Tequila Jokes
152 tequila jokes and hilarious tequila puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about tequila that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a fun way to lighten up your next get-together? Check out these tequila jokes sure to make the tequila shots and chugs even more fun! From the classic tequila worm and tequila sunrise to the latest jokes about tequila and Covid-19, these funny jokes will have everyone in stitches. Whether you're livening up a party or simply need a laugh, these tequila jokes will do the trick! And don't forget to have some vodka as a chaser – cheers!
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Funniest Tequila Short Jokes
Short tequila jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tequila humour may include short vodka jokes also.
- My wife stormed into the pub last night as me and the boys were downing shots of Tequila. You're coming home now! she screamed.
No, I'm not, I laughed.
She said, I'm talking to the kids. - I'm going to name my kids after what their mother was craving while pregnant... Peanuts and Pickles are great. Tequila is kind of an idiot
- Clint Eastwood, the Pope, and Yoda walk into the bar... It was at this point I realized I had done WAY too many tequila shots.
- What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila Mockingbird
(Also Ernest Hemingway, but that's beside the point) - What do Mexican kids read in middle school? Tequila Mockingbird.
- What is an English teacher's favourite cocktail? Tequila Mockingbird
- I've been on a tequila diet... And I've lost 4 days already
- What happens when you combine alcohol and literature? Tequila Mockingbird
- Why did the Mexican throw his wife into the river? Tequila.
- Did you know that Harper Lee invented a cocktail? It was the Tequila Mockingbird.
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Tequila One Liners
Which tequila one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tequila? I can suggest the ones about whiskey and liquor.
- What is an english teacher's favorite drink? Tequila Mockingbird
- What's an author's favorite drink? Tequila Mockingbird.
(Yes I know it's horrible :P) - What do you get when you mix American Literature and alcohol? Tequila Mockingbird
- Tequila may not be the answer... ...but it's worth a shot.
- What do you get when you cross alcohol and literature? Tequila Mockingbird
- What is an alcoholic Mexican's favorite book? Tequila Mockingbird
- What is a drunk Mexican's favourite book? Tequila Mockingbird.
- You know what they say about drinking too much tequila... Can't remember.
- Tequila may not fix your life. But, It's worth a shot.
- Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Tequila.
- What is a librarian's favourite drink? Tequila Mockingbird
- Why did the Mexican take his wife to the top of a cliff? Tequila
- What book does every Mexican student read in school? Tequila Mockingbird.
- What is the most popular novel in Mexico? Tequila mocking bird
- What is a Mexican's favorite novel? Tequila Mockingbird
Tequila Shot Jokes
Here is a list of funny tequila shot jokes and even better tequila shot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My son puked all over the bar on his 18th yesterday But then again, 18 shots of tequila are pretty much for a 7 year old.
- Two almonds Two almonds walk into a bar. They order 20 tequila shots each.
Bartender says: "What are you guys, nuts?" - What happens when you cross Santa Claus with five shots of tequila? Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.
- A Roman walks into a bar, holds up 2 fingers and says I'll have 5 shots of tequila please.
- A Mexican walks into a bar... A Mexican walks into a bar and says, 'I need tequila'. The barman says, 'how many shots will you need?' The Mexican says, 'One will do, i have good aim.
- How does Harry Potter order tequila shots? Patron us!
- It's National Tequila Day. I wasn't gonna celebrate, but then I thought I'd give it a shot.
- A mind reader walks into a bar. "Just a shot of tequila for me." The mind reader says.
"Hi, what would you like today?" The bartender says.
(This was redone because of a wrong title) - I always take life with a grain of salt plus a slice of lemon...
...and a shot of tequila. - I have a couple shots of tequila maybe once every blue moon. Sorry, I wrote that wrong. I have a couple of Blue Moons for every shot of tequila.
Tequila Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny tequila day jokes and even better tequila day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just started the tequila diet and I'm making great progress! I've already lost 2 days!
Tequila Worm Jokes
Here is a list of funny tequila worm jokes and even better tequila worm puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's a Mexican drinking worm's favorite book? Tequila Mockingbird
Silly & Ridiculous Tequila Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about tequila you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean booze jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tequila pranks.
Why did the Mexican man throw his wife out the window?
*Tequila*
Why did Jose push his wife off the cliff?
Tequila...
Guy walks into a bar. (yes another one)
Guy walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of tequila "line em up".
Guy starts slamming the shots one after the other.
Bartender says "Hey, slow down buddy!"
Guy says "No way, If you had what I had you'd be drinkin' this fast too."
Bartender says "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. What have you got?"
Guy takes another shot and says " Oh, about 75 cents."
