term Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious term stories

What are the best Term puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Term? Well here is a complete list of Term to have fun with:

Trump should not have said "shit-hole countries".

The correct term is "turd-world countries".

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Why will the congress never impeach Trump?

Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.

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Why will congress never impeach Trump?

Republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.

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Why won't the Republicans impeach Trump?

Because they insist on carrying a baby to full term

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I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.

Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".

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My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther

He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.

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I don't like the term 'Anal Bleaching'.

I prefer to call it 'changing my ringtone'.

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Grown-up words.

A primary one teacher was speaking to her class on the first day of term.

>"Alright class, I'd like everyone to tell me what they did over the summer holiday. Remember, you're not at nursery any more, so you need to use grown-up words now. Jamie, you go first."

So Jamie excitedly stood up and said
>"I went on a choo-choo!"

The teacher grimaced and replied

>"No Jamie, you rode on a train. Remember, grown-up words. Sarah, you next. What did you do?"

Sarah stood up and exclaimed

>"I went to see my granny!"

Again the teacher pulled a face and said
>"No Sarah, you went to visit your Grandmother. You're not in nursery any more, no baby words please. Jimmy, let's hear you?"

Jimmy got up and said

>"I read a book!"

The teacher smiled.

>"Very good Jimmy! Can you remember what the book was called?"

Jimmy smiled with confidence and proudly shouted

>"Winnie the SHIT."

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Post Tortoise Politician

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.




The old farmer said, " Well, as I see it, most politicians are 'Post Tortoises'.''



Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post tortoise' was.

The old farmer said,



" When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with

a tortoise balanced on top, that's a post tortoise."

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.

"You know he didn't get up there by himself,

he doesn't belong up there,

he doesn't know what to do while he's up there,

he's elevated beyond his ability to function,

and you just wonder what kind of dumb arse put him up there to begin with."

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World's Funniest Joke

The "world's funniest joke" is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research. For his experiment, named LaughLab, he created a website where people could rate and submit jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering the joke that had the widest appeal and understanding among different cultures, demographics and countries.

The History Channel eventually hosted a special on the subject.


The winning joke, which was later found to be based on a 1951 Goon Show sketch by Spike Milligan,was submitted by Gurpal Gosal of Manchester:


*Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"*

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a termite walks into a bar

And asks the waitress, is the bar tender here?

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What's the technical term for a female to male sex change?

A strapadictome

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A lawyer goes to prison

A shady lawyer get sentenced to a prison term after his actions are revealed. When he gets put on his cell, he sees that his cell mate is a massive 300 lb southerner. He says hello.

"You gonna be the husband, or you gonna be the wife?" His cell mate asks.

"Umm, no thank you," responds the lawyer.

"You gonna be the husband or you gonna be the wife?" Is asked again.

"Listen, I don't wanna be either, I just want to do my time man." says the lawyer.

Now his cell mate starts to look really angry. "I'm gonna ask you one more time motha fucka, you gonna be the husband or you gonna be the wife!?"

"Shit shit shit" the lawyer thinks in a panic, "husband or wife, give it or take it, fuck!"

"I'll be the husband!" he yells.

"Good, now that we have that out of the way, get over here and suck your wife's dick."

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A termite walks into a bar and asks...

is the Bar Tender here?

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What do a three paragraph term paper and a 5'2" Mexican have in common?

They're both short essays.

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I'm currently a recovering alcoholic...

But I prefer the term "hungover."

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What did one termite say to another in a burning building?

"Barbecue tonight!"

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Someone asked me about minerals that are long term contributors to lung cancer the other day,

I just answered asbestos I could.

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My uncle Larry got bit by a snake.

My uncle Larry got bit by a snake. Not knowing if it was poisonous, he quickly grabbed the creature by the head, bit it in half and drove me, himself and the snake's body to the hospital.

As soon as we got there, the doctor informed us that for future reference proper term was *venomous* and this particular snake was not.

Which would have been a relief, except by that point uncle Larry had died of a poisonous snake bite.

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A termite walks into a bar and asks: "Is the bar tender here?"

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A son has just gotten his report card, it's not good....

