The Best 66 Tequila Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Tequila jokes. There are some tequila shots jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these tequila downs puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Tequila Jokes and Puns

My wife stormed into the pub last night as me and the boys were downing shots of Tequila.

You're coming home now! she screamed.

No, I'm not, I laughed.

She said, I'm talking to the kids.

Clint Eastwood, the Pope, and Yoda walk into the bar...

It was at this point I realized I had done WAY too many tequila shots.

Why did the Mexican throw his wife into the river?


Tequila joke, Why did the Mexican throw his wife into the river?

Did you know that Harper Lee invented a cocktail?

It was the Tequila Mockingbird.

Why did the Mexican man throw his wife out the window?


Why did Jose push his wife off the cliff?


Guy walks into a bar. (yes another one)

Guy walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of tequila "line em up".
Guy starts slamming the shots one after the other.
Bartender says "Hey, slow down buddy!"
Guy says "No way, If you had what I had you'd be drinkin' this fast too."
Bartender says "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. What have you got?"
Guy takes another shot and says " Oh, about 75 cents."

Tequila joke, Guy walks into a bar. (yes another one)

So a guy walks into a bar...

and says to the bartender "Give me 12 shots of your most expensive Tequila!" The bartender pours the shots and lines them up. The guy starts shooting them back wicked fast, one right after another. The bartender says in shock "Why are you drinking those so fast?!" The guy stops long enough to get out a few words "you would drink these fast too, if you had what I have" Confused, the bartender asks "why? what do you have?"
The guy says "About four dollars"

A guy walks in to a bar

he orders 6 shots of tequila

bartender says "6 shots? thats quite a bit"

guy says "im celebrating my first blow job"

bartender says "congratulations, let me get you another one on the house"

guy says "thats okay, if 6 dont take the taste out of my mouth, nothing will

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?


A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender: "Twenty shots of your finest tequila, please."

The bartender is surprised, but obliges. The man then goes down the line, taking shot after shot, back to back. The bartender is amazed!

"Wow! I've never seen anyone drink like that before!" says the bartender

The man says: "Yeah, well, when you have what I have, you'd drink like that too"

"Well, what do you have?"

"A dollar."

You can explore tequila vodka reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean tequila drink dad jokes. There are also tequila puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What do you get when you mix Mexico with literature?

Tequila Mockingbird

what do you call a bookstore that's also a bar?

tequila mockingbird

What happens when you combine alcohol and literature?

Tequila Mockingbird

What's an author's favorite drink?

Tequila Mockingbird.
(Yes I know it's horrible :P)

What drink can wrongly convict a black man?

Tequila Mockingbird

Tequila joke, What drink can wrongly convict a black man?

The night before the wedding

The bride-to-be and her bridesmaids were giggling over tequila and strawberry daiquiris at the bachelorette party. The maid of honor started a game of truth or dare.

"If your boyfriend were a soda, what would he be?" she slurred at the other bridesmaid.

"7-Up, because he's got seven inches and he can keep it up. What about you?"

"Mountain Dew. He knows how to mount and do me. And what about the future Mrs. Johnson? What kind of soda is Matt?"

"Jack Daniels," said the bride proudly.

"But that's not a soda! Jack Daniels is a hard liquor!" protested her friends.

The bride looked at them and said, "Girls, why do you think I'm marrying him?"

What is Juan's favorite book to read?

Tequila Mockingbird

Why did the mexican man throw his wife off a bridge?

He wanted tequila.

Cowboy walks into a bar.

A cowboy walks into a bar. He's wearing brown paper shirt, a brown paper vest, brown paper pants and a brown paper hat. "Gimme 5 shots of tequila", he demands. "You must be celebrating" the bartender said as he set up the shots. "yep, I just got out of prison", said the cowboy. "What were you in for"?, asked the bartender. The cowboy replied, "rustling".

What is an alcoholic Mexican's favorite book?

Tequila Mockingbird

What is the most popular novel in Mexico?

Tequila mocking bird

Some random guy on the street turned me into a bottle of tequila which rather annoyed me.

I hate when people PatrΓ³nize me

Young man walks into a bar

Orders 6 shots of tequila.

Bartender says: " what are we celebrating?"

Young man says; " my first blow job"

Bartender says; " well here's a 7th shot on the house"

Young man's says: " if 6 ain't going to get the taste out, 7 won't"

What is an english teacher's favorite drink?

Tequila Mockingbird

A guy goes to a bar...

A guy goes to a bar and orders five shots of Tequila.

Barman says "What are you celebrating?"
Guy says "I just had my first blow job, need something to get rid of the taste."

What do you get when you cross hard alcohol with a classic American novel?

Tequil-a Mockinbird

what does Harper Lee write when she's drunk?

Tequila Mockingbird

What book does every Mexican student read in school?

Tequila Mockingbird.

A young tourist was attempting to sneak a quart of tequila...

...back from Mexico when the border guard stopped him and asked what was in the bottle.

"Holy water from the shrine of the Virgin Mary" replied the man.

The border guard opened the bottle, took a sip exclaimed , "This is tequila"

"My heavens!" Gasped the man. "Another miracle!"

What is a drunk Mexican's favourite book?

Tequila Mockingbird.

You know what they say about drinking too much tequila...

Can't remember.