So a guy walks into a bar...
and says to the bartender "Give me 12 shots of your most expensive Tequila!" The bartender pours the shots and lines them up. The guy starts shooting them back wicked fast, one right after another. The bartender says in shock "Why are you drinking those so fast?!" The guy stops long enough to get out a few words "you would drink these fast too, if you had what I have" Confused, the bartender asks "why? what do you have?"
The guy says "About four dollars"
A guy walks in to a bar
he orders 6 shots of tequila
bartender says "6 shots? thats quite a bit"
guy says "im celebrating my first b**..."
bartender says "congratulations, let me get you another one on the house"
guy says "thats okay, if 6 dont take the taste out of my mouth, nothing will
I told the bartender I'll have a Lou Gehrig's Disease.
It's a tall glass of tequila. You drink half of it, stand up to make a speech, drink the second half of it, and you're dead.
Why did the Mexican...
... throw his wife off a cliff?
Tequila!
... go to the home improvement store in December?
Fajitas!
A man walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender: "Twenty shots of your finest tequila, please."
The bartender is surprised, but obliges. The man then goes down the line, taking shot after shot, back to back. The bartender is amazed!
"Wow! I've never seen anyone drink like that before!" says the bartender
The man says: "Yeah, well, when you have what I have, you'd drink like that too"
"Well, what do you have?"
"A dollar."
What do you get when you mix Mexico with literature?
Tequila Mockingbird
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a bar and asks for 10 shots of tequila.
Bartender lines up 10 shots of tequila and the guy shoots all 10 shots one after another.
Bartender asks guy what the special occasion is, or why is he slamming shots in a celebratory manner.
Guy says it was his first b**....
Bartender says: "That's great! Let me give you a shot on the house!"
Guy says: "no thanks, if 10 shots of tequila can't get that taste out of my mouth, nothing can."
what do you call a bookstore that's also a bar?
tequila mockingbird
Jose Cuervo showed up at his girlfriend's house with a gun...
Tequila
Usually, my rule for drinking is "one & done". But with tequila...
it's "Juan & Don".
Tequila
If a guy gets drunk on tequila, and beats you up... then he's guilty of agavated assault.
What do you call a bird that drunkenly conveys a compelling perspective on racial hatred?
Tequila Mockingbird.
What kind of drink do English majors favour?....
Tequila mockingbird
I'm not the best at giving advice when it comes to tequila
So you'll have to take it with a grain of salt...
What is the official novel of Mexico?
Tequila Mockingbird
What is Harper Lee's favorite drink?
Tequila mockingbird.
I drank tequila in a cave...
...it was a shot in the dark
What drink can wrongly convict a black man?
Tequila Mockingbird
The night before the wedding
The bride-to-be and her bridesmaids were giggling over tequila and strawberry daiquiris at the bachelorette party. The maid of honor started a game of truth or dare.
"If your boyfriend were a soda, what would he be?" she slurred at the other bridesmaid.
"7-Up, because he's got seven inches and he can keep it up. What about you?"
"Mountain Dew. He knows how to mount and do me. And what about the future Mrs. Johnson? What kind of soda is Matt?"
"Jack Daniels," said the bride proudly.
"But that's not a soda! Jack Daniels is a hard liquor!" protested her friends.
The bride looked at them and said, "Girls, why do you think I'm marrying him?"
What is Juan's favorite book to read?
Tequila Mockingbird
Why did the Mexican push his wife off the building?
Te-quil-a
"v**..., Sambuca, Tequila, Jäger!"
I'm calling the shots.
Why did the mexican man throw his wife off a bridge?
He wanted tequila.
Cowboy walks into a bar.
A cowboy walks into a bar. He's wearing brown paper shirt, a brown paper vest, brown paper pants and a brown paper hat. "Gimme 5 shots of tequila", he demands. "You must be celebrating" the bartender said as he set up the shots. "yep, I just got out of prison", said the cowboy. "What were you in for"?, asked the bartender. The cowboy replied, "rustling".
What do you call alcohol in a bird bath?
Tequila mockingbird
Why did the r**... alcoholic throw his wife off a cliff?
Tequila
What is Jose Cuervo's favorite book?
Tequila Mockingbird.
A nacho enters the stomach
A nacho enters the stomach, lays down near the duodenum and falls asleep. A chunk of pizza also arrives and falls asleep too. Then a shot of tequila joins and says: We're having such a party up there and you prefer to just sleep here? Get up, we're going back.
What would To Kill a Mockingbird be called if Harper Lee was an alcoholic?
Tequila Mockingbird.
What book is better when you read it drunk?
Tequila Mockingbird.
