Tense Jokes

What are some Tense jokes?

Actually, the past tense is "hanged", as in "he hanged himself"

Sorry about your Dad, though

A blonde joke

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing-747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

So...the past, the present, and the future walked into a bar.

It was tense.

So I was asked the past tense of 'think' in a English test today

I thought and thought and thought and finally wrote 'thunk'.

I had posted this on Clean Jokes, just thought you guys would appreciate it.

So, The Past, Present, and Future all walk into a bar
It was tense.

I was taking my English final and they asked Write the past tense of 'Think' .

I thought and thought about this for ages.

Eventually, I went for 'Thunk'.

My 16 year old cousin Mary finally got her period today.

So, that was a tense couple of years for me.

How to get laid??

1. Lay on bed.
2. Wait two hours.
3. Lay becomes past tense.

Fascinate

Teacher: Can anyone use the word "fascinate" in a sentence?

Billy: I was fascinated by the sunrise.

Teacher: Good, but "fascinated" is past tense. Can anyone else try?

Suzie: It was fascinating to see the flowers grow.

Teacher: Good, Suzie, but you added an "ing" at the end of the word and made it an adjective. I just want to hear the verb "fascinate".

Ernie: Yo mama got a blouse with 12 buttons on it...but she so fat, she can only fascinate!

Teacher: What is the tense of the phrase "I am beautiful"

Student: Past

What do you call an English teacher who used to have anxiety?

Past tense.

Teacher/Student

**The teacher says:** Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
**The student says:** Obviously it's the past tense.

A guy goes to see his doctor...

The doctor asks what's wrong.

The guy says "Two nights ago, I dreamed I was a wigwam. Then last night, I dreamed I was a tepee."

The doctor replies, "Oh, you just need to relax. You're too tense."

The past, present and future walk into a room.

It got all tense.

My kid just asked 'What's the past tense of yeet?'. So I told him it's 'yate'.

In the morning, yeet your breakfast.

Then you're full because yate your breakfast.

(mayeb it isn't really a joke, but he laughed when I said it)

There's a question in the exam that said,

"What is the past tense of 'think'?"
So I thought and thought and thought and eventually I picked 'thinked'.

A teacher asks, If I say, 'I am beautiful,'"

"Which tense is that?



Student: Obviously past.

Student 1: "How did your English test go?"

Student 2: "It was easy, but question 8 was confusing."

Student 1: "What was it?"

Student 2: "It asked for the past tense of 'think'. I thought and thought and thought, and I ended up putting down 'thinked.'"

Cynical Meanings

Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either."

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Did you hear about the Taiwanese man who was too tense?

He had a Taipei personality.

Police officer

A police officer stops a speeding car and approaches the driver
Police: "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Driver:" Nope"
Police: "Can I see your Licence?"
Driver: "Sorry officer, it has expired"
*The officer raises an eyebrow*
Officer: "Can I see your Registration"
Driver: "You don't want to do that, this car is actually stolen"
* The officer begins to tense*
Officer: "Open up your trunk!"
Driver: "you definitely don't want to do that, there is a dead hooker in there"

The police officer calls back up. 5 policemen approach and search the car. They find no dead hooker, the car isn't stolen and the licence isn't expired.

One of the officers approaches the driver and says: "Sorry sir, there seemed to be a mistake. One of the officers said that you stole a car with an expired licence and killed a hooker."

Driver: "Yeah, I bet he told you I was speeding too"

I can't help but think that The Last Supper must have been a bit tense...

...with Jesus relating the bread to his broken skin and the wine to his own blood.

I bet no one touched the meatballs.

Had an English test the other day and...

was asked the past tense of "think",
I thought... thought... thought and wrote "thinked".

An American goes to Japan....

...to close a big business deal. The night before, he is very tense so he picks up a hooker in the hotel bar. She speaks no English, but they get their transaction settled and go to his room.

In bed, she is wildly thrashing around screaming out a phrase in Japanese. The man figures she is loving it and tries to remember what she is yelling.

