The Best 59 Terminal Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Terminal jokes. There are some terminal layover jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these terminal station puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Terminal Jokes and Puns

I've been diagnosed with a rare condition that makes me think I'm an airport building.

Hope it's not terminal.

Doctor tells his patient "I have good news and bad news..."

Guy says "what's the bad news?" Doctor says "you have cancer, it's terminal." Guy starts wailing "Ohhh that's terrible! Oh my god! I can't believe it! Well what's the *good* news then?" Doctor says "you see that blonde bombshell receptionist? I'm *fuckin'* 'er!"

An Israeli Joke

An El Al plane lands at Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv the morning of December 25. As they land, the pilot makes the following announcement: "Please remain seated with your seatbelts securely fastened while we taxi to the terminal. To those of you seated with your seatbelts securely fastened, Merry Christmas. To those of you in the aisles getting your suitcases from the overhead bins, welcome home."

Terminal joke, An Israeli Joke

What's the difference between a Greyhound terminal in New Jersey and a voluptuous lobster?

One's a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean

So a man goes to the doctor...

and is told that he has a terminal illness with only 24 hours left to live.

He went home and told his wife who was completely shocked. So later, as they're laying in bed, he asks if they can make love one last time. They do. Later, the man wakes up at 3:30 in the morning and asks if they can go at it again. His wife tired and irritable says, "Well that's easy for you to ask, you don't have to get up in the morning..."

Sorry for the lousy wording

Why was the airport depressed?

It had a terminal illness.

A doctor tells his patient that unfortunately, his condition is terminal...

"Well, how long have I got doc?" asks the man.
"Ten", replies the doctor.
"Ten what?" Asks the patient, "Ten years? Ten Months? Tell me it's not ten weeks!"
"Nine..." Replies the doctor.

Terminal joke, A doctor tells his patient that unfortunately, his condition is terminal...

A guy goes to the doctor and hears bad news.

The doctor says, "I'm afraid it's the worst news possible. It looks like your disease is terminal."

"Tell me straight, Doc. How long to I have?"


"Ten? Ten what? Years? Months?"

"Nine, eight, seven..."

I have cancer. I can't sleep. Entertain me - tell me a joke about terminal illness or insomnia.

I recently got sick at the airport,

my doctor says it's a terminal illness.

What don't they name train stations after astrology signs?

No passenger would ever make it past the terminal Cancer!

You can explore terminal rail reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean terminal the terminal irishman dad jokes. There are also terminal puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I'm speechless

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."

A terminally ill man talks to his doctor

Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: Please give me the good news first.
Doctor: You have 30 days left to live.
Patient: And the bad news?
Doctor: I should have told you that 1 month ago.

You go in for an interview for a Linux programming job...

...and you are asked for an example of your linux programming abilities,
so you type into the terminal "sudo apt-get JOB"

Why was the pilot dying?

Because he had terminal cancer.

My doctor told me I had the airport flu.

He says it's terminal.

Terminal joke, My doctor told me I had the airport flu.

A falling Borg has no terminal velocity...

...Air resistance is futile.

So a Doctor Has To Give a Patient Some Bad News.

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine."

How did the terminal cancer patient do in school?

He passed.

An Airport goes to the Dr...

And the Dr says, "i have bad news. You have cancer."
The airport replies, "oh no, what kind?"

From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.

I'm not too concerned about this whole terminal illness deal...

My doctor said it should be the last thing I worry about.

Did you hear about the man who got sick at the airport?

It was a terminal illness.

I got sick at the airport

My doctor said it was terminal

What do you call a virus that affects the command line?

Terminal Illness

What makes an elderly millionaire bachelor more attractive?

Terminal illness.

A man went to the doctor

The doctor said "im afraid your illness is terminal..."

The man asked "well how long do i have doc?"

The doctor said "10"

The man asked "10 what?"

The doctor said "9, 8, 7....."

I felt kinda sick at the airport earlier...

It could be a terminal illness.

A woman with terminal sickness calls for her husband for a final talk.

"Hebert" *cough* "Everything is settled for my final departure, I just have one final thing to ask of you" *cough* "Should you ever find a new woman in your life please do not let her wear my clothes..."

Herbert: "Okay hun, I promise... she's not your size anyway..."

A man walks into an airport with a pet vulture

He approaches the terminal gates, but airport security stops him.

"Your vulture has to be checked in, and shipped with the luggage." Security said.