"Hello father, here's my report card....", the son says.
"All Cs!" His father is furious. "Son, if you don't improve your grades by next term I will disown you....if you don't get As, I don't want you to call me father any more!"

.....next term comes and goes.....the son gets his report card.....that night he goes home....and right before he goes to bed his father asks about his new report card....

The son replies:

"I'm very tired, let's talk tomorrow. Goodnight uncle!"

(This joke was given to me by a friend in China)

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A termite walks into a bar...

and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

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Whats the technical term for a female to male sex change?

An adadictomy

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Terms & Conditions

The zoo acquired a female of a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the zoo vet found the female gorilla was on heat and there was no male of the species.

The zoo management discovered that one of their staff
possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.
So the zoo approached him with a proposition, Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for Rs. 50,000?


He showed some interest but said he would have to think.

The next day he announced that he would accept their offer,
but under three conditions:

1. You won't make a video recording,

2. You must never tell anyone about this.

3. I will need at least one week to arrange the money

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A termite walks into a bar...

he walks up to the counter and asks "Is the bartender here?"

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How many short term memory loss patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

to get to the other side..

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A termite walks into a bar...

and asks, is the bar tender here?

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Two termites walk into a pub...

A waitress asks if she can help them. "No," they say, "We'd just like to know, is the bar tender here?"

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A termite walks into a bar...

...and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

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have you heard the medical term for viagra?

mycoxafloppin

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Terminator doesn't google himself

he uses Altavista baby.

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An American travels on business to Japan for the first time, and decides to pick up a hooker

When he was diddling her, she kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!" The guy figured this was a term for something great.

The next day, he went golfing with his Japanese client and colleagues, and he got a hole-in-one. He wanted to impress his Japanese friends, so he yelled out, "Fujifoo!!!"

The Japanese speaking folks looked confused, and one of them finally said, "No, you got the right hole."

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Tim was in sex education class when the teacher pointed at the diagram and asked, What is this called?

Tim put his hand up and answered, That's a pussy, Miss Stevens.

She rolled her eyes, and replied, Give me a medical term, please.

Oh, sorry, Tim replied. That's a pussy, Doctor Stevens.

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All work and no play...

.... makes Abraham Lincoln a full term president.

Im going to hell.

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What did the termite eat for dinner?

A table for two.

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Post tortoise

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.
Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.
The old farmer said, "Well, as I see it, most politicians are 'Post Tortoises'.''
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post tortoise' was.
The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top, that's a post tortoise."
The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.
"You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of stupid arsehole put him up there to begin with."

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Orientation is a racist term...

I prefer Asiantation.

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What's the term for a person who prepares or purchases more food than they can eat, and can't stop themselves?

American.


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What is the term for someone that gets aroused watching Star Wars?

They have a Bobba Fetish

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Why do they call it a 'roach clip'?

Because the term 'pot holder' was already taken.

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A termite walks into a bar

He walks up, knocks on the counter and says" is the Bartender here".

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What is the proper term for 'gangster pee'?

Gee Whiz.

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A termite walks into a bar

He says, "is the bar tender here?"

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Two pilots were accused of sexual harassment.

HR said a female pilot complained about the way they were joking and saying cockpit during the flight. Looking relieved they both got up to leave. HR quickly asks where there going when one pilots says "we don't have a problem, we'll apologize, and we'll never use the term cockpit again. That was totally insensitive of us. From here on out we'll just call it a sky box."

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A Termite Walks Into A Bar

A Termite Walks Into A Bar and Asks, "Is the Bar Tender Here?"

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Remember, when someone calls you mean...

just tell them that you prefer the term average.

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A termite walks into a pub...

... and asks everyone "Is the bar tender here?"

"Yes!" they said.

So, the termite began eating.

...

This is one of my grandfather's favorite jokes, I will try to remember the rest of them and post them here.

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So a termite walks into a bar and asks

"Is the bar tender here?"

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What did the termite say to the chair?

What did the termite say to the chair?

....

It was nice knawing you.

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So Rick Perry drops his presidential bid Today..

I thought his campaign wasn't for late term abortions.

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CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best term jokes of all time. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise kids not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty term gags to your kids. These jokes are updated with new ones in December 2019.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laughs? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter. Some of these term jokes are funny and some are hilarious.

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