Tender Jokes
151 tender jokes and hilarious tender puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tender that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Tender Short Jokes
Short tender jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tender humour may include short sensitive jokes also.
- I think the Rainforest Cafe takes the whole rainforest theme too far. This one time I was sitting there eating my chicken tenders and they bulldozed 40% of the restaurant.
- helium walks into a bar. The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gases." He doesn't react.
- A black man with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar... The bar tender suprised says "Huh, where'd you get him?"
"Africa" said the parrot - A black dude walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bar tender goes "Awesome, Where'd you get that?"
The parrot replies "Africa, there's thousands of them there." - You ever go to pay cash, but the cashier has already handed you the card machine? I'm like... "Did you just assume my tender?"
- A termite walks into a bar... He waits and waits and nobody appears. He turns to a termite next to him and asks him, "Hey, is the bar tender here?". The second termite says, "Yeah. It's okay".
- I saw a single set of footprints in the sand... "Lord," I asked, "why is there but one set of footprints in the sand?"
"My child," he tenderly replied, "Those are Chris Christie's." - The bar tender said sorry we don't serve time travelers here … A time traveler walked into a bar.
- A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar The bar tender looks at him for a few seconds and finally says " alright, you can stay..just don't start anything"
- A lawyer, a spy, a money launderer, and a mob boss walk into a bar. The bar tender looks up and says, "you must be here to talk about adoption".
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Tender One Liners
Which tender one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tender? I can suggest the ones about delicate and tense.
- A termite walks into a pub and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
- What do you call a person that takes care of chickens? A Chicken Tender.
- A termite walks into a bar and yells.... Hey! Is the bar tender here?
- People who keep and look after chickens... ...are literally chicken tenders.
- "Cash or Debit?" "Did you just assume my tender?!"
- What do you call a chicken who works at a bar? A chicken tender
- A toothless termite walked into a pub and asked... "Is the bar tender here?"
- People who take care of chickens.... ... are literally just chicken tenders!
- What do you call someone who looks after hens? A chicken tender.
- A straw man walks into a bar Bar tender asks "Why do you hate liquor stores?"
- What do you call someone who takes care of chickens? A chicken tender.
- A toothless termite.. Walks into a bar and hollars ," Hey, where's the bar tender?!"
- How do you pay a bartender? With bar tender.
- I like my Jesus like I like my chicken strips... Tender and mild
- What do you call a chicken doctor? A chicken tender.
Bar Tender Jokes
Here is a list of funny bar tender jokes and even better bar tender puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So, two yogurts walk into a bar The bar tender says "hey, what do you think you're doing? We don't serve you here!"
And the Yogurts respond "Why? We're two cultured individuals." - A pony goes into a bar, and the bar tender asks him why the long face? I didn't make it into the men's choir.
Well, you are a little horse. - A joke my Grandmother told me today. So a termite walks into a bar. He sits down on one of the stools and asks the man behind the counter Is the bar tender here?
- A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel for a belt buckle Bar tender says "I like the belt buckle"
Pirate replies "Arrgh, it's drivin me nuts" - If Moe the bartender ever figures out who was prank calling him he'd go from Bar Tender to Bart Ender
- Lol A priest, rabbit, and Minister walk into a bar. The bar tender says to the rabbit what will you have? The rabbit says "I don't know, I think I'm only here because of autocorrect ".
- A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck... Bar tender looks at him and says, "I guess I'll let you hang out but you better not start anything."
- A woodpecker with a sore beak walks into a bar and asks "Where's the bar tender?"
- I bet my buddy a beer I could make the bar tender laugh with one of my 10 best jokes. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
- A man walks into a bar holding a piece of asphalt He says to the bar tender: I want two drinks, one for me right now and one for the road.
Legal Tender Jokes
Here is a list of funny legal tender jokes and even better legal tender puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you know that chicken strips are a new form of currency in some areas? They're considered legal tender
- I once tried to pay for something with an 18-year-old piece of chicken. When the cashier said, "sir, we can't accept this",
I said, "why? It's legal tender." - What do you call a gentle loving lawyer? Legal Tender
- What does the yen and a thirteen year old have in common? In Japan, they're both legal tender.
