Tender Jokes
149 tender jokes and hilarious tender puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tender that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Tender Short Jokes
Short tender jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tender humour may include short sensitive jokes also.
- I think the Rainforest Cafe takes the whole rainforest theme too far. This one time I was sitting there eating my chicken tenders and they bulldozed 40% of the restaurant.
- helium walks into a bar. The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gases." He doesn't react.
- You ever go to pay cash, but the cashier has already handed you the card machine? I'm like... "Did you just assume my tender?"
- I saw a single set of footprints in the sand... "Lord," I asked, "why is there but one set of footprints in the sand?"
"My child," he tenderly replied, "Those are Chris Christie's." - The bar tender said sorry we don't serve time travelers here … A time traveler walked into a bar.
- A lawyer, a spy, a money launderer, and a mob boss walk into a bar. The bar tender looks up and says, "you must be here to talk about adoption".
- I used to be a cashier at a gas station on the Canadian border. I would always ask what currency people would be paying with, but I stopped after a woman screamed at me for assuming her tender.
- So, two yogurts walk into a bar The bar tender says "hey, what do you think you're doing? We don't serve you here!"
And the Yogurts respond "Why? We're two cultured individuals." - A pony goes into a bar, and the bar tender asks him why the long face? I didn't make it into the men's choir.
Well, you are a little horse. - A joke my Grandmother told me today. So a termite walks into a bar. He sits down on one of the stools and asks the man behind the counter Is the bar tender here?
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Tender One Liners
Which tender one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tender? I can suggest the ones about delicate and tense.
- A termite walks into a pub and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
- What do you call a person that takes care of chickens? A Chicken Tender.
- "Cash or Debit?" "Did you just assume my tender?!"
- A straw man walks into a bar Bar tender asks "Why do you hate liquor stores?"
- A toothless termite.. Walks into a bar and hollars ," Hey, where's the bar tender?!"
- How do you pay a bartender? With bar tender.
- I like my Jesus like I like my chicken strips... Tender and mild
- A woodpecker with a sore beak walks into a bar and asks "Where's the bar tender?"
- What do you call chicken strips served at a bar? Bar Tenders.
- What do you call chicken nugget's served in a pub? Bar-tenders
- I like my Holy Infants the way I like my chicken wings.., Tender and mild.
- what do goats and humans have in common? Their kids are nice and tender.
- What is a carnivore's favorite Elvis song? Love Meat Tender
- Alan and Philip sit down at the bar Bar tender asks what can I get you tools?
- I never knew why they called them chicken tenders Until I let one caress my face.
Bar Tender Jokes
Here is a list of funny bar tender jokes and even better bar tender puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If Moe the bartender ever figures out who was prank calling him he'd go from Bar Tender to Bart Ender
- I bet my buddy a beer I could make the bar tender laugh with one of my 10 best jokes. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
- What do you use to buy drinks? Bar tender
- What did the toothless termite said when he entered a bar ? Is bar-tender in here ....😂
- A frustrated doctor walks into a bar The bar tender asks, why are you fuming
The doctor responds,"I DONT HAVE ENOUGH PATIENCE" - Man walks into a bar where DMX is the bar tender and orders a double entendre... And X *gives it to him*
- What does a bar and chickfila have in common? They both have tenders.
- What did the alcoholic Dad, away on business, say to the bartender at the hotel bar? I'm ready to partiem with my perdiem
*sorry, not a dad, and the bar tender didn't laugh either - A narcissist, a psychiatrist and an alcoholic walk into a bar The waitress turns to the bar tender and asks, "Does he always come in alone?"
- A man walks into a bar and orders some tea The bar tender says "Good thing because we don't have any S or U, but we sure have some good T!"
Legal Tender Jokes
Here is a list of funny legal tender jokes and even better legal tender puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you know that chicken strips are a new form of currency in some areas? They're considered legal tender
- I once tried to pay for something with an 18-year-old piece of chicken. When the cashier said, "sir, we can't accept this",
I said, "why? It's legal tender." - What do you call a gentle loving lawyer? Legal Tender
- What does the yen and a thirteen year old have in common? In Japan, they're both legal tender.
- What is chicken used as currency called? Legal tender
- Paying for things with hugs Because it's legal tender.
- Nintendo recently acquired a printing press Word is, they're using it to create legal Nin-tender
- How did the steak chef at the courthouse like his paycheck? In legal tender
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Tender Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about tender you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean touchy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tender pranks.