Guy walks into a bar asking 10 shots of tequila
So the bartender asks what's the occasion. The guy replies he just had his first b**.... Bartender feels happy for the guy and says "first one is on the house". Guy replied "if 10 can't wash the taste off my mouth, I don't see how 11th would help"
Some random guy on the street turned me into a bottle of tequila which rather annoyed me.
I hate when people Patrónize me
What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol?
Tequila Mockingbird
Young man walks into a bar
Orders 6 shots of tequila.
Bartender says: " what are we celebrating?"
Young man says; " my first b**..."
Bartender says; " well here's a 7th shot on the house"
Young man's says: " if 6 ain't going to get the taste out, 7 won't"
A Mexican was having a drink in his living room before a lady assassin walked into the room.
He reacted by immediately grabbing a knife next to him and throwing it into her chest.
I guess he had tequila.
A guy goes to a bar...
A guy goes to a bar and orders five shots of Tequila.
Barman says "What are you celebrating?"
Guy says "I just had my first b**..., need something to get rid of the taste."
A man walks into a bar
Orders 4 shots of tequila and drinks one after another. The bartender asks "Are you celebrating?"
"Something like that."
"What are you celebrating?"
"My first b**...."
"Hey, congrats! Let me buy you another."
"Naw, if 4 won't wash away the taste, nothing will."
What do you get when you cross hard alcohol with a classic American novel?
Tequil-a Mockinbird
what does Harper Lee write when she's drunk?
Tequila Mockingbird
What do you read on cinco de mayo?
"Tequila Mockingbird"
A young tourist was attempting to sneak a quart of tequila...
...back from Mexico when the border guard stopped him and asked what was in the bottle.
"Holy water from the shrine of the v**... Mary" replied the man.
The border guard opened the bottle, took a sip exclaimed , "This is tequila"
"My heavens!" Gasped the man. "Another miracle!"
A man walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar and orders 11 shots of tequila, the bartender asks
"oh, is there an occasion for this?"
The man says "I had my first b**..."
Bartender says "well in that case I'll give you another on the house!"
The man replies "no thanks, if 11 don't get the taste out of my mouth then nothing will"
You hear Harper Lee wrote a novel while drunk?
Tequila Mockingbird
What's a Mexican's favourite novel?
Tequila Mockingbird.
(I'm sure this joke has been made before, but I thought it up this morning.)
Man walks into a bar
and orders 10 shots of tequila. Bartender surprised by the order asks what's the occasion? The man says "I just had my first b**...". With cheer in his voice bartender says "well if it's so, then I'll throw in 1 on the house". the mans says "if 10 shots can't wash that taste out of my mouth, I doubt 11 will"
What did Harper Lee write in Mexico?
Tequila Mockingbird
Dropped some alcohol on my favourite book.
Now it's called Tequila Mockingbird.
If you really want a promotion at work, all you have to do is walk into your office shouting, "v**...! Tequila! Sambuca!" at the top of your lungs...
This will make you the person who calls the shots...
An Irishman walks into a bar.....
Paudie goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and one Guinness.
The barman lines up shots and goes to get the Guinness.
When he comes back with the pint, all seven shots are gone.
The barman says: Wow! You sure drank those fast.
Paudie explains: "You would drink fast too if you had what I have.
The barman asks: What do you have?
The guy reaches into his pocket and says: Fifty cents!
My new joke
We were eating lunch at this place that was serving tequila chicken, but after the meal one of the guys questioned picking that particular menu item.
Him: I'm not sure that was chicken at all.
Me: Maybe it was tequila mockingbird.
Pa dum dum dishhh
A s**..., a m**..., and a Chick walk into a bar.
The s**... says, "Une tequila por favor."
The bar tender gives it to him.
The m**... says "Ah'll 'ave a pint o' Guinness."
The Chick says "Tweet tweet."
Why did the Mexican . . .
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
- For Hispanic attacks
Why did the Mexican Army invade the Alamo with only 5,000 troops?
- Because they only had two vans
Why did the Mexican train driver kill all his passengers?
- No one knows! He must have had a locomotive
Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff?
- Tequila
How do you dismiss a bird that's making fun of you at a bar?
Tequila mocking bird.
A warning to be careful about drunk driving..
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many pints before progressing on to Tequila. Not a good idea.
Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the car park and took a taxi home.
On the way home, I passed a police checkpoint on the freeway. The cops were pulling over cars and performing breath tests. Because I was in a taxi, they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as....
I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where I got it from..
Self-discipline is drinking 10 shots of tequila
and heading back to the right home.
Do you know which mixed drink is a bibliophile's favorite?
A Tequila Mockingbird