- What is chicken used as currency called? Legal tender
- Paying for things with hugs Because it's legal tender.
- Nintendo recently acquired a printing press Word is, they're using it to create legal Nin-tender
- How did the steak chef at the courthouse like his paycheck? In legal tender
- I put my USDA inspected chicken s**... in my wallet. Now my legal tender is safe.
- Why is it i**... to burn money to a crisp? Cuz then it wouldn't be legal...*tender*
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Tender Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about tender you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean touchy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tender pranks.
Tender touching
A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great s**..., she spent the next hour just rubbing his t**... -- something she loved to do.
"That feels so nice" he said. Then turned and asked her, "You seem to love doing that, but why?"
Because, she replied, "I miss mine."
A pirate walks into a bar
with a steering wheel hanging from the front of his belt. The bar tender said, "Hey buddy, you have a steering wheel tied to your pants". To which the pirate replied, "Arr, I know. It's drivin' me nuts!"
A pirate walks into a bar
The bar tender notices that he has a ships wheel sticking out of the front of his pants, he asks "doesn't that bother you". And the pirate says "arrrr it's drivin me nuts"
A couple went out to eat ...
A couple went out to eat at a nice restaurant. The waiter came over to give them the specials of the night, "For our main courses, we have a nice roasted Salmon with a Cranberry-Mustard sauce or a tender Chicken fried steak." The lady replied that she'd have the salmon.
The waiter said, "Very good, madam. What about the vegetable?"
She said, "Oh, I'm sure he'll just order the Chicken Fried Steak."
René Descartes walks into a bar
The bar tender asks him if he wants a drink, he says "I think not." He then disappears.
What is the most affectionate type of chicken?
The tender ones (Badum Tss)
An Irish man is sitting in a bar drinking
A flamboyantly gay man comes up to him and asks, "Can I give you a b**...?"
The Irishman stands up and punches the gay man.
The bar tender comes over and asks, "Why did you hit that guy?"
The Irish man replied, "He said somethin' about me gettin' a job"
Saw this one on the gas nozzle at my petrol station today...
*What did the Termite say when he walked into the bar?*
"Is the bar tender here?"
A guy walks into a bar with a bit of asphalt.
He walks up to the bar tender and says 'I'll have a beer and one for the road'.
A vampire walks into a bar
This vampire walks into a bar. Says ooOOOooOOOooo boogity boogity. Bar tender says "Alright, well what'll you have?" Vampire sits down and says can I get a big glass of hot water?" Bartender goes, gets a giant cup of boiling water and says "Here. I thought you guys needed blood or something like that though, why hot water?" Vampire reaches into his coat pocket, pulls out this giant t**... and says "I'm making tea."
A misunderstanding
A girl is driving down the highway listening to the radio when a song comes on that she really, really likes. The DJ says the name of that song was "Hot lips and tender kisses." The girl says to herself I've got to buy that record. She pulls over and looks up the phone number for the nearest record store. She dials the number but makes a mistake while dialing and instead of calling a record store she has called an auto mechanic. The phone rings and the mechanic picks up the phone. The girl says, excitedly, "Do you have hot lips and tender kisses?" The mechanic is a little confused, but responds, "No, but I've got hot pants and seven inches." The girl responds, "Is that a record?" The mechanic says, "No, but it's better than average."
So a pirate walks into a bar...
So a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants..
Bar Tender: "hi sir, um.. you know you have a steering wheel in your pants right?"
Pirate: "Aye! it's driving me nuts!"
A termite walks into a pub...
... and asks everyone "Is the bar tender here?"
"Yes!" they said.
So, the termite began eating.
...
This is one of my grandfather's favorite jokes, I will try to remember the rest of them and post them here.
What do you call someone who raises poultry?
A chicken tender.