Did you hear about the pirate who wrote a romantic song about his rowboat?
Love me tender.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
He just wanted some grapes!
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bar tender " Hey got any grapes?" to which he replies " No this is a bar we don't have any grapes."
So the next day the duck comes back and asks " Got any grapes?" " No! We don't serve grapes at a bar." The duck leaves.
Next day the duck comes back and asks " Got any grapes?" By now the bartender is really annoyed so he says " NO! And if you come in here one more time asking for grapes I'm going to nail your beak to the bar!"
The next day the duck walks into the bar and asks " Got any nails?" " No." " Got any grapes?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tender touching
A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great s**..., she spent the next hour just rubbing his t**... -- something she loved to do.
"That feels so nice" he said. Then turned and asked her, "You seem to love doing that, but why?"
Because, she replied, "I miss mine."
Cliché: A guy is drinking in a bar.
He has quite a few drinks and the bar tender has to cut him off. The guy stumbles out of the bar very drunk. As he stumbling down the street he sees a nun passing by. Just as she is passing him he punches her square in the nose. While she is on the ground, he kicks her in the ribs several times. Then he lifts her above his head and drops her on his knee with a back breaker. He then picks her up and tosses he into a dumpster. He jumps up on the side of the dumpster and yells in, "not so tough tonight are you batman?"
A couple went out to eat ...
A couple went out to eat at a nice restaurant. The waiter came over to give them the specials of the night, "For our main courses, we have a nice roasted Salmon with a Cranberry-Mustard sauce or a tender Chicken fried steak." The lady replied that she'd have the salmon.
The waiter said, "Very good, madam. What about the vegetable?"
She said, "Oh, I'm sure he'll just order the Chicken Fried Steak."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got a good Kiwi Joke
A man walks into a bar and excitedly says to the bar tender, "Hey mate, I got a good Kiwi joke, want to hear it?
The bar tender replies, "I don't know about that bro, I'm a Kiwi"
"No, no, its a good one" the man says.
"Well Jim at the end of the bar is also a Kiwi" says the bar tender. "Those 2 bouncers on the door, they are Maoris, and those 3 guys behind you within ear shot are members of the Mongrel Mob biker gang"
"Are you sure you still want to tell it?" asks the bar tender.
The man pauses for a couple seconds and disappointingly says "No, I suppose your right, I don't want to have to explain it 4 times."
A cockroach walks into a bar...
A cockroach walks into a bar and says "Is the bar tender here?"
What is the most affectionate type of chicken?
The tender ones (Badum Tss)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Irish man is sitting in a bar drinking
A flamboyantly gay man comes up to him and asks, "Can I give you a b**...?"
The Irishman stands up and punches the gay man.
The bar tender comes over and asks, "Why did you hit that guy?"
The Irish man replied, "He said somethin' about me gettin' a job"
Drink for free
A man walks into a bar. The bartender says, How'd you like to drink for free?"
The man, obviously interested, replies, "Of course! What do I gotta do?"
The bar tender says, "See those pieces of meat hangin' from the ceiling over there? If you can reach up and give 'em a good slap without goin' up on yer toes, or jumpin', or nuthin the drinks are on the house."
The man quietly refuses. Shaking his head, he orders a beer and reaches for his wallet.
The bartender, stumped, asks the man why he won't even try.
The man curtly replies, "Sorry, but the steaks are too high."
A Pirate Walks Into a Bar!
A Pirate walks into a Bar and asks for a Whiskey. The bar tender says, "Sure OK, but first you have to tell me why you have a little man in your pants with a steering wheel!"
The Pirate responds, " Rrrr! HE'S DRIVIN' ME NUTS!"
Breaking news... Brazilian goal tender tries to kill self at halftime.
He threw himself in front of a train. It went between his legs, so he's OK, but still, he's very upset over his performance against Germany.
What's the similarity between a woman and a KFC?
Once you get past the tender breast and the juicy thigh your left with a greasy box to put your bone in.
A misunderstanding
A girl is driving down the highway listening to the radio when a song comes on that she really, really likes. The DJ says the name of that song was "Hot lips and tender kisses." The girl says to herself I've got to buy that record. She pulls over and looks up the phone number for the nearest record store. She dials the number but makes a mistake while dialing and instead of calling a record store she has called an auto mechanic. The phone rings and the mechanic picks up the phone. The girl says, excitedly, "Do you have hot lips and tender kisses?" The mechanic is a little confused, but responds, "No, but I've got hot pants and seven inches." The girl responds, "Is that a record?" The mechanic says, "No, but it's better than average."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pirate walks into a bar...