The next day, he is playing golf with his Japanese customer. On the third tee, the Japanese man swings, the ball makes a beautiful arc, hits the green, bounces twice, rolls, and winds up right in the cup -- a hole in one!

Thinking to impress his client, the man repeats the phrase he had heard so much the night before. The Japanese golfer eyes him and says, "What you mean.... wrong hole?"

Man walks into a psychologists office and says "Doc. You gotta help Me! I'm having these terrible dreams!"

Doc asks the guy "what happens in these bad dreams?"

The guy says "Sometimes I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then a teepee, then a wigwam, teepee, wigwam, teepee, wigwam. It's all night! I can't take it!"

Doc says "you've got to calm down. You're too tense."

Working at the unemployment agency would have to be a tense job

Knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.

I don't fuss over the difference between "can" and "may" like other English teachers.

In fact, once a student asked me this: "Can you give me an example of future progressive tense?"
I responded with "Certainly. I will be seeing you after class."

He must have wanted another example, as he was still standing in my classroom when I arrived the next day.

What is the past tense of blink?

___

Why does bourbon come in fifths?

Because you need it when you're too tense.

A guy run up to me and started yelling,

"I'm a teepee! I'm a wigwam!"

I said, "Calm down, man. You're too tense."

Three words are having an argument...

Had, Made, and Did were having a very heated argument. They became more and more agitated as the argument went on. It was beyond tense... It was past tense.

A guy goes to a therapist. He asks the therapist over and over, "Am I a tepee or a wigwam? Am I a tepee or a wigwam? Tepee or a wigwam, tepee or a wig wam?!"

Therapist replies, "You're too tense."

Son comes home after giving an exam.

Dad: So, how was the exam?

Son: I knew all the answers, but one question got me confused.

Dad: What was the question?

Son: Well, the question was 'What's the past tense of *think*? '. I didn't know the answer, so I thought and thought and finally wrote *thank*.

English Exam

Two boys were in a class taking an English exam.

**After Exam**

Boy 1: What took you so long to finish the test?

Boy 2: Well, I got stuck in a question, it was "What is the past tense of think?". So I *thought*, *thought*, and *thought*, but I gave up and wrote thinked.

If women ruled the world there would be no wars

Just periods of very tense negotiations once a month

A son gets home from his English quiz...

and sees his mom at house.

"How did you do?" she asked,

"It was easy but question 5 confused me," he said.

"What was it?" said his mom.

"The question wanted the past tense of 'think.' I thought and thought and thought and finally came up with 'thinked.'"

Teacher and Student

* Teacher said the students to convert the sentence "I killed a person" into future tense.
* Suddenly Johnny stands up and said, Sir the future tense is "I will go to jail"!

How to get laid in 3 simple steps

* Lay on your bed

* Wait 2 hours

* Lay becomes past tense

Two Parents Get Arrested

A couple is arrested after they get caught burning their son's name on farms. Picture a big bonfire, but it spells their son's name.

It's a tense ride into the station. The parents are obviously nervous, so the officer makes some small talk.

After a while, though, the curiosity gets the best of him so he asks them why.

Cop: Of all things to spell out, why your son's name?

Dad: We figured it was the best way to show how much we love arson.

What's the future tense of England?

Brexit.

The past, the present and the future had a meeting.

It was tense in there.

The past, present and future got into a fight

Things got pretty tense

Tomorrow I learned...

How to speak in the future tense.

Recurring dreams

A man goes to a psychiatrist and says Dr. you have to help me, I keep having these recurring dreams. One night I dream that I am a wigwam and the next night I dream I am a teepee. It alternates one night wigwam, one night teepee. . The psychiatrist says I think I know what your problem is. You are too tense.

John, a 5yr old boy asks his 1yr elder brother, Tom, a question.

John- Is the past tense of "drink", "drunk" or "drank"?

Tom- It's "drank".

John- Then what about "drunk"?

Tom- That's future tense. Our father always gets drunk after he drinks.