Another Hot Day
Two friends walk into a bar after a jog around the lake. The first of the two goes up to the bar tender and asks "Bar tender! May I have a bottle of H20?" And then the bar tender slides over a bottle of H2O that he then enjoyed. The next man asks "Bar tender! May I have a bottle of H20 too?" He died.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first asks, "1 beer please!"
The second asks, "1/2 beer please!"
The third asks, "1/4 beer please!"
The fourth asks, "1/8 beer please!"
And so on. Eventually, the bar tender gets very angry, and slams 2 beers on the counter yelling,
"You mathematicians just don't know your limits!"
A string walks into a bar...
The tender goes j**..., we don't serve strings here.'
The string leaves the bar and twists and pulls and deforms himself, ruffles his hair a bit and struts back in, incognito.
The tender goes 'Hey, aren't you that string I just kicked out?'
The string answers, 'Frayed knot.'
The three wise men find Baby Jesus in the desert and eat him...
one asks the others "how is your Holy Infant?"
Between bites he says "Tender, Mild."
Getting drunk
at the bar the other night when the bar tender yelled out "Does anyone here know CPR?" I was feeling pretty good so i yelled back "I do, in fact i know the whole alphabet!" Everybody in the entire bar laughed..........except for o**....
A toothless b**... walks into a pub and asks...
...is the bar tender here?
Joke my scinence teacher dropped on us
A lithium atom walked into a bar and said
"Hey I think I left some electrons in here last night, have you seen any?"
The bar tender replied, "No, are you sure you lost them?"
The lithium atom replied "Yes I'm positive..."
Why did the penny go to a masseuse?
He was a little tender.
A polar bear walks in to a bar...
He sits down and the bar tender asks what he would like.
The polar bear says: " I'll have a..."
...
...
...
Bartender says: "a Burger?"
PB: ...
...
...
...
BT: "Some wings?"
PB: ...
...
...
PB: "a beer".
The bartender asks "why the long pause?'
The polar bear raises his arms and says "I was born with them"
Parrot
A black guy walks in to a bar with a parrot on his shoulder the bar tender asks " he's beautiful where did you get him"
the parrot squaks " Africa theres plenty of them"
Four gay guys are headed to happy hour
When they get to the bar there is only one stool. They're about to leave to find a less crowded bar where they can sit and relax when the bar tender puts up his finger for them to wait, runs around the bar and flips over the stool.
What do you use to buy drinks?
Bar tender
Man walks into a bar where DMX is the bar tender and orders a double entendre...
And X *gives it to him*
A man and his Giraffe walk into a bar
So a man and a Giraffe walk into a bar, they stroll up to the bar and order a few drinks. Now after about an hour the Giraffe who has had far too much passes out, the man seeing this pays his tab and gets up to leave and the bar tender shouts: "Oi! You can't leave that lyin' there!" To which the man replys:
"That's not a Lion it's a Giraffe"
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of his zipper...
He sets up at the bar and orders a drink. The bar tender says, "whooaa whoaaa, before I serve you a drink, whats up with the steering wheel coming out of your zipper?" The pirate just says, "yaarrg its drivin' me nuts"
A frustrated doctor walks into a bar
The bar tender asks, why are you fuming
The doctor responds,"I DONT HAVE ENOUGH PATIENCE"
A three legged dog from the wild west walks into a bar and looks around
The bar tender looks a him and says "who are you looking for?"
to witch the dog replies "I'm looking for the guy who shot my paw"
what do goats and humans have in common?
Their kids are nice and tender.
A man walks into a bar and orders twelve shots of whiskey.
"Ok, says the bar tender, but that's quite a few shots. Can I ask why?"
"Well, it's because of my first b**...", replies the man.
"In that case, let's add one more on the house." says the bar tender.
"Thanks, but no thanks, if twelve can't get the taste out of my mouth, a thirteenth ain't going to help."
So i was at this bar
And the bar tender yelled "Does anyone know CPR!?" I yelled back "Yeah I do, and I know the rest of the alphabet too!" Everybody in the bar laughed....Except o**....