And orders a bottle of r**....
The bar tender says that will be 10 dollars.
The pirate replies, "Do you accept Barrrr Nickels???"
Two men are at a bar... (best read out loud)
Two men are at a bar with some friends. One man says to the other, who has a stutter, "hey, Mule. How agout you get us another beer?" 'Mule' nods and scurries to the bar.
He says to the tender, "an-an-ano-another round, please." The bartender raises an eyebrow, after hearing how he's treated by his friend. The tender fills up the beers and puts them on the tray.
About a half-hour later, the guy says, "Oi, Mule. How about some more booze?" Once again, Mule nods and scurries to the bar.
Before he can say a word, the bartender says, "listen, I can't help but notice how he speaks to you. Doesn't that nickname bother you at all?"
To which he replies, "He aw- he aw- he always calls me that."
Chick on tinder < chicken tender
A Muslim cannibal walks into a bar
The bar tender says, 'Wow, is it true that human meat tastes like pork?"
The Muslim says "How am I supposed to know? I'm a Muslim, I don't eat pork."
A woodworm walks into a bar...
and says, is the bar tender?
ba dum tsss
Another Hot Day
Two friends walk into a bar after a jog around the lake. The first of the two goes up to the bar tender and asks "Bar tender! May I have a bottle of H20?" And then the bar tender slides over a bottle of H2O that he then enjoyed. The next man asks "Bar tender! May I have a bottle of H20 too?" He died.
The three wise men find Baby Jesus in the desert and eat him...
one asks the others "how is your Holy Infant?"
Between bites he says "Tender, Mild."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Getting drunk
at the bar the other night when the bar tender yelled out "Does anyone here know CPR?" I was feeling pretty good so i yelled back "I do, in fact i know the whole alphabet!" Everybody in the entire bar laughed..........except for o**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A toothless b**... walks into a pub and asks...
...is the bar tender here?
Joke my scinence teacher dropped on us
A lithium atom walked into a bar and said
"Hey I think I left some electrons in here last night, have you seen any?"
The bar tender replied, "No, are you sure you lost them?"
The lithium atom replied "Yes I'm positive..."
A talking penguin walked into a bar and the bar tender said: "Hey, we don't usually get a lot of talking penguins."
And the penguin responded: "Well, no wonder - at these prices!"
Why did the penny go to a masseuse?
He was a little tender.
What was the chicken eating pirate's favorite Elvis Presley song?
Yargh! "Love Me Tender," matey!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four gay guys are headed to happy hour
When they get to the bar there is only one stool. They're about to leave to find a less crowded bar where they can sit and relax when the bar tender puts up his finger for them to wait, runs around the bar and flips over the stool.
a bartender walks into a bar
tender walks into a bar
Did you hear of that new app where people meat ?
It's called tender
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A closeted gay man, An economic illiterate, A radical feminist, A self hating white, and A communist walk into bar.
The tender asks "Will that be Molson Prime Minister?"
I'm creating a new dating app for chefs!
It's called Tender! swipe right to keep cooking or swipe left to leave raw
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was Jesus such a hol(e)y infant?
Sorry, that's my bad. I took a few bites when I heard he was tender and mild.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A duck walks into a bar...
...and asked the bar tender:
Duck: Hey, got any grapes?
Bartender: No.
The duck leaves. Next day he goes back.
Duck: Hey, got any grapes?
Bartender: No.
Duck leaves. Comes back the next day.
Duck: Hey, got any grapes!?
Bartender(slightly annoyed): No.
The duck leaves. Sure enough a day later he comes back.
Duck: Hey! Got any grapes!?
Bartender(finally has had enough): No! I don't have any grapes for you. And if you keep asking me I'm going to nail your bill to my counter.
The duck leaves. Then the next day he comes on in the bar and asks.
Duck: Hey! Got any nails?
Bartender: No.
Duck: GOT ANY GRAPES!?!?
Be careful who you talk to about veal...
It's a tender subject.
Another bar joke
So two music notes walk into a bar, the tender immediatly knew it was treble, i cant tell you the rest of the story though, i like to end it on a cleff hanger.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Cannibal Joke
Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, You know, I just can't seem to get a tender m**..., I've baked them, I have roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just can't seem to get them tender.
