The Best 83 Temperature Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Temperature jokes. There are some temperature warm jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these temperature celsius puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Temperature Jokes and Puns

What do you do when your mother in law keeps banging on the window?

Raise the oven's temperature.

A weather report for you

I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

What temperature do you bake two pies?

360 degrees

Temperature joke, What temperature do you bake two pies?

My girlfriend is like the temperature of a molecule.

Doesn't exist by definition.

What is the temperature of the average coffin?

6 Below


What's the internal temperature of a Ton-ton?

Lukewarm

Northeast Weather

I just got off the phone with my friend in Boston. He said that since early this morning, the snow has been nearly waist high and still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just staring. He said, if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

Temperature joke, Northeast Weather

How does a fetus like it's amniotic fluid?

At womb temperature!

Two Inuits are out fishing on a kayak...

Two Inuits are out fishing on a kayak. They've been out all day, and the sun's setting. As the temperature drops, they decide to light a campfire on the watercraft, which, unsurprisingly sinks. This just goes to prove that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

A guy was watching TV in Moscow, and the weather forecaster says that it's -35C (-31F) in Irkutsk, Siberia.

The guy is impressed, and he remembers that he had a classmate who moved to Irkutsk. So he finds his number and calls him. "Hey, how are you doing? I heard you have really terrible temperature in Irkutsk, right?" "No, why, we have, like, -5C (23F) here", replies his friend. "Oh, and the weather forecaster says that you have -35!" "Ah, it's probably outside", friend replies.

No matter what temperature your room is..

..it is always room temperature

You can explore temperature thermometer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean temperature humidity dad jokes. There are also temperature puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What's the internal temperature of a tauntaun?

Luke Warm.

May the 4th Be With You!

I have a temperature of -273.15Β°C

Don't worry. I'm 0K

Researchers in Canada have reported finding a superconductor that they say works at room temperature.

As she slid in the rectal thermometer I got a throbbing and very noticeable erection. I did my best to hide it but...

...the vet said that it would probably be better if I waited outside while she took my dog's temperature.

Burned my Hawaiian pizza...

Should have put it on aloha temperature.

Temperature joke, Burned my Hawaiian pizza...

What's Darth Vader's least favorite temperature?

Luke warm.

^^im ^^sorry

My friend's body temperature is currently -273.15 Β°C

Don't worry though, he's 0K.

The sun was coming up. Adam & Eve had just spent the entire night ...

... having glorious unadulterated sex. Eve decided to go wash up in the river close by. Just as she dipped her toe in the water to feel the temperature, she heard a thundering voice, "Do NOT go into the water!". Eve shrugged, and thought to herself, "What's the worse that could happen?". She waded into the water waist deep.

.... Another thundering voice came from the sky, "Now i'll NEVER get the smell out of the FISH!".


I quit smoking cold turkey.

I now let it sit at room temperature for 30 minutes first.

[WARNING, spoilers ahead!]

1.) Storing milk at room temperature
2.) Grandparents
3.) Black people in a movie theatre

This guy's doctor tells him he needs to stop masturbating. Guy asks why.

"Because I'm trying to take your temperature."

You think you're cool...

But you're just room temperature.

A Russian officer is giving his cadets a lesson about chemistry.

He says: "Cadets, write down: the temperature ofΒ boiling water is 90Β°."

One of the privates replies, "ComradeΒ praporshchik, you're mistaken β€” it's 100Β°!"

The officer consults his handbook, and then announces, "Right, 100Β°. It is a *right angle*Β that boils at 90Β°."

A: Took my temperature today.

B: Oh really?
A: No, rectally.

Wife calls her scientist husband...

"Honey.. Its Saturday.. you're late..."

"I'm busy with my team in an experiment"

"Whats that?"

"We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH with ambiant temperature H2O and aqueous CO2. To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O, now while waiting for some protein, we are fumigating the lab with vapours of nicotine...
It's 4 or 5 round experiment.. So I will be late."

"Oh dear.. I won't disturb you. Take your time.."

I made a political joke up just now...

Given the current temperature of the political climate....

Do you think we can all finally agree on climate change?

I like my soda like I like my women

Flat and room temperature.

I used to smoke weed in the 90's

Now I don't care what temperature it is

Finding the perfect shower temperature on the first try is like my girlfriend

Non existent, but I hope every day.

Did you hear about the guy whose temperature went down to absolute zero?

He was 0K

What do you call a sea that prefers the temperature outside to be between 31.2 Β°C and 33.1 Β°C?

The Specific Ocean.

What device is best to measure a mother's temperature?

A ther-mom-meter

From my 10 year old who had the flu the past couple of days.

Whats the internal temperature of a taun taun?

Luke warm

I need you to make a container with finite temperature and infinite volume

No pressure

Our first born is 9 months old and I got to make my first Dad Joke

Wife: Have you noticed he feels a little warm?

Me: Yes, but he is teething, so that is to be expected. He seems to be feeling ok.

Wife: Well I took his temperature just now.

