Temper Jokes
67 temper jokes and hilarious temper puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about temper that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Don't let anger get the best of you! Check out this article for tips on diffusing temper jokes before they spark a temper tantrum. Find out the best approaches for handling the dreaded Minnie-Xanax Syndrome and learn how to keep your temper under control!
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Funniest Temper Short Jokes
Short temper jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The temper humour may include short thermometer jokes also.
- Anti-Vaxx parents hate it when you call their toddler's outbursts a "temper tantrum." They prefer the term "mid-life crisis"
- My 7yr old son told me this tonight. What do you call a snowman temper tantrum? A meltdown
*edit* Thanks for the silver, its greatly appreciated - What is the difference between Donald Duck and Donald Trump? One is a cartoon character with a hot temper and the other is a duck.
- You ever heard of the short tempered doctor? No? Makes sense, he doesn't have any patients.
- My anti vaxer neighbor's eight year old was throwing a temper tantrum "Isn't she too old to throw a temper tantrum?", I asked.
"It's not a temper tantrum. It's a mid life crisis." - What is the keyboard shortcut to becoming an idiot who throws temper tantrums like a child? Alt-right.
- My daughter was throwing one of her temper tantrums when she shouted at me... "Well sorry for being born!"
I looked her straight in the eyes and said, "It's all right, just don't do it again." - What do you get when you cross a Mexican cholo and an ill tempered Irishman? ... a surprisingly stable person; according to my Homie O'Statis.
- My wife told me I have a bad temper, so I flushed a GPS tracker down the toilet. That way I'd never lose my sh*t again.
- What do yo call a tall, muscular Irishman with a temper that you shouldn't mess with? Liam Malone
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Temper One Liners
Which temper one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with temper? I can suggest the ones about therm and fever.
- My wife and I are a temperamental couple… I've got a temper and she's mental.
- Why was the steel angry? Because it lost it's temper.
- What's round and bad tempered? A vicious circle
- Why did the glass finally crack? It was badly tempered.
- What animal can only survive in temperate climates? A lukeworm.
- Men are like steel They're useless when they lose their temper
- Which candy is the angriest? Temper mints.
- What kind of glass gets angry easily? Tempered glass
- What do you call frequently angry glass Tempered glass
I'm so sorry - Why did the doctor lose his temper? because he ran out of patients.
- Why was the glass in time out? Because it was pretty ill tempered
- I am for temperance... ... but I don't exaggerate it.
- Why are geese always such jerks? They have fowl tempers.
- Why did the sword's wife leave him? He had quite the temper.
- It was fortunate that Hillary had a moderator Lester temper get out of hand.
Losing Temper Jokes
Here is a list of funny losing temper jokes and even better losing temper puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about Bruce Banner losing his temper at the Avengers' pool party? He made a Hulk Splash
- Historically, the Inuit are one of the few groups of people who never lose their temper. After decades of research, scientists were able to figure out why... They're nomads.
- What does a short-tempered doctor say when hes going out of business? "I'm losing my patience!"
Temper Tantrum Jokes
Here is a list of funny temper tantrum jokes and even better temper tantrum puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do call it when a toddler with antivax parents throws a temper tantrum? A midlife crisis
Happy Temper Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about temper you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean heat jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make temper pranks.
What temperature do you bake two pies?
360 degrees
Pilot Choice
As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."
What is the temperature of the average coffin?
6 Below
My father held his temper very well....
Every time we would get mad, he would just count to 100.
Then take my head out of the water.
My manager at the millinery has a really short temper
I mean he gets really angry at the drop of a hat!
I have a temperature of -273.15°C
Don't worry. I'm 0K
What's the temperate inside of a ton-ton?
What's the temperature inside of a ton-ton?
Lukewarm.
My dad had the worst temper when he watched sports. One day it got so bad he ripped off his shirt and began shouting racial slurs...
Really ruined my little league game.
People say Frankenstein's monster had a temper,
but actually he was surprisingly level headed.
A: Took my temperature today.
B: Oh really?
A: No, rectally.
Why didn't the other metals want to hang out with the hard steel?
Because of his hot temper
What temperature is best for helping babies grow?
w**... temperature.
What do you use to take a cow's temperature?
A thermoometer.
How do you take a lion's temperature?
Carefully
What temperature are babies cooked in?
w**... temperature
My wife went shopping and we got into a fight
My wife went shopping and we got into a fight when she came home.
She spent $1000 on a bag of pasta. I couldn't believe it, and I lost my temper.
But she reassured me that it would be worth every penne.
What's the temperature of a light saber?
Warm Warm
Did you hear the one about h**...'s temper?
He was Fuhrerious.
What happens when the temperature drops during a torrential rain?
The weather goes straight to hail.
You guys see that new hairy guy who started last week?? Moving slow, bad temper, and you can't understand a word he's saying..
C'mon guys, take it easy on him.. He'll get it soon enough, he's still just a Wookie..
Sorry about the temperature down the mine today
It's coal man
What temperature do you bake 2pi?
360 degrees.
Trigonometric joke I created myself
I tried to build a car out of spaghetti, my wife lost her temper and said it would never work and threatened to leave me, anyway, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta. After a while my obsession got the better of me and she walked out..
Now I'm feeling cannelloni.
What temperature does a caterpillar like?
Worm Temperature
What's the temperature in a taun taun?
lukewarm
Credit to my friend James for that.
Gun rights
Fix this joke:
A blonde was getting heated arguing with her brunette friend. Her friend was trying to stay calm as she explained the importance of gun rights for personal and property protection.
"That's all anyone talks about, gun rights, gun rights, gun rights. All I'm saying is that gun lefts matter too!" Says the blonde.
The brunette finally loses her temper and says, "Now what the h**... is a gun left!?!"
The blonde freezes for a moment before quietly saying, "I don't even know because no one ever talks about them and I've never thought to look them up."
A cannibal and his p**... colleague were arguing. The cannibal lost his temper, killed his colleague and ate him. But the next day…
…his colleague was still a p**....
What is the temperature inside of a ton ton
About Luke warm (this is my dads joke)
What is the temperature inside of a tauntaun?
Luke warm