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and orders 11 shots of tequila, the bartender asks

"oh, is there an occasion for this?"

The man says "I had my first blow job"

Bartender says "well in that case I'll give you another on the house!"

The man replies "no thanks, if 11 don't get the taste out of my mouth then nothing will"

What's a Mexican's favourite novel?

Tequila Mockingbird.

(I'm sure this joke has been made before, but I thought it up this morning.)

Tequila may not be the answer...

...but it's worth a shot.

What do you get when you cross alcohol and literature?

Tequila Mockingbird

Two almonds

Two almonds walk into a bar. They order 20 tequila shots each.

Bartender says: "What are you guys, nuts?"

What is a Mexican's favorite novel?

Tequila Mockingbird

Man walks into a bar

and orders 10 shots of tequila. Bartender surprised by the order asks what's the occasion? The man says "I just had my first blow job". With cheer in his voice bartender says "well if it's so, then I'll throw in 1 on the house". the mans says "if 10 shots can't wash that taste out of my mouth, I doubt 11 will"

What do Mexican kids read in middle school?

Tequila Mockingbird.

If you really want a promotion at work, all you have to do is walk into your office shouting, "Vodka! Tequila! Sambuca!" at the top of your lungs...

This will make you the person who calls the shots...

I'm going to name my kids after what their mother was craving while pregnant...

Peanuts and Pickles are great. Tequila is kind of an idiot

An Irishman walks into a bar.....

Paudie goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and one Guinness.

The barman lines up shots and goes to get the Guinness.

When he comes back with the pint, all seven shots are gone.

The barman says: Wow! You sure drank those fast.

Paudie explains: "You would drink fast too if you had what I have.

The barman asks: What do you have?

The guy reaches into his pocket and says: Fifty cents!

Why did the Mexican . . .

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

- For Hispanic attacks

Why did the Mexican Army invade the Alamo with only 5,000 troops?

- Because they only had two vans

Why did the Mexican train driver kill all his passengers?

- No one knows! He must have had a locomotive

Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff?

- Tequila

How do you dismiss a bird that's making fun of you at a bar?

Tequila mocking bird.

A warning to be careful about drunk driving..

Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many pints before progressing on to Tequila. Not a good idea.

Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the car park and took a taxi home.

On the way home, I passed a police checkpoint on the freeway. The cops were pulling over cars and performing breath tests. Because I was in a taxi, they just waved it past.

I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as....

I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where I got it from..

A weird man with a weird condition

The man was never very good at anything.
He had no talents apart from his ability to notice things when he was drunk.
He decided to become a detective.
On his first day he came across a dead body , but he could not make head or tail of the situation.
So he proceeded to ask his colleague , Here's the dead body. Where's tequila ?

What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature?

Tequila Mockingbird

(Also Ernest Hemingway, but that's beside the point)

Donald Trump, Enrique PeΓ±a Nieto and Vladimir puttin are travelling in a helicopter for a top secret meeting when

Suddenly Vladimir Putin throws his beautiful secretary out of the helicopter.

Others:- Why did you do that?

Vladimir Putin :- too many beautiful women in our country

Then,Enrique PeΓ±a Nieto throws his tequila out

Others :- Why?

Enrique PeΓ±a Nieto :- Too much tequila in our country.

Donald Trump being anxious, throws Enrique PeΓ±a Nieto and exclaims"Too many Mexicans!"

What is the favorite liquor of every high school English teacher?

Tequila Mockingbird

I've been on a tequila diet...

And I've lost 4 days already

A drunk guy gets into a taxi..

-Ehh.. 'scuse me, driver... would it be okay if.. I left a few beers, some fried chicken, 2 tequila shots and some rice on your back seat?

-(confused)Ehm, sure.


Sorry people, I had to.

Why did the Mexican take his wife to the top of a cliff?


What's a Mexican drinking worm's favorite book?

Tequila Mockingbird

What type of mixed drink is great for alcoholic readers?

Tequila Mockingbird

I found out I'm allergic to tequila...

Every time I drink it, I break out in handcuffs.

Bartender joke

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender,
12 shots of your finest tequila please
So the bartender starts pouring the shots and on the last one he notices that half of them have been drunk already so the bartender says
Whats going on pal, you drunk those really fast
The guy replies
Youd drink this much if you had what i have
The bartender then asks
What do you have?
He replied i have 50 pence and then made a bee line for the door

What starts with a T and ends with me on the floor?


With the second lockdown looming, I saw a man purchase 3 crates of San Miguel, 2 bottles of tequila, 6 bags of paella and a sombrero.

I think hispanic buying.

My local off-licence has started hosting a book club.

First up is Tequila Mockingbird.

What is Harper Lee's favorite cocktail?

Tequila Mockingbird

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

He wanted tequila.

What is an English teacher's favourite cocktail?

Tequila Mockingbird

Why did a Mexican throw his wife off the bridge?


A man walks into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila

The bartender lines up the shots, and the man starts taking them one after another.

The bartender says "wow you're drinking those pretty fast"

The guy says "you would too if you had what I have"

The bartender steps back cautiously "what do you have?"

The guy says "fifty cents"

My son puked all over the bar on his 18th yesterday

But then again, 18 shots of tequila are pretty much for a 7 year old.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the tequila whisky jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working tequila smirnoff piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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