Tend Jokes

133 tend jokes and hilarious tend puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about tend that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Tend Short Jokes

Short tend jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The tend humour may include short trend jokes also.

  1. I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
  2. My wife says the salad I make tend to be a bit on the dry side. It's definitely something that needs addressing.
  3. My girlfriend got a boob job, but I don't know how to break it to her that I find it makes her less attractive Traditionally women tend to get both done
  4. I shouldn't make jokes at the expense of my anti-vax neighbours so much... They tend to get offended by those hurtful little jabs
  5. Why did Trump refuse the debate with Bernie? Because chickens tend to run from people with a last name of Sanders.
  6. Some young women are like bottles of wine They need to be tended to carefully and given time to mature, which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
  7. My doctor said I need to cut back my sodium intake... ...but I tend to take everything he says with a grain of salt.
  8. It has been scientifically proven that women with few pounds extra tend to live a lot longer than... who point that out.
  9. Why do programmers struggle with girls? They tend to objectify them.
    *I'll see myself out*
  10. A Weasel Walks into a Bar The bartender looks up and says, "Wow! In all my years tending bar, I've never had a weasel stop by! What can I get you?"
    "Pop," goes the weasel.

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Tend One Liners

Which tend one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with tend? I can suggest the ones about tens and treat.

  1. Some people have a Type-A personality I tend to have a Type-O persnraltiy
  2. Men are like spiders We tend to have sticky hands after being on web.
  3. People with which blood type tend to misspell things? TypO
  4. Liars tend not make eye contact, which is why I don't trust pirates half the time.
  5. The first time I saw my girlfriend tending her beehive... I knew she was a keeper.
  6. Aeroplane jokes tend to go right over my head. But submarine jokes are beneath me.
  7. Why can't eggs keep secrets? Because they tend to crack under pressure
  8. Why don't you want to listen to a dragon's story? Because they tend to drag-on
  9. Why can't you trust fajitas? Because they tend to spill the beans.
  10. Women with flaws are like cancer They tend to grow on you
  11. I was going to tell some rabbit jokes But people tend not to carrot all about them.
  12. What's the worst part about history class? Teachers tend to Babylon
  13. My least favorite subject in school was Ancient History. The teachers tended to Babylon
  14. Why are cat pirates so untrustworthy? They tend to commit mewtiny
  15. I only date people who love horses They tend to be a more stable relationship

Tend joke, I only date people who love horses

Cheeky Tend Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

What funny jokes about tend you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make tend pranks.

Q: How can u drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

A: Any way you want, concrete floors tend to be very hard to crack.

Tender touching

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great s**..., she spent the next hour just rubbing his t**... -- something she loved to do.
"That feels so nice" he said. Then turned and asked her, "You seem to love doing that, but why?"
Because, she replied, "I miss mine."

The worst part about working with a bunch of d**...... they tend to rub off on you.

I have a tendency to run around n**......

So every morning I spray myself with Windex, to prevent me from streaking.

Around me, girls tend to lie when they're drunk...

Especially on their back

a sociologist finally solved the mystery of why men tend to die earlier than their respective wives

they want to.

Do you know the meaning "Happy wife, happy life"?

I tend to go with "Happy wife, extended life."

A prestigious neurosurgeon calls a plumber to tend to his leaky faucet.

The problem requires an easy fix and the entire job takes less than two minutes. Before leaving, the plumber says, That will be $200.
The surgeon was astonished. He says, I will be candid with you. I am a neurosurgeon and even I don't charge $100 a minute.
The plumber says, Yeah, I know. Before I switched to plumbing, I was a neurosurgeon too."

Why don't they let whales into s**... clubs?

They tend to humpback.

A Pharmacist goes out for lunch

A pharmacist goes out for lunch and leaves his assistant to tend the customers. An hour passes and he returns and sees a man sitting awkwardly. He asks his assistant about the man and his assistant told him the man came in with a bad cough and that he had given him a powerful laxative. The pharmacist yelled "laxatives aren't for coughs!" The assistant replied, oh yea? He hasn't coughed anymore, He's scared to.

women tend to make bad decisions when they're around me...

if they chose me instead it would be the best decision of their lives!

Floyd Mayweather was asked about remarks made by critics on last night's fight.

He said "I don't tend to read into things"

Why do Welsh farmers ....

Why do Welsh farmers tend to have s**... with sheep on the edge of a cliff?
So the sheep will push back

Research shows that, on average, men tend to write longer sentences than women.

They don't get periods.

I can walk on water

... but I tend to stagger on beer.

The cable news networks tend to cater to different groups

Fox News is for right wings, MSNBC is for left wings, and CNN is for plane wings.

Young Forever

Nutritionists say people who eat less tend to be younger in appearance. It is true. One of my friends hadn't eaten for 10 days, he's forever 25 years old now.

Surprises are always more fun… unless it's a baby.

They tend to startle easily, so an ill-timed surprise may actually upset them.

What is similar between students with mental health issues and nurses giving vaccinations?

They both tend to shoot up schools.

What's the problem with leptokurtic data sets?

They tend to be mean.

People tend to put their faith in a higher power.