The second cannibal asks, What kind of m**... do you use?
The other replies, You know, the ones that hang out at the place at the bend of the lake. They have those brown cloaks with a funny ring of hair on their heads.
Aha! the second cannibal replies. No wonder – those are friars!
What kind of meat does most everyone fall for?
Tender eyes meat.
What happens when you get a chicken nugget hard?
You get a chicken tender.
White House painting tender.
Donald trump wants to paint the white house. He calls for tenders from China, Europe and India.
Chinese guy quoted 3 million U$
European guy quoted 7 million U$
Indian guy quoted 10 million U$
Trump asked chinese guy, how did you quote 3 million..?"
Chinese guy replied "1 million for paint 1 million for labour 1 million profit."
Trump asked european guy, He replied-" 3 million for paint 2 million for labour 2 million profit"
Trump asked Indian guy.. He replied."
4 million for you, 3 million for me and we will give 3 million to the chinese guy and ask him to paint..!!
Indian got the contract !
A guy walks into a bar with an alligator
The bar tender says "sir you cant have that here! it will bite one of my customers and i'll get sued"
The man replied " Its quite the tame alligator- watch"
He places the alligator on the counter, unzips his pants, and places his package in the open gators' mouth and leaves it there for about 5 min. After that time he puts his package away and says "see? Anyone else wanna give it a try?"
A drunk man at the end of the bar spoke " I'll give it a try- but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the singer eat baby cows
He preferred his meat ten(d)er
If poultry was money, would we call it "chicken tender"?
How does Mario Batali get his chicken so tender?
Marinade.
Why wouldn't the train sit down?
It had a tender behind.
The missus and I shared a tender moment today.
Thanks to our new slow cooker.
Lady of my dreams
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:
1. The tender one
2. The amazing one
3. Lady of my dreams
She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.
Then she called the second number on which his sister replied .
When she dialed the third number her own phone rang !!!!
She cried until she could cry no more because she had doubted her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole month's paycheck to make up for her doubts and mistrust.
Once his mother came to know of the story, she sold all her jewelery and gave him the money as well.
Husband took the money and bought a gift for his mistress who listed under "Plumber John".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the butcher say when kicked in the g**...?
I've got some tender l**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I put my USDA inspected chicken s**... in my wallet.
Now my legal tender is safe.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A s**..., a m**..., and a Chick walk into a bar.
The s**... says, "Une tequila por favor."
The bar tender gives it to him.
The m**... says "Ah'll 'ave a pint o' Guinness."
The Chick says "Tweet tweet."
Salvador Dali, Rene Magritte and Max Ernst walk into a bar...
...and the bar tender said, drinks are on the house.
I have an idea for a chain of elvis presley steak houses.
It will be for people who love meat tender.
A Mathematician an Economist and an Account are at a bar
The bar tender asks them what 2+2 is. The Mathematician says it is 4. The economist says it depends on how the supply and demand curves are at the time but generally it is 4. The accountant puts down his beer, looks the bar tender in the eye and asks what do you want it to be?
Isn't it wonderful seeing Prince Charles getting crowned king
At the tender young age of 127
My wife and I had our first baby last night.
It was really tender, but you've gotta watch out for all the little bones.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a bar...
He says "ouch!" the bartender says "what happened" the guy says "I walked into your bar!"
The tender comes around and see's a piece of rebar sticking out of the wall. "Yikes, here come take a seat at the bar and ill pour you a drink"... He turns around to see the man sitting on the ground beneath the rebar.
"What the heck are you doing?"
"Well im sitting at your bar d**...!"
The bartender raises his eyebrows and grabs a putty knife and a container from behind the counter, next he pushes the rebar back into the drywall and hands the guy the two things.
"Well, if you are going to sit at my bar you might as well get plastered".
Tender Moments!!!
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered with eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you were still by my side. You know what Martha?" "What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I'm beginning to think you're bad luck."
The Trump Administration is calling its concentration camps for kids under 5 Tender Age centers...
The name narrowly beat out Preblinka and Gauchowitz.
A man walks into a bar...
As he steps in the tender noticed a big gorilla on his shoulder. Clearly taken aback he asks, Whoa man! Where'd you get that thing? To which the ape says, oh I just brought him in from outside for a drink.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him.
At first, I thought he was an overemotional s**..., then I remembered: He's still in prison.
