Tennessee Jokes

What are some Tennessee jokes?

If a man and a woman get married in Tennessee then move to Texas and get divorced…

Are they still brother and sister?

What has 3 teeth and 100 legs

An unemployment line in Tennessee.

You know what's better than Tennessee?

Elevennessee.

What did Tennessee?

Same thing Arkansas

Pentagon Contract

A contractor arrives home from Washington, D.C. and proudly tells his wife that he's gotten the contract to fix a cracked walkway into the Pentagon.

Two other contractors showed up to bid on the job, he explained to her. One was from Minnesota, the other from Tennessee. All three of us went to the Pentagon with an official to examine the cracked walkway.

The Minnesota contractor took out a tape measure, did some measuring, then worked some figures with a pencil.

'Well,' he said, 'I can do the job for about $9,000: $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew, and $1,000 for me.'

The Pentagon official told him to write up his bid and send it in for consideration.

The Tennessee contractor then did the same, measuring and figuring, and then he said, 'I can do this job for $7,000. $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew, and $1,000 for me.'

The Pentagon official told him to write up his bid and send it in for consideration.

I didn't measure anything. I just pulled the Pentagon official aside and whispered, I can do the job for $27,000.

The official was incredulous and said, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such an incredibly high figure?'

I whispered, '$10,000 for you, $10, 000 for me, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the walkway.

Dear Abby

My name is Gloria Mae and I'm from Tennessee. I'm 14 years old and am still a virgin.

Is my brother gay?

Government contracts

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.
One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how our government operates.

Hey girl, are you from Tennessee?

Because your teeth are missing.

What do hurricanes and a Tennessee divorce have in common?

Someone's gonna lose a trailer.

Poetry Contest

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a red-neck from Southeast Tennessee A & M. The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu". The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started, he jumped up and recited the following poem:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination Timbuktu.

The audience went wild!! How, they wondered could the red neck top that?! The clock started again and the red neck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:

Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They were three, we was two,
So, I bucked one and Timbuktu.

When I was young man I met a girl in Tennessee turned out she was a moonshiners daughter. That was a long time ago..

But I love her still.

If you marry a woman in Tennessee, but divorce her in Kentucky...

... is she still your sister?

Tennessee man accused of dipping testicles in customers salsa.

I'm sure Jerry Lee Lewis wrote a song about that.

Hey girl, are you from Tennessee?

Cause you look like your parents were siblings.

A man in Tennessee was arrested for attempting to have sex with an ATM.

Even worse, he received a penalty for early withdrawal.

Tennessee Joke

Two guys are hunting in the woods one day and they get to arguing about a set of tracks they had spotted, "Them is deer tracks," one says. The other, "No them's bear tracks!" Back and forth for about an hour... Then they get hit by the train.

My mom, who lives in Tennessee, always complains to me about all the chiggers there.

I was not aware there were any black Chinese.

What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkensaw.

Hey girl are you from Tennessee?

Because I was wondering if you'd still be interested in me if I wasn't your cousin

How are a Texas Tornado and a Tennessee Divorce the same?

Someone's going to loose a trailer

Hey baby, are you from Tennessee?

Cause you look extremely inbred

Some people don't know which American state puns are terrible, and which ones good.

I Tennessee the difference, though.

Why is a toothbrush called a TOOTHbrush and not a TEETHbrush?

It was invented in Tennessee

A man from Tennessee takes his daughter to the doctor and tells the doctor his daughter need birth control.

The doctor asks, "How old is she?"

He replies, "15."

"And she's sexually active," the doctor asks.

The man replies, "Naw, she just lays there like her mother."

A feller from Arkansas went to Tennessee.

While he was there he met a girl and they fell in love. Eventually they got married and went on their honeymoon. They are about to do the deed when she tells him she is a virgin, that she has saved herself for him. He gets flustered and doesn't know what to do, so he gets up and goes back home to ask his parents what to do. After explaining about his new bride being a virgin, his father says, "You done right. If she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for you!"

Why are murders so hard to solve in Tennessee?

Because there are no dental records and the DNA is all the same.

How are tornados and a Tennessee divorce alike?

In either one, someone's going to lose a trailer home.

Anyone wanna road trip to Tennessee?

I hear Gatlinburg is pretty lit

Serena Williams' nickname should be...

Tennessee Williams

There's a reason they call it "March Madness".

A Duke fan, a Kentucky fan, and a Tennessee fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves their team the most.

The Tennessee fan insists that he is the most loyal and then yells This is for the Vols! and jumps off the mountain.

Not to be outdone, the UK fan next professes his love for his team. He screams This is for the Cats! and pushes the Duke fan off the mountain.

Hey girl, are you from Tennessee?

Because you're on fire right now.

Most people in Tennessee don't think climate change is real..

But it's not really an educated opinion. Think about it, most labs here have the word meth in front of it.

What do MLK, Elvis, and the Houston Oilers have in common?

They all died in Tennessee

Are you from Tennessee?

Because you look like an inbred redneck.

FAA study of black boxes found in domestic US, fatal, small airplane crashes shows 98% say "may day"

remaining 2% are pilots from Tennessee who say, "hey good buddy, hold my beer and watch this"

Two Flordia football players have been suspended for Saturday's game vs. Tennessee for refusing to take a urine test...

I guess you might say urine or your out.

Pick up lines

Are you from Tennessee because you are the only ten I see

My friends are real jerks. I was excited to text that I landed a full scholarship to the Southern Tennessee Forensics University

And they all wrote back STFU.

The 100 MPH Goat

*(I live in Tennessee. No offense to rednecks everywhere else...)*

Two Tennessee rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.

The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is."

The second hunter says, "I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

The first hunter says, "There's this old pickup transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see."

So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole.

As they stand there listening and looking over the edge, they hear a rustling in the brush behind them.

They turn around to see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole and with no hesitation, jump in head first.

While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.

"Say there," says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"

The first hunter says, "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"

The old farmer said, "That's impossible. I had him chained to a transmission!"

How to make Tennessee jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Tennessee to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Tennessee? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Tennessee pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes