- Do you drink?
- Never, only water.
- You smoke?
- Oh no, my body is a temple
- Do you have crazy nights out dancing while doing cocaine and coming back home to have unprotected sex with multiple partners?
- Never, I'm single and abstinent.
- I see. So could you explain me exactly why you want to live old?
'Nah imma stay.'
What I mean by that is, it looks and feels like something the Romans destroyed 2,500 years ago.
Is a "nonprophet" organisation.
He touched so many hearts.
We're a rock band.
about how they paid themselves every week after the worshippers donated to the temple, church etc.
The Priest: I have a good method. I draw a circle on the ground, step in the middle and throw all the donated money up on the air. With the grace of God whatever falls in the circle is my salary and outside belongs to the church.
The monk: how interesting, I almost do the same thing. But I believe what falls within the circle belongs to the monastery and outside is mine.
The rabbi chimes in, oh my God, we all think alike. I do the same thing. I draw a circle, get in the middle of it and throw all the donations in the air. What stays up in the air belongs to the temple and what falls on the ground is mine!
Note: Before labeling me an anti-semite, be advised my uncle (an Orthodox Rabbi) is the one who told me this joke, which he was told 50+ years ago in Yeshiva.
Two rabbis of great scholarly distinction are spending a quiet morning at Temple, enjoying peaceful contemplation in the near-empty building. Suddenly overwhelmed with spiritual exaltation, the first rabbi stands, and with his hands spread wide exclaimed, "Lord, I am nothing!", and with a deep breath, he sat back down. The second rabbi, feeling a similar rush of soul stirring, stood up, and with his hands clasped over his head and his eyes shut tight, proclaimed calmly "Lord, I am nothing." Sitting back down, both rabbis returned to their talmudic ruminations.
Near the front of the room was a volunteer cleaner, who had been sweeping up and saw both of the revered men make the profound statements. So overcome with emotion having just witnessed the most sublime of confessions from such great leaders of faith, he tossed down his broom, fell to his knees, and wailed "Oh LORD! I am nothing!"
The rabbis both looked up, startled out of meditation. The first rabbi looked at the second, and gesturing towards the cleaner with his eyebrows, said "So look who think's he's nothing."
Everyone's welcome, but you just have to take your shoes off before you enter.
It requires frequent animal sacrifice.
Only the high priest is allowed to come inside.
Obi-Wan Kenobi's force ghost materialized and noticed that Master Luke seemed perturbed, and so asked him what the matter was.
Luke replied "Ben, my life outside the Jedi Order is in shambles. It's mainly my marriage. It started off great, but something's changed in recent times. Drastically. We fight all the time, and we never seem to do anything together anymore. I'm starting to think there's someone else here too, like she's cheating on me. Ben, I'm not sure what to do."
Obi-Wan responded "Use divorce, Luke"
*Because it had no monastery value.*
Thought of this one on my own while playing WoW a couple days ago and I'm pretty sure it hasn't been told before. I like corny jokes. I Googled it and didn't find anything (:
Holy smokes.
On the side of his head.
More like a Catholic church. Full of wine, bread, and guilt.
Literally anyone can come inside a temple.
And let all the priests inside.
I call it the "Judge Roy Moore".
it was a strange mosque
Destroyed and in ruins
...a church, a temple and a mosque.
He has no idea how jokes work.
... just not the kind you'd pay to visit.
My body is a temple. I care about it three to five times a year purely out of guilt.
By that I mean that a bunch of Jewish guys enter me every Friday night.
It's a Shirley Temple with a lot of coke
I don't know about other people, but my body is like a Catholic Church It's full of wine, bread and guilt.
Those praying In Casino Are More Serious.
He was shot in the temple
Your body is a temple, make sure you charge people for entrance.
Pretty Ionic don't you think?
He was shot in the temple.
He joyfully exclaims to the bartender "Tonight I'm celebrating the first successful test of my time machine! Give me a virgin Shirley Temple!"
The bartender looks confused and says "but mister Saget, a Shirley Temple is always a virgin."
Bob Saget winks and says, "Not anymore."
and he gives the man a sledgehammer, and he says, "I want you to take this sledgehammer and hit me as hard as you can in the head." The guy says, "Alright." The magician puts his head down on a block a wood and the guy hauls back and BAM! Pops this magician in the temple. Ten years later, the magician wakes up out of a coma in the hospital and goes, "TADAAA!"
Son: "Hey papa?"
Father: "Yes, ma' boy?"
Son: "I met this beautiful girl at temple today. I want to take her out. Can I borrow fifty bucks?
Father: "Forty bucks? What the heck are you gonna do with thirty bucks? Do I look like I have twenty bucks heres fifteen now take ten and bring me back five."
Assume your office is a Temple and your boss is GOD, and you are an athiest for a happy life.
A meeting wraps up amongst delegates in Russia. The Russian minister says to his fellow delegates, "After meetings like this, its Russian policy to drink vodka and play a round of Russian Roulette."
The Nigerian delegate asks what Russian Roulette is.
"Well I take this revolver, place a round in it, spin the chamber and fire at my temple. Then I pass it around. Each of you spins the chamber and repeats. If you die, it means you didn't have honest intentions in the meeting."
They each take their turn and live, at which point the meetings adjourn. A few months later the same group meets in Nigeria.
After their meetings the Nigerian Ambassador says "After a successful meeting in this country we like to drink Ogogoro and play a round of Nigerian Roulette."
"How do you play?" The Russian asks.
"Well I bring in 4 beautiful women. You must choose to sleep with one of them unprotected."
"That's not so bad," the Russian says "Is there a catch?"
"One of the 4 of them is HIV positive"
They charged him with premeditated myrrhder.
One guy is driving his car in Tel-Aviv, looking for a parking spot. It's a busy day, and there's absolutely nothing available. So he starts praying to God. "Please, God, I need a parking space. Help me. I promise to go to the temple every Saturday, I promise to fast on Yom-Kippur, I will give money to charity, anything. Please help me find parking!". And indeed, in a few seconds he sees a car pull out, vacating a great spot. So he says "Okay forget it, I'm all set".
He was stoned.
A man jumps into the ocean and decides to put his life in God's hands. He is treading water for 45 mins when a tugboat comes by. The captain shouts to him, "get in and we will take you to shore!" The man calls back, "no thanks, I'm waiting for God to save me." The captain looks perplexed but drives away." Next, a helicopter pilot spots the man and lowers down a ladder. He calls down, "grab the ladder and we'll pull you up!" The man again tells him, "not thanks, I'm waiting for God! The man dies and is before God at the pearly gates. He is angry and asks God, "where were you when I needed you?" God replies, "who do you think sent the boat and helicopter?"
It was too monk-y.
That's been destroyed by ISIS
because he's a kaiju
I didn't win, but at least i got honorable mensch-en
Avi goes to his rabbi and says, "Rabbi Gershenson, I'm at the end of my rope! I have taught my son well, taken him to temple every Sabbath unless he was gravely ill, sent him to yeshiva, yet he tells me that he wants to convert to Christianity. What should I do?"
The rabbi replies, "You're asking me?! Avi, I taught my son well, I took him to temple every Sabbath, I sent him to yeshiva, and still he told me that he wanted to convert."
Avi says, "Rabbi, what did you do?"
Rabbi Gershenson says, "I asked *HaShem* for guidance."
Avi asks, "And what did the Lord say?"
Rabbi Gershenson replies, "He said, '**You're asking ME?!**'"
"How much time do you waste catching imaginary characters on your phone" my father said to me as I was playing Pokemon Go.
And then he left for the temple.
Do Egyptians love most?
The temple
There are many hollow passageways where things enter and leave
"...But it's a temple where a lot of pigs get slaughtered."
All credit to Samira Ahmed
He got shot in the temple
But mine is a trap house
It was my mama's Obama's trauma llama Brahma drama reclama.
Nun.
Indiana Jonesing
Because he was shot in the temple.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Temple? Well, here are the best Temple puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Temple pick up lines to share with friends.