Temp Jokes
42 temp jokes and hilarious temp puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about temp that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a break from the corporate grind? Check out this collection of temperature-related jokes that are sure to make you laugh. From humorous tales of cold office temperature wars to jokes about employees who excel in the hottest conditions, these joke provide a fun way to break the ice in any work environment.
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Funniest Temp Short Jokes
Short temp jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The temp humour may include short daytime jokes also.
- A coworker named Celcius recently retired from my company, so they hired a guy called Kelvin to replace him. He's the new temp.
- How do you win one of Arizona's largest city's noodle counting contest? You've got to have the right Tempe-ramen-tally
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Temp One Liners
Which temp one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with temp? I can suggest the ones about term and heat.
- The nurse sauntered in with the thermometer... She was here to temp me.
- My substitute teacher gave off fishy vibes. One describes it as temp-aura.
- I once had a job to measure how long it takes to cook a steak. It was temp-or-rarey
- I once had a temp job at a prune processing plant It was a plumb assignment
- Why did Freddy Mercury stay home from school? He had a temp of 200 degrees Farenheit.
- "Why is everyone talking about me? They seem mad..." -Temp worker at Foot Locker
Ridiculous Temp Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about temp you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean moment jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make temp pranks.
What temperature do you bake two pies?
360 degrees
What is the temperature of the average coffin?
6 Below
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Husband's Temper
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."
The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't s**... it until he either leaves the room or calms down."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"
The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The temperature disliked by all n**...?
43 Stalingrad.
does anyone think the temple is hypnotic?
And is that intentional?
I have a temperature of -273.15°C
Don't worry. I'm 0K
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend got a job at a temp agency, getting a job giving people jobs
So he's basically a p**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Temper cure...
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband 's temper.
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."
The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't s**... it until he either leaves the room or calms down.
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he
calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"
The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick".
Surgeon's joke.
There used to be a rule that in order to get into anesthesia, applicants had to have an IQ greater than their body temp. For a while they couldn't get any new anesthesia trainees because nobody would pass.
Then they decided to switch from farenheit to celsius, and now there's a lot of them.
Where was Soloman's temple located?
On the side of his head.
I guess some things will never change...
I hired a temp while my secretary was on maternity leave.
Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn.
She said, "Well... the minimum I could work for is $400 a week.
"I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure. She shook her head and replied,
"With pleasure, it'll be $600 a week."
A: Took my temperature today.
B: Oh really?
A: No, rectally.
I am for temperance...
... but I don't exaggerate it.
What do Tempurpedic mattresses and raptors have in common?
"They remember"
A tempting offer
I was tempted by an offer which read, Sausage Biscuits 2 for $1.00".
"How much is it for one? I asked.
"75 cents , she replied.
"Ok, I'll have the other one".
A temple for atheists...
Is a "nonprophet" organisation.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What temperature is best for helping babies grow?
w**... temperature.
How do you take the temperature of a gorilla ?
With great caution.
What do you use to take a cow's temperature?
A thermoometer.
How do you take a lion's temperature?
Carefully
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What temperature are babies cooked in?
w**... temperature
I was really tempted to say mean things about an obese animal
But I decided not to because that would be hippo-critical.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
No wonder the devil has so much wealth to temp people with...
He's been laundering money in an off-sheol account.
What's the temperature of a light saber?
Warm Warm
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My daughter was diagnosed with a pneumonia
I'm not sure where else to post this. This sub feels most fitting, but it's been a long night. Please advise where it may be better suited if you'd like.
So our night s**... but had a silver lining in my two year old daughter's comedic timing. We had to rush her to the ER at 3:00am (vomiting and a 104.3 F temp). Turns out she has a pneumonia but we caught it early so we can treat it at home. So we are driving home and she's talking a little and she said temperature hurt because they had to do it rectally. I say yeah mommy doesn't like it when things go up there unexpectedly either. My daughter says Daddy likes. We pulled the car over and had a real good laugh.
What happens when the temperature drops during a torrential rain?
The weather goes straight to hail.
Sorry about the temperature down the mine today
It's coal man
What temperature do you bake 2pi?
360 degrees.
Trigonometric joke I created myself
What temperature does a caterpillar like?
Worm Temperature
What's the temperature in a taun taun?
lukewarm
The temple of the giant sea cow has recently been rebuilt
Faith in huge manatee restored
