Tend Jokes
133 tend jokes and hilarious tend puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tend that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Tend Short Jokes
Short tend jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tend humour may include short trend jokes also.
- I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
- My wife says the salad I make tend to be a bit on the dry side. It's definitely something that needs addressing.
- My girlfriend got a boob job, but I don't know how to break it to her that I find it makes her less attractive Traditionally women tend to get both done
- I shouldn't make jokes at the expense of my anti-vax neighbours so much... They tend to get offended by those hurtful little jabs
- Why did Trump refuse the debate with Bernie? Because chickens tend to run from people with a last name of Sanders.
- Some young women are like bottles of wine They need to be tended to carefully and given time to mature, which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
- My doctor said I need to cut back my sodium intake... ...but I tend to take everything he says with a grain of salt.
- Why do programmers struggle with girls? They tend to objectify them.
*I'll see myself out* - Nobody claims to like cancer when they're first diagonosed But after a while, it tends to grow on you.
- As a fat guy, I tend to avoid wearing skinny jeans. I find it very difficult to pull it off.
Share These Tend Jokes With Friends
Tend One Liners
Which tend one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tend? I can suggest the ones about tens and treat.
- Some people have a Type-A personality I tend to have a Type-O persnraltiy
- Liars tend not make eye contact, which is why I don't trust pirates half the time.
- Aeroplane jokes tend to go right over my head. But submarine jokes are beneath me.
- Why can't eggs keep secrets? Because they tend to crack under pressure
- Why don't you want to listen to a dragon's story? Because they tend to drag-on
- Why can't you trust fajitas? Because they tend to spill the beans.
- I was going to tell some rabbit jokes But people tend not to carrot all about them.
- What's the worst part about history class? Teachers tend to Babylon
- My least favorite subject in school was Ancient History. The teachers tended to Babylon
- Why are cat pirates so untrustworthy? They tend to commit mewtiny
- I only date people who love horses They tend to be a more stable relationship
- Newspapers tend to lack nuance. Everything's in Black and White.
- Why do bars tend to be the most haunted business? because they're full of booze!
- I have a buddy that tends to guess a lot... I call him my esti-mate.
- My mother said it would be impossible for me to be a bartender I tend to disagree
Cheeky Tend Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about tend you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tolerate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tend pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tender touching
A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great s**..., she spent the next hour just rubbing his t**... -- something she loved to do.
"That feels so nice" he said. Then turned and asked her, "You seem to love doing that, but why?"
Because, she replied, "I miss mine."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The worst part about working with a bunch of d**......
...is they tend to rub off on you.
Around me, girls tend to lie when they're drunk...
Especially on their back
AS SOMEONE WITH A MUSCLE DISORDER, I HOPE I NEVER...
I hope I never go to prison. I tend to drop the soap a lot...
Two guys are out on the street...
...One looked up and said, "That's the moon."
The other one responded, "No it's not, that's the sun."
They were arguing back and forth when suddenly an extraterrestrial came up to them (as they tend to do). They asked him what it was, and he replied, "I don't know. I'm not from around here."
a sociologist finally solved the mystery of why men tend to die earlier than their respective wives
they want to.
Do you know the meaning "Happy wife, happy life"?
I tend to go with "Happy wife, extended life."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't they let whales into s**... clubs?
They tend to humpback.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
women tend to make bad decisions when they're around me...
if they chose me instead it would be the best decision of their lives!
Floyd Mayweather was asked about remarks made by critics on last night's fight.
He said "I don't tend to read into things"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Welsh farmers ....
Why do Welsh farmers tend to have s**... with sheep on the edge of a cliff?
So the sheep will push back
Research shows that, on average, men tend to write longer sentences than women.
They don't get periods.
Why should you always tend sheep near a hospital?
Because at any moment they could bleet out
I can walk on water
... but I tend to stagger on beer.
The cable news networks tend to cater to different groups
Fox News is for right wings, MSNBC is for left wings, and CNN is for plane wings.
Young Forever
Nutritionists say people who eat less tend to be younger in appearance. It is true. One of my friends hadn't eaten for 10 days, he's forever 25 years old now.
A woman is like a delicate, Spring flower...
...I have really bad seasonal allergies, so I just tend to get my fix by looking at pictures of them online.
Surprises are always more fun… unless it's a baby.
They tend to startle easily, so an ill-timed surprise may actually upset them.
Why do software engineers tend to not care about trigger warnings?
They're not trigger errors.
What is similar between students with mental health issues and nurses giving vaccinations?
They both tend to shoot up schools.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People often ask why i dont shave myself, and i tend to give them a simple answer
I have better things to do than to cut myself.....
(sorry)
What's the problem with leptokurtic data sets?
They tend to be mean.
People tend to put their faith in a higher power.
But to me that's just a primitive solution.
Why does Donald Trump dislike Bernie Sanders?