But to me that's just a primitive solution.

Why does Donald Trump dislike Bernie Sanders?

Chickens tend to avoid anything with the last name "Sanders".

Ever wonder why children tend to ignore their parents who underwent a s**... change op?

It's because they are trans-parent.

Scientist have found out that birthdays are healthy.

Scientists have discovered that people with more birthdays tend to live longer.

I tend to sleep in the n**....

Which isn't a bad thing except for maybe on those long flights.

Why do women prefer to bang UPS drivers over FedEx drivers?

FedEx drivers tend to come early.

People with dysgraphia (inability to spell) also tend to answer arithmetical problems in an unpredictable, seemingly random matter.

According to them, you can't spell "calculation" without "luck".

Why is employee scheduling so difficult to get right for a brothel?

The customers tend to come in spurts.

TIL: Studies have shown that people who annually experiance more birthdays tend to live longer.

'The more you know'

How do tacos fair in a war?

They tend to be shells of their former selves

A Recent Study Found That...

...Christian women tend to become atheists after marriage. I don't find that surprising. After marriage, a woman does lose faith in a man's ability to come a second time.

How are girls and jokes alike?

They both tend to s**... more the more strung-out they get.

I a tendency

to skip words.

I have two major flaws:

1. I'm very redundant
2. I tend to repeat myself

I find girls tend to make a lot noise in their bedroom

Perhaps they aren't expecting someone to be at their window.

Interviewer : This says you tend to jump to conclusions .

Me: So I'm hired?

People with gender dysphoria tend to be great businessmen.

Every action they take is a trans-action.

Like a radiologist researching sausage digestion,

I tend to see the Wurst in people

How to lose weight while still eating fast food?

Buy food from England, you tend to lose a few pounds.

My mother said it would be impossible for me to be a bartender

I tend to disagree

Did you hear about the female soldier who deserted her unit during combat to tend to her yeast infection?

She was sentenced with dishonorable discharge.

Why is the sharpener always invited to the pencil case debates?

He always makes a good point and the pencils tend to very blunt when he's not around.

Americans tend to think us Aussies are all dumb...

But atleast we get our weather information from meteorologists and not groundhogs.

A man moves to a new neighborhood

After a few days his neighbor knocks on his door
"I'm having a party tonight" says the neighbor "you should come over. But I should let you know, my parties tend to get pretty wild. There will be a lot of drinking, probably some fighting, and some really crazy s**...."
"Sounds like fun" responds the man. "Should I bring anything?" he asks.
"That shouldn't be necessary" the neighbor says. "It will just be the two of us".

What do laxatives and gentrification have in common?

Both tend to displace brown populations.

From my observations I've noticed that many jokes about 9/11...

...tend to be inside jokes.

I'm a chick magnet

But we always tend to have the same pole facing each other.

What's the benefit of having a s**... broom?

They tend to sweep around.

Recent research shows that horses tend to have much better mental health than other farm animals

Due to their stable environment

My mom always told me to beware of tailors...

They tend to come unraveled. Or sew she said.

The problem with nudist beaches these days....

you tend to get a lot of d**... hanging out there

I have a tendency to drop everything I'm holding

It's really getting out of hand

Why do hard cheeses tend to shy away from political discussion?

They prefer to remain biparmesan

What two things do people tend to think of when EA is mentioned?

Battlefield: Bad Company.

I told my deaf friend that people with poor hearing also tend to have poor reflexes.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that."

Why do Catholics tend to have so many children?

Because even the virgins sometimes get pregnant.

Studies show that women that are overweight tend to live longer

Or at least longer than the men that point it out.

If you work on a farm

And tend to chickens...
Are you a chicken tender?

While it's true not every gay person is the same...

I've found that all the gay people I know in Mensa tend to be homogeneous.

I'm trying to cut down on my fortnite play time as I think I'm gaining an addiction

I tend to play it every couple of weeks now.

Never fight someone who recently smoked w**....

They tend to have the high ground.

Every drug dealer always says they have the best drugs.

I tend to agree.

Women are like rollercoasters.

I tend to observe them from a safe distance, and due to my height they don't work well with me anyway.

Men that are great cooks tend to be good with the gals

Food for thot

Women are like roller coasters.

I tend to observe them from a safe distance, and I'll never go on a big one.

Perspective is really important.

Like, if you want a new view on life, just start crawling everywhere.
You'll be surprised by how many people tend to look down on you when you do that.

Vampires that are depressed and unproductive tend to live longer...

... because no one puts any stake in them.

Hippies and Vegans always tend to be the skinniest people

I guess it's because they always have to go the extra mile

The janitor lady in our apartment building wanted me to hang out with her and smoke p**.... I said no.

I tend to avoid high maintenance women.

Alcohol is bad

In a pub a man sees a blonde and sits next to her:
- Can I buy you a drink?
- No thanks, alcohol is bad for my legs.
- Oh, I'm sorry... Do they tend to swell?
- No, they tend to spread!

Birthdays are healthy for you

Studies show that the more birthdays you have, the longer you tend to live!

Tend joke, Birthdays are healthy for you

jokes about tend