Guy walks into a psychiatrist's office....

stammering over and over "I'm a teepee I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee I'm a wigwam..."

.... The psychiatrist says calmly, "settle down you're too tents (tense)...

Tense, moody joke

Guy lands at Logan, hops a cab, and says to the driver, "Well now that i'm in Boston, where can I get scrod?" Cabbie says, "You know, I've heard that question a thousand times, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive."

Past, Present, and Future walked into a bar at the same time

The encounter was is will be tense.

A German walks into a bar after the World Cup.

As he is ordering a beer, he notices an American sitting at the edge of the bar.

After a tense pause, he says, "Hey American! How many world cups have you won?"

The American calmly replies

"Hey German. How many World Wars have you won?"

A native American indian is talking to his psychiatrist

He tells him "Doc, I dont know what is wrong with me. One moment I think I'm a teepee, the next I think I'm a wigwam."

The doctor says "Ah, I think I see your problem. You're too tense."

Growing old is a lot like grammar

The past is perfect and the present, tense

This joke won the funniest joke award at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.

What tense do Italians speak in?

Pasta continuous.

English class......

Teacher.
One day our country will be corruption free. which tense is it??
student.
Future impossible tense.

So the past, present and future walk into a bar

Things got a little tense

What is a Trump supporter's favorite grammar tense?

Past perfect.

What's the past tense of William Shakespeare?

Wouldiwas Shookspeared

The ghosts of Christmas past, present and future are all sitting in a bar together.

What a tense atmosphere.

Carrot Stuck....

Is the past tense of Carrot Stick.

Unfortunately, my wife did not appreciate this as she was gesturing to her throat and coughing.

It's impossible to run through a campsite...

It has to be ran.


Because its past tense

A man went to his therapist, freaking out that he'd dreamt he was a teepee one night and a wigwam the next.

The doctor told him, "Calm down. You're too tense."

Why was Bob shaking?

Because he was past tense.

Change sentence to tense?

Teacher: Change this sentence into Future Tense, "I killed a person"
.
Student: The Future tense is "You will go to a jail"

A Lion walks into a bar

The atmosphere is tense

It was fun watching a Christmas carol. The ghosts of Christmas past, present and future were great.

It was in tense.

My friend fell off a cliff and I was just in time to grab his rope.

It was a tense situation.

So I told my psychologist....

Me: I'm a wigwam, I'm a tipi, I'm a wigwam, I'm a tipi, I'm a wigwam, I'm a tipi, I'm a wigwam, I'm a tipi.







psychologist: relax man, you're too tense.

Two middle aged women are in Boston's fish market on Friday.

"I come here every Friday to get scrod!"

"I do too, but I didn't know it has a past tense."

Yesterday during my exam, I had to answer 'What the past tense of think was?'

I thought and thought but I couldn't find the answer, So I wrote 'Thunk'

A guy walks into his therapist's office

visibly distraught, nervously shaking and exclaims "I'm a wigwam!" his head tweaks a little, eyes twitch and says "I'm a tepee". Another head twitch "I'm a wigwam!! I'm a tepee!" *twitch* "I'm a wigwam!" ... "I'm a tepee"!

The therapist grabs him firmly by the shoulders and says "Calm down! Calm down, you're too tense!"

Tense political humor

What's the only thing a Palestinian likes about Israel? Their food. Why? Because Israeli good.

The past, present and future walk into a bar...

Bartender says... "Well this is tense."

What happened when past, present and future met each other?

Things got a little tense

What do you call a pair of nervous wigwams?

Too tense.

A man goes to the doctor...

he tells the doc I keep having re-occurring nightmares. Some nights I'm a tee-pee, some nights I'm a wigwam, tee-pee, wigwam, tee-pee, wigwam...

The Doc said "Oh this is easy you're just two tense." (two tents)

The future tense of send.

Seen

Siri:

The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

I did have to ask for a joke in English, as the first time Siri said she would, but I wouldn't understand a joke in her language.

How to make Tense jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Tense to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Tense? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Tense pick up lines to share with friends.

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