Me: Did you give it back?

Wife: ...

Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today..

I should have cooked it at aloha temperature.

I love Florida everything is in the 80's

The temperature, the people, and the IQs.

Last night there was a total eclipse of the sun...

It was quite an eclipse. The earth's shadow blocked out the sun completely. It got very dark. The temperature dropped. It was eerie. But, after a few hours, I got tired and went inside to sleep.

I hear that there will be another one tonight and every evening next week.

What temperature is best for helping babies grow?

Womb temperature.

My pregnant wife asked me if I ever worried it would be too hot for the baby inside her.

I said, Nah, it's probably womb temperature.

Why do the Jedi refuse to measure temperature using Kelvin?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes

I like my women like I like my cheese

Blue, a little below room temperature, and easy to slice

What's a newborns favorite A/C setting?

Womb temperature.

A huge crab walks into a bar...

...and says to the barman, "I demand one pint of lager. I will pay the full price, provided that the following criteria are met. The beer should be served to me within one minute of ordering, and at a temperature of between 6-9 degrees Celsius. The beer should be served in a clean, cold glass and a beer mat must be provided. If the quality of the provided beer does not meet my high standards, you must agree to refund the full amount charged, and provide any additional financial compensation for any discomfort, stress or time wasted."

The barman looks at the crab and says, "why the big clause?"

Kelvin Benjamin was traded to the Buffalo Bills yesterday. Before his first game he asks, what's the temperature outside?

It's zero degrees, Kelvin.

What scale does an amoeba use to measure temperature.

CELLsius

A few months ago my friend got ill and his body temperature dropped to -273.15Β°C

Luckily he turned out to be 0K

Whats the temperature inside of a ton-ton?

Lukewarm.

Call me the temperature

Because tonight I'm dipping into the teens

What do you use to take a cow's temperature?

A thermoometer.

Why does Roy Moore like D.C.

Because, while the temperature is 30Β°, the real feel is in the teens.

I ate so much sushi today

My mercury levels were so high I knew the waiter's temperature when he brought the check.

If the average world temperature rises 2 degrees Celsius, mankind is doomed.

That is why America measures temperature in Fahrenheit.

If your body temperature decreased to -273 CΒ°...

...you will still be 0K.

What's the average temperature of tattooine?

Lukewarm.

What do you call two gay men in a freezer regulated at a certain temperature?

Homostasis.

What do you call a sandwich that is not well-liked at cold temperature?

A BRRRRR GRRRRR!

There has been some controversy lately...

...about what would happen if you put a lightsaber in water. Would it break? Would the water heat up or cool? Recent scientists have discovered the water will heat to about the internal temperature of a tauntaun...luke warm.

My mother in law complained that the thermometer I gave her (which she hung in a very sunny spot) wasn't showing an accurate temperature.

So I told her to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.

What's the temperature of a light saber?

Warm Warm

When I learnt that the coldest temperature in the universe is 0 Kelvin, I thought to myself,

That's an absolute unit right there

I asked a scientist what would happen if my body temperature hit absolute zero.

He said I'd be 0K

Do you know what the internal temperature of a tauntaun is?

Luke warm

Seemed appropriate with all the Hoth stuff floating around.

Republicans and Democrats never agree on anything

Republicans said the temperature is -40Β° F
And democrats immediately said it was -40Β° C.

What happens when the temperature drops during a torrential rain?

The weather goes straight to hail.

Sorry about the temperature down the mine today

It's coal man

A necrophiliac would say: "I like my coffee like I like my women...

room temperature.

if you put a man in a place where the temperature is -273.15Β°C for a while, will he be alright?

Yeah, he will be 0K.

What temperature do you bake 2pi?

360 degrees.

Trigonometric joke I created myself

How warm is a janitor's closet?

Broom Temperature.

I just burnt myself making Hawaiian pizza

I should have put it on Aloha Temperature.

I was in an airport

A woman was taking my temperature because of the coronavirus

I was 1.8 meters and she was 1.5 meters, so I got down in knee just for her to take my temperature , and everyone started clapping

They thought that I was proposing

What is the internal body temperature of a Tauntaun?

Luke warm

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza the other night

I should have put it on aloha temperature

What's the temperature in a taun taun?

lukewarm

Credit to my friend James for that.

Warning.

Don't let them take your forehead temperature at the supermarket, because it erases your memory. I went for macaroni and cheese.

And came home with two cases of beer.

My uncle died of hypothermia. Robbers took him and locked him inside a freezer of which the temperature was just slightly below 4 degrees.

It was the worst case of 3rd degree murder I've ever heard of.

I just burned my Hawaiian pizza

Guess I should cooked it at aloha temperature

Everything in Florida is in the 80s

The Temperature, the Humidity, the Average Age, and the IQ.

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today

Should've used aloha temperature

How did Juliet maintain constant temperature?

Romeostasis.

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. ​

I should have cooked it on Aloha temperature.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the temperature unsurprisingly jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working temperature climate piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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