tennessee Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious tennessee puns

If a man and a woman get married in Tennessee then move to Texas and get divorced…

Are they still brother and sister?

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What has 3 teeth and 100 legs

An unemployment line in Tennessee.

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You know what's better than Tennessee?

Elevennessee.

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What did Tennessee?

Same thing Arkansas

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Pentagon Contract

A contractor arrives home from Washington, D.C. and proudly tells his wife that he's gotten the contract to fix a cracked walkway into the Pentagon.

Two other contractors showed up to bid on the job, he explained to her. One was from Minnesota, the other from Tennessee. All three of us went to the Pentagon with an official to examine the cracked walkway.

The Minnesota contractor took out a tape measure, did some measuring, then worked some figures with a pencil.

'Well,' he said, 'I can do the job for about $9,000: $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew, and $1,000 for me.'

The Pentagon official told him to write up his bid and send it in for consideration.

The Tennessee contractor then did the same, measuring and figuring, and then he said, 'I can do this job for $7,000. $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew, and $1,000 for me.'

The Pentagon official told him to write up his bid and send it in for consideration.

I didn't measure anything. I just pulled the Pentagon official aside and whispered, I can do the job for $27,000.

The official was incredulous and said, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such an incredibly high figure?'

I whispered, '$10,000 for you, $10, 000 for me, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the walkway.

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Dear Abby

My name is Gloria Mae and I'm from Tennessee. I'm 14 years old and am still a virgin.

Is my brother gay?

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Government contracts

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.
One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how our government operates.

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Hey girl, are you from Tennessee?

Because your teeth are missing.

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I was walking through Tennessee.

I was walking through Tennessee, and I came upon a cabin. There was a man sitting on the porch with a big bottle in front of him. He called over to me, "Hey boy, get over here." Pointing to the bottle, he asked, "You know what this is?" "I don't know." "It's moonshine you idiot. Why don't you take a drink?" "No thanks" I said. All of a sudden he pulled out a pistol and pointed it at me. "If you don't take a drink, I'll blow your balls off!" Terrified, I took a drink. It was the worst thing I ever tasted. It burned going down, I though I was immediately going to die or throw up. "Good stuff, aint it?" He said. Then he handed me the pistol. "Now you point that gun at me so I can take a drink."

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What do hurricanes and a Tennessee divorce have in common?

Someone's gonna lose a trailer.

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Poetry Contest

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a red-neck from Southeast Tennessee A & M. The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu". The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started, he jumped up and recited the following poem:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination Timbuktu.

The audience went wild!! How, they wondered could the red neck top that?! The clock started again and the red neck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:

Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They were three, we was two,
So, I bucked one and Timbuktu.

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When I was young man I met a girl in Tennessee turned out she was a moonshiners daughter. That was a long time ago..

But I love her still.

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If you marry a woman in Tennessee, but divorce her in Kentucky...

... is she still your sister?

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Hey girl, are you from Tennessee?

Cause you look like your parents were siblings.

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A man in Tennessee was arrested for attempting to have sex with an ATM.

Even worse, he received a penalty for early withdrawal.

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Tennessee Joke

Two guys are hunting in the woods one day and they get to arguing about a set of tracks they had spotted, "Them is deer tracks," one says. The other, "No them's bear tracks!" Back and forth for about an hour... Then they get hit by the train.

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What's a Tennessee tornado and a Texas divorce have in common?

Someone's gonna lose a trailer.

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Hey girl are you from Tennessee?

Because I was wondering if you'd still be interested in me if I wasn't your cousin

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My mom, who lives in Tennessee, always complains to me about all the chiggers there.

I was not aware there were any black Chinese.

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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkensaw.

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How are a Texas Tornado and a Tennessee Divorce the same?

Someone's going to loose a trailer

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Some people don't know which American state puns are terrible, and which ones good.

I Tennessee the difference, though.

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Hey baby, are you from Tennessee?

Cause you look extremely inbred

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Why is a toothbrush called a TOOTHbrush and not a TEETHbrush?

It was invented in Tennessee

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A man from Tennessee takes his daughter to the doctor and tells the doctor his daughter need birth control.

The doctor asks, "How old is she?"

He replies, "15."

"And she's sexually active," the doctor asks.

The man replies, "Naw, she just lays there like her mother."

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How are tornados and a Tennessee divorce alike?

In either one, someone's going to lose a trailer home.

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How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?

Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

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A feller from Arkansas went to Tennessee.

While he was there he met a girl and they fell in love. Eventually they got married and went on their honeymoon. They are about to do the deed when she tells him she is a virgin, that she has saved herself for him. He gets flustered and doesn't know what to do, so he gets up and goes back home to ask his parents what to do. After explaining about his new bride being a virgin, his father says, "You done right. If she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for you!"

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Why are murders so hard to solve in Tennessee?

Because there are no dental records and the DNA is all the same.

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Serena Williams' nickname should be...

Tennessee Williams

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Anyone wanna road trip to Tennessee?

I hear Gatlinburg is pretty lit

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Hey girl, are you from Tennessee?

Because you're on fire right now.

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Most people in Tennessee don't think climate change is real..

But it's not really an educated opinion. Think about it, most labs here have the word meth in front of it.

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Damn girl are you from Tennessee?!

Because I was wondering if you'd still be interested in me if I wasn't your cousin

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FAA study of black boxes found in domestic US, fatal, small airplane crashes shows 98% say "may day"

remaining 2% are pilots from Tennessee who say, "hey good buddy, hold my beer and watch this"

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What are the most funny Tennessee jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Tennessee? Well, here are the best Tennessee dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Tennessee pick up lines to share with friends.

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