Tension Jokes
43 tension jokes and hilarious tension puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tension that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best tension-breaking jokes to lighten the mood in any situation. Giggle at this collection of lighthearted tension-related jokes to keep your stress levels low and your laughter levels high. Learn how to effectively use humor to reduce exam tension, as well as friction and strain between people. Enjoy the benefit of a lighthearted atmosphere and tension free mood altogether.
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Funniest Tension Short Jokes
Short tension jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tension humour may include short tense jokes also.
- Have you heard about the rising political tensions between yogurt and penicillin? One side is probiotic, and the other is antibiotic. They're calling it a culture war.
- I see there is a lot of tension between /u/Waterguy12 and /u/fireguy12 recently... It's really been steaming up.
- Blind person goes skydiving. How do they know when they'll hit the ground ? There's less tension in the dog's leash.
- What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when the wife is pregnant,
Tension is when the girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when BOTH are pregnant! - Among all the machines, the pulley is the most egotistical. It's always at the centre of a tension.
- I hate it when characters come back to life in fiction... It really removes some tension from the book. That's why I didn't like the bible.
- In light of recent political tensions, please refrain from wishing Putin falls into a vat of concrete. That would set a very dangerous president.
- As tensions rise in Ukraine Vladimir is Putin troops in separatist regions, and Joe is Biden his time with imposing sanctions.
- What do Kim Jong Un, Donald Trump and a pulley have in common? They all love being the center of a tension.
- Why are pulleys despised by all other simple machines? The have to be the center of a tension.
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Tension One Liners
Which tension one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tension? I can suggest the ones about distress and pressure.
- What does a pulley like the best about its position? It's the center of a tension.
- One tension plate bumps into another plate... "Sorry, that was my fault!"
- Pulleys are annoying!! They are always the center of a tension.
- Intensity is inferior to three times as much as tension. Because I < 3 U.
- What do you call tension in the percussion section? Druma
- Yesterday I saw the most famous rubber band in the world It was the center of a-tension
- As a girl who lifts weights at the gym... I experience a lot of flexual tension
- What did steel say to the concrete? Don't take too much tension!
- I got in a fight with tension It still Hertz.
- What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache?
A bad mood. - Why did the bungee jumper hit the ground? He didn't pay a tension.
- This morning I woke up and could feel tension mounting. Tension is the name of my dog.
- Why is there so much tension in Iraq? They Haven't Broke the Isis yet.
- 2 w**... smokers were sitting in a room mad at each other, the tension was high .
- What do you call the s**... tension between Hillary and Bill Clinton? The Bern
Tension Comedy Jokes
Here is a list of funny tension comedy jokes and even better tension comedy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Court Comedy In a courtroom, where tensions are high...
Judge: Order! Order in the court!
Plaintiff: I'll take a ham on rye.
Share Hilarious Tension Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about tension you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean anxiety jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tension pranks.
A big city doctor visits an Native American tribe full of men and he asks "How do you guys relieve your s**... tension?
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first."
The doctor not knowing what to do stands cluelessly until a tribesman explains to him: " Use the donkey".
The doctor: " what?"
"Yes use it, mount it"
The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have s**... with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc? We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
My wife suggested to spice things up with roleplaying.
I asked her what she had in mind.
Doctor and patient roleplaying she said. I'll be the doctor.
Sounds good to me! I said.
So she went to the bedroom and I waited in the hall.
I knocked on the door and hear her say: Do you have an appointment?
Well, no...
Then please wait in the waiting room
She was building up tension.
I hope my neighbor is okay tho, he had the 1 pm appointment and has been in there for hours now.
Dr visits an Indian Tribe
A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your s**... tension?" "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have s**... with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
Inner Peace
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!
And you thought I was going to get all spiritual ...
A big city doctor visits an indigenous tribe of only men,
He asks "How do you guys relieve your s**... tension?"
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you."
The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey.
The leader of the tribe says "Since you're our guest you get to go first.".
The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have s**... with the donkey.
15 min pass, then one of the tribeman in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?"
"We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."
Worried boy goes to doctor
A teenager worried about having three testicles goes to a urologist. The urologist assures him that it's nothing to worry about.
Relieved from tension, the boy goes to a stranger and says, "Did you know that there are 5 testicles among the two of us."
The stranger says, "I'm very sorry that you have only one".
A man wakes up the mental ward
Relax, sir, you've just had ECT.
What's that?
Electrical shock therapy. After a shock to the brain, you have temporary partial memory loss. Patients often forget about the things that cause them stress and tension, allowing to them to relax and get better.
Okay.
Now that you're awake, I'll call your wife in...
My what?
The wife and I joined opposite ends of a tug of war
It's created a lot of tension between us
Even a Jedi gets the 'force in brain' when using the 'force in strings'.
I think the word is Tension.
I always avoid talking about bungee jumps when meeting new people...
I just find it creates a lot of tension.