The man replied "What do you mean checked in? This is my carrion bird."

A child with cancer goes skydiving for his bucket list

He's now at terminal velocity.

I got kicked out of the grocery store while trying to pay with a debit card.

The terminal instruction read "strip down, facing cashier".

I locked eyes for dominance.

Did you hear about the pilot that got sick?

He was diagnosed with a terminal illness.

I fell sick in an airport.... was a terminal illness.

I enjoy flying, but have a severe phobia of boarding queues

I spoke to the doctor, but they said it was a terminal illness

If you get sick at an airport...

is it a terminal illness?

What's the worst kind of illness to get at an airport?


A computer went to see the doctor.

The diagnosis was terminal.

What is similar between dark humour and a child with terminal cancer?

It never gets old.

My friend is convinced that he's an airport boarding area.

Doctors say his condition may be terminal.

What happened to Chef Boyardee after he was diagnosed with a terminal illness?

*He pastaway.*

A Italian chef was diagnosed with terminal illness a year ago...

He's about to pastaway
He cannoli do so much...

A pianist performing in a subway terminal...

was playing beautifully. I was only offput by the weird looking kid with a dunce cap sitting atop the piano.

Suddenly, the weird looking kid with the dunce cap jumped up and scurried off. The piano player abruptly stopped playing.

I asked him, "why did you stop playing?"

To which he replied, "I cannot play piano without my metro-gnome."

Doctor said that there was good news and bad news.

The bad news is, I have a terminal disease. The good news is I have a disease named after me.

A man with terminal cancer robbed a bank and was sent to prison.

A fellow inmate asked him, "Why did you commit this crime? You can't take money with you into the afterlife, and now you're going to spend your last days in prison!"

The man replied, "I knew I was going to get caught. That's the point! My doctor gave me six months, but the judge gave me thirty years."

A man had a terminal illness.

His doctor says he only had six months to live and there is only one treatment. The doctor tells him he had to marry a woman that yells at him constantly and move to Kansas.

Will it help? asks the man.

No, says the doctor, but it will be the longest six months of your life.

I caught bird flu while waiting for a flight at the airport

I have since found out it is a terminal illness.

My sister was diagnosed with a terminal disease affecting the lungs...

The doctor said she only had 5 more years to live. Her last wish before she died was to go to Berkeley University. I thought it over for a while and said To Berk You Go Sis!

A doctor is reading out tests results to an elderly patient.

- Sir, the two test results are in and I'm afraid I have bad news. First of all, you have phase 8 terminal metastasized cancer.
- Oh no.. damned, this is not good.. what else?
- You also have quite a severe case of Alzheimer.
- oh thank god for that! I thought you were going to tell me I had cancer.

A Tik-Tok user who shot videos in the airport was taken to the hospital today..

He was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

A man goes to the doctor.

The man says,
"Doctor, I'm having serious trouble remembering what an airport building is called."

The doctor adopts a worried looks on his face, and says

"I'm so sorry. It's terminal."

Did you hear about the airports that got coronavirus?

Sadly it was terminal

Yesterday a man dropped dead at Grand Central Station.

It was a terminal illness.

Three pilots are talking in an airport terminal

I'm so good at flying says the first one That I can come within 15 meters of the ground and not crash

Oh yeah? Asks the second one Well I'm so good at flying, I can come within 10 meters of the ground and not crash.

Then the third pilot looks at them both and says
You idiots land planes everyday

A man is feeling ill, so he goes to see a doctor.

The doctor runs some tests and returns with a grave face.

Doctor: I'm really sorry, but this is terminal. You don't have long to live.

Man: What? No! How could this happen? I have a wife and child! Tell me doc, how long do I have left?

Doctor: 10...

Man: Ten months? That's horrible! How will I tell my wife?

Doctor: 9...

I have this unusual medical condition where I can't stop making silly airport puns.

The doctor says it's terminal.

I can't stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it's terminal

I got really sick at the gate to my plane and a nearby doctor had to come over and check me out

He gave me a terminal diagnosis.

I have one bad and one good news, which one you wanna first? Says the doctor

Patient: Ugh... the bad first.. go.

Doctor: OK you have terminal cancer and you'll probably die in a week

Patient: Oh damn wtf, what's the GOOD NEWS??

Doctor: Ohh you see that nurse over there? I think she's interested on me

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the terminal flight jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working terminal illness piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes