Tens Thousands Jokes

32 tens thousands jokes and hilarious tens thousands puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tens thousands that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Tens Thousands Short Jokes

Short tens thousands jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tens thousands humour may include short tens jokes also.

  1. Do you know what we would call 'COVID-19' if the first ten thousand people killed were politicians? A good start.
  2. By then end of my lifetime, I will have cause tens of thousands of ejaculations. Single-handedly.
  3. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want ten thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."
  4. Germany sets a new record in the world cups. They arrive in Moscow with ten thousand men. 40 km further than the old record in 1942.
  5. I gave my wife ten thousand dollars to have plastic surgery; now I can't get the money back and I don't know who to look for.
  6. A gospel choir leader with a lisp embezzled tens of thousands of dollars from his church. But eventually he got caught and had to faith the music.
  7. According to finnish sources there are tens of thousands of Russian soldiers at their border. The only issue is that they're buried six feet deep.
  8. The Romans executed tens of thousands by crucifixion, and... you're just gonna assume the guy on my necklace is Jesus?
  9. My mom said if I get ten thousand upvotes she will tuck me in Come on. She really wants a daughter.
  10. The recession really has hit hard. Hundreds and thousands are now known as "ones and tens".

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Tens Thousands One Liners

Which tens thousands one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tens thousands? I can suggest the ones about ten thousand and hundreds thousands.

  1. Two bicyclists collided in India... Ten thousand people died.
  2. There's a building in Beijing with ten thousand shops in it. The Great Mall of China.
  3. It's like ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a dictionary.

Amusing Tens Thousands Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about tens thousands you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hundreds and thousands jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tens thousands pranks.

A beautiful blonde walks up to a craps table...

She bets ten thousand on one roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel luckier when I'm n**...."
She strips down and rolls the dice. When she sees the dice she jumps for joy screaming "I won! I won!" She hugs the dealers, takes her winnings and leaves.
Finally, one of the dealers asks, "What did she roll?" The other says, "I thought you were watching!"
It goes to show: Not all blondes are dumb, but men will always be men.

Three men die, and go to the pearly gates...

St. Peter walks up to the firsts, and he says: "You have lived a good life, but you have cheated on your wife many times. Confess here before your friends, and you will be allowed into heaven."
The man says: "I slept with a different woman every week of my ten-year marriage. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a bicycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The second man says:"I was married for five years, and I slept with a different woman as a lover each year. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a motorcycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The third man says: "I was married for a month, and stayed faithful throughout. Then my wife died, so I committed s**... so I may be with her."
St. Peter tells him: "I know. Follow me." He then leads him to a helicopter, and tells him to enjoy the ride. The man soon enough passes the other two men, who see him land a short distance away. They eventually catch up to him, and see he is crying.
The first two men ask him: "Why are you crying? You have no sins to atone for!"
The third says: "I just saw my wife... She was skateboarding."

A Frenchman, a Jew and a p**...

A Frenchman, a Jew and a p**... are each sentenced to thirty years in prison. Each man is given one request that will be honored by the jail warden.
A woman, asks the Frenchman.
A telephone, says the Jew.
A cigarette, says the p**....
Thirty years later the Frenchman walks out with the woman and ten kids.
The Jew strolls out carrying a ten thousand dollar commission he has made during the time.
The p**... walks out and says, Has anyone got a match?

A large group of Russian soldiers...

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russians."
Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The calm Finnish voice calls out again: "One Finn is better than one thousand Russians!"
The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought.... Then silence.
Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander,
"Don't send any more's a trap. There are two of them."

A business owner is interviewing an attractive young lady...

A business owner is interviewing to hire a bookkeeper, and in walks an attractive young lady. To make sure that she understands money and math, he asks her "If I were to give you ten thousand dollars, minus 15%, how much would you take off?"

She thinks a moment and answers "Everything but my earrings!"

The bidding was proceeding furiously when the Head Auctioneer suddenly announced, A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing ten thousand dollars.

If returned, he has agreed to pay a reward of two thousand dollars!
There was a moment's silence in the auction house and from the back of the room came a shout, Two thousand five hundred!

Three racehorses were standing in a field.

