Terminally Jokes
36 terminally jokes and hilarious terminally puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about terminally that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Terminally Short Jokes
Short terminally jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The terminally humour may include short morbidly jokes also.
- A Mexican magician works on Microsoft Windows Uno, and *p**...*, DOS is gone without a tres.
- I've got this awful disease where I can't stop making airport jokes. The doctor says it's terminal.
- How did the Terminator convince his girlfriend to move in with him? He said, "Live with me if you want to come."
- Why was Snape so upset when Lily Potter was wrongfully terminated? She was never able to receive her Severus package.
- Abortion jokes are never funny. So if you accidentally start forming one, you should terminate it before it comes to fruition.
- Arnold Schwarzeneggar never has mice, rats or cockroaches in his house He is an ex Terminator
- I'm speechless Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine." - A man in a coma is like a non-responsive Windows program You can either wait for it to respond or terminate it.
- For some reason the Pope didn't... sponsor my program for terminally ill Chinese children. He said he didn't like the name - What's wrong with "Youth in Asia"???
- What do you call it when you put arsenic in the coffee can at work? Grounds for termination.
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Terminally One Liners
Which terminally one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with terminally? I can suggest the ones about dying and deadly.
- Where does Walmart keep the Terminator toys? Aisle B, back.
- I recently got sick at the airport, my doctor says it's a terminal illness.
- What do you call a dying airport computer? A terminal terminal terminal.
- What's the difference between The Terminator and your dad? The Terminator will be back.
- How did the terminal cancer patient do in school? He passed.
- What do you call a virus that affects the command line? Terminal Illness
- I felt kinda sick at the airport earlier... It could be a terminal illness.
- I wish my Dad was the Terminator... ...because then he'd come back.
- Terminator decided to stop killing and take up an honest job. Now he's an exterminator
- Arnold Schwarzenegger should open a pest control business. He's already an ex-terminator.
- How did the airport die? From terminal cancer.
- A child with cancer goes skydiving for his bucket list He's now at terminal velocity.
- I got sick waiting to board my flight It was a terminal illness
- What makes an elderly millionaire bachelor more attractive? Terminal illness.
- What do you call a pink slip served in a coffee bag? Grounds for termination!
Heartwarming Terminally Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about terminally you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean terminal illness jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make terminally pranks.
I cracked a joke about dementia to my friend at the bus. The old man sitting next to me politely asked. "Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?"
I replied "yes I cancer." Then I cracked tumor
From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?
Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.
A lawyer gets diagnosed with a terminal Illness.
On his deathbed, he asks for a Bible. The hospital staff thinks he has become religious now that his end is near. The doctor notices him going through every line carefully with a grave expression, so he asks, "what are you doing?". The lawyer looks up and replies dryly, "looking for a loophole."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.
Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you or j**.... Without batting an eye she responded "you better j**..., I have a terrible headache."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor tells his patient "I have good news and bad news..."
Guy says "what's the bad news?" Doctor says "you have cancer, it's terminal." Guy starts wailing "Ohhh that's terrible! Oh my god! I can't believe it! Well what's the *good* news then?" Doctor says "you see that blonde bombshell receptionist? I'm *f**...'* 'er!"
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks...
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.
"No" replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"
"How'd that happen?"
"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.
So a man goes to the doctor...
and is told that he has a terminal illness with only 24 hours left to live.
He went home and told his wife who was completely shocked. So later, as they're laying in bed, he asks if they can make love one last time. They do. Later, the man wakes up at 3:30 in the morning and asks if they can go at it again. His wife tired and irritable says, "Well that's easy for you to ask, you don't have to get up in the morning..."
Sorry for the lousy wording
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly man was on his deathbed.
A man is on home hospice, terminally ill and barely clinging to life. Well one afternoon he smells his absolute favorite thing in the whole world, peanut butter cookies, baking downstairs. After hours of anticipation the cookies don't come upstairs for him.
So he, against all odds, unhooks his IV's, creaks to his feet, and hobbles slowly down stairs where he beholds a platter of the cookies on the counter. He feebly reaches out for one and his wife slaps his hand away angrily.
"No! Those are for the f**...!"
