying due to small risk of a t**... attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with him in his hand luggage.
The probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero!