A pirate walks into a bar..
With a wheel on his c**.... The bar tender says
"Aye, what's with the wheel?"
Pirate says "arrrrrghhhhhh, it be driving me nuts"
I'm creating a new dating app for chefs!
It's called Tender! swipe right to keep cooking or swipe left to leave raw
So a ham and cheese sandwich walks into a bar
And the bar tender says "Sorry mate, we don't serve food"
What happens when you get a chicken nugget hard?
You get a chicken tender.
I like my Holy Infants the way I like my chicken wings..,
Tender and mild.
What do you call the worker on a farm who takes care of the chickens?
The chicken tender
What did the toothless termite ask when he went to the pub?
"Is the bar tender here?"
Lady of my dreams
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:
1. The tender one
2. The amazing one
3. Lady of my dreams
She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.
Then she called the second number on which his sister replied .
When she dialed the third number her own phone rang !!!!
She cried until she could cry no more because she had doubted her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole month's paycheck to make up for her doubts and mistrust.
Once his mother came to know of the story, she sold all her jewelery and gave him the money as well.
Husband took the money and bought a gift for his mistress who listed under "Plumber John".
What did the butcher say when kicked in the g**...?
I've got some tender l**...
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one to enter asked for a pint of whatever's on tap.
The second, third, fourth, and so on all the way to the infinite subsequent patron to enter said "I'll have half of what he's having", pointing to the person who came before him.
The bar tender responded "you're all idiots!" and poured two pints.
If you work on a farm
And tend to chickens...
Are you a chicken tender?
A s**..., a m**..., and a Chick walk into a bar.
The s**... says, "Une tequila por favor."
The bar tender gives it to him.
The m**... says "Ah'll 'ave a pint o' Guinness."
The Chick says "Tweet tweet."
I have an idea for a chain of elvis presley steak houses.
It will be for people who love meat tender.
A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel between his legs...
The bar tender asks him "Mate why do you have a steering wheel between your legs?" The man replies "I have no idea, but it is driving me nuts".
So a horse walks into a bar . . .
And the bar tender says "Hey."
The horse says "Yes."
A Mathematician an Economist and an Account are at a bar
The bar tender asks them what 2+2 is. The Mathematician says it is 4. The economist says it depends on how the supply and demand curves are at the time but generally it is 4. The accountant puts down his beer, looks the bar tender in the eye and asks what do you want it to be?
Alan and Philip sit down at the bar
Bar tender asks what can I get you tools?
A guy walks into a bar....
Asks the bar tender for a shot of whiskey, v**... and brandy.
Nails the three shots and proceeds to say "I shouldn't have done that with what I've got! "
The bar tender replies "why, what have you got?"
"One pound" the man replies....
A Spanish photon walks into a bar
The bar tender asks "what'll it be?" And the photon replies "una cerveza por favor." The bartender gives him a beer and come backs a few minutes later to find it finished. He asks: "want another?" To which the photon replies "Ay, no mas!"
My wife and I had our first baby last night.
It was really tender, but you've gotta watch out for all the little bones.
What do you call a farmer who looks after his chickens?
A chicken tender
A man walks into a bar...
As he steps in the tender noticed a big gorilla on his shoulder. Clearly taken aback he asks, Whoa man! Where'd you get that thing? To which the ape says, oh I just brought him in from outside for a drink.
I used to be a cashier at a gas station on the Canadian border.
I would always ask what currency people would be paying with, but I stopped after a woman screamed at me for assuming her tender.
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him.
At first, I thought he was an overemotional s**..., then I remembered: He's still in prison.
What did the cannibal chief say about eating one of his villagers?
Nothing, it was a very tender subject.
A piece of string walks into a bar
The bar tender says sorry we don't serve you kind round here
The string leaves, twists himself up, parts his hair and walks back into the bar,
The bartender says sorry aren't you the same guy from before
The string replies I'm a frayed knot
A b**... goes into a bar
A b**... goes into a bar,sees a mans standing behind the bar and asks,"is the bar tender here."