One says, you know, I've won ten races in my life.
And I've won twenty races! Brags the second horse.
The third horse is much older then them both. He says, That's nothing! I've won fifty races!
Suddenly they all hear laughing, and they turn their heads to see a greyhound trotting through the field.
Amateurs! The dog laughs. I've been in a thousand races, and I've won all of them!
The horses are all shocked. As the dog strolls past them, they stare in silence. Then the old horse says, Holy s**...! a talking dog!

I saw a crippled man in a wheelchair at a gas station once.

He bought a couple of scratch off lottery tickets, scratched the surface with his coin, and shouted with glee, I won ten thousand dollars! . Well I was broke, and I needed gas money to get to my shift at work. I asked the crippled man, excuse me sir? Is there any possible way I could have ten dollars, just to put into my gas tank so I can get to work? The crippled man stared deeply at me and said, you can have your ten dollars when you pry them from my cold dead hands.
And that's the story of how I got ten thousand dollars.

Man with half an orange for a head

A guy walks into a bar. Half of his head is a giant orange. The bartender goes, "OH MY GOD, YOUR HEAD IS A GIANT ORANGE!"
Out of his half-mouth, the guy says, "Yeah, yeah, I know. Pour me a shot and I'll explain."
Confused, the bartender pours the guy a shot. The guy downs it and asks for another, then begins his story:
"When I was a young man I travelled the world: Egypt, China, Arabia, everywhere. One day I found a magic lamp and a genie granted me 3 wishes.
'Really?' I said. 'Anything?'
'Anything,' said the genie.
'Okay,' I said. 'First wish... I wish I had a wallet that always had a thousand dollars in it.'
'Granted,' said the genie."
"Wait, wait," interrupts the bartender. "You don't expect me to believe that?"
"Are you kidding? My head's a fucking orange!" snaps the man with the orange head. But just to prove it, he pulls out a worn wallet and slaps ten $100 notes on the bar. The bartender shuts up and the guy with the orange head continues.
"For my second wish, I asked to be irresistible to women."
"Bullshit," says the bartender.
The guy looks across the bar at a beautiful woman he's never met and says, "Hey, baby, want to go home with me tonight?"
The woman squeals with delight, nods, rushes over, buys him a drink, and hangs off him lovingly. She doesn't even seem to notice that half of his head is a piece of fruit. Awed, the bartender pours another round, and asks in a hushed voice, "So... your face... your head... the third wish?"
The man nods and downs another shot of whiskey.
"What happened?" whispered the bartender, leaning forward.
"For my third wish..." whispers the man. "...I wished... that half of my head... were a giant orange."

A sociopathic egomaniac...

A sociopathic egomaniac authoritarian leader accused of causing the deaths of tens of thousands is brain dead. Meanwhile in North Korea, Kim Jong Un is reported to be in critical condition.

Police arrested a bank robber

To conceal evidence of his crime, the robber had swallowed over ten thousand dollars in unmarked bills.
Doctors are monitoring him closely but right now no change is expected.

One man. One dream. One crazy summer. Three wizards. Fourteen cobras. Ten thousand condoms...

...have nothing to do with each other, I'm just listing things.

If only we had more mosquito nets in Africa..

We could prevent tens of thousands of mosquitos from dying needlessly of AIDS each year.

I'm about to write a Ten Thousand Dollar Essay

I'm going to Title it, "Financial Aid Assitance"

Men and h**...

Why do men always pick the h**... that costs tens of thousands of dollars over the far sexier h**... which costs two dollars?
Because prostitution is looked down upon.

My girlfriend asked me how much we would spend at our wedding.

Me: I don't want to spend very much.
Her: I want it to be a ten thousand dollar wedding.
Me: Okay, so you, can do that then.

One Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet

During winter war soviet general hears someone shouting from wood - "One finnish soldier is better than ten soviet". Angry general sends ten man to deal with annoying Fin. After short period of shots and dying soviets screams, comes another shout - "One finnish soldier is better than hundred soviet". General sends hundred soldier and again none of them comes back. Then general hears third shout - "One finnish soldier is better than thousand soviets". Furious general sends thousand man to deal with him. This time one of his soldiers manage to survive and reports to general - "Sir, please don't send more our troops, it's a trap, there's two of them".