Terminator Jokes
61 terminator jokes and hilarious terminator puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about terminator that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you have a taste for Terminator humor? Check out this hilarious selection of jokes based on the classic film Terminator 2: Judgement Day. See if you can spot the references to characters like the droids Handel and Stallone!
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Funniest Terminator Short Jokes
Short terminator jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The terminator humour may include short terminal jokes also.
- A Mexican magician works on Microsoft Windows Uno, and *p**...*, DOS is gone without a tres.
- What's a pirate's LEAST favorite letter? Dear Customer,
Your internet service has been terminated due to copyright infringement. - I've got this awful disease where I can't stop making airport jokes. The doctor says it's terminal.
- What did the Terminator say when Sarah Connor asked him why he hadn't updated to Windows 10? "I still love Vista, baby."
- How did the Terminator convince his girlfriend to move in with him? He said, "Live with me if you want to come."
- Why was Snape so upset when Lily Potter was wrongfully terminated? She was never able to receive her Severus package.
- Abortion jokes are never funny. So if you accidentally start forming one, you should terminate it before it comes to fruition.
- Arnold Schwarzeneggar never has mice, rats or cockroaches in his house He is an ex Terminator
- I'm speechless Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine." - A man in a coma is like a non-responsive Windows program You can either wait for it to respond or terminate it.
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Terminator One Liners
Which terminator one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with terminator? I can suggest the ones about termite and predator.
- Where does Walmart keep the Terminator toys? Aisle B, back.
- I recently got sick at the airport, my doctor says it's a terminal illness.
- What do you call a dying airport computer? A terminal terminal terminal.
- What's the difference between The Terminator and your dad? The Terminator will be back.
- How did the terminal cancer patient do in school? He passed.
- What do you call a virus that affects the command line? Terminal Illness
- I felt kinda sick at the airport earlier... It could be a terminal illness.
- I wish my Dad was the Terminator... ...because then he'd come back.
- Terminator decided to stop killing and take up an honest job. Now he's an exterminator
- I got sick at the airport My doctor said it was terminal
- My doctor told me I had the airport flu. He says it's terminal.
- I fell sick in an airport.... ....it was a terminal illness.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger should open a pest control business. He's already an ex-terminator.
- How did the airport die? From terminal cancer.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger now works in an insecticide bussiness. He's an ex-terminator.
Terminator 2 Jokes
Here is a list of funny terminator 2 jokes and even better terminator 2 puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Doctor: Sorry, sir. Your disease is terminal. Wow, ok. So how long do I have, doc?
I'd say about 5 if you're lucky.
5 what? Weeks? Months?? Years???
4, 3, 2, 1...
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Terminator Jokes
What funny jokes about terminator you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean transformer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make terminator pranks.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
Your internet access has been terminated due to i**... usage.
Sincerely, your service provider.
Doctor tells his patient "I have good news and bad news..."
Guy says "what's the bad news?" Doctor says "you have cancer, it's terminal." Guy starts wailing "Ohhh that's terrible! Oh my god! I can't believe it! Well what's the *good* news then?" Doctor says "you see that blonde bombshell receptionist? I'm *f**...'* 'er!"
What's the difference between a greyhound terminal in New Jersey and a voluptuous lobster?
One's a crusty bus station, the other is a b**... crustacean
So a man goes to the doctor...
and is told that he has a terminal illness with only 24 hours left to live.
He went home and told his wife who was completely shocked. So later, as they're laying in bed, he asks if they can make love one last time. They do. Later, the man wakes up at 3:30 in the morning and asks if they can go at it again. His wife tired and irritable says, "Well that's easy for you to ask, you don't have to get up in the morning..."
Sorry for the lousy wording
For some reason the Pope didn't...
sponsor my program for terminally ill Chinese children. He said he didn't like the name - What's wrong with "Youth in Asia"???
A doctor tells his patient that unfortunately, his condition is terminal...
"Well, how long have I got doc?" asks the man.
"Ten", replies the doctor.
"Ten what?" Asks the patient, "Ten years? Ten Months? Tell me it's not ten weeks!"
"Nine..." Replies the doctor.
Lazy vultures
Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried. "We better catch an airplane to Mexico, lets go to the airport!" So they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them. "What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore." So they each grab a dead opossum, tuck it under their wing, and head on to the terminal. They walk up to the ticket counter and tell they lady "We'd like two tickets to Cancun, please."
"Very well," she says, "Will you be checking any bags?"
"No," say the vultures, holding up the dead opossum carcasses, "we only have carrion."
The Terminator and his friends decided to go to a costume party dressed up as famous classical musicians.
"I'll be Beethoven!", said one friend.
"I'll be Mozart!", said the other friend.
"I'll be Bach.", said The Terminator.
An elderly man was on his deathbed.
A man is on home hospice, terminally ill and barely clinging to life. Well one afternoon he smells his absolute favorite thing in the whole world, peanut butter cookies, baking downstairs. After hours of anticipation the cookies don't come upstairs for him.
So he, against all odds, unhooks his IV's, creaks to his feet, and hobbles slowly down stairs where he beholds a platter of the cookies on the counter. He feebly reaches out for one and his wife slaps his hand away angrily.
"No! Those are for the f**...!"
From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?
Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.
A pianist performing in a subway terminal...
was playing beautifully. I was only offput by the weird looking kid with a dunce cap sitting atop the piano.
Suddenly, the weird looking kid with the dunce cap jumped up and scurried off. The piano player abruptly stopped playing.
I asked him, "why did you stop playing?"
To which he replied, "I cannot play piano without my metro-gnome."
A man had a terminal illness.
His doctor says he only had six months to live and there is only one treatment. The doctor tells him he had to marry a woman that yells at him constantly and move to Kansas.
Will it help? asks the man.
No, says the doctor, but it will be the longest six months of your life.
Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.
Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you or j**.... Without batting an eye she responded "you better j**..., I have a terrible headache."
I have this unusual medical condition where I can't stop making silly airport puns.
The doctor says it's terminal.
I cracked a joke about dementia to my friend at the bus. The old man sitting next to me politely asked. "Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?"
I replied "yes I cancer." Then I cracked tumor
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks...
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.
"No" replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"
"How'd that happen?"
"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
A lawyer gets diagnosed with a terminal Illness.
On his deathbed, he asks for a Bible. The hospital staff thinks he has become religious now that his end is near. The doctor notices him going through every line carefully with a grave expression, so he asks, "what are you doing?". The lawyer looks up and replies dryly, "looking for a loophole."
Doctor: I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.
Patient: What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!
Doctor: Nine.
I've got this terrible disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.
My Doctor tells me it's terminal.
A man goes to his doctor and, after many tests, the doctor delivers the bad news.
Doctor: I'm sorry to tell you, but it's terminal.
Man: How long do I have left?
Doctor: Five
Man: Five what? Years? Months?.... WEEKS??!
Doctor: Four... three...
What do you call it when you put arsenic in the coffee can at work?
Grounds for termination.
Did you hear about the book/movie about two terminally ill teenaged Indian classical musicians?
It's called 'The Fault In Our Sitars'.
(Came up with this a few months ago. You read it here first.)