Chickens tend to avoid anything with the last name "Sanders".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ever wonder why children tend to ignore their parents who underwent a s**... change op?
It's because they are trans-parent.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tend to sleep in the n**....
Which isn't a bad thing except for maybe on those long flights.
Young women in math
Tend to watch their figures.
Why do women prefer to bang UPS drivers over FedEx drivers?
FedEx drivers tend to come early.
People with dysgraphia (inability to spell) also tend to answer arithmetical problems in an unpredictable, seemingly random matter.
According to them, you can't spell "calculation" without "luck".
Why is employee scheduling so difficult to get right for a brothel?
The customers tend to come in spurts.
TIL: Studies have shown that people who annually experiance more birthdays tend to live longer.
'The more you know'
How do tacos fair in a war?
They tend to be shells of their former selves
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do monks, rabbis, and m**... priests have in common with brains?
The all tend to be found enclosed within temples.
Why do humans mainly use the decimal number system?
It's just what we tend to do
This may be a bit messed up.
If you eat one thing a lot, people tend to joke that you'll "become it".
I used to eat vegetables. Guess what I became.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How are girls and jokes alike?
They both tend to s**... more the more strung-out they get.
I a tendency
to skip words.
I have two major flaws:
1. I'm very redundant
2. I tend to repeat myself
Interviewer : This says you tend to jump to conclusions .
Me: So I'm hired?
Like a radiologist researching sausage digestion,
I tend to see the Wurst in people
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to lose weight while still eating fast food?
Buy food from England, you tend to lose a few pounds.
Did you hear about the female soldier who deserted her unit during combat to tend to her yeast infection?
She was sentenced with dishonorable discharge.
Why is the sharpener always invited to the pencil case debates?
He always makes a good point and the pencils tend to very blunt when he's not around.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Americans tend to think us Aussies are all dumb...
But atleast we get our weather information from meteorologists and not groundhogs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man moves to a new neighborhood
After a few days his neighbor knocks on his door
"I'm having a party tonight" says the neighbor "you should come over. But I should let you know, my parties tend to get pretty wild. There will be a lot of drinking, probably some fighting, and some really crazy s**...."
"Sounds like fun" responds the man. "Should I bring anything?" he asks.
"That shouldn't be necessary" the neighbor says. "It will just be the two of us".
Why is it so easy to stay up late, but waking up in the morning is an eternal struggle?
Things at motion tend to stay in motion, while things at rest tend to stay at rest.
What do laxatives and gentrification have in common?
Both tend to displace brown populations.
From my observations I've noticed that many jokes about 9/11...
...tend to be inside jokes.
I'm a chick magnet
But we always tend to have the same pole facing each other.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the benefit of having a s**... broom?
They tend to sweep around.
Recent research shows that horses tend to have much better mental health than other farm animals
Due to their stable environment
My mom always told me to beware of tailors...
They tend to come unraveled. Or sew she said.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The problem with nudist beaches these days....
you tend to get a lot of d**... hanging out there
Why do hard cheeses tend to shy away from political discussion?
They prefer to remain biparmesan
What two things do people tend to think of when EA is mentioned?
Battlefield: Bad Company.
I told my deaf friend that people with poor hearing also tend to have poor reflexes.
"Sorry, I didn't catch that."
Once a woman said
If I have to choose between a husband and shoes, I choose shoes. They tend to last longer and are easier to replace.
Apparently deer always tend to regret things...
But hind-sight is always 20/20.
Why do Catholics tend to have so many children?
Because even the virgins sometimes get pregnant.
I have a tendency to use words in a context they don't behold.
I call it a freudian flip.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
While it's true not every gay person is the same...
I've found that all the gay people I know in Mensa tend to be homogeneous.
I'm trying to cut down on my fortnite play time as I think I'm gaining an addiction
I tend to play it every couple of weeks now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Never fight someone who recently smoked w**....
They tend to have the high ground.
Studies have shown redheads tend to have poor dental health
Studies have shown redheads tend to have poor dental health.
They are more prone to gingervitis.
Every drug dealer always says they have the best drugs.
I tend to agree.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women are like rollercoasters.
I tend to observe them from a safe distance, and due to my height they don't work well with me anyway.
Women are like roller coasters.
##
I tend to observe them from a safe distance, and I'll never go on a big one.
Perspective is really important.
Like, if you want a new view on life, just start crawling everywhere.
You'll be surprised by how many people tend to look down on you when you do that.
Vampires that are depressed and unproductive tend to live longer...
... because no one puts any stake in them.
Hippies and Vegans always tend to be the skinniest people
I guess it's because they always have to go the extra mile
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Germans must really not like mighty number 9
They tend to shout nine when they're mad
Apparently more intelligent people tend to be less violent.
This is proven when you look at great modern scientists.
I bet you that no one has ever seen Steven Hawking slap someone.
Always trust a glue salesman.
They tend to stick to their word